By dietcherry Latest Reply 2015-09-28 12:42:42 -0500
Started 2011-03-09 14:38:21 -0600

Another discussion that flamed inspired me to start this one. D has been my constant companion since 1980. Often, I have been so angry at being dealt my hand in life that I could scream (and have). D has deprived me of many things in life: good health, a possible career as an Olympic runner, my marriage, ability to have children, friendship and/or love from well-meaning but fearful non-diabetics, jobs, freedom to eat a meal without checking BS, and the list goes on..and on…and on. I have questioned, "Why me?" probably more times than Ive stuck a needle in my body. Most days, I'm just happy to be here, but then a black storm of feelings can hit and make my thoughts dark as night. How does everyone rise above the anger and depression that seep in and overwhelm us with its soul-sucking negativity?

155 replies

AmaryllisTina 2015-09-28 12:42:42 -0500 Report


I've had Type 2 for quite awhile and I have never managed it well. I'm an emotional eater and struggle with clinical chronic depression. My depression rules everything. I have zero self control when it comes to food and self medicating with it. I also have Multiple Sclerosis. I'm so tired every day that the last thing I think about is exercise.

I really, really need to get back on track and eat healthy and monitor my blood sugar and actually care about myself. I registered on the site to find people struggling like I do and share our stories. We can changes our lives anytime we want…I think this is my millionth start, but i'm here. Hi. :)

old biker
old biker 2012-06-23 16:45:56 -0500 Report

Renee the bridges you burn lights the way for the rest of us to follow.You are truly an incredible women and a good soul..Everybody has their good and bad days..Hang in there and keep on smiling

lisaloo2429 2011-11-01 16:24:45 -0500 Report

I'm sorry you are angry. I have not been diabetic very long - was diagnosed this year Sept 15th so I don't know what you have gone through as this is all new to me but like you though I was angry too. at first and I was sad, I cried. I thought I had been doing good as far as eating healthy and trying to lose weight. But after a good cry and a long prayer I just thought, I'll be okay. Millions of ppl have this disease and go on to live active long lives. I don't know what your beliefs are but praying helps me. I so believe in prayer and my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I know He will never allow me to go through anything I cannot handle. Just for example - I lost a son, he was stillborn, back in 1995. I didn't plan on getting pregnant but when it happened I was very happy, as was my 7yr old daughter and husband. I had such a wonderful pregnancy, no complications, never got morning sickness (my husband did - haha). It was a pretty perfect pregnancy. Then when it came time to deliver the nurses couldn't find a heartbeat. I was devasted and I blamed myself then God. I really thought I was doing to die, the pain was unbearable. I didn't want to be here going through this. But after time and talking/crying w/my family about losing him, I realized that for whatever reason God took Aaron at least he was in a good place, he will never hurt or be hungry or cold or want for anything and that comforted me. Now I know he's my angel that I will see again someday. I'm sorry for such a long story and this might not help you in any way, but for whatever reason this disease happened to us, we are strong women and we will do whatever it takes to stay as healthy as possible for ourselves and our families. I want to see my grandkid or kids (if my daughter decides to have any) and I want to grow old w/my husband. I will keep you in my prayers today and always.

Uncle Lew
Uncle Lew 2011-11-01 08:03:24 -0500 Report

You need to remember the words of Christopher Columbus yelled to his crew as they were ready to mutiny from fear -”Have faith in God and sail on”.
When you are down and angry remember those words.

The Great Buddha said “Righteous Persistence Brings Good Fortune“.

You can dwell on the past and put yourself into a hole. You can bury yourself in the grave of the past. You can let the past put a pall over you or live for today and anticipate a good life.

hillwalker 2011-10-31 23:01:55 -0500 Report

with all the comments on why me and god's plan one of my favorite songs came to mind Blasphemous Rumours by Depeche Mode. you are a bueatiful soul reaching out to others and deserving of much happiness. be well and know that you are appreciated for the good you bring the world. hugs

dietcherry 2011-11-01 01:33:00 -0500 Report

I know just what you mean Charles! haha I dig the song and the band too And thank you for your kind words They mean more than youll ever know!! Hugs back

nzingha 2011-10-30 12:08:20 -0500 Report

this is one of the most interesting issues raised since i joined this DC… I have had diabetes for only 10 years and only since the past year has it got out of

