By Babes6995 Latest Reply 2010-11-22 11:14:45 -0600
Started 2010-11-08 12:08:38 -0600

Hi All:

By now some of you may be tired of hearing from me, but I feel I need to talk to somebody who understands. My husband does not want to hear about how I feel. My mornings are just terrible, with the ups and downs of this disease. I sometimes feel helpless and hopeless. I just need to get this off my chest, and relate to people who go through the same things. Thank you all for listening. Does anyone go through this. Thanks again.

20 replies

Sally5 2010-11-22 11:14:45 -0600 Report

Wow, I'm new to site and I thought I was the only with depression. Thanks for posting this.

Mrs. Alilce
Mrs. Alilce 2010-11-10 10:37:46 -0600 Report

Hi Rita, You are normal. The day (or week) may go up and down. Come surfing with us. I find browsing around and bumping into "friends" can really change the course you are on from bad to good times. Someone said, "Don't sweat the small stuff…it's all small stuff." When I found I couldn't clean my house from top to bottom by noon on a Sat. morning, I fretted myself and everyone around me. It took me 4 years to really get it and to let it go. I do what I can, when I can. I pay someone when I can. I guilt my girls when they have time. So I can't walk so good, I can walk. With all the horse manure in this life, there has to be a pony somewhere lol Alice add me as your friend

Babes6995 2010-11-10 11:48:59 -0600 Report

Hi Mrs. Alilce:
Thanks so much for your support. It really means a lot to me when someone like yourself really understands where I am coming from. People who do not go through this don't have a clue as to how we feel. Thanks again, and please keep in touch.

Mrs. Alilce
Mrs. Alilce 2010-11-10 21:10:28 -0600 Report

My senior got a chihuahua last Chritmas. It sleeps with Johnny and me, #1 she makes me be active. #2 she makes us laugh #3 she takes our mind off our pain level. Are you a dog or cat person? We have 2 cats also.

Guardianstone 2010-11-10 23:33:48 -0600 Report

Two cats for us. And is #1, 2, and 3 are the same for us. They have been our nursemaids, our friends and our kids.
If you wants to take a look at our angels. At least when their sleeping. Ghost had a gentle discussion yesterday about clawing on the floor, damaging the carpet and stealing her food.
He tried to be good but temptation was too great.
He ran to the back anh hid behind his teddy bear.
I bent down and tried to ask why he thought that the rules were ment for mama and daddy.
I started to explain that 'She who must be obeyed' was not happy, and he touched my cheek, rubbed my cheek and looked adoringly at me. When I started the giggle, he snuck over and hid on daddys chest.
Dave told him he was lucky mama had been unable to speak about what he had done.
I was laughing so hard I almost pee'ed myself. I couldn't breath.
Dave's doxies were the same.
They are our children.
Guardian stone

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2010-11-09 17:19:11 -0600 Report

Hi Rita,

I would just like to add a few words of support after the excellent advice you have received from Ray and others. Feleing helpless and hopeless is a normal way to feel when you are coping with a chronic condition. But that doesn't make it any easier, I know. Sometimes just letting yourself feel how you feel, and talking with a concerned, non judