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Ready to just give up!

by lipsie
June 19, 2009 11:55 AM
51 Replies
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I hate feeling this way, its not new to me for I do have mental illness and yeah I am on medication but there is more. I went to my regular doctor yesterday and he triggered this feeling, plus my weight gain did not help. I WAS on a VERY strong pain medication that had me out n about walking, felt so much better about myself, was loosing weight, etc. Then its so weird they pulled a urine test right...well first on my finance for his PRN medication, and his showed NONE in system which made NO sense but it was a as needed pill anyhow...they threw him out, so then I was having troubles with my patches stay on...but I would tape them on and wanted to find some other type of medication cause of the issue BUT they urine tested me and mine came back with NOTHING in my system, I WAS WEARING a patch as I did this test!!!!!!! I don't get it...how, why, and they kicked me out too. Now, we both look terrible and our regular doctor won't even help us temperately like he had before, said I failed this test, said he didn't see why I needed pain meds, even though I get wounds, have back injury, neuropathy, arthritis, knee issues, etc. I really am a wus I guess, that's EXACTLY what he basically said to me, he's never been must help for me...I know I have to change, its so hard around here but I won't go back.I did stop taking my cholesterol meds cause they can cause pain, and until I have pain meds, I won't take them...I can die of whatever I DON'T CARE!! I CAN NOT live in PAIN!! I am sorry I am bringing this to all of you but I don't socialize, only with my finance and therapist...which I don't see for another week and half or so. *sigh* I dunno, I feel a little better just letting out this frustration...lol Sorry for being a pain in the butt. *HugS* Sheila

Tags: depression, motivation, weight gain, hopeless

From	Replies
cyncyn	cyncyn replied June 19, 2009 12:17 PM Sheila, Don't apologize for venting. Sometimes, that good medicine! You know all of us have big shoulders. And that is what they are there for! I know, how the pain is. You are not a wuss! Everyone's pain tolerance is different! So, don't feel bad. I hope you can find some relief from the pain, some how. You vent anytime you need too, my shoulders will be here for you. HUGS, Cyndi Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate lipsie replied June 19, 2009 1:00 PM Thank you SO much for the shoulders!! smile Sheila Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate cyncyn replied June 19, 2009 1:27 PM ANYTIME ! Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate
Gabby	Gabby replied June 19, 2009 12:35 PM Hey kiddo, I am sorry that you had a day like that. It sucks when you find you are at odds with your doctor, but there are other ones out there. Perhaps it is time to move on from that situation. It sounds like he is accusing you of selling your pain meds. What a jerk. Did you see his results? Can you get an independent lab to do a test to see if the results match? You can fight him you know. They are not always right and you have to make your case clear. I have a hard time doing that, so I take paper and a list with me to make sure I make myself clear to my doctor. Then what you have to do is put on your "I'm going to show him" face and start making some of those changes. I know they can be rough, but you have to try. My old doctor is still my husband's doctor and when we go in for his appointments, I tell him how I am improving, even though he is no longer my provider. (I had to change due to finances, not personal preference) I think he takes me more seriously now. I have also learned to be a hard ass when it comes to what he is doing for my husband as well. It is a game sometimes. But if you know the rules, then you can play too....play to win. Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate cyncyn replied June 19, 2009 12:48 PM Gabby, You are so right on this one. My mother-in-law's dr. was getting the same way. When we take her for her appt., there are always another 5-6 patients with the same appt. So we now, go with paper in hand also. And I don't let him rush things. I even told him once, "Aren't you being paid for this time, well then, have a seat, we are not finished.! We have some questions and info, that need to be addressed." He had a seat, and since then, he does not rush thru her appt.!! You have to put your foot down, with a lot of these drs. It is your health, and YOUR life! Be firm and stand strong. And if that don't work, find another dr.! Good luck! HUGS, Cyndi Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate lipsie replied June 19, 2009 1:08 PM YES! I do think that's what they are accusing both of us of! But we we not doing anything or the sort is the thing. I just don't get it. BUT...when they took my urine I waited about TWO weeks until they would say the results! By this time I ran out of my meds, and I did not even think of going to my primary MD and asking for a slip to do blood work at the hospital, damn! Cause I am lost, I want so badly to fight this...but I don't see how. I did call the company that makes the patches and complain. That didn't do much though. I have a ?. Do you think a hospital would still have records of a MRI that was taken oh about 10-13 stretching it years ago??? Cause that MRI is something that really showed my back. The current one showed NOTHING! I was getting shots last year down South for some L-4 L-5 thing, plus degenerative disease, arthritis, I dunno...I am trying to get those records for sure up here. This new MRI is a joke...I FEEL THE PAIN there still...it did not just go away, lol. Even recently I was at the ER and they did a scan that did show the arthritis at least and the MRI did not show that at all and that's suppose to show it all. Any advice I would love ty so much! Thanks for caring! HugS Sheila Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate cyncyn replied June 19, 2009 1:33 PM Sheila, Yes, you can get those records. They are probably stored in a warehouse now, but all you have to do, is request them. It may take time for them, to get them to you, but sounds like it will be worth it. Just be persistant! They will ask for a signature or even maybe a drs. request. Demand the dr. request them. But, yes, they are still on file!! Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate lipsie replied June 20, 2009 12:41 PM Well ty for you input...I will be doing my homework Monday on this then. Wish me luck! lol I may need some. But seriously ty...I thought I was just screwed honestly. HugS Sheila Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate lipsie replied June 20, 2009 12:44 PM I am SOOOOOO happy, FINALLY!!!!!!!!! I have been trying since I got back into town to get my old MD but they was not taking patient then. Starting July 1st they will be so I can call then for a appt, who knows when we'll get in but I don't care...I am so darn tickled I get my BIG ol' dork MD back...lol That's what he makes me think of the way he presents himself...body language...anyhow, great MD!! He took care of when I was REALLY in need before. sigh Thanks! Sheila Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate Gabby replied June 20, 2009 1:29 PM That is great. There is nothing like having a doctor that you actually like working with you. I hope it will all work out for you. Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate lipsie replied June 20, 2009 1:34 PM ty very very much!!! Sheila Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate
BeckyJ	BeckyJ replied June 19, 2009 9:29 PM God it's sounds like we are going through about the same thing here. Trying to get pain medication is such a pain. I have been in 5 motor vehicle accidents and have had other assorted falls and injuries over the last 15 years but I didn't really take anything for it becuase I have severe allergies to most pain meds and could get by with over the counter stuff like Aleve and Tylenol Arthritis. Even when I was injured in my car accidents I only took the prescription pain meds for as little time as possible. I hate the way they make me feel. I am either a zombie not knowing what's going on around me or so Hyper that I can't sit still. When I went back to the doctor earlier this year and told them the over the counter stuff wasn't working they did more tests. New MRI's X-rays etc. found out that I have Degenerative Disc Disease with a bulging L5 and compressed S1. Also compressed C4. Also have Severe arthritis and Bursitis. They tried putting me back on percocet but I refused. I told them I had a high tolernce for pain and didn't need anything that strong just something to knock the edge off. I told them about my allergies and that I was looking for something new to take that didn't cause me the slurred speach and hyper effects of the Lortab, percocet and other meds offered over the years. They just looked at me weirdly and said that if I wanted pain relief I should take the Lortab (hydracodone), my reactions weren't that severe. URGH!!! They made me feel like a freak because I was turning down meds that I knew my body did not agree with. They gave me an injection of cortisone but said that they couldn't do more pain management until I was willing to take the pain medication they sugesseted. I told them Lortab makes my Bi-Polar worse but they are unwilling to suggest anything else. I am in pain constantly now so I gave in on the Lortab but have restricted myself to 2 pills a day to keep the reactions down to a minimum. Still with this restricition my Bi-Polar is cycling like crazy and my blood glucose is doing the mambo. 45 to 450 in a couple of hours. I'm just so fed up I want to quit it all. I just wish I could get someone to listen. I had one nurse even tell me that I obviously wasn't in that much pain if I could restrict myself to 2 pills a day. She looked at me like I was a junkie. Would a junkie turn down higher dose pills? Would a junkie turn down shots of Morphine? Come ON! I just want to find something that controls my pain without making me crazy or turning me into a zombie. Am I in the wrong here? I'm sure that they see a lot of patients that are just there to get drugs but for those of us that really are in pain and need help...we get the shaft. They have gotten so suspicious of anyone asking for new meds. Even when there is evidence of injury! I just so fed up with docs right now, I wish that I didn't need their help at all. But since I do I will try what they suggest though every part of me says it's a bad idea. What choice do I have? Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate lipsie replied June 19, 2009 10:35 PM I feel you totally!! It's a damn shame the way it works now a days. I just got great news though...before I left town previously I have a great MD and when I left town a few years and came back he wasn't accepting anyone. Come July 1 he will be accepting patients and I will be on that phone first thing for me and my finance. He is not perfect, I actually call him my big dork doctor, lol he seems dorky in how he talks and looks but he has a GREAT bedside manner, and when I went thru heart failure, phenomena a couple time...he was there and did the job. Now, I dunno about pain management with him cuz its been a while and I was taking something a lot lighter than what I would take now a days...but then again I would pleased with anything right now.That is sad though that they are giving you a hard time when you are just trying to find what fits for you...ulgh...but yes those that do abuse have messed this up, cuz now that's just what most MD'S think I guess...good luck