Don't know what to do

josephine5213
By josephine5213 Latest Reply 2011-03-07 13:29:42 -0600
Started 2011-03-04 09:39:22 -0600

I'm Sorry but I did not know where else to go, My Dad is 83 years of age with type 2 diabetes, he's been in the Hospital again he been in and out 4 times since Last month..Now my Sisters are telling me that we need to make a decision, the Dr wants to know what to do if something should happened to him if they should do a DNR or full code I love my dad so much I can not deside I cant give a answer I don't want my dad to suffer if he will be suffering, at this moment my family is waiting on me so they can sign the paper i just cant say DNR and then again I don't want him to suffer my family all say DNR because my sister says mad dad said on day thats what he wants but you can never believe my sister..I don't know what to do and thats not helping me all this stress now my blood sugar been really high..I need prayes please pray for me that I make the right decision thanks for listing…Josephine


19 replies

josephine5213
josephine5213 2011-03-07 12:16:32 -0600 Report

I just wanted to say thanks for all the support and prayers that my family and me are getting..Right now my Dad is doing better he is going to need 24 hour care…Iam sad to say that im in a relationship with a guy that has no heart and does not let me go see my dad as much as I should, I know I shouldent let him stop me but There is nothing I can do about it, thank god for my older Daughtor she gives me updates about my dad when I cant go..

jayabee52
jayabee52 2011-03-07 12:25:43 -0600 Report

Perhaps that tells you something about your bf - and about you.

MOMMY_OF_AN_ANGEL
MOMMY_OF_AN_ANGEL 2011-03-07 13:29:42 -0600 Report

If he really cared for, and loved you, he would NEVER stop you from going to see your father. Shame on him for doing that to you at such a time. Dont miss out on any last memories you can spend and share with your father. I did that with a friend until it was too late…
On another note, I am glad to hear your father is doing better. And I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

LennyDenny
LennyDenny 2011-03-07 12:04:56 -0600 Report

If possible talk to your dad and see what his wishes might be - I lost my dad about a year ago and he had a DNR made up when he was younger because he didn't want my brother and sister and myself to have to make the choice. It is a tough choice for you to have to make and you shouldn't have to. I'm 61 and just made one out myself so my kids don't have to go through you are going through. We talked to the kids when we did it and they were glad we took it out of their hands. Hope this helps and God Bless.
Denny

MOMMY_OF_AN_ANGEL
MOMMY_OF_AN_ANGEL 2011-03-07 11:32:21 -0600 Report

I think your family should really let your father decide. I was in a diabetic coma and they told my family I only had a 10% cjance of pulling through. Suprise! Just because of the diabetes doesnt mean someone cant live a normal healthy life. Im not sure what other health problems your dad has, but this is definetly a decision he should be included in. I know the position you are in as I had to decide on taking my 6 month old off life support. (He stopped breathing while at a place called "Coach Care" in Naperville, IL. They were supposed to be teaching me and his father how to care for him as he had a Tracheostomy) as well as many surgeries while in NICU. Its hard, but yes, you dont want them suffering either. I sometimes wish he was able to voice his own opinion in what he wanted me to do…

Lady_Phoenix
Lady_Phoenix 2011-03-06 09:28:49 -0600 Report

You are all in my prayers. You need to talk to your father while he is able. Since we have no way of knowing what other conditions he may have, the DNR decision is not clear at all. Also talk to the doctor. DNR itself means simply that if your father stops breathing or his heart stops they will attempt to restart it. He would still be given medications, antibiotics, pain control measures etc, but no CPR.You need to clarify if he wants to be artificially fed or hydrated with feeding tubes, IV therapy and such. You can specify all those in his chart with the doctors. When my mother was diagnosed with brain cancer she and I had that very difficult decision. She chose to remain at home, with no IV therapy or feeding tubes. Hospice was an absolute God send. She died in her own bed surrounded by those she loved. As difficult as it was, I also know it was the right decision for her and that caring for her in her final days was an honor I would never have traded

jayabee52
jayabee52 2011-03-06 23:16:11 -0600 Report

My bride Jem's mom died in 2008 under the care of hospice. Jem had been a LCSW in the medical field, and she was impressed with the hospice people. I also was there visiting Jem just before "mommaG" passed, and helped her with her momma's care. I had been a CNA in home health and had worked a few shifts in a hospice facility, and I was very impressed with the love and compassion of those home hospice nurses. Jem was comforted that she died at home with family and friends around.

Since Jem had never been married her mom wanted to see her get married, so we had a quick little wedding ceremony for her and family and close friends. MommaG had slipped into a non-responsive state before the ceremony but she opened her eyes and smiled during the ceremony.

AH, such wonderful memoties. Pics of that ceremony are on my profile in the pics tab.