control and i think it was more from emotional stress than not eating the right food.. I emphathise with you. i understand ur pain and anger… but in all of this we give thanks that we are still here.. still able to enjoy a lot of things and we just have to think about the good things in our lives.. for me there are so many I have lost count. But my two most precious treasures are my 2 beautiful children… and now I am happy to say… two handsome grandsons thnks to my beautiful daughter … who tho coming from a bad marriage.. is the greatest thing that ever happened to me.. she and my son.. I have a son who is going to make some lucky woman, the happiest in the world if he continues to grow into the fine, brilliant young man I see him unfolding into… so I dont think about my diabetes.. In fact I have become an expert at cooking healthy meals of late because now I have been forced to cut down on the carbs. I even enjoy shopping in the market for fresh fruits and I walk 'my property' ( a place I have access to as I am a taxpayer lol! ) I and pick all the fruits I can get depending on the season.. so I say to you.. think on the good things and u will realise that yes u have a lot to be thankful for…have a great day!

jpegram 2011-10-31 22:08:02 -0500 Report

I like you sayin you raised a fine youngun and he make some woman very happy. That s wrong about younguns today and not been raised up right.

nzingha 2011-11-01 07:01:23 -0500 Report

u r soooo right…people 2 busy grabbing material things… not spending enough time with kids and expecting them to grow themselves…!

valentine lady
valentine lady 2011-10-30 11:48:35 -0500 Report

Dear Dietcherry: I'm not trying to one up you and I do completly understand where your coming from. I even understand the anger. But, let me tell you my story…13 years ago I was in an accident and never walked again. Just lost my hip and femur to my right leg. They tried a hip replacement it broke more bone. I kept getting infections to that leg until one day it went to the bone and that's when I lost my hip socket and femur. I was i n a wheelchair from the accident on. I remain in one today. Then I started having siezures, so I lost my drivers lincense. That liked to kill me…In all, I've had 29 surgeries to that leg and ulsers to my stomach because of all the medications. Just when I healed up and I thought atleast it's all over, I was bitten by a Brown Recluse Spider, also know as the fiddler spider. Before they could get me to my hospital here (I lived in New Mexico at the time) that bite infected my whole upper leg. I was cut open again.o this day I still have a hole in mty leg 3 centimeters deep and 1 centimeters wide. It's called a slow healing wound. During all this time I have been diagnosed with Type 2 D, Fibromyalgia, Artritis, Conjestive Heart Failure, Hypo-thyroidism, Clinical Depression and extreme high anxiety. Now Nueropathy of my good leg (foot). Oh yeah and 2 stints to my heart. But the thing I'm most afraid of is the Depression, I never want to go back to that deep dark hole again. So I don't…simple as that. I asked one time after I found out I'd never walk again, "Why ME?" I've never asked again. I have accepted all that has happened to me and keep a smile on my face and a positive attitude. I lost a lot like Carotoo"s Husband has lost, friends, etc. So I do know and understand. I have felt the anger, the loss and the why me. But, you are what you are. Be pleased it's not worse, you seem to be containing it. The big D I mean. Your so pretty and so much to live for, as do I. But, first get rid of that anger, it just grows and festers inside you and will drive you insane. So many care about you, I'm one if that matters. Put a smilre on your face and work on letting that anger go…Valentine Lady

jpegram 2011-10-31 22:02:48 -0500 Report

This is sad I got porblems but nothin like yours and makin me fel better. Chin up and I be prayin for you and the anger to shed.

dietcherry 2011-10-31 21:33:07 -0500 Report

Wow you definitely one-upped me—and everyone else here! I wrote this Discussion during one bad day of PMS way back in March but your story is truly tragic!
My life is soooooo blessed! And Im honored that this Discussion helped you blow off some of your anger before it drives you insane!
I have an even wider grin than I normally do now! I pray you find peace with all thats happened to you oh and keep a smile on your face! :)

valentine lady
valentine lady 2011-11-01 15:57:16 -0500 Report

dietcherry: I didn't write that to ask for sympathy or to make anyone think my story is tragic. I wrote it to help you. That's why I've never spoke about it before. I have found my inner and outer peace. I wear a smile everyday. Not because I put up a front but because I feel I'm truely blessed. Along with that I've been in 3 coma's and came out just fine. The first for 32 days, the2nd for 11 days and the 3rd dor 27 days. So you can see why I feel so blessed. I have a wonderful man in my life, I have God, most assuredltly. in my life, first and foremost. I'm very happy with life, my life…it was hard coming to it. That "why me" thing came up once, but that was all. I believe we all have to play the hand we're dealt, be it good or bad. :-)
Hugs to you, Valentine Lady

Caroltoo 2011-10-31 01:22:46 -0500 Report

Wow. I am in awe of your endurance. Fifteen years ago I was in an auto accident and broke L5 in two places. The doctor told me if it had broken in any way other than it did, I would have immediately paralysed from the waist down. This is like a glimpse of the life I might have had; thankfully, I recovered. I don't know how you do it. May I be your friend?