though!! Sheila Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate Jocelyn replied June 20, 2009 3:33 PM hi Beckyj and Sheila, and anyone else who resonates with being dismissed when looking for help. After reading these comments, I realize how disturbing it is to me to watch so many of my friends here on dc getting treated so badly in thier sincere efforts to find help. Knowing that so many people are caught in this cycle of pain and having to deal with the prejudice' of some medical providers is disheartening for me. I understand why people feel like giving up. No one likes to be trivialized and or, accused of something they are not guilty. Insinuations of wrong doing can hurt. Particularly when you confront them and the insinuation is denied. So much of the flaw in the medical system relates back to 'money', either the lack of it, or the privelege of having it... People are at times vitimized based on income and education. Just as those who have plenty may feel entittled. Some don't however, and these share abundance rather than exploit it. There are all kinds of people in the world. The thing to remember is this... no matter if you are ecconomically disadvantaged, you still have the ability to self-educate. You still have the ability to hold your dignity. 80 percent of the population are disadvantaged. 20 percent of the world population feeds the off the ignorance perpetuated by laws put into place for the advantaged. Those who have, get more and those who don't have, have it taken away...This is a fact. You can read about it in the books on cultural studies in any public library. The source of this reality of our everyday lives is hidden from the general population by keeping frustration levels high in populations of disadvantage... There are laborers called disposable labor. These are workers who are not provided with benefits for what ever justification. Just use them, then when they wear out, replace them... The illegal drug use going on in society can often be tracked back to wealthy drug lords who prey on desperately unhappy people... people who perpetuate crimes out of anger against the stacked decks against them... Systems of neglect perpetuate anger and helplessness. The solution for this over all is to build authentic self-worth and from your own, small space, your nitch, your little neck of the woods, so to speak... Practice SELF-CARE, and help others to know they have a choice. If you do determine that you are worth while, and have gifts to share with the world, you will change your posturing to that of, I am here, and therefore worthwhile...Treat me with respect. You can do this by not being willing to participate in abuse, giving it, or reciving it. This is essentially done through language and that includes body language... Stand tall, look directly into the eyes and speak clearly and resolutely about your intention. If someone insinuates something... Ask clearly for their intent... for example... " That sounds like you are saying I'm selling my pain patch. Is that what you are saying? " If they suggest you mis understood them and deny it, say, excuse me. You haven't explained to me why you are not allowing me to have the correct medication for my condition. Please tell me why you have decided to withhold my perscription? I want to encourage you to read the book, The OUTLIERS. I'll go to the book section and recommend it so you can find it easily... In the book it talks about how the "POWERS THAT BE" set into place systems that descriminate against certain classes of people. Class systems do exits. and eccononmically challenged peoples ARE treated differently. Then if they object, they are trivialized... So stop doubting your sense of offense, and STOP reacting to it in the typically conditioned way... Bullies count on their victims getting emotionally out of control... that gives them power over them. It is important to learn the language of self-worth and apply it to your developing high self-esteem need. Elenore Rosevelt said, " No one can be trivialized without their permission." so, don't give anyone permission to trivialize you. Don't let anyone make you mad just so they can manipulate your behavior. If you are cippled emotionally out of hurt and pain... you have lost the battle agianst owning your personal power. Let your hurt and pain fuel your determination to grow up emotionally and face the fact that society stacked the deck in favor of the have's, and the have not's are paying the cost in unmet need. Claim your dignity and begin by remaining calm in the face of adversity, and challenge the odds with the commetiment to Self-educate. Being angry doesn't serve you, unless you know who or what is hurting you. Be angry at the right time, for the right reason. But never direct your anger at an individual. Challenge the individual to recognize the source of the problem. This isn't personal... everyone is caught in the web of deceit. It is important that complaint leads to solution for problems, not increase them. It is in stepping up and saying, " this behavior is not acceptable". "Work with me, not against me". and other various responses to practices of abuse, language can perpetuate violence. and not all violence is physical. Reacting to insult will only dig a deeper hole of neglect... Never react... Always respond. When you RESPOND, you have by passed the trigger for violence, and moved to thoughtfulness and directed energy. reaction is uncontrolled and easily manipulated by bullies. Sorry for getting on my soap box... but having come from abject poverty myself, and having lived on the other side of it too, I know both mentalities well... and I'm not taking sides... There are really decent people on both sides of this equation. Most are only guilty of ignornace... Few people are really stupid... All that's needed for ignorance, is education... Stupidity is a rather hopeless condition. I'm saying that balance needs to be