Steely, My heart goes out to you, I am so sorry. I have not lost a spouse, but I lost my friend last nite. It does seem neverending pain right now. My friend, Sandy, was my pep talker, she gave me reasons to stay positive, to always look at the bright side of things, to see the cup half full.

It is good that you are seeking grief counseling, and you realize that your health should be a priority. Getting sick yourself will not help. It is hard to find a reason to take care of yourself, but he would want you to.

Bless you today and every day, you are in my prayers.

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Steely it's going to be ok it's going to take a lot of time, that was more than your husband, he was your friend, and the love of your life. Now you got to take care of yourself cause that's what he would want you to do. Don't give up and fall apart, hold up your head and take your time and get back on track best way that you can. The counseling is just what you need, someone to talk too about what's going on with you. And that's just fine you've come so very far continue to sore and hold on to your precious memories close to your heart. I will keep you in my prayers and I will hold your hand long distant as will all your friends here at dibetic connect.

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Last edited 22 days ago

stelly so sorry to hear of your lose it is a devestating time for you. glad to hear you are getting some conselling . right know you have to take it one day at a time. just watch what you eat and take care of your self i am sure your husband would not want you to get sick. you are in my prayers. hugs take it one day at a time .

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Steely,
So sorry for your loss. It is devastating to lose a loved one. You will have a hard time, but it will get better. Then you will have your "moments" where for no reason you'll start crying, and that's o;k;
100 pounds!! That is FANTASTIC, and I bet your husband was proud of you. Don't you think he is looking down on you now, and hoping you get back on track as soon as possible?? You have a great support group here, and we are with you.
God bless you.
Jim

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O hun I know how you feal I have ben there and I know, it is hard
You feal that every thing is gone and you feal empty.It takes time to heal
Hang in there hon life has so menny twist and turns.I never felt so lonly in my life as I did at that time and all alone YOU ARE NOT ALONE WE ARE HERE FOR YOU.
Grief counseling will help,it did for me.
You have done so well please keep up the good work
Hugs
Harlen

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Thank you all for your kind words. I have never lost anyone before and it had to be my husband. The one person I could depend on to love me and care for me. I just feel so lost. I feel like a ghost, I wander these rooms not knowing what I'm looking for, not knowing what to do.

He was proud of me and it wasn't the weight, he never cared. He just wanted me healthy so we could spend another 25 years together. I only got 12. He was gone in 12 years. I really hope grief counseling helps because I am being consumed by this black hole of despair.

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All of us here are thinking of you. Here's to your finding the bright side of each day.

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I am so sorry to hear about your loss but Glad to hear that you will be going to counseling. Prayers are with you.

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Try www.griefshare.com they send daily emails and have a support group locator on this web site. I lost my wife of 13 years to congestive heart failure, July 30th of this year. My condolences go out to you, and my prayers are also with you. I have enjoyed the grief share daily emails and will be attending a support group that meets in my area starting next month. Best wishes for you. Congratulations on your diabetes care progress it sounds fantastic! I think you might want to ask yourself if your late husband would want you to "loose hope in your care of yourself, or if he would want you to continue on like the strong woman you sound like." Maybe you could continue to do it for yourself first but in his lasting memory. I hope that this information is a real help to you.

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Steely,
What a tragic experience to go through. We will certainly be thinking of you. And make sure you are patient with yourself. Three weeks is not terribly long. You said you were with your husband for 12 years. It's completely natural and healthy to grieve for the loss of a loved one. It's good that you're seeking help and good that you've recognized that you feel like this may be overwhelming. But also realize you don't have to rush through the grief process. Give yourself the time you need to deal with this very significant loss.

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I have gone through loosing my husband back in 2003. He was only 44 yrs old. I was very devastated. Know that your grief process will take many years and it will probably be around a year before that totally lost feeling will begin to pass. My advise is that you should avoid making any financial decessions before one year has passed. My prayers and sympathies are with you. You will make it through this time.

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I usually pride myself on having 'words of wisdom'. This time, all I can do is send you my heartfelt condolences, I join the others in letting you know that you're not alone and we're all thinking of you and praying for you. The grief counselors are a very good idea and by all means, continue to take care of yourself. God bless.

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Steely,
I am so sorry for your loss. I have never lost a spouse so I won't pretend to know how that feels but I can imagine some of your pain having lost many family members.

