i need help still

t0tianna
By t0tianna Latest Reply 2010-12-10 14:37:44 -0600
Started 2010-12-05 21:52:54 -0600

i'm still eating like crazy
just eating what i want when i want
i tell myself im diebetic and just so depressed when i look in the mirror
i need to loose weight
i hate this
i dont look much diffrent but i can tell a lilttle bit when i put on
certian shirts
i think its bad when i dont like to look at myself and i hate looking in the mirror
why do i eat liek this?
why cant i look myself in the face?
why does it happen like this?
i dont understand anything
im dreading the doctor visit because i've put on all my weight again
nd my uncle was like heather what happend you were looking good
and i was like idk i fond food again
and i cant help this
I NEED HELP BCAUSE I CANT TAKE THIS
all i want is to be happy
but i cant
i just want to hide in my room all day
its driving me crazy


16 replies

bace
bace 2010-12-08 17:02:59 -0600 Report

hi :) i lost a lot of weight in the beginning..was so excited and then slowly i began to put it back on.. and i was trying soooo hard to 'follow the rules'. My doctor said, your body has been 'sick' for a long time (before we are diagnosed) and now on meds, which make it better, that is the weight loss/regain…i had to learn to watch that whole glycemic index, portion size, and how many times a day i ate. I still haven't lost more than a few stinkin pounds, get seriously upset and depressed, but remember tomorrow is a new start. I have an addiction to food. Big part of my problem, i tend to slip …thinking if they don't see me eat it, it doesn't count…which is bad, but it's what i do. i have to fight myself constantly!! When i first got diagnosed, my a1c was near 13…as soon as i got on my meds (pills and insulin) my next test was 6.5! I was so happy! for the past 3 yrs i have stayed in the 5.6-6.4 range, never higher. Two tests ago, i was at 7, which my doc says is ok, but be careful…this time i went, it was 7.1. i am battling myself right now. i need to get that number down..! I hate looking in the mirror..not only looking at me, but my guilt grows when i look in the mirror. i know i messed up…again…and that makes me want to eat ..again! it is a very vicious cycle. Please , try again. start over. that's what all those tomorrows are all about. each day one tiny improvement, that's my goal now. i feel kind of proud when i turn down something bad for me. a little prouder, stand a little taller :) i can't promise everyday is going to be golden, but work on one things at a time, like saying no to yourself , just once. then tomorrow, try one again, maybe two things to help get on the right path. good luck, hope your find your strength. i am in the same boat…many of us are.

BLR
BLR 2010-12-08 15:05:09 -0600 Report

I think I know how you feel. I have feelings like that, too. And the worse you feel, the more you feel like eating.

Stop beating yourself up. Write down a couple of things you like best about yourself - your smile, the way people can talk to you, how you sing with the radio - whatever. Write it down on several cards and tape them up where you will see them often. Carry one around with you. Look at them often. You are special and you deserve better.

TRY to just eat a little more slowly. Savor the flavor. ENJOY everything you eat.

Find somethings you like to do - bike, dance, play with the dog (borrow one if you don't have one), walk with a friend, something you enjoy. And do one every day - or almost every day. Hey! you don't have to be perfect! No one is.

Pray. God knows you and loves you and will listen any time.

One day at a time. You can do it.

t0tianna
t0tianna 2010-12-10 14:36:13 -0600 Report

yes i love outside hobbies and activites but during the school year
i am always sick and when im sick i lay in bed
and sometimes i dont eat for days and i know its not good at all
like right now i havent ate since tuesday i belive
i have tonsilitious but i just had it like 10 days ago also
but when i dont eat its when im most satisfied with myself
i think its a mental disorder or something
i'm not sure if how i obsess over my body is normal

rock_fan12
rock_fan12 2010-12-07 07:11:14 -0600 Report

its not always about what you eat but how you eat yes education is good but self control is very important but just as that is key support is also another important key finding someone to talk to doesnt hurt either. we all bring something to the dicussion if you need to just talk we are here plus get out and get involved in a group talk discuss share. one thing ive learned being a diabetic means we cant go it alone we all need support in some way just keep plugging away at it you wil be amased at when you dont beat yourself up over it i will keep you in my rayers and have a nice holiday steven

t0tianna
t0tianna 2010-12-07 15:56:30 -0600 Report

well im forced to go it alone..