won, one person at a time... doing our the work of building ownership for action/choice without resorting to blaming and shaming... If enough people stop participating in 'the game', a new way of thinking will emerge. potential is often lost because investment in getting even keeps everyone in a defensive posturing. I care deeply... I hope I have not upset anyone by sharing my point of view... It simply pains me to see so many people kicked to the curb instead of getting the help they deserve. Be true to who you are... take care, big hug, Jocelyn Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate lipsie replied June 20, 2009 10:07 PM You really have me thinking, and you hit a home run with emotions and what's up. I am thankful to you for this comment for you made me really think about how I need to go about things with these doctors, I always am some submissive I think...as far as I don't feel deserving anyhow.I am not sure cuz I try, no not really, I clam up with doctors...I have great intents of getting the main things across but when it comes down to it I really don't. ulgh...I will lost into the book thank you. I have this new pain specialist July 17th way outta town and really don't want to mess this up...I want to be prepared and hope they believe in the fact that a simple test could go wrong...I dunno how personally but it did so I know it can! Or they tampered with it. SOMETHING! I get submissive yes but when things like this test I did not pass...something I REALLY feel so very strong about cuz its so very important...I do speak out, I do try...but I dunno how to prove my case...or present to the the new..cuz it looks ugly..BUT I DID NOT ABUSE IT!! Okay...imma hush phew. Gotta a headache. lol Thank though. Got me really thinking. HugS Sheila Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate Jocelyn replied June 20, 2009 10:56 PM I'm glad it encouraged you Sheila. you are so worth encouragement.... Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate
Avera	Avera replied June 20, 2009 2:16 AM Shiela, I might be able to answer some of your questions,,,BUT,,,first I have to know what kind of pain patch that you were on. Do you mind telling me. Avera Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate lipsie replied June 20, 2009 12:37 PM Fentanyl Patch 50mg oh any help I would LOVE!! ty! HugS Sheila Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate dj7110 replied June 20, 2009 11:18 PM I take this same patch in the 75mg and ust to have prioblems wioth them staying on. the newer ones my pharmacist just started getting a couple months ago work a lot better n stay on like there supose to. as they changed supliers. and get them from teva pharmaceuticals. look like a big foil bandaid noe and even come with stickers to keep track of date n time patch was put on. there number is 1-888-838-2872. might want to run this by the pharmacy you use. best wishes David Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate lipsie replied June 23, 2009 11:47 AM If the new clinic puts me back on them I will run this by the pharmacy ty very much David!! Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate
Two painful feet	Two painful feet replied June 20, 2009 2:48 AM Last edited 5 months ago Sheila, I hope you will be accepted as a patient with your Dorkey Doctor. I don't understand why your doctor acted so rude to you and Ty. So it's my understanding that he would not write you a new script for your pain meds? Could you go to the emergency room to see if the doctor on duty would write you a pain meds script? I had to take my husband to the emergency room Wednesday night. He was in sever pain and they gave him to injections of morapine he slept like a baby. I talked to a lady that lived with pain and she would have to take her self to emergency to get pain meds so she could go home and sleep. Just an idea for you to consider. I'm on fentynal pain patches and the way I keep them on is (1) clean area with alcohol, dry and put patch on and then put a bandaid across to hold it. Best to you both Becky, I also don't like the way my oxcodine make me feel. Dry mouth and can't think clear at all. I have worked myself down to take it only when I can't stand the pain. I'm nerver with out my pain patches the pain from my stomach is so bad with out it (paralized stomach). Your Friend JoAnna Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate lipsie replied June 20, 2009 12:40 PM That is something I did not do, the alcohol...great idea though and IF I can even get them again I will do it that way thanks for the advise!! HugS Sheila Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate
Charish	Charish replied June 20, 2009 5:57 PM Hi Sheila, Thats what we're here for to listen to one another and help each other through the frustrations that we're facing. It is sad to have doctors who don't care about our care and the only interest they seem to have in us is when we're in front of their faces anything after that is non-existant. I am going through a lot right now too, and I like you don't bother people with my problems. But I have learned that holding it all in isn't healthy either. I have tried to be honest in telling what I feel when I go to my doctor but it fell on death ears. Its partly my fault for not being more aggressive in my treatment and care, but now that I really need help my doctor really seem that he could care less. I'm now in the position to get another RA doctor and perhaps personal care doctor too. In a big way I am going through HELL and that is the best way to say it. And I know that is out of character for me, but that is how I feel now and I know that being truthful is all that we have but sometimes I wonder. I would rather acquire something through telling the truth and not by lieing, I can wear it better that way. Believe me my dear you are not alone in this. It is a hard thing to wake up