Emotionally a wreck!!!

By Victoriajp Latest Reply 2011-01-29 08:39:55 -0600
Started 2011-01-27 08:27:07 -0600

So I was told by a very nice gentleman that this is the place to vent. HERE IT GOES…
I was diagnosed with this horrible disease in January of 2010 and have been battling not only my health problems but my families as well. I am married with a beautiful daughter and she is the picture of perfect health. (My prayers have been answered so far). My husband had a heart attack in April of 2009 and I almost lost my best friend. Benefits of that day was that we were both terrible smokers and we quit that day. (YEAH!!) Here comes the crazy part. I don't have time to deal with my own issues as my mother and father's health are really going downhill fast. My mother broke her hip last year and there were some complications from the surgery and she really hasn't been right since then. We are thinking that dementia is setting in but not too sure. My father has gout and needs both of his knees replaced but refuses to do it let alone go to the doctor. He falls down on the average of 2-3 times a week. He has a HUGE calcium growth on his elbow that just keeps getting bigger and he works 40 hours a week. I worry constantly about both of them. My stress level is beyond mentioning and my husband wonders why my blood sugar numbers are out of this world. I know that I need to start thinking about me but its so hard to set aside the people that you love the most in this world and take care of yourself.
So there ya go… I vented. I will let you know later if it helped. LOL
Thanks for listening. :)

17 replies

Pynetree 2011-01-29 08:39:55 -0600 Report

The saying is "God doesn't give you more than he knows you can handle" …Geeze, I wish he didn't think I was so strong! Lot's of good advice on here…sympathy…and shoulders to cry on…people who have been there, and ones who are there right now.
But you (WE) need to find a destressor, something that gets the mind to quiet down…relax a bit…accept the things you cannot change…

bicker68 2011-01-29 07:44:33 -0600 Report

Welcome to DC,and know how you feel. I'm also going through quite a few things on my plate at the same time and don't know if I'm coming or going. I also take care of myself last, but we have to start taking care of ourselves so we can be there for everyone who needs us. Maybe we can do that together? Keep in touch.

Mimiewal 2011-01-29 00:35:45 -0600 Report

Oh wow emotional, I feel sorry that you have to go thru something so tramatic as seeing your parents go thru aging..I too, have a similar problem with the dementia my 77 year old father has it.. he recently is hospitalized not for that but for breathing difficulties, but ever since he went to the hospital he has been showing definite signs. He talks with total non sense & thinks that ur supposed to understand it.. his temperment is growing at an increasing rate..It is a real trial but hang in there & remember one thing they were there for you when you were a child.. Thank God for places & sites like this one. Where you can get support & clear understanding. Also, I will be praying that God gives you the strength to endure..Thank you for your posting because it has helped me to know Im not alone in this! If you wouldnt mind you can add me as a friend to keep in touch with..Mimie

VickieF 2011-01-28 21:00:15 -0600 Report

You know when I was taking care of my parents (Dad had a stroke that turned him into an over grown partially parelized Kid. And my Mom was blind in a wheelchair and very brittle diabetic) I felt like I was the only one going through something like that. Boy was I wrong. We all have something. And We are All Improtant. Taking care of ones self when you are a caregiver of any kind is the hardest thing to do. We are a people that tends to put every one ahead of us.
May God Bless The Cargivers in each of Us!

realsis77 2011-01-28 13:56:39 -0600 Report

I'm sorry you have to go through these things. Remember you must take care of yourself to be able to help others. Time time to care for yourself then you will be able to help others better. I was having a rough time with my numbers too until I got put on my insulin treatment plan. Make sure your doctor knows what's going on with your numbers so he can set up a treatment plan that works for you. You'll feel a lot better once that happens.don't ignore high numbers as they can be silent killers.its very important to get that under control even if you have to change treatment plans a few times until its working for you! I finally got a treatment plan that works for me and I feel soo much better. You have different options for treatmentand remember that. Stay close with your doctor and work out somethimg with him that will work for you! Its very important!.k keep us posted on how your d

centraloregonguy 2011-01-28 12:48:42 -0600 Report

Like most everyone, this diagnosis came out of the blue. Have always been a really active outdoor person. Into gardening and landscaping, which I do for an occupation. Always get lots of heart pumping exercise and push a lawnmower, power type but not self propelled. Have been really conscious of what I eat and how much ever since I retired in l992. Control sweets, cut down on salt, limited use of sugar, etc. Everytime I have had blod tests or physicals, they have come back clean, Really good reports in other words. Then this time the same blood tests and the Dr. calls and says we want to rerun the blood glucose. Dis it a second time because he disn't think I had fasted properly, 12 hours nothing consumed before the test and the second time, after 14 hour fast the resulsts came back the same. NOW WHAT?