valentine lady
valentine lady 2011-11-01 16:05:32 -0500 Report

Caroltoo: Don't be in awe of anything I have been through, it was for all good. I'm a totally differant person then I was before. I feel blessed in everything I do now. I look to the heavens when I think this is almost to much. In July I broke my arm and have been in a rehab since the surgery. I just found out I go home in 13 days, I'm thrilled. I don't normally talk about these things because people feel soory for me, please don't, I'm very happy. Hugs to you, Valentine Lady

Caroltoo 2011-11-01 21:08:35 -0500 Report

Wonderful attitude, Valentine Lady. Seriously, wasn't feeling sorry for you, but am feeling very proud of you for your strength and ability to overcome some serious events.

How exciting to be able to go home in 13 days!!!! That's in time for Thanksgiving and a real cause to celebrate. Are you in snow country?


valentine lady
valentine lady 2011-11-02 11:46:49 -0500 Report

No I'm not in snow country persay. It does snow here but people panic when it's 6" deep. I live in southwest Texas, Lubbock. Where do you live and is it snow country? I'm glad you feel the way you do about my disability and your attitude in infectious. You go girl…Hugs to you…Valentine Lady

Caroltoo 2011-11-02 13:48:17 -0500 Report

Valentine Lady,

No, I've lived in Hawaii on the windward side of Oahu for the last 20 years. Before that I was in NE Washington State which is my experience with living in snow. We were about 10 miles out of town on a 2 lane road that ran along a river. I'd frequently end up waiting hours to get in/out of the housing area because of snow, fallen trees, or accidents on this only access road. Learned to take serious preventive steps like boots, blankets, hot coffee, good book, flashlight, shovel, and 2-25 pound bags of sand in the trunk for extra traction to deal with the unexpected.

My son lives in Burleson which is SSW of Ft. Worth. He spoke of having snow last year. Of course, he is used to it having grown up in WA. It does pose quite a challenge for those not accustomed. Those of us living in eastern WA used to chuckle when Seattle would get snow every five years or so, because, as you said, it would cause such a panic and many in Seattle would just stay home cause it didn't last long. Actually, was probably a good/safer response than trying to be out in it. In my part of the state, it was legal to run with snow tires for 3-5 months of the year, so it wasn't an issue.

Have a great Thanksgiving and do stay in touch!


Jeannie Holmes
Jeannie Holmes 2011-11-05 20:44:44 -0500 Report

How lucky to live in Hawaii. I live in sw wa state. We don't get as much snow as you did in eastern wa, but you talking about living on a 2 lane hwy and the trees etc. really sounds like here.

valentine lady
valentine lady 2011-11-02 15:50:05 -0500 Report

Carol: You won't believe this but I was born in Hawaii on Oahu at Tripler Army Hosiptal. I lived in Honalulu until I was 15. Now we're talking back in the day. I married military a few years after we came to the mainland and he left me here in Texas. But now it's my home. He left because he couldn't handle my disabilities. So he wasn't worth keeping, is the way I look at it. When we first came to the mainland we went to Brimington, Wahington. From there to southern California. But what a small world, huh! We do have things in common…Wishing you a wonderful Thansgiving too and a Blessed day. Hugs…Valentine Lady

Caroltoo 2011-11-02 16:03:05 -0500 Report

Valentine Lady: To add one more similarity: I grew up in Southern California after my family moved west from Maryland where I was born. That was a long road trip pulling a trailor when I was 2 years old.

I recently worked with a parenting program for Army families at Schofield Barracks, so I drove by Tripler every day on my way to work. If you were in Bremerton, WA you'd probably identity with the comment about Seattle in the snow.

Hugs back at you. Carol

dietcherry 2011-10-30 22:27:32 -0500 Report

Thanks valentine! Keep a smile on your face too!

valentine lady
valentine lady 2011-10-31 15:30:17 -0500 Report

Thank you Dietcherry, you keep a smile on your face too, release that anger, please…Valentine Lady

jpegram 2011-10-31 21:58:24 -0500 Report

cherry got no anger cuz she the happiest person here. Aint that right girl. How them weddin plans comin?

dietcherry 2011-11-01 00:09:30 -0500 Report

Right on Jules! You know me so well! I am ecstatically happy and will shoot you an email to share everything I know so far!!!!!