one day and realize that you have nothing because your doctor caused you everything that you had worked so hard for and refuse to correct the mess that he created for for me and then to say that you need help from a profession of individuals who don't seem to care is even harder. I have tried to get help and have been faught ever step of the way. I'm fighting the system right now in appeals, so trust me you are not alone. But the important thing that I realize above all that I have said is that GOD HAS THE FINAL SAY SO. Man seem to think that they can control all aspects of your life but don't realize that they only have the power that it allowd by The Father. Its through all that I have gone through and all that I face now that I have grown stronger and fight all the harder. Yes I have cried much and have had some tears even this week because of personal issues that I had to face and medical ones too, but I know that I can only change the things that are in my power to change and all else is up to God. And know sweetheart there is much more to my story, but I said this to let you know its alright to vent and have the feelings that you do that's why we're here. But remember that you can't give up and never quit, because when you quit that says that you never had the fight in you anyway. And I believe that you are a fighter and that giving up is not and option for you nor me. Remember this too that God never said that this life would be easy, but HE did promise to stand by us and that HE would never leave us. Remember Sheila JUST STAY IN THE RACE and we will be here with you fighting every step of the way. Take care .......... Hugs and Kisses Teresa Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate Pat Roth replied June 21, 2009 11:44 AM Oh, my!! And I too, thought that I was all alone in trying to communicate with Drs, They helped plunge me into the blackest despair throughout my life, from really sick children, on---I am just now pulling myself up and out of a DEEP DEPRESSION, thought that no one else cared, so why should I?? I got so exhausted from "the fight" that I could barely drag out of bed for 4 years, trying to SUPPRESS STUFF, not to bother anyone as I couldn't stand the critism---I HURT so badly inside, "just nerves"---ha, yow, right!! I discovered that I had Diabetis 2, just 2 or 3 years ago, kept fighting the diagnosis, went from 500 mg of Metformin to 750 mg once a day. I realize that isn't too bad, but I do want to avoid the side effects of diabetis and have found NO ONE who will listen, they keep accusing me of worrying too much, when all I want is to be better informed!! Our church women may mean well, but they have persecuted me beyond belief! But I am a fighter, but when your own husband and 4 kids are distant with you because you "make them uncomfortable"---cheeezzz they should have to live inside my skin for awhile and realize how desparately alone I feel, with NO support-- Keep fighting and I will too, especially since I have found a comforting group to vent to, that really seem to care about each other, even if they are ill, with whatever!! Pat ROth Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate Charish replied June 22, 2009 1:37 AM Hi Pat, The most important thing to remember is that we do care here, eventhough we may face many issues of our own we still have a respect and love for one another that can not be mistaken. I know how it feels to be depressed too, it was told to me years ago when I was in my twenties that I was Accute Depressive and I decided after going through theropy for about a year with what I consider one of the best theorpist there is that I was not going to be the victim of depression that I was going to be the victor and that I would defeat it and not have it defeating me. And thats the same attitude I took with the diabetes issues and now with the facing the disability fight. I have never walked away from a good fight and I want start now. I may have distanced myself from some things in life, but a good fight no. You hang in there and you keep right on fighting for you health and family will sooner or later see what you are going through. It bothers me that I see people who don't know how it feels to walk in our shoes, and that includes medical professionals too, but what we have to do is square our shoulders and be determined to make others listen to our concerns and hear what we are experiencing. It's as I said in my earlier response God never promised us that this life would be easy, but HE did promise to be with us and never leave us. So Pat with all you have in you keep fighting sweetheart, and remember to JUST STAY IN THE RACE and we are here for you in this and to help you along the way. Hugs and Kisses Teresa Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate lipsie replied June 23, 2009 12:01 PM Yes, depression is a !#!$#!$# I know...I have been on meds for that for years too. But yes, I have to keep fighting ty! HugS Sheila Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate wilfred healer replied June 23, 2009 5:07 PM HI charish . Your health is very important to you and to all my friends that may read this message. Your first concern should be educating yourself about your condition and natural medicines that works. you can find natural medicines in your food store. They are call vegetables and fruits. Also you can buy herbal vitamins ]. wilfred rolle remedie healer Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate Charish replied June 24, 2009 5:22 AM Hi There Healer, I have already started this journey and I have been doing really well. In search of the right foods and the herbal supplements. On last year I weighed close to 300 lbs and now the scales ran the other way at 236 and the right choices that I had to make because of my health and spiritual well being. I feel the first step was the latter step spiritual and everything else