Pynetree 2011-01-29 08:27:26 -0600 Report

NOW you test, write down what result was, what you ate, what was going on, any exercise, …then you will see what makes your BG spike and what brings it down. It means this diognosis gives YOU a big part in controll. You'll find a good working plan. Most likely you'll be cutting carbs and eating healthier even more than you do now. But keep in touch, lots of really good hints, and people who have been where you are, on this site. You will do well, I'm sure. Did Dr. set you up with a glucometor? Any Rx's.?

IamGnu 2011-01-28 12:36:44 -0600 Report

I have a wonderful friend that tells me that it is Okay to cry for 10 minutes at a time, but then get up and do something positive. This advice has helped me over the rockiest part of my troubles. Sometimes even crying makes my head pain worse. At this point I try to meditate. For me that means visualizing myself crawling up into the hand of God. ( My higher power is Big ). I curl up into the fetal position and some how it calms me down. My thoughts stop racing and I feel I can handle whatever is driving me to distraction. I'm not a Bible thumper or anything like that, but I'm in recovery and the 12 Steps makes a point of us believing in something greater than Self. Prayer ( talking to God ) and Meditation ( listening to God ), are the most important things I do every day. Good Luck!

cajuntiger67 2011-01-28 12:17:43 -0600 Report

I can understand where you are coming from. My family has a couple of hands full of illnesses that we deal with. I am like you all here. I want someone to vent to and advice is always welcome. Hope to hear from you soon.

Ladyjake 2011-01-28 11:00:34 -0600 Report

I'm in a similar situation…maybe worse! I've been having issues with my morning fast number because my stress level is so high I am shoveling it in with both hands…and it's not celery or a piece of fruit either! I took a real hard look at myself in the mirror and asked what I was doing to myself. I will be 61 next week, have been married for almost 42 years, have two daughters and three beautiful grandchildren that I want to see grow up, college, marry, great-grandchildren, you know, the whole megillah! So, I try to keep celery sticks in a ziploc to keep me from straying to the bad stuff. During the day, I eat breakfast at home and pack my lunch so I'm not tempted to order out. I also am a carb lover so I try to eliminate the carbs from dinner. I try to eat protein and veggies, cooked or raw.

I too, have a 98 mother with Altzeimer's in a private home nearby, husband with heart condition and post prostate cancer, and our younger daughter and her husband moved in with our 28 month old twin granddaughters when they were 9 months old. We were empty nesters for 8-1/2 years!!! My husband isn't dealing well with this since he had another bout of prostate cancer (even though it was taken out), and had to have radiation this past summer. There's more but I think you can understand that YOU ARE NOT ALONE in this society. There are others like us out there who can honestly sympathize with what you are going through. The key issue here, Gabby, is that it is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT to take care of yourself first. It's the same idea as if you lose oxygen in an airplane. You put the oxygen mask on you first, then help the others. You have to be in good shape before you can help anyone else. That was a hard lesson for me to learn.
Good luck. I definitely feel what you're going through.
Linda Jacobson

GabbyPA 2011-01-28 08:37:38 -0600 Report

There is no shame in asking for help.

I recently nearly lost my husband as well and then that lead to 3 months in bed and I had to do everything for him...literally. Ugh I was having a hard time taking care of myself as well so I do understand. You will come to a point though when you realize that you have to have some "you" time every day. When I started to do that, I felt better and found out that the world still does go around without my 24/7 attention. We really don't have to do it all. And sometimes, those we love need to do for themselves before we can really do anything for them.

I vented here, just like you did, and it made things kind of clear up in my mind. Sometimes seeing it in black and white helped put things in perspective.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2011-01-27 19:56:11 -0600 Report


Your post set off a few alarms for me. I recently went through a caregiving experience with my mom, so I can totally relate to how you are feeling as the caregiver of your parents. Nobody really understands what this is like until they deal with their own parents' fading health. It can be physically and emotionally draining.