Caroltoo 2011-10-29 21:30:09 -0500 Report

Hi, dietcherry,

You raise some very good issues. No matter how upbeat we are most of the time, I suspect we all have our black moments/hours/days. I know I certainly have, though it's not where I choose to stay. Most of my anger was when I was first diagnosed and I felt totally helpless w/r/t dealing with this huge unknown.

As for the down times, I try to refocus on what I have in my life that is good.
Perhaps that sounds a bit Pollyana, but I've seen it work with my husband who has been a marvelous role model for me w/r/t dealing with loss. He is 86, 10 years into Alzheimer's, knows he is dying, is blind, has little hearing, has prostate cancer, severe arthritis in knees and hips, and early stages of heart failure.

He is a retired pastor and counseling psychologist, so his connection to god and people has been a major part of his life. He is very aware he is loosing his mental ability and has lost his connection with most people—certainly any professional role he has had. Despite this, he has a level of acceptance that continually amazes me. As he describes it: I used to focus on what I had lost (eyesight, hearing, friends, church, etc.), but now I look at what I have (can still see the "big" picture—clouds, mountains, can feel the sun on my skin, can hear the waves on the shore, have a cat that sits on my lap and purrs, and a wife who loves and cares for me).

I think the issue is one of focus. Bad things have happened. We didn't ask for them and we can't make them to have not happened. Our only choice is how we respond to them and what we make of ourselves and our lives.

I read through some of the other comments and identify most with Moe's. I drive a stick shift car because I like to actually be the person driving—no cruise control for me either. I think I'm the same way with my body and diabetes. I've delved into countless books for information, tried diets and made adjustments to make it fit me, reached out to talk with others (as you do), get information and encouragement from any/all sources open to me, and try to make some good happen in me and this world because of this illness.


valentine lady
valentine lady 2011-10-30 12:59:48 -0500 Report

Sorry you've been through so much too. Great reply…I'm glad your life got better. Hugs…Valentine Lady

Caroltoo 2011-10-30 13:30:27 -0500 Report

Thanks. So much happens to us during our lifetimes that we don't ask for. About the only control we have is our response to these events.

clj01 2011-04-19 10:30:07 -0500 Report

I just joined this site late last night. I have been dealing with diabetes now for 13 years. I find that I mostly get angry at myself because I do not have the courage or strength to do what I need to do to overcome this disease. Unlike most I had the opportunity 43 years ago to see what my future would be. When I graduated from high school I wanted to join the Air Force, but when I went for my physical I was told I had diabetes. I felt ashamed, angry and did not want to admit that this was happening to me so I went to several doctors until I found one who said I didnt have diabetes. If I had used that as a springboard to action I probably never would have been writing this post today. When I was diagnosed with diabetes my doctor ignored what I was telling him on the first visit, and did nothing. On the second visit I just handed him my glucose meter, and I will never forget what he said. He just said, "well what did we start you on?" When I have encountered attitudes like this I become angry. I think if we allow it the anger we have in dealing with multiple insulin injections each day, multiple finger sticks, and trying to eat the right foods will overwhelm us. I hope my sharing has helped someone. At the very least it has allowed me to talk about some of my feelings. Thank you whoever it was that started this site.

donna62M 2011-04-19 07:02:20 -0500 Report

I'm angry at diabetes and asthma. They both fight and contradict each other all the time…now is when I'm angry because the astha is playing up again and I know that my sugars are going to impact on mefor at least 3 months…when I'm sick dpression is out of control and I still have to get up and deal with day-to-day life and yes i have quite oftensaid that if I was a horse that the would have shot meyears ago…and then there atimes when everything just seems to be going great and I feel fantastic…and I haven't been sick for along time and the sugars are within the good range and I think how blessed I am to be here dealing with my day-to-day lfe…I have a wonderful family, and two wonderful kids(that every now and then I could give away for free). But I find thatjust getting it out in the open helps me to feel better and I am able to deal with things better… It seems that anger is a way of life for us and I really thank everyone on diabetic connect who inspire me and make me laugh at times and also cry, because we all need a good cry now and then…even if it is just to release the stresses of life.