fell into place. Hugs and Kisses Teresa Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate lipsie replied June 23, 2009 12:02 PM Thank you so much! You are a doll! HugS Sheila Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate Charish replied June 23, 2009 2:57 PM Hi Sheila, Just know that sweetheart you are not alone in this and there are people that love and are concerned about you. I can yes that I am one of the winners who came out, don't get me wrong I still have days that are sad and I have tears but I'm not the way I was okay. Keep on fighting and we will fight with you. Hugs and Kisses Teresa Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate Jocelyn replied June 23, 2009 3:17 PM there are so many reasons why people go into depression... but the underlying cause is a lack of support. It seems that a lot of people are afraid to be close to other's pain... it is fear driven... so medicate the symptoms and pack the pain... The more we can listen to each other and truely care, without feeling the need to "fix" the person... the sooner the person will find their strength to challenge whatever it is that pushed them down... often it is a sense of helplessness and dispair... not knowing we have choices... many times this comes from our root conditioning... culture plays a large part of of self-defeating beliefs... Having a good friend is gold... as long as the friend is not co-dependent... It is so important to nurture and support in ways that reinforce the person's ability to to feel like a competent person... This is easier said than done... very sensitive condition to move through... I had several years of PTSD counseling... there is a book out about post traumatic stress issues, and they cleverly use P, put, T, The, S, stuff, D, down... Put the stuff down... which is what we need to learn to do, but need help in recognizing the habits and patterns that caused it in the first place... before we can put the stuff down, we have to know what the " stuff" is, and how we picked it up in the first place... Depression is real... isolation makes it worse... For me, after years of abusive experiences, from my cultural conditioning... I traded resentment for isolation... that was one step away from participating in defending myself from my abusers, but it wasn't the answer for healing... reestablishing the ability to trust yourself, and others is sometimes a difficult lesson... but is is posible... so like the others say... keep on, keeping on... and remember the words of Elenore Roosevelt, " no one can trivialize you without your permision. My heart was too heavy for many years... from sadness and disappointment... but With a little help from good friends, and some excellent counseling, I learned to do the work of forgiveness, and not to take what thoughtless, agressively mean people did to me, personally... It wasn't about me... Surround yourself with positive people who like you, and whom you like...it really matters... take care, hugs, Jocelyn Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate Charish replied June 24, 2009 5:26 AM Last edited 5 months ago Hi Jocelyn, I agree with all that you have said and for me the first steps was spiritual and then admitting there was a problem and deciding that I was going to fight to win and not give up on myself. So when that happened I could move to do all that I was to do to get myself out of the darkness and back to the road that led to my recovery. And fighting was all that I had left and I faught to keep my life and to not give in. Hugs and Kisses Teresa Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate Jocelyn replied June 24, 2009 5:40 PM I'm glad to hear that you did not give up... your courage is felt. Glad you are sharing that strength with others... hugs, Jocelyn Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate Charish replied June 25, 2009 5:49 AM Last edited 4 months ago Hi Jocelyn, That's why I am here and to know that others will benefit from my story that makes it all worth it. Its about encouraging and not discouraging. Take care ......... Hugs and Kisses Teresa Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate
mamaoak	mamaoak replied June 20, 2009 8:26 PM dont give up where there is a wii there is a way. sorry to here of all thats going wrong for you . cheer up things will work out iam sure. vent all you want maybe someone can come up with a solution for you. hugs Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate lipsie replied June 23, 2009 11:59 AM Thank you! HugS Sheila Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate
Dancehawk	Dancehawk replied June 21, 2009 1:18 PM Find another doctor, do not tell them about what happen, go in and show them your in pain at times. have a diary and a list of foods my brother uses a calender it tells what time he woke up and a scale of 1-10 on pain, his mood where he hurts. What he ate for the day bowel movements and types I mean he had details. he did it because the doctors today are so busy they do not listen to you nor do they listen to your complaints and they give you meds to appease you but do not look for the cause. he went through a lot of problems with doctors, he has a crushed spine in areas, neropthy really bad, cancer, diabetic, emphysema, and they could not find the cause for the consist pain in his legs and why he was loosing strength till he fired all his doctors and found a new one, she ran a bunch of blood test and they found MS in his system so they went further and now have him on medication to help slow it. he also uses the loppy pops, plus smokes to cut the pain they have a nurse that also gives him morphine, between everything there doing for him he is in alittle less pain. but you need to have you ducks in a row when fighting the docs, so document and show them.By doing so they will see you are serious about your health and you have the paper trail to show