How to deal with ignorant people?

By vgarrison Latest Reply 2008-10-01 06:16:14 -0500
Started 2008-09-26 02:27:09 -0500

I know I am still really new to this site and this disease, and I know I don't know everything, but ignorant poeple make me mad!!

Last night one of my husbands friends told me that if I would just lose weight I'd be fine (I am kinda big, I weight 245). He told my husband I'm just lazy!! I was so upset that I spent part of last night crying.

Yes it has been proven that weight loss can help with type 2, but it doesn't always clear up the problem. I have diabetes very severly in my family and I also had gestational diabetes, so I was pretty screwed from the get go.

I have been so proud of myself. I have lost nearly 40 pounds in the last month. The doctor said it't pretty normal for a person to lose weight when first diagnosed, but since being out of the hospital a week ago, I've dropped 12 more pounds.

I know I shouldn't let things like that bother me, but sometimes it's hard. Especially when it is supposed to be a friend. I know he just doesn't quite understand, but wow that hurt.

20 replies

Starfire - 23364
Starfire - 23364 2008-10-01 06:16:14 -0500 Report

Good for you!! I am so glad to hear that you lost #40 lbs. keep up the good work. I top the scale at 230.4 but I am working on it. Above all don't listen to people who talk like that they don't know whats it's like. WHAT GOS AROUND, COMES AROUND and later down the road he'll get his God is also listening. HUGS

Lori Dee
Lori Dee 2008-09-29 07:20:44 -0500 Report

When I first got my diagnosis I cried, and I talked about it a lot. I was trying to find a way to work it out in my head.

Unfortunately everyone is an expert on "sugar", I found out.

There is no replacement for educating yourself on what is happening to your body. The doctor was so excited that I was losing weight and I told her that I felt I was losing weight because as my blood sugar stabilized, I felt less hungry. She appeared quite skeptical, as if she believes the real reason I'm feeling better is because I stopped being a lazy slob.

teddybearcub1960 2008-09-29 08:26:12 -0500 Report

I know when I was diagnosed I felt the same way. I wanted to find out all I could about diabetes.

My mom was also diabetic so I did know some about the diease. I lived with her having the diease for 29 years. I was 8 when she was diagnosed so was raised with the diease. But yes there are always the ones that know more about the diease, that don't have it that the ones that do have it. I just remember I'm the one that has it and know what we can have.

kdroberts 2008-09-29 03:03:54 -0500 Report

Ask him when he will be publishing his research paper because he seems to have stumbled on something that would be very interesting to the medical community. Diabetes isn't curable. Type 2 diabetes is not about weight, it's about genetics. 20% of type 2's are at or under weight. There is also a major school of thought that obesity is a symptom of diabetes and not a cause. It would be interesting to hear his theory on diabetes and weight.

Ask him what his solution is for somebody who gets diagnosed when they are at weight. Give him the example of 6'2" and 170lbs. I'm very curious to hear.

When people are truly just misinformed and trying to help, a little bit of education goes a long way. When somebody is intentionally rude or mean about it, you should not feel upset but come back at them with something that makes them look like a complete moron. A few well chosen words at the right time can do the trick. It may just be as simple as asking for a source of the information, or you could really go for the jugular and cut them right down.

Lori Dee
Lori Dee 2008-09-29 02:01:41 -0500 Report

I found when I gained weight, and I had no idea what was going on or why I was gaining, people, especially doctors, judged me immediately. It didn't matter that I ate less than they did. It didn't matter that I hike in the woods for hours whenever I can. It didn't matter that I felt very out of control and scared that I couldn't get my weight under control.

I didn't need instant judgement from people. What I needed was to be educated. The doctor would tell me I needed to lose weight. I'd tell the doctor I was struggling. I'd tell him I felt like I was always hungry, always starving. He'd assume I had no willpower. I told him I DID have willpower. Could he imagine the will it took not to totally lose control??

Once my blood sugar was more controlled that constant feeling of hunger stopped. Did the doctors ever check me medically? No! She gained weight, she has no willpower, she's lazy, she's eating too much. Every single thing I went to the doctor for he tied in to my weight gain. I went in for an ear infection once and told him "I guess THIS is because I'm fat too??"