Here a couple of things to consider.

Have you talked to their physician about whet he/she recommends? You might arrange a family meeting, if you can get your father to attend, and present your coencerns. It might be time to bring in some outside help for your mom, even if your father doesn't feel that he needs it. Sometimes aging parents will liisten to a trusted doctor when they won't listen to their own children.

It's also important to care for the caregiver. If your own emotiional and physical health is at risk, then at some point you won't be able to help anyone. Decide what you can do and what you can't do, and consider your own needs as you evaluate what your parents need. Are there other siblings who can help out?

Keep in mind that your husband and daughter are also priorities, make sure you spend quality time with them to nurture each other.

Have you looked into a support group for adult children with aging parents? This might be a good time to do that. It would be a place to ventilate and exchange ideas. You might also consider getting some counseling, to get some objective emotioanl support as well as help keep a perspective on the challenges you are facing. It's a REALLY important time for you to get emotional support.

One of the ways that we honor people is to give them the freedom to make their own choices, even when they aren't making what we feel are the best choices. You can give your dad lots of advice and encouragement, but he is still able to decide what he wants to do. As you described, your mom may be at the point where she is unable to make choices on her own. Part of your father's behavior may be denial of her decline, as well as fear of his own loss of control. Again, talking with their physician, and enlisting his/her help in suggesting solutions, might be helpful in at least pushing the conversation forward.

Remind yourself that you can't control everything, that you are doing the best you can. You don't have to solve this overnight.

I really have a lot of empathy for you right now. It's not going to be easy for anyone. But agaiin, your first priority needs to be to take care of yourself so that you can be there for yourself, and your own family. Don't try to be supoerwoman. Look at what resources are available to help you and reach out for that help.

My thoughts are with you. Please keep us all posted!

MewElla 2011-01-27 13:34:16 -0600 Report

Bless your heart, you have so much stress on your plate, no wonder the bg #'s are high. It is extremely important to take care of yourself, because if you get down, you can't help those you love the most. I said a prayer for you to find some hope, peace and good health in your own life. God Bless you and yours.

vgarrison 2011-01-27 13:24:13 -0600 Report

I'm not going to use the whole take care of yourself first thing, cuz that's already been stated on here (and is important). I am going to say that I completely understand what your going thru…

My husband also has heart issues and I am constantly on him about it. I have figured out one thing though…it is always easier to worry about someone else than it is to take care of yourself…I used to use the excuse of I don't have time to take care of myself because I am so busy taking care of everyone else, but I have since realized that was only an excuse.

It is so much easier to find excuses than it is to take care of yourself…you have to, cuz if you want that wonderful little girl to stay healthy herself, you have to lead by example…(I have a 5 year old, so I get an idea of what your saying).

I have begun walking more, eating better, and have realized that the better I feel the easier it is for me to take care of everyone else…the stress level is lower and I feel better!!

Just some thoughts of advice…dont get to down on yourself…this is a very hard thing for anyone to deal with, let alone deal with this and everyone else…go easy on yourself…it will all work out, if you work at it!!

Blessed Be

Harlen 2011-01-27 12:38:28 -0600 Report

Hello and welcome
First if you dont take care of you then who will take care of every one els ?????
I know how you feel being the only one thats a care giver its all up to me but if I am sick, every one still gets by .So take care of your self first
Best wishes

petals 2011-01-27 09:59:59 -0600 Report

You have to take care of yourself if you want to take care of your family. If you don't and you get sick , how is that helping them? I was there last year with my Daddy health issuses and the stress messed me up big time. So I just had to step back and take a breath and then decided that I have to take the time to take care of me too. Or I couldn't help him. We both are doing great. He is in remission and my sugar levels are normal as well. Hang in there it will get better.

kdroberts 2011-01-27 08:48:57 -0600 Report

"know that I need to start thinking about me but its so hard to set aside the people that you love the most in this world and take care of yourself."

You have to see past the immediate. You take care of yourself so you can take care of others. You always need to put your health first because if you don't and something happens you could be away for a lot longer than the hour or so total each day it takes to take care of yourself.