Eversinging1
Eversinging1 2010-12-08 12:42:39 -0600 Report

You're not alone. You have us now. 24/7 ! And we are all awesome people to know! And we care about you and will help you in whatever way we can!

t0tianna
t0tianna 2010-12-10 14:37:30 -0600 Report

yeah but at home i live with my mother
she is obease and thinks of it as she doesn't have diebeties
so she doesn't care
so while she is eating like fried fish and hushpuppies and frenchfries
i'm sitting there with a salad or something in front of my face while she enduljes
and its not easy

jayabee52
jayabee52 2010-12-06 17:43:48 -0600 Report

I agree with what Harlen said: "Its up to you to stop you".

I do want to add that how you control or don't control your diabetes ("DM") will determine how long and how healthy your life will be. If you don't take care of your DM you may develop some serious, life-threatening complications, and some really annoying and painful complications too.

And I also agree with Lynette (Realsis77) that you need to cut yourself some slack and don't be so hard on yourself. I don't think any of us got good control of our DM overnight. So just because you don't have absolute control over your eating don't beat yourself up over it. Any of us can slip & fall off the wagon. But we need to pick ourselves up and jump back on ASAP.

Praying for you,
Blessings to you and yours

James

Harlen
Harlen 2010-12-06 16:21:13 -0600 Report

Its up to you to stop you
You will need this the rest of your life , Mite as well start now?
I had 42 years of habbit to brake let me tell you it dont get easer the longer you put it off.
Best wishes
Harlen

realsis77
realsis77 2010-12-06 12:33:27 -0600 Report

Wow first you have to STOP beating yourself up!! You are being your own worst enemy right now! If you slip you MUST tell yourself ok, I've slipped but tomarrow is a new day and a new start! You are not giiving yourself any room for mistakes, this is why you can't face yourself. You MUST allow yourself to be human and make a mistake and when you do get back up and know tomarrow is a new day with a new start! You MUST STOP considering yourself a failure because your not your human ! Your a winner ! You CAN do it! I think we can beat our self up so bad we get stuck in a cycle. To break the cycle just start fresh the next day DON'T ALLOW yourself to self hate. Its destructive and your only hurting yourself!! Self talk can make orBREAK you! You must learn HEALTHY self talk.! Tell your self I CAN DO THIS! I WILL DO THIS, I AM WORTH IT! IAM A WORTHY PERSON! And if you fail give yourself a break! We are only human, dust yourself off and say TOMARROW IS A FRESH START! If you keep hating yourself you will only stay stuck in a negative cycle! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! YOU ARE WORTHY! Please remember this! I know its hard to stop those old negative "tapes" that play over and over in our heads but you can! Get a book on self affrmiations that you read daily and this will help give you strength! Put positive thoughts in place of the old negitive ones. I did this and it really WORKS! The book helps a lot because each day there is something new written to inspire you. This is a proven way to help rid yourself of the self hate tapes we play in our brains! You can get a book of inspiration and daily quotes just about any where! Probably even online just look up daily inspirations. I have faith you can do this! I truely wish you the best of luck and if you ever just need to talk, I'll be here for you! Just send me a friend request if you like. Stay strong ok. Please keep us posted on how your doing ok? Best wishes and I hope this helped you in some way!

Eversinging1
Eversinging1 2010-12-06 00:03:41 -0600 Report

Wow. I know how you feel. Been there, and still get the urge to revisit. I'm an entertainer, a singer and I can't do what I need to do because I've put on lots of weight since I got diagnosed. I had been in denial for all that time until now my feet hurt so bad I can barely walk. So I'm not able to do what I love most…for now. But, going to the doc in the morning. I have avoiding him for fear of him yelling at me for doing the same things I did before I got diagnosed. Now my blood sugar is up and I just don't feel good. I get depressed and hate looking in the mirror and wonder why I got this disease and I kept beating myself for not taking care of myself. I thought if I lost weight I wouldn't be diabetic anymore. If I exercised more I wouldn't be diabetic. It had to be something I did wrong that made me get this damn thing. But I have found, from research, and the fantastic people on this site, that it is nothing that I have done. I didn't ask for this and neither did you. My dad was diabetic. Me and my older brother are diabetic, but my other siblings aren't. Who knows why it gets some people and not others?

You can't hide. I tried. It doesn't work. The depression will come and go. Once you get to where you understand more about how to take care of yourself and you get to feeling better, things will improve. There is a lot of support available on this site. I don't have all the answers…I'm coming to grips with it, too. But you need to know that people do care about you and you are worthy of having a happy healthy life. Keep us posted on how you're doing.

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