You have to find a doctor you can talk to and also fend off a lot of unsolicited and wrong advice from people who mean well. A lot of people don't realize that for diabetics, the bun is the worst part of the burger! You'd have been better off to order just the burger on a plate.

Charish 2008-09-28 11:35:05 -0500 Report

Hi V,

Ignorance is like a box it locks you in with no hope of escape and it's clear that this person is locked in tight. Don't allow the blind eyes of what others think is a whitful solution hurt you in the way that it stops you improving who you are. Your weight lose is wonderful and I have lost a stangering 49 pounds since April of this year and there are still 66 pounds left to go and I now weigh 236 pounds the smallest I've been since having the blood clot in 2005 and all the other complications that followed and now the diabetes test. So sweety never allow the ignorance of others stop the beautiful person you are. People will never understand completely that what they see as being helpful is really hurtful to you and the spriit you are. And I know about the tears that are spilled over the things that others do and how they never seem to stop to take the time to see just how much they have hurt me. But as My Father has told me many times IN DUE SEASON.

Don't allow this persons ignorance and either knowing or unknowing hurtful nature stop the beautiful person you are and the things you are doing to help you.

Take care … Hugs and Kisses


butterfly_8 2008-09-28 10:32:49 -0500 Report

Hi V,
I wish you could and would see that person for what he is, and that is to be pitied.
He is suffering from a FATAL BRAIN DISEASE, (IGNORANCE) and he does not even know it. He is to be greatly pitied.You just take care and concentrate on you.


G Thomas
G Thomas 2008-09-27 14:16:57 -0500 Report

Now I don't feel so bad for asking the Wendy's attendant for a sugar free frosty. Which I haven't had in 8 months. All jokes aside sweety, You hold your head up hi and keep keeping on. We are here at this sight because we are not all perfect. Everyone has something. This world does not put out healthy people anymore if it ever did. So, as for mr. perfect, I would advise prayer. There is no need in wasting your breathe on him. We have lots of arms and hugs and kisses to surround the biggest person. And we don't complain about weight or bad eatting habits or anything else. We just encourage and lift up those that need it. Weight isn't the reason for all faults. Nor is it a reason to be cruel. Ignorance is a strait that is easly come by. Unfortunately, those that have it abundantly can't get their heads out of their rear ends without the help of people like you and me and all our friends here. Seems to me you are doing well. Keep it up and we are here for you. For the good and the bad. Welcome aboard.

Bluebutterfly 2008-09-27 13:18:07 -0500 Report

I would have told this friend unless you have walked a mile in my shoes you don't know what you are talking about. This kind of ignorance relly ticks me off. If you will just lose weight all your problems will be solved.Well I have lost 80 lbs in a year. My BS got higher and the Dr. put me on Januva.

vgarrison 2008-09-27 13:44:29 -0500 Report


Second what is Januva?? I am still so new at this, I am trying to figure out what is what. When I was in the hospital they put me on an oral med for a day (dont know what kind, but I think it was melformim SP?) and for some reason the oral med made my bs go up!! Even my doctor was perplexed!!

Bluebutterfly 2008-09-29 11:14:13 -0500 Report an oral med. I take 100mgs, a day. I am also on metformin 1000mgs twice per day. I also take four glyburide5 mgs per day. I am on all oral meds. Januvia is new to me I have been on it two months,I was taken off actos and put on Januvia So far I haven't had any sie is a good site to find out about your meds. and what side effects to look for.Hope this helped

vgarrison 2008-09-27 12:42:38 -0500 Report

Today is my daughter's 3rd birthday!! We went to the aquarium in New Orleans and had a blast. My only gripe was that I forgot to pack myself "good" food and the food court there consisted of a burger stand, a pizza stand, and an ice cream stand. I ended up getting so hungry that I took 2 small bites of my daughters pizza and had a spoon of ice cream. OMG…my bs spiked to 428. It was 203 when I got up this am so it was a high to begin with but wow 428 is super scary!!

I had went to the burger stand and asked if they had anything low carb…I couldn't help but laugh at the look on the person's face. They looked at me like I had just asked for some frog legs or something. All they said was, well I think we have some buns…HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

I was able to laugh at ignorance today. It was a good day..