MoeGig 2011-04-18 20:10:12 -0500 Report

My wife said this to me the other night as I'm going through my routine of checking BG, taking my insulin, and meds before dinner—You must get really tired of doing this after 46 years!! I guess men are just "dumber" than women. I have just managed to accept the necessity of following a routine, and test sugars 4 times/day…Damn, my fingers are sore. I do not want to end up in a wheel chair. As an active person, if that happens, I will be very upset. I read a blog on this site the other day that said 70% of the leg amputations done were for diabetic complications. The only solution is to play aggressive defense. The alternative is very ugly but if you keep your A1c in decent control, chances are you will be more healthy than most of your neighbors and friends. It's like driving a car (your body)…you can't be on "cruise control", you actually have to drive. Diabetes hit me at an early age (late teens) and maybe I got by the "why me" normal response while I was young and stupid. If it happened now, I might be less able to cope with the diagnosis. Although, ten years ago, I had a full cardiac arrest and ended up with a triple bypass. That really changed my life around a lot more than being diagnosed as a Type 1 diabetic 35 years earlier. I guess today, I don't feel cheated because I see that many of my peers have many more health problems than I do…maybe because they've been on "cruise control" all this time and I've been driving…:>) Thank God!

dietcherry 2011-04-18 21:12:47 -0500 Report

What a great analogy Moe! I applaud that and I applaud you for your admirable attitude after 46 years! Keep up the good work-I know that you will!

Connie Cahalin
Connie Cahalin 2011-04-18 16:31:58 -0500 Report

I have been an insulin dependent diabetic for 34 years. Yes, I have had bad times but they have never lasted very long. I found Jesus and He changed my attitude and the way I look at life. I had a baby girl that died in 1970 and in 2009 I watched my 44 year old son die with a brain tumor but I am still very, very, very blessed. Why be angry when millions of people have the same disease? I have been a dispatcher for the sheriff, ambulance and police department for years and I now have a secretarial job. I call in sick less than anyone else in the office and I have blood sugars that range from 30's to 400 at times but I know what causes them and it's my own fault. After my father died I went to a psychiatrist and he put me on antidepressants and they really brought me up out of a pit of despair. Maybe you should try that. I think it also helps if I look around at other people who are worse off than I am. God bless you!! I hope you can find your way!

MichaelJ58 2011-10-30 13:18:32 -0500 Report

Connie your reply really made me think about my own life before and now and I can truely say THANK GOD FOR HIS BLESSING TANKS AND GOD BLESS

dietcherry 2011-04-18 16:53:36 -0500 Report

Hi Connie! Welcome to DC and I just sent you a friends request-I hope you will accept! Thank you for your words-I know they are coming from a deep place of strength within you. I have been quietly working on the things that have kept my spirit low and am emerging from it slowly. Comparing myself to others worse off never makes me feel better, in fact, it makes me hurt more that there is so much pain and suffering. God bless you! :)

qnsnyjoe 2011-03-26 11:35:07 -0500 Report

In addition to the Diabetes, I am now becoming very saddened by things around the world, my other health problems, and my financial situation. To see all those people washed away in Japan and on and on… even the oil BP spilll in the gulf. I am still wary of eating shrimp. I don't know how long my immune system and kidneys are going to hold out. My sugar level is sometimes higher than 400 dispite Lantus injections.

Sidehack 2011-03-24 16:14:58 -0500 Report

I often wish this disease would hurry up and kill me!!! The only way I can rise above it is by reaching out to others in my condition and knowing that I'm not the only one suffering. People that don't suffer from D haven't got a clue as to what goes on in our heads. Thank God for friends like you…thank you.

kitcarson 2011-04-18 12:58:21 -0500 Report

i felt that dispare too i was at my breaking point and i thought about ending all the pain because i couldnot imagine living in a world i was not able to see but you will find your light there is light i promise you please find something anything that you can hold on to and focus on that i know it's hard you just want to give up but you can find something to hold on too mine was my daughter and if i left who would take care of her she has c.p.thanks

dietcherry 2011-03-24 19:25:05 -0500 Report

Thank you for that honest reply, Bob. I have to admit that I have felt like that at times, too. But to see you feeling that way, anyone here feeling that way, bothers me so much more.
You are not alone and you are not the only one suffering. We all fall down and we all beat ourselves up for it, and want to give up; but then we know we can come here and lean on each other for a little while until we are strong enough to stand on our own again.
I hope when you get to feeling this way again that you will reach out to one of us or all of us and let us hold you up for awhile. Lots of Love to you! Renee

poppey 2011-03-18 15:40:28 -0500 Report

I asked myself the same question"why me", what did i do wrong. What helps me is I have great support at home from my family. They try to understand what I'm going through. They start to read lables for me to let me know if its a good thing or not. I love them for it so very much. And when my #s dont work with me, they let me vent, what ever I need to do to get out of my system. I do have my bad or should I say my worse days, when my family cant help, and thats when I ask the Good Lord to help me, to give me strenghth. Sometimes I eat that piece of something sweet:)

dietcherry 2011-03-18 17:18:12 -0500 Report

Family is a major blessing during dark times; I refer to everyone here as family too-my D family! Thank you Poppey!

