my thoughts

By rebekah1973 Latest Reply 2011-01-19 10:30:50 -0600
Started 2011-01-16 22:31:50 -0600

i was diagnosed 2 days ago with type 2 diabetes. and since I have had so many different thoughts run through my head. My diet has to change but is it fair for my family to have to change as well . i actually got upset today when my husband ate a lemon cookie i was like what the heck you have the nerve to eat that in front of me knowing that i cant have it (and lemon is my fave) he tells me the diet will be good for all of us and he is supportive and i dont expect cookies we had in the house to just get thrown away they after all are not the diabetics i am. looking back now i realized getting upset over what he ate is not gonna make my situation go away. but I feel like i am gonna be a burden on this person that I love more then anything and think is this fair when will this get to the point that i just drudge on and dont think of how bad i have screwed up my body

29 replies

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2011-01-18 21:33:05 -0600 Report

Hi Rebekah,

A medical diagnosis brings up a lot of emotions. It's a reminder that life isn't fair. And it's only natural to feel scared, angry, guilty, and sometimes kind of helpless when you are forced to make lifestyle and diet changes, and maybe go on a medical regimen, whether you want to or not.

Family members are going through their own emotional reactions. They want to be supportive, but they are also feeling helpless. Sometimes they aren't sure what to say, but mean well, or things sliip out that reveal that they also have some fears of their own, their fears about the future, their desire to make everything better when they know they can't.

It's normal to have all of these feelings. It's really important to have a safe to tallk about what's going on emotionally, with a friend or a family member, or a healthcare professional, who can listen without judgment. Emotions build up, it's important to release them, even to take some time and vent.

Sounds like you are beating up on yourself, doing the woulda-coulda-shoulda about the past, this is also normal. The past is past. But look at your diagnosis as a turning point in your life, resolve to take the best care of yourself possible, to work closely with your healthcare team. Beating up on yourself keeps you stuck, taking charge of your condition propels you forward.

You might want to sit down with your husband and let him know that you need his support, but that you want to support him also, that you want to be a team. Let him know how you are feeling but also that you want to know how he is feeling. Don't get discouraged if this takes some time, as both of you process what is going on and deal with your own feelings. Be ready for his honesty. Be compassionate with other, patient with yourself, and with your husband.

I would also encourage you to sit down together with your physician and/or his nurse or CDE, and learn about your diabetes and how best to take care of yourself. It might also be helpful to take a class together. Knowledge is power.

Go easy on yourself. Your family loves you and wants to support you. Keep the communication going as you figure out how to maintain compliance with your diet. Change isn't easy, and this may take time and patience. Again, get some advice from your healthcare team on how you and your other family members can work together. Look at this as an opportunity to get everybody eating healthier.

And stay in touch with your friends here on Diabetic Connect! You've walked into a great support group.

RedGloves 2011-01-18 13:58:15 -0600 Report

I was diagnosed a month ago. My husband if very supportive and insists that he eat the same as I do, at least when he's around me. My teenage son is a little different, but he knows he has my genes and he's trying to make good habits. I saw a spot on TV recently that said that all Baby Boomers (and I am one) should cut out sugar, eat low carbs, low fat, mostly fish and chicken, and exercise. If they do they'll live longer and better. So . . . I guess we're even ahead of the game. We know we HAVE to do it and can't just pretend to go on with our old bad habits. But I love to cook and think it's a challenge to cook good food that works for my diet. I use nuts and flax and bran and aguave and Splenda and herb and spices and as many veggies as possible. I plan to write a cookbook someday! And I WILL lose weight. That's the up side. It will be hard, but I have no choice, so I will look so much better in my clothing! Oh, and Walgreens has some 0 carb candies and I do eat them occasionally. Lemon is my fav. It helps. (But I'm going to figure out a recipe for lemon cookies I can eat occasionally too)

thegizzard 2011-01-18 15:04:50 -0600 Report

I've fought weight issues for a long time. I was diagnosed with both renal disease and type 2 diabetes—a not so great combination! But the renal diet is much like a diabetic diet (not exactly, so don't go there unless you have a doc's OK), and I've been able to lose 23 pounds since July. Slow, but it's coming off! When I stopped thinking of HAVING to do it, and concentrated on WANTING to do it, it became much easier to stick to the diet, or way of eating. I have to eat more meat like chicken than in a strictly diabetic diet, because my kidneys need it. But I can't emphasize enough that how you view dieting is key. Sounds like you're doing fine, and write that cookbook! I want a copy!