It is amazing that you were able to lose 100 pounds!!!! Your husband was so proud of that and keep that in mind always. He would want you to be healthy.
I sincerely hope the counseling will help and your days get a little easier in time.....Blessings and Hugs, Karen

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Hi, Steely! So sorry too, for your loss of your husband and dear friend! Counseling really helped me with the loss of my mother, my husband is still alive. But mom and I were buddies, I FELT like I had cared for her since I was 8 years old and my dad had left us both--returned when I was 14 yrs. I was so TORN--most of my life, felt guilty if I let my mom know that I also loved my dad, she felt threatened if I did!! So much baggage ---I tired to overcome it all, but wasn't helped by others well intentions of "Don't dry--count your blessings, things could be worse!" I felt that they were judging me by their own, more socially acceptable, lives.

So, I found a neutral, support group that could listen and NOT JUDGE! Of course she was a sweet mother, but that does not mean that we hadn't had our issues, I felt so guilty---wanted to be perfect and not cause my mom anymore heartache---didn't, but it sure did melt me down into a numb being!

So, even tho you probably don't have the baggage that some have, do go and vent ---it helps more than words can say, no matter the background!! I found out that It was OK to feel sad, talked it over with others and found that they too had simliar feelings, so I was NOT alone, which the action of sharing, made a larger difference than words can say! Hugs to YOU!! Love, Pat R

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I am sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. I just lost my mother and anytime you lose someone you love it's hurts tremendously. You've go to go on with your life, wouldn't your husband have wanted you too? Wouldn't he have wanted you to take care of yourself? It's totally okay to grieve because you miss him but just think about what he would have wanted you to do! As each day passes your memories become more and more precious to you, and your memories is what keeps that person alive. Good luck to you and take care!

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steely,

My heart goes out to you I don't usually talk about this but you are worth this conversation. I lost my best friend, my mother in 2003 from suicide. I still have not totally accepted her death either. Death is not easy by any means, and it takes time...three weeks is hardly any time so don't feel so rough on yourself...it's natural what you are going through honestly.I have not lost a partner so I dunno exactly what you are going through or even if I had I would never feel how you do, we all feel, and deal with things differently. But you have started in the right direction by seeking counseling. You should be proud of yourself for that. I see a counselor regular and STILL have NOT dealt with my mothers' death. I have been avoiding it but carrying on which will slap in the face someday I realize so I have to take my own darn advice here I suppose and do something. But you seem very strong, and 100 pounds is amazing...and yes he would want you to continue and keep it up...in due time. At least don't let yourself get sick, when you are ready for the road to continue on weight loss...so be it! As far as being alone, yeah...the house may seem so lonely but get on here, look at all these strangers that have responded with care and concern. We do care, we are here for you. Message me anytime! I have myspace, facebook, email, I am on here way too much, lol. But I am here...and willing to talk to you ANYTIME! Or call me, or better yet I have unlimited long distance...I will talk to you..even if it's just to hear you breathe...just to be a friend. I dunno, but I care...my prayers are with you! Stay strong! Hugs! Sheila

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Steely, my heart goes out to you.

First take pride in losing the 100 pounds, and remember the joy of sharing that with your husband. I agree that he was proud of you and would not want you to lose that accomplishment. I have experienced a lot of loss in my life, fortunately, not my husband, but the loss can be so difficult, no matter who you lose. I am sure that grief counseling and possible medication for depression will do wonders. Yes it will take time, and I so hope the good memories will help you thru this. I send angels to surround and comfort you. Hugs

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Steely,
I am so sorry for your loss. I know what sudden tragic loss feels like, and my heart goes out to you. Starting grief counseling is a great first step toward getting your diabetes under control again. Good for you!
Your world will right itself again...one step/day at a time.
God bless,
Sal

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I cannot imagine what you are going through, but as you can tell from all these heartfelt replies, many many of us can empathize because of our own losses and grief. So from my own experience, all I can say is that eventually the waves of grief that come crashing over you subside a little. And then a little more. It truly is one day at a time.

Both my parents are gone and I lost my best friend of 35 years last March. She came home from a trip to Mexico and was dead of bacterial meningitis 24 hours later. Those waves of grief are coming less often now, and I often imagine I can feel her presence, know what she'd say to me, hear her sympathetic "Oh, honeeee" when I had a tale of woe to share. So, in a way, my sister-by-choice is still with me.

God bless, my dear.

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I'm sorry for the losses you have endured. Thank you for sharing them with me. It helps to know that I'm not alone, but I feel more alone than I ever have. It is a process and not one I am looking forward to going through.