you have something going on that needs there attention and if there not willing to do the job tell them nothing against you but i need someone who will take care of my needs i have somethings going on and i need a reason why they are, what i can do to help myself get better or slow down whats happening, i need your help with taking the inflammation down or help reducing the pain i am in and if you can not help me with this please send me to someone that can. My doctor I have to carry a note book with because she is in and out of the room so much so I use the check off system hehehe and I tell her OK we have everything covered here is your copy for my records. I fell several months ago hurt my shoulder, I am talking pain so bad could not move it, crying all the time i went in could not get them to do ex rays it was aww your a diabetic you have bursitis, it got worse in pain i was eating a bottle of the Tylenol using the heating pad and not moving cause it hurt so bad went back into the doctor, here use this medication for inflammation. my hand gave out i lost all my muscles in my arm my shoulder froze and no matter how much i tried to stretch it was pain pain pain plus the coldness all the time in my arm and hand my bones hurt bad, I went back in she said OK we need to send you to a orthopedic. it was about a week later i sat down wrong hit my arm and elbow on the chair where it shoved my arm up in a weird way i felt a pop and screamed then after being a baby for a short time i started getting relief in there i went from a 10 in pain to about a 6 now i am about a 2 i went back in i had a partly dislocated shoulder. if they would have ran ex rays they could have saved me a lot of pain. so stay on top of things sweety. catherine Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate lipsie replied June 23, 2009 11:59 AM Thank you for your help. First, I am concerned that the doctor that did the referral may already sent previous records so they'll already know what happen, or they'll want records...so I don't see getting around that one. BUT...you are so right about keeping a record of things, I am going to start doing that!!! Great idea! Every little pain, may not be related but you never know...thanks so very much! HugS Shela Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate Jocelyn replied June 23, 2009 2:45 PM another thing you can do too Sheila is keep the old used patches... and that will prove to them you are using them... that should float their boats... geez... Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate Pauline B replied June 23, 2009 5:57 PM I thought doctors could not send records without your written permission. I suggest you also begin keeping and demanding (ever so politely) copies of all your lab reports. I keep all my records in a note book that I take to every medical appointment. There was legitimate news today of patients not being told of "bad lab reports." This was a study done by an East Coast medical school. (I think it was Cornell.) Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate
Turtle	Turtle replied June 25, 2009 5:56 AM I know some days are more difficult than others. I live that kind of life too. All I can say is please do not give up. I am doing my best not to give up. Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate Charish replied June 25, 2009 6:11 AM Hi Turtle, And don't ever stop trying and never give up. Its worth the fight ever day that we get up and thank God for a new day. Hugs and Kisses Teresa Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate
Jocelyn	Jocelyn replied June 25, 2009 8:19 PM Lipsi, you have been going through some very intense health issues for quite some time. It is normal to have these ups and downs, and even normal to what to stop the pain by giving up... What giving up means to some people is that you may be considering suicide... and that is scary... because we all feel so helpless about that level of dispair. If giving up means that you are talking about time out from disciplined routines and taking medications, eating right, and exercising regularly, then yea, take a week off if you need to revisite feeling worse than it feels to stay on task... but if you are thinking suicide... be direct about it and get help form a professional.. tell us that you are reaching for help and we can support you in that... I don't know about the others here, but when I hear you talk about giving up, it frightens me that another human being is that desperate without resources for assistance... and there is so little I can do, other than plead with you to self-care... The picture of the child's face on your post is such a beautiful child's face... Is that of you when you were a child, or a child of yours? that face alone would make me want to do everything I could and push beyond it for strength to endure any test agains my humanity... I have come to care about you very much, having shared many discussions with you here... I'm looking forward to more of those spunky, let's get this job done posts you are so capable of... You are an awesome person Sheila, and your successes are so inspiring... reach for your goals girl... and you will meet them, and then you will set new ever more challening goals...The main thing I want to convey to you is that I care deeply about your success and that I understand how feeling tired and sore all the time gets... we all have made choices that have brought us to our current reality, and when we change our directions, it takes as much time as it takes to undo the damage... and some parts of those loses can never be recovered, so we also have to own that, and find new ways to be the best we can be... the best gift you can give anyone is proof that you love yourself well, and then share that with others freely... hugs to you my friend, Jocelyn Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate lipsie replied June 