Skiter 2011-01-18 11:51:56 -0600 Report

Can you believe all the jealosy along with hate that passed threw your mind and nervious system? I didn't either.Having to shame myself for such selfishness. If it was a store bought cookie you will soon find out how reallybad those are for you. Welcome to the world of splenda,and truvia. Cutting your sugar intake is not going to be as hard as you think.You may just have to put a little time into that lemon cookie ,but with the same results.Saving your partner and loved ones the same problem you now face.

RAYT721 2011-01-18 04:35:59 -0600 Report

First of all, welcome to our site. You will find many similar stories to yours and many genuine friends here that understand what you have, are and will be gong through. The first thing you should realize is that you did not screw up your body. Diabetes is a disease that is caused by insulin and its production (or not) in the pancreas. It is not going to be made better or worse with a lemon cookie. Once upon a time the word "sugar diabetes" was used but the "sugar" has since been dropped. All foods affect blood sugar, especially carbs in the forms or sugars or starches. It is time and testing that will let you know how your body and glucose meter is affected by certain things. Diabetes itself is an inconvenience but not a horrible disease… uncontrolled diabetes is. With that said, you will in time find out what works or doesn't work for you and no two people are alike just because they are diabetic. I know diabetics who "can" eat ice cream or bagels or oatmeal while others cannot. There is a "can" and "can't" and a "should" and "shouldn't" thing that you will learn to live by… and dismiss. As for the family, a diabetic diet (can we say menu plan) is without question healthier for everyone but should not be forced on anyone. You know how you feel … do you know how they feel? It's going to take time for you and the other members of your family to work on what is right and wrong. Get the "screwed up body" out of your mind. The keys to control are with diet, exercise and in many (but not all) cases medication. Remember… it's the pancreas and insulin that is at fault here not your parents, spouse, children or even YOU. There are sugar free alternatives to lemon cookies and just about anything you like. The diabetic menu plan does not have to be boring and tasteless. Swap ingredients for healthier versions of meals and desserts and your mind, body and soul will thank you. It won't help to force the family to put down the cookies and become militant diabetics. That may lead to resentment from all of you. With only two days (perhaps it's three now) with the diagnosis you will have questions, fears, concerns, anger and a wealth of emotions that are all completely normal. You are completely normal … well maybe not completely normal. :) … Stop, look and listen pertains to a lot more than trains. Give us a chance to befriend you… to teach and learn from you. Prayer may not help but it doesn't hurt. Looking for a friend? Add me to your friend's list anytime and drop a line. We wear enough labels in our lives that we don't need further labels given to ourselves or by others. If you read the discussions and replies here you will read many happy and sad stories from people just like you and far different than you.

ivonalvarez 2011-01-18 22:41:10 -0600 Report

Welcome rebekaha. I agree with RAY. I cant expect my husband and children to go on a diet just because I have diabetes. If you need someone to talk to you can also add me. God bless you.

rij061258 2011-01-18 01:21:06 -0600 Report

I was just recently diagnoised too. I have found some sugar free puddings and chocolates that I can eat so that I don't feel like I am having to give up all things that I used to love to eat. I have also learned that certains nuts are good for you. Pretzels are a good snack when you want something salty(at least for me). My husband and daughter is supportive me but sometimes my son-in-law thinks if he has just added a little bit of something I really shouldn't have, that it won't hurt me. When through that tonight at dinner. I'm begining to think I may have to seperate my meals from theirs on the nights that he cooks.

GabbyPA 2011-01-17 13:30:54 -0600 Report

To be honest. The entire family would benefit greatly from eating as you are going to be eating. It is healthy, not restrictive. That is a matter of changing the perspective. My whole family is eating healthier because of my diabetes. Sure, we still have somethings I don't touch, but they have changed too. The real question is are they willing to help you live a longer life? How selfish are they going to be? There is usually a middle ground that can be reached and it will seem hard at the start. But as you introduce great tasting good for you foods, they will come around.

rebekah1973 2011-01-17 14:59:51 -0600 Report

and my family is totally willing to change there diet they all agree we should eat healthier.