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Steely.
Something I meant to tell you before....something that a friend said to me at one of the lowest points in my life. She said, "This is the worse you are going to feel. You have hit rock bottom. Everything from here is up." From what you have written, I feel like you are at that lowest point. So, it's all up from here. I am praying that you find your inner strength to make that climb....and you will!
Hugs and many thoughts,
Sal

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hi ...help needed..i undertand your pain..and lost quidence.. i lost a mother although it was many years ago ..the pain is fresh.. your husband was your life partner..and couch..at this time in your life there are not so many words i can say that will take the pain away.. however your soul mate would wish you to stay grounded in your diabeties care ..that is what im sure he cared about you..to do..greif counsoling is a good place right now for you.. and i hope your level head and strong spirit will prevail ..in your care...with sympathy and admiration we hope that youll stay in touch..peace be with you....kristyns way

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Steely,

My condoloences on your loss, I know your pain feels unbearable and I understand. I have been there do. Even if you miss your goals, don't beat yourself up over it. I know your husband wouldn't not want you to. Somone who had someone love him so much, would not want it so. Instead of dwelling on his death, celebrate his life, and all the best of what went with it. In my case, I use that to give the strength and motivation to go on, because that is what my loved ones would want me to do. I work harder to make them proud of me and if I slide back a bit, that's ok too. Sometimes we need that too

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Last edited 20 days ago

I was trying to remember what I did when my dad died in 1990---I would go up and visit with mom, and somehow imagined my dad setting over in the corner in his bib overalls, allowed myself to FEEL his closeness---could "hear" him laughing as mom and I talked--like we used to do----The fact that I can pretend to HEAR loved ones who have died, (I don't really---but to allow the closeness of the past to ease the pain away---they aren't really gone, to me, just above us, looking down and trying to get thru to us to look up, relive and enjoy our times together, even the difficult ones---Just one big, happy family---which we actually weren't but in our own minds we can drop the sour notes, and concentrate on the good parts----Hope this helps you---Hugs, PR

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Many years before I was diabetic myself, I tragically lost my wife in an automobile accident. I was fortunate in that both of us were teachers in a very deeply supportive Christian boarding school. I received much support and decided not to even take time off but go back into the classroom to be even closer with those who loved my wife as well. You have a right to grieve and nobody can tell you how it must be. Given all those who've written to you, you have more that your husband to support you, by the very act of your reaching out to us. You cannot expect to maintain a really tight self-management effort at this moment in time, but you will make a "You-Turn" when you are ready to do so. Keep to the moment you're in and do not overly fret about your "slippage". All things in the right time! You also made progress because you love yourself and the best way to honor your husband is to return to the path you two were on with your diabetes self-management. Remember the Lakota words, Mitakuye Oyasin (pronounced Mitawk-we Awe-seen) which means We are all related! Be in Peace!

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I am so thankful for all of you and your kindness, your thoughts and prayers. I'm still hanging on, trying to make sense of it all. Hopefully the counseling tomorrow will help. It has to help, I don't know how much more I can handle. I'm being crushed under this pain.

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One more thing - a Web site I found very helpful, especially the section that talks about the stages of grief. It helped me better understand the process of grief, and realize that everything I was feeling and experiencing was natural.

The Web address is: http://www.recover-from-grief.com/index.html

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My prayers are with you

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Steely, This is the first time I have been on the discussion line. I saw you call for help and felt the need to respond to your heartfelt appeal.

The shock has not worn off yet. Your still spinning out there someplace needing him, wanting him to be in your life again.

Boy can life be unfair but as that old said "we were never promised a rose garden". Sometimes we get the thorns.

Grief counseling is a wonderful start. It will be a lot of work on your part and be patient with yourself.

You have shown such strength ( you are also probably very tired of hearing that), but none the less it's true and your spirit is still strong. It shows by the fact the you are reaching out for support.

I'm a new member to this group but have felt the strength and support it offers
I would like to offer my support to you and add that you are in my prayers.

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Oh Pat, you are always so right on. Steely, embrace the love, support and strength from your extended family here.

How did your session go? We all hope it helped and gave you some direction and help....angels surround you. Hugs

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Greetings!!!! I am new here. I am 57 yrs old. I have diabetes type 2. for about 8 yrs.I am having a hard time managing it. Deakling with it is hard. I have neuropathy in my feet.. It's hard having diabetes. I have 65 more lbs to lose to get back to my ideal wt of 125.. Dianna

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Steely,
I just discovered your discussion tonite and read it all. First off, I would like to say that I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad you went to grief counseling and that you were helped by it.

I used to be in a profession which had a good bit of contact with grief and grieving. From what I saw at that time in my life, Pat Roth is right, the best way out is THROUGH the grief. It hurts like blazes, but the best way is to experience the grief, to feel it. Also, don't feel that you have to conform to any kind of time frame in your grief. Your grief is your own.

A lot of people may have an opinion on when you "should be done" with grieving, but your grief is YOUR OWN, nobody can do it for you, or should tell you to get over it. In fact, you never get over it, but you eventually get used to your beloved not being there. Eventually you get used to what I call your "new normal", and you aren't consumed with grief all the time.

Sincere best wishes
James

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