Lady_Phoenix
Lady_Phoenix 2011-03-06 09:28:36 -0600 Report

You are all in my prayers. You need to talk to your father while he is able. Since we have no way of knowing what other conditions he may have, the DNR decision is not clear at all. Also talk to the doctor. DNR itself means simply that if your father stops breathing or his heart stops they will attempt to restart it. He would still be given medications, antibiotics, pain control measures etc, but no CPR.You need to clarify if he wants to be artificially fed or hydrated with feeding tubes, IV therapy and such. You can specify all those in his chart with the doctors. When my mother was diagnosed with brain cancer she and I had that very difficult decision. She chose to remain at home, with no IV therapy or feeding tubes. Hospice was an absolute God send. She died in her own bed surrounded by those she loved. As difficult as it was, I also know it was the right decision for her and that caring for her in her final days was an honor I would never have traded

josephine5213
josephine5213 2011-03-05 00:54:09 -0600 Report

Update on my Dad!!! Ok I was talking to my niece and she was telling me that my dad was telling her to keep him alive so she says that would be better so it can give us a little time to say our goodbys to him..At this moment is stable and alart..Thanks for all your prayers, now I know im not alone in this world..Thanks again and god bless you all

jayabee52
jayabee52 2011-03-05 01:04:15 -0600 Report

Thanks for the update Josephine!

That's wonderful! He can express his wishes to the Dr or the RN and they'll enter his wishes in his medical charts. Perhaps the hospital social worker can help him make out a Healthcare Directive ("living will") and put it in his medical records, and the family could get a copy too. That way the family is not burdened with making that decision if he codes and is not able to express his wishes for healthcare.

squog master
squog master 2011-03-04 22:16:57 -0600 Report

Can you talk to your dad about it? It sure is a very tough decision. Prayers your way for God to guide you to the best decision for your dad.

jayabee52
jayabee52 2011-03-04 22:34:27 -0600 Report

I guess from the original post (though she didn't say it specifically) that he was unable, somehow to speak for himself.

squog master
squog master 2011-03-04 22:53:07 -0600 Report

Thanks, I kind of thouht that was implied, but wasn't sure. That's why I asked.

jayabee52
jayabee52 2011-03-04 23:53:45 -0600 Report

if the family is meeting and discussing what their next wishes re what to do if he "codes" he's unable to give a response. The med. staff in facilities ALWAYS prefers to get the patient's wishes direct from the patient, the next best thing is a written healthcare directive (aka: Living will). Since the family is involved, he didn't do either of those things. So now they have the difficult task of trying to determine among themselves what is the best course of action to take.

jayabee52
jayabee52 2011-03-04 14:30:33 -0600 Report

Josephine, I will most certainly be praying for you.

What does the Dr say about your dad's prognosis? Does Dr think dad can return to living life on his own, or will he need to be institutionalized for the rest of his life? And if the latter would he be happy in such a place. (I myself don't think I would - but that's just me).

On the other hand just to keep dad alive might be cruel, even if he is not in pain. There is no way to know what is going on in his mind, and how aware he is of his situation.

I know that this is hard on you and the whole family Josephine.

Your situation does remind us to all make a healthcare directive (aka "living will") while we are competent to do so.

I continue to pray for you, your families, and your dad

James

pixsidust
pixsidust 2011-03-04 13:49:49 -0600 Report

I would want him to be revived and then from there you can decide if his quality of life is good. At that point you can decide to remove extraordinary means and give him something for comfort if his prognosis is bad. If it is something as simple as he needs oxegen for a day, he won't get it with that signature.

realsis77
realsis77 2011-03-04 10:14:04 -0600 Report

Hi. I'm sooo sorry this is on your shoulders! What a very tough decision! Can you speak with your father and find out his wishes or is he too ill to speak? I would pray for God to give you peace and help you make the correct decision. I will also pray that for you. That's a very personal and hard decision. What is the quality of life your fathers living now? When my dad died I wanted them to continue to try to do cpr but it didn't help. He still passed away. I can't immagine being put in your situation. It must be soo hard! I'm so sorry. I will pray for you and know God will guide you to make the correct decision! I pray God will also give you peace about the decsion you do make. Remember God gives us peaces that surpasses all understanding and God will guide you in all things.look to God and have him guide you in this very hard decision! God will be beside you and carry you through this terriable time! If you ever need to talk I'll be here for you. God bless you.be strong and God will see you through! I really believe that. Get together with your family and pray about it and the correct answer will come to you. You have all our prayers here on DC . Please keep us posted on how you are doing and how things are going ok? Again I'm so sorry you have to go through this! Just know you have friends here that care about you and will be here for you no matter what you decide.may God bless and be with you through this hard time! Have faith and things will work out. Again, we are all here for you if you need to talk! Take care…

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