26, 2009 12:22 PM First, thank you for you concern. I am up n down in my moods. It is hard for me to live in this pain, and go on. BUT...I do want to live! I dunno how much I can handle mind you. You mentioned something like we have to own up to our doings' basically, what are you saying there? I mean, I know what that means, I agree, but in my situation RIGHT now what are you saying? Also, the photo is one of my twins that I don't have contact with, I hope when they are 18 they will want me in their life for I gave them up for adoption so they could have a better life, being I was not stable by all means.I just needed to feel close to them right now so I have this photo and Ty has Logan, the other twins' photo right now. I do miss being my spunky self too, I am more hopeful being the one doctor I haveen trying to get into since we got into NY will have opening in July. This MD saved my life before...love him, plus great personality whereas I can feel comfie talking to him about things. Anyhow, thanks....hugss Sheila Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate Jocelyn replied June 26, 2009 5:50 PM Hi Sheila, I am concerned and want the best for for you... I just wanted to know if you were feeling suicidal... I don't want my friends feeling that down without resources. It was a great sacrifice for you to let your twins be adopted so they could have the care they needed. I had to make a decision like that too, when I was young. I was assaulted, I hate the other word... and I had no support and no means to care for the child. I had always believed in abortion until that moment that it was my decision to make... then in that moment. I could not sign the papers. I still believe it has to be a personal choice, a right... so, I think I can understand to an extend how it feels to have a child out there that you gave birth to, and that you were robbed of that right to parent. Of course there will always be controverial opinions about it from others who " know for sure" about everything... but Sheila, the bottomline is within our hearts. I was only trying to reach out to you from my heart and offer you support and understanding. We move along in our life pathway, and do the best we can at any given point. It's imposible for anyone else to know what anyone is dealing with... I want to encourage you, not cause you worry. Just do the best you can with what you have, and hopefully, we can all be kind in our we relate to each other along the way... I care deeply... take care, and hope you feel better soon... hugs, Jocelyn Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate
lipsie	lipsie replied June 30, 2009 10:06 AM Okay, maybe I have thought about suicide lately but no I am not going there again. I am just so frustrated with the things in my life with doctors and have been told I will die of a blood desaae and that I am like Micheal Jackson from another...I am just so frustrated with it all!! But I hanging one the beginning of July..dunno when the first appt will be but still.have to wait until there is a appt first. lol I do have hope. I love Ty and my children so I have to hang on. Thank you for your concern. HugS Sheila Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate
Charla Hageman	Charla Hageman replied June 30, 2009 12:58 PM lipsie, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I have trouble with my knees so like you it is hard for me to walk to get exercise. If I do go walking I have to walk with someone because my knees could give out and I would fall down,out of the blue and I cannot get up by myself. Maybe you should find another doctor to help you get a second opinion. Charla Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate lipsie replied June 30, 2009 6:17 PM Thank you for caring, it mean a whole lot to me not feeling so alone! thank you! Sheila Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate
Two painful feet	Two painful feet replied July 3, 2009 10:58 PM Lipsie, Please don't give up. You have a Loving Heavenly Father who Loves you more than you can know. You have all of us who Love you. I do not have depression. But I have days that I feel so alone and have a pitty party for a short time. I have no friends except here in this group. You have alot of people here who look forward to your cherry note to others. I will pray that you will be able to pick yourself up from the depression that has a hold of you. You have Ty who loves you and cares for you very much. Just hang on and days will get better. Love you JoAnna Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate
lipsie	lipsie replied July 4, 2009 6:20 AM I am not GIVING UP per say, at least I am fighting it...my moods are rapid cycling...by-polar big time lately and my sugars are affected big time. I am getting that new MD and so happy for that, plus my pain doctor appt. is almost here, 2 more weeks....once I see these MD's I am hoping things will change...thanks everyone for the help...I am trying to keep up beat!! Happy 4th! HugS Sheila Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate
Pat Roth	Pat Roth replied July 23, 2009 5:30 PM Oh, MY! I just re-read this important post!! And I saw my few added words and was SURPRISED at how I felt THEN, as I feel so much better now, July 22, I think! So, as was metioned, someplace on this site, my mind sags--mostly what we all need is, SUPPORT! If no one listens to you about anything!!!!! It is like living in that forest where a tree falls, does it really make a noise if there is no one there to hear it??! That is how I have felt for years, no wonder I was so DOWN--but--make way, folks, I feel like I am finally rising up from my own ashes, much like our town from our big fire last week! All I needed was nourishment and love from others, to supplement God's love that has been in my heart! God Bless you ALL, a MUCH improved, Patricia ANN! Add your reply Flag as Inappropriate