LennyDenny 2011-03-18 14:15:03 -0500 Report

Sorry I'm just getting caught up on some posts and yours caught my eye. You deserve a lot better than what you got and we all start asking "why me". I started asking that questions about 40 years ago when I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. Like you there where many times I asked the same questions. I was told a long time ago that there's a purpose for everything that happens to us, we may not see it today or tomorrow or even ever. It's hard to learn to accept the things that happen. We have two choices let it control us or we control it. After a long hard struggle I decided on the latter. There have been and will be days that we will challange everything that happens to us, it's how we handle those challanges that matters. I found that turning to friends and family was a life saver. When something different happens there is always anger and hurt. That's when we need help the most and from what I've seen there is a lot of help and love here on DC. Not to complain but since the crohn's I've had struggles with heart attack with 4 stents and being told things are getting worse, asthma, ephysema, diabetes and the latest was skin cancer. I'm like you, I've got to much to live for to let any of the things we deal with stop us. Yours is one of the most asked questions around. The answer to me is family, friends and most of all love. I hope some of this is some kind of help.

dietcherry 2011-03-18 16:32:12 -0500 Report

Thank you for your response-it gave me much to think about. I like to think that my life would have been much different-much better-if D hadnt come along. I was so young when it happened-a time in my life when anything and everything was still possible. But thank you for reminding me that there is a purpose for everything that happens to us, wether or not we ever know the reason in this lifetime.
Youve endured much more than me, much more than alot of us, and your positive attitude is a lesson in positive living. Thank you for sharing your vital message! Lots of Love to you!

sherifawson 2011-03-18 11:20:41 -0500 Report

Wow! Lots of pain in these posts. Having diabetes has truly been an eye opening experience for the 95 people who have weighed in so far on this discussion.

You want to talk about anger - I was angry and resentful about diabetes for more than 20 years. So angry, in fact, that I did not want to take care of it. Sure, 24 years ago when I went through pregnancy with my daughter I was able to stay in control for the sake of my baby (and thank God she was born healthy). After she was born though I went off the deep end wiith an eating disorder that would have ended my life in a few short years. My wake up call to turn that around came when a woman I worked with who had Type 1 for 15 years and ate several Butterfingers every day, lost her leg and shortly after that, died.

It has been a long and difficult journey for me, but diabetes woke me up to what I was doing wrong in my life. I had depression and was not dealing with my past pain, so this dis-ease was lodged in my body in the form of stress. I was hiding. I was letting fear and anxiety run my life. I look back now and I see it has been a journey of enlightenment. But I had to face a whole lot of demons before I could get to a place of peace. Most diabetics I know haven't found peace yet. And it's the biggest contributor to the problem.

But I promise you that you can find peace. I'm not being blindly optimistic here. I am the stubbornest person I know and I found peace. And if I can be as bull-headed and as much of a know-it-all, and as unwilling as I am to be wrong, and yet find peace, anybody can. I think Oprah says it best, "…I believe Earth is our school and our life is the classroom." Whatever I experience in life I can either have a bad experience with it or a good one. It's my decision. And I have chosen well; for the past three or four years I truly have not felt the anger, fear, resentment, or the unfairness.

How did I do it? There is an old saying that when the student is ready the teacher will appear. For me the teacher was a man of the cloth who showed me, modeled for me, true unconditional love. It was an entirely new concept for me and it began, one brick at a time, to change my life. Lots of tears ensued, following those first tentative encounters with myself, which I will refrain from mentioning here (this is the short version of my sermon).

It's good to vent and we need to. We need to know someone else feels our pain. It's important to have a good cry. Then at the end you wipe your face and connect with your community and decide to make the choices that are going to give you the best possible life and help you create the very best version of yourself you can be.

This is what I believe to be absolutely true.

may God bless…

Sheri Fawson
The Authentic Diabetic

dietcherry 2011-03-18 17:45:56 -0500 Report

This is truly one of the most uplifting posts I have ever read on this site! I felt every single word you wrote from beginning to end-you brought me tears and laughter, sometimes both at once!
Peace is such an abstract concept but with one defining factor-you know it when youve found it. I will start praying for peace, something I have forgotten to do with D. That truth is going to change my life from this day forward.
If anyone is reading this, I strongly encourage you to read Sheri's powerful and hard-fought for battle in becoming the person she is.
Oh and Sheri-you were my teacher today-and I thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!!!!!!! Lots of Love to you! Renee

sherifawson 2011-03-18 18:24:08 -0500 Report

You are one amazing lady and I am so glad I logged onto this site and began to chat here. I have not been involved with others in our tribe because it was so depressing. But the folks here on this site take responsibility and do what I am doing - conquering their brave new world - lol at my silly cliche. I honor your honesty and willingness to be brave and I appreciate your comments above.


