CareGivers and Patients: Who's in Charge? To All the Patients out there Who Depend On their Loved Ones For Caregivers

By Latest Reply 2008-12-19 07:18:36 -0600
Started 2008-09-29 13:00:09 -0500

I guess my last discussion posted about this did not come out exactly right, so I am going to try again. I think the caregiver should take of the patients needs as far as making sure they take their meds and eat right, and try to encourage them to learn how to help themselves, and maybe how to fight cravings; or substitues for those craves. But ultimately, the patient, husband, wife, child, lover has to learn how to care for themselves too, because who knows if the caregiver can no longer assist the patient. Of, course you could always hire another caregiver, but it would not be the same as a family member or loved one. It should be you, the patient, you should learn along with your caregiver to prepare yourself to take over your own care.

12 replies

2008-12-17 06:42:37 -0600 Report

I do not feel too bad for all the participation I have taken in my husbands' health care, because his 3 months results were fantastic; his A1c went from 9.9 to 6.9, and his bs, chlorestals, tsh levels, blood pressure, everything was within normal levels. I feel proud to be a part of that. So maybe my feelings have changed a little, because along with him, I,myself am living healthier, and eating healthier.

teddybearcub1960 2008-10-19 06:26:38 -0500 Report


That is the same way it is for my husband and I. We care for the other one, but still take care of ourselves. But we both do the cooking. Then when we are not feeling good the kids step in and care for us.

Bluebutterfly 2008-10-19 05:30:32 -0500 Report

I am the caregiver for my husband. I have type ll myself. I cook the meals so he does't have control of this. I have also got him to watching how he feels as to his sugar being low. He checks his sugar three times a day. I have to remind him to take his meds. he sometimes forgets. We do for one another. He has to feel needed too.

Frustrated mom
Frustrated mom 2008-10-01 06:40:53 -0500 Report

I agree with John also…I am the mother of a t1 child, and he needs to learn how to care for himself, but I am his parent and feel it my responsibilty to help as much as I can, and PRAY that when he is on his own he will take care of his diabetes and make all the right choices…This is one scary disease… I am learning that T1 and T2 are so different, what might be right for one may not always be right for the other. I think it is a daily learning process, and it is good to learn as much as you can…

momoftype1 2008-09-30 14:26:22 -0500 Report

I am in the same boat as John. We are still learning alot, but I said we. This is my place to learn and vent and get info, but she talks to the dr and the ed coaches, I just fill in the missing parts. She knows when to test, when she is low, when she has an endo appt, and when it is time to change her site. I offer guidance and sometimes some firm direction, but she has a long life ahead of her and she will be responsible to make all of her own decisions in a few years, so I have to hope that she is paying attention and understands how important all of the things that she has learned are going to be. That is all we can do as the parent, spouse or whatever role we play in someones life. The ultimate choice will be theirs.

Mktngurl 2008-09-30 07:20:42 -0500 Report

I hear ya on this! I am dealing with a newly dianosed hubby who thinks I am the one who has to answer to the dr on why his level isn't stable. He refuses to eat properly, refuses to test and refuses to excercise. All he wants to do is sleep and then is grouchy to me as to why he feels bad. Or, better yet, as to why his levels are so high. I can't make him do anything.. but it would be nice for him to take responsiblity for HIS OWN health and help me help him.

2008-09-30 13:05:00 -0500 Report

I feel even worse for you; at least my husband gets exercise, and take his testing regularly. He does take a little bit of interest. Please don't let him take advantage of you; you will start to hate him; try to explain what it is like for you,too, and how it would help both of you emotionally as well as physically if you could work on his health together. Ask him to go for short walks at first, and then maybe make him a little treat that he is allowed; explain how much goes into that, and how important it is for you and him to both understand what is going on with himself. Don't ask him, but gently tell him that you would worry alot if something happened and you had to go away (an emergency,illness etc) and that is why it is so important that you know he could take care of himself if he had to. Tell him you don't want to feel guilty, just prepared, when you leave and that you love him, and you need him to help to keep himself around for the two of you. It is not all about him; you have a life too.Hope I helped a little bit

2008-09-30 05:17:37 -0500 Report

I know you are right, John, but I am sure he thinks I'll be around forever. My health is not good,either.

Anyway, I suppose it is partly my fault; I have always pampered him because I wanted to, and I have been disabled. He is old-fashioned and believes he should work and I should stay home and take care of him; the girls and the house. With no restrictions for me, so I have always felt I have owed him so much for taking care of mine and my daughters needs as well as his daughter my stepdaughter, as well. But, at the same time I do it out of love. I truly understand what you are saying tho', he needs to learn to take on this responsiblility for his own health.

REVEREND DR. JEFFERSON 2008-10-01 09:25:53 -0500 Report

10/1/08: A time to do on ones own and be responsible, is helped to happen, when that individual understands his/her condition. Get's support systems and is comfortable with the physician and caregivers. Caregiver's must learn how to give the person in need, confidence to seek out support, needs information, must not be cared for without learning how to do, what as someone helping is doing. The ill need care. They recover and must depend on themselves. It caregiver's do it all, they are wrong to step back and just say, you're okay now and leave them to fend alone. I've done too much and found that I'd set things up and the person just expected me to continue. I could use advice in transitioning, the individual and probably myself also, to let the person, be on his or her own, confidently and feel they are okay. What are more sources? How do I find out how the Human Services can help, how do I find out how to get proper paper work so for some, food stamps can be applied for, special services, not SSDI, just what is available, yet must be asked for? EX. With Dr. signiture on a special form, that I learned about from the trash service in Tulsa, OK, at no extra cost, they will come up and get the trash from the house instead of the person having to take it to the curb weekly. For someone, who can't walk very well, it's a blessing. Neighbor's have helped, yet can't always. The help is there. I think more help is there, how do I find it?
Okay, Help me plese. small

2008-10-24 11:32:01 -0500 Report

one place to get help for health care answers is the hospital in your community; the social workers are great with details and special needs help and where to contact them, and the nutritionist, and diabetic education are also at the hospital; with further info;
Use them and the phone book; look under county services; you will find everything you need there, from human services, volunteer healthcare, office of the aging, social services; financial resources, even free food at the food pantry, and free clothes at the social services, and then there is also the housing authority. ALL KINDS OF HELP THERE.

John Crowley
John Crowley 2008-09-30 03:08:43 -0500 Report

As the parent of a type 1, it has been our goal from very early on to let our son take control of his own care. We are there to support, to encourage, and to provide guidance (and right now, financial support), but in the end, he's the one who has to live with this. If I'm the one making all the diabetes decisions, where's he going to be when he's off to college? It seems like the only safe way is to teach him how to be in charge for himself.

Next Discussion: Diabeties »