GabbyPA 2011-01-18 13:59:59 -0600 Report

Oh, then you are in a great place! My family says they will, until it comes down to doing it. LOL, But I have to say we have changed as a whole and are much improved.

PetiePal 2011-01-17 12:52:25 -0600 Report

Your family doesn't HAVE to change for you unless it's a super integral part of something you can't do on your own. I tried never to get into the place of getting angry, resentful or jealous of what my family could still eat because they don't have Diabetes…I do. (Well my Dad does lol so it makes it a LITTLE easier that he can't do some of it as well). A good family who loves you should be a little more mindful but it's not like they all have to go super crash course diet with you either.

Every situation is different. I've seen spouses suddenly go on a health kick and exercise with their diagnosed partner to try and get more healthy. My gf took my diagnosis last summer partly as a good excuse for us to be more active and go walking and do more active things. She's still learning what I can or can't have and tries to be mindful and not "tease" me with things but for the most part I let a lot of that go because I don't want her to have to check herself constantly and feel like she HAS to adhere to what I can only eat.

Getting upset over your situation doesn't do anything proactive to help it so good on you that you realize that! Remember…you're 2 days into a diagnosis…it's a shock to ANYONE so give yourself some time to process and realize that any changes or reactions your loved ones will ultimately make aren't instantaneous and you both will have to bear a little patience with one another while you work our your specifics!

rebekah1973 2011-01-17 15:03:15 -0600 Report

your right but like you said I am the one affected so I am the one with a load of emotion how I handle the diagnosis may be different then how you handled it. and my reaction to my husband eating his lemon cookie was i went and got a single scoop of sugar free ice cream so believe me i am totally aware that my family does not have to change because I am the one that has diabetes

Harlen 2011-01-17 10:30:06 -0600 Report

I am sory but I whent thrue the same thing lol lol lol
Now the famly can have what ever they like lol I am the one that needs to watch what I eat not them lol.I think back to how it was the first year or so and I smile lol. It was so hard all the things I was not able to have anymore but thats life .
hang in there you will get it down and you will keep it together .
There is so much to know .
One other thing you need to know is that you didnt do this to you !!!!!!!!!
It is not your falt!!!!
If you have D you where always going to get it .
Some of us may have helped it along ( me me me me )
Now is the time you get to know what you can do to keep it in check .
Best wishes

tabby9146 2011-01-17 10:10:41 -0600 Report

I also wanted to add, good thing your husband is supportive. Mine is not! he was at first, but felt he should have ALL the snacks he wanted, and he would and still does, eat them in front of me! He does not care what I eat. I get so upset still, I have "no" support at all, except on this site. None of my friends but one, has diabetes but we aren't real close. We try to support each other. His side of the family is always saying, 'oh eat it, it won't hurt you" and things like that. They think that because I am doing so well, I can just eat whatever I want. It irks me.

CaliKo 2011-01-17 10:05:19 -0600 Report

Greeetings, and welcome to DC. Don't think of it as a bad thing that your family will be sharing in your new way of eating. It's great that your husband is supportive. The changes you make to your meal planning will benefit all of you. My husband and son have both enjoyed the way I've been cooking the last two years since my T2 diagnosis, and your family might discover new favorites as well. One of the big changes was all the fish meals I prepare now, I had never been a big fish eater before, but I try to eat salmon, halibut or tuna 3 times a week now. And one or two meatless meals. And there are so many fresh fruits and vegetables in the house and on the table now. They will still choose white bread over whole wheat when they have a choice, but most of the time at home, they just eat whole wheat with me. And sure, they will add chips or sweets to meals sometimes, or sneak in a trip to a fast food place without me, but that's okay. Sometimes it bothers me to watch them or others eat things I shouldn't have, but most of the time it doesn't. I feel so much better when I'm eating what I should and my glucose is where it should be. If the cookies bother you right now, maybe your husband could take them to work and eat them there. Good luck, and just take it one step at a time.

MewElla 2011-01-17 07:57:00 -0600 Report

Hey, I think we all have jumbled thoughts when first diagnosed, we just can't wrap our heads around it. I was "off the wall" with my thoughts. Diagnosed about one year ago. It's great you have a supportive husband, this is major in my book. You need support from the family to get through the maze of learning what foods and activities drive up your test numbers. Any time you just need to talk, hop on this site, lots of great folks have helped me tremendously, and I know we will all be there for you. Good luck and God Bless you.

bobec4 2011-01-17 04:52:40 -0600 Report

Hi and welcome! I can definately understand the way you are feeling. I was diagnosed with type 2 a year ago this month. The only thing i can promise is that it does get easier to deal with. My advice to you is to learn as much as you can about this disease and ask lots of questions to anyone on this site or people you know in your personal life. As for our feelings of being a burden on others and "how bad I have screwed up my body" I totally disagree with that. Sure some eating habits contribute to type 2 but there are many other factors as well (genetics, environmental). Over time at least in my experience the guilty feelings and the cravings for sweets diminish. Just focus on getting control of your glucose and living a healthy life and you will see you can live a long and productive life reguardless of the type 2. I wish you all the best and please contact me if I can help you with anything even if its just an ear to talk to.

mom of one
mom of one 2011-01-16 22:57:14 -0600 Report

Hi..I'm new @ this as well..I was diagnosed this past Dec..I also don't want to be a burden..I just no I don't want any complications..its not easy, but I no its time to take won't go away but we can find a way to manage it..I'm going to c a diabetic counselor & hope to have a positive mtg. I suggest u do too..I had a melt down for 4 days, now I need to b strong..I lost 20lbs b/c I want my bs lowered & to feel good..plz reply & I can let u no what I find out.. :)

tabby9146 2011-01-17 10:12:23 -0600 Report

Congrats on the weight loss. That is the biggest thing, that makes the most difference quickly. When I lost weight, I was able to get off Metformin after about 3 months, that was two years ago. I found that cutting so much sugar out, allows one to lose weight so much quicker than anything else.

RedGloves 2011-01-18 14:04:08 -0600 Report

I am so glad to hear that. I didn't let them put me on meds and I am going to lose that much and not go on them. I promise, promise, promise I will. I have a trial period and I will do whatever it takes to lose that weight. Thanks for your story.

rebekah1973 2011-01-16 23:25:26 -0600 Report

i also have some classes i am gonna go to. unfortunately they do not start until february (they are free classes i have no insurance and now am not eligible since i have a pre-existing condition. i know i need to stay positive i think right now i am just having some real issues with everything my cholesterol is high and I have asthma so it is like 1 food is good for my asthma but not for the diabetes and the high cholesterol it feels like a vicious cycle

tabby9146 2011-01-17 10:08:09 -0600 Report

I can't add much to what anyone has said, but it "will" get better. The changes you make, you should see a big difference pretty fast. Good thing you are going to classes, that will help a lot. I did that too. Sorry you don't have insurance. Your cholesterol should go down a lot after eating healthy and exercise regularly. I did what someone else mentioned, when I was first diagnosed, I checked 3-4times a day, trying to see what I could and couldn't eat and how much, etc. After a while, you get to where twice a day you test and it doesn't take too long to know how foods affect you. Wish you the best!

tabby9146 2011-01-17 10:08:09 -0600 Report

I can't add much to what anyone has said, but it "will" get better. The changes you make, you should see a big difference pretty fast. Good thing you are going to classes, that will help a lot. I did that too. Sorry you don't have insurance. Your cholesterol should go down a lot after eating healthy and exercise regularly. I did what someone else mentioned, when I was first diagnosed, I checked 3-4times a day, trying to see what I could and couldn't eat and how much, etc. After a while, you get to where twice a day you test and it doesn't take too long to know how foods affect you. Wish you the best!

mom of one
mom of one 2011-01-16 23:42:14 -0600 Report

I no it seems like we have I or more issues..I wonder how long it takes to figure it all out..I also have high bp, depression & anxiety..I hope the classes go well..

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