Lori J
Lori J 2011-03-13 18:41:47 -0500 Report

Yes having diabetes can be tought to handle sometimes, I was diagnosed in 1978, and I do have 2 children, my son is 12 and my daughter is now 20. they both are healthy, are you not able to have children or are you afraid to have them. I'm sorry to hear about your career loss of being an Olympic runner, but that shouldn't stop you from running, that you can still keep on doing:) I'm sorry to hear about your marriage too, I just left my husband after 22yrs, and now I'm with the most wonderful man I could of ever hoped for, he's very supportive of my diabetes and asks me all kinds of questions, therefore I know hes really in this for the long hall, hes now my Medical Power of Attorney, he knows just by looking at me that my sugar is high or low, its great that he pays that close of attention to me. He tells me he loves me everyday and that he can't wait to make me his wife. But for your health, the diabetic way of eating is the way everyone should eat, yes, and we too can splurge just like the rest of the world, just adjust your medication accordingly, yes I know about the job thing, before Junior High, I wanted to join the military, so I'm sure you know how I felt when i found that it wasn't possible for me to join, Yes I wanted to travel the world and see and visit different cultures, but instead I read about them, and I'm very aware of the military, my soon to be ex-husband was in the military for 16 yrs and is now a Federal Employee, so at least i was able to live the life. There are alot of support groups out there, to talk about your problems and concerns, so don't be afraid to join one, ask your Dr. about ones in your community. and Yes I've asked too why I was blessed with having diabetes several times and yes I too get very frustrated at times, but thats life, and though we have diabetes, there are alot worse off people then ourselves, so you should be happy about that. For depression, you can either deal with it or ask your Dr. to recommend you to a Therapist and a Psychiatrist maybe to prescribe a depression medication for you that might help out with the anger and depression. Just remember there is help out there, you just have to reach out and ask for it, everyone needs help now and again and I mean everyone, try writing down the good parts of having diabetes, mine is that I've helped alot of people out when their children or relatives have been diagnosed, and that makes me feel good and at the same time makes them feel good, because they know they're not alone. Try smiling more, its suppose to release chemicals in your brain that make you feel better, and its always better then crying, but of course crying is a good release and everyone does it, so theres nothing wrong with crying either. and it sounds like you need to find a good friend you can talk to about your concerns and someone who will listen to you and not be judgemental, and possible help with any concerns you may have, just someone you can talk too, your parents if they are still with you a brother or sister, aunt, uncle or ayone you feel comfortable with. Well Goodluck and I'm available as well, so please don't hesitate.

digitaldoorbell 2011-03-12 19:39:19 -0600 Report

There is no getting around it, this condition has cost you a lot. I'm sorry. I was diagnosed in August 2010. I "control" it with diet and exercise. I have lost weight but I came down with neuropathy. I understand anger and depression regarding our plight (despite the fact that I have had it only about 1% as long as you have). WE're not racing for last place here and we all have to deal with what we have.

Don't be lonely. There's lots of people here who can undersatnd and empathize.

dietcherry 2011-03-18 18:04:31 -0500 Report

Thank you for your reply Scott! The understanding and empathy I receive here gives me the strength I need to go forward everyday!

Art Loving
Art Loving 2011-03-13 14:23:09 -0500 Report

I like the discription of a constant companion with D as that is what it is.
I have had the neuropathy but from and impartial spinal cord injury. It's what really effected my life with 24/7 chronic pain. I can get any and depressed about it. I have a history of depression which can come upon me for no reason, they call it the Blues. :-)

ru12c41 2011-03-13 16:54:06 -0500 Report

Blues or P.O.'d at the world? I have diabetes and lupus and arthritis and fibromyalgia and screws in my spine and neuropathy and am wheelchair bound. I am in constant pain, but control it somewhat with fentanyl pain patches and hydocodone. With the pain I have learned to live with it more or less. I still get angry when I want to do something and can't. But you know what makes me most angry is going grocery shopping with my wife, (I can no longer drive) and seeing all that food that I used to eat and now I read the labels and what do I see? 25 sugars, 45 carbs; 30 sugars, 50 carbs; 15 sugars, 60 carbs ad nausium. Isn't there some way that food can be made with lower sugars and lower carbs? I know that food can be made sugar free with products like Splenda, but how about lowering carbs. A big problem seems to be the manufacturers of food not caring about the diabetic. I'm sure that if we can put a man on the moon we should be able to make foods with lower sugars and carbs. I get so angry that I will no longer go with my wife grocery shopping. I boil for a week. That is also not good. Thanks I needed that rant!