2008-09-27 08:37:14 -0500 Report

You Go Girl; You've already proved him wrong, You have already lost so much weight, you must be doing something right. Just because he has such an attitude, doesn't mean you should even care. Think of it this way, look what you have done for yourself, all ready, and feel good and happy about that. Like someone said in one of the earlier replies that I read. A person like that does not even earn your time and attention, or whatever, but you do. And you are the best you can be and that's all you need. Don't worry and don't spend all that time on him crying. I know you were probably feeling embarassed because this guy was talking to your husband, but you know what? If your husband did not truly love you, he would not be there now. So, I say again

GabbyPA 2008-09-27 07:08:19 -0500 Report

That is one of the hardest things to have to deal with. It just hurts so much more when they are friends. He is ignorant, and you can't fault him for that. He is also just mean, and that you can confront.

Shows how much is not known about what we deal with. The media makes fat = diabetes. It really is sucky, but unless you are walking that road, people just don't get it.

I use my husband as an example all the time, becaues his disability is very visual. For him wheelchair = useless. People talk right over him, he is ofen invisible. And yes, some people are just jerks, but for the most part they don't understand. I grew up around pepople with huge disabilities, but I did not live their life. I knew what I was getting into when I married him, but I have learned a LOT that I had no idea of once I lived life with him.

Do you know how it is for a deaf person to be at a party of talking, chatting people?
Do you understand how awkward it is to walk with a prothstetic leg?
Can you find your way to work with out your eyes and the use of a cane?

Don't fault the ignorant, help them understand. If they still want to be jerks, then it is time to say good-bye. Like Lori Dee said, don't waste your energy in that place, they are not worth it.

By the way, what did your husband say to defend you??? Maybe that is what hurt most?

seawolf1944 2008-09-27 08:11:06 -0500 Report

Hi vgarrison,
This is seawolf(preacherman).I read the inconsiderate comment,which was made towards you. Im part irish and indian. To say that some steam seemed to be comeing out of my ears would be an understatement of thev year. I would put it this way,GOD gave everyone a brain. The inconsiderate individual probably hasnt mastered the art of useful brain function. The person allowed his mouth to blast off before,his brain engaged.Since,Im in the ministry,I must refrain from useing inappropriate language,also, Im must not allow myself to lower myself to the gutter. As a minister and a fellow human,I must conduct myself as good member of the human race. Be sure to keep good pure thoughts concerning this situation. There is a HIGHER BEING,Who will deal with the inconsiderate person. Shut your eyes and think good thoughts. You will be remembered in my prayers.John

morris.js 2008-09-26 14:48:30 -0500 Report

Just to throw in my 2 cents..LOL I'm very active, and have lost a lot of weight, but that only helped my condition. I still take 2 oral meds every day, and probably will be stuck on meds the rest of my life.
I think you are doing a terrific job at taking the needed steps to improve your health. Like Patch said, you are now surrounded by people who understand and care about you and your Diabetes. Turn to us to vent your frustrations and anger so that you don't dwell on it and put yourself into a depressed state. That stress will only cause your BG levels to go up, and probalby get you to start eating things you should not.
And if I'm ever in your neck of the woods, just point the guy out to me and I will show him how a still overwieght, Diabetic that is pretty old, can still kick his butt…LOL

We are all here for you, so make sure you turn to us.
((((HUGS)))) John

marvinvwinkle 2008-09-26 13:52:01 -0500 Report

Ignorance is dangerous. It can result in a person trying to do something that will endanger their health. I hope he never gets overweight or get big D. His attitude might change. Weight plays little in the issue of D. Many Diabetics are extremely thin. I think the meds and depression causes more weight gain than anything. Just know that there are many people out here that understand and will be supportive. Don't let it get you down.

Lori Dee
Lori Dee 2008-09-26 03:00:59 -0500 Report

None of us can control what other people say. What we can do is control how much time or energy we devote to people who are not nice. This person obviously isn't someone you're going to devote any energy to, considering he sounds very inconsiderate.

Some people have opinions on everything and have the need to share them, good or bad, using no tact.

You don't have to let his discouraging words get to you. See him for who he is and keep doing what you are doing to help yourself.

vgarrison 2008-09-26 03:11:21 -0500 Report

Lori Dee,

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I do know only I can control how much time I spend dwelling on this, but it can be difficult to get it out of my mind.