Art Loving
Art Loving 2011-03-14 08:42:24 -0500 Report

You're safe here "ranting." You have a lot to cope with. Nothing will ever make it fair and your grief over your losses won't go away. Be good to yourself.

jayabee52 2011-03-13 17:54:15 -0500 Report

Actually, Ronald if one eats fresh vegetables and non-factory processed foods there are many vegetables, some fruits, meats & eggs which are good enough for us to eat as people with diabetes. And for optimum health, we DO need some carbs in our intake. Not as many as in most processed foods today but we do need some.

But rant away! Your "medical challenges" are similar to what my beloved bride had when she was here in this life. She had lupis, RA, COPD, GERD was blind and several other challenges. It did her good to rant a bit, and cry a bit (a different discussion on crying).

dietcherry 2011-03-13 17:41:10 -0500 Report

Anytime, ru12c41. You bring up a practical point-why cant they lower the carb load?! They are genetically-modifying our food supply in so many ways already, surely this is an idea whose time has come! Thank you for that!

Dizzy65101 or Robin
Dizzy65101 or Robin 2011-03-12 16:49:42 -0600 Report

It seems that If i rant about my ANGER… here I will probably be repeating whats already been said I cant count how many things have been taken away from my life because of this desease and others. IT MIND BLOWING to look at what lys ahead.I could be looking at diaylisis and maybe transplant and this ANGERS ME to the point that I can scarsly speak. I have questions unanswered about my future.will this desease eventually kill me. I dont know. I do know I cant stay in this state of mind to long or I will go crazy.we've all lost way to much.
maybe we should look at the thing we do have for how ever long we have them.

dietcherry 2011-03-13 11:36:34 -0500 Report

Yes we all have lost a lot! I started this discussion, in part, for everyone to share what D has taken away…and the accompanying sorrow. Thank you for sharing your story Robin!

bellamimi 2011-03-12 13:57:24 -0600 Report

WOW! There are cases here where what people have posted about the anger and despair about having Diabetes sounds sooo familiar!

I've been a diabetic for 19 years. I developed it gestationally with my last kid. I had a brief "honeymoon" for about 2 years and then it came back. I'm sad to say that even after all this time, I am angry and oftentimes despondent about having Type1. I'm angry with my Mom because its her genes that have passed this on to me. That stuff "oh, being diagnosed has made me more aware of the bad food choices I was making," or I'm healthier now," or whatever. NOT! I absolutely hate having this illness. Yes, I understand how it's not any time of Cancer, or MS or Lupus or HIV or any of those things but that is no consolation to me. Like DietCherry, I want freedom from the injections, the food choices, the complications and all the rest that goes along with disease.

Consequent to all of this, I haven't always taken the best care of myself and have landed in ICU for weeks at a time with DKA. My Hb1AC is never under 8. I exercise daily, drink 8 glasses of water a day, make mostly good food choices and count carbs. And some days, it doesn't matter what I do, my numbers are high. I have been labeled a "brittle" diabetic because my sugars can go from 35 to 400 in 60 seconds! (well, not that quickly, but you know what I mean. LOL) I will say this though: even after all

I have an excellent team of Diabetes helpers. I said to my Doctor yesterday "I hate Diabetes" and her response was "It's OK to hate it but you have to accept it." And, my family and friends are great and very supportive. And there are days where I have excellent numbers all day and feel great. And that, in turn, gives me hope and spurs me on to improve my numbers and take better care of myself.

Well, I don't mean to sound so negative but I know that I will never be OK with having this disease.

Thanks to everyone for your patience and letting me unload!

dietcherry 2011-03-12 17:44:59 -0600 Report

Yes, yes, yes bellamimi! Im a brittle T1, too, and it a relentless balancing act!!! If I could have just one day FREE of D maybe I could go another 31 years without ever complaining again…just sayin…

Carlann 2011-03-11 23:07:36 -0600 Report

I was never really angry about the Diabetes thing but I did have an incident with my heart that I needed a stent my cholesterol was 135 at the time I found out it was from the drug that I had been prescribed. Iwas bowling three nights a week, hiking on weekends and swimming during the evenings after working a full time job and going to the Gym 3 nights a week. I was depressed afte the heart incident but I just though about the others in the world that had it worst than me I had a great supportting friend and Family. The only thing my friend does is that he spoils me and does all he can for me I have to argue to let me do things myself but that is a small price to pay in the suffering of other so I am thankful that i am here another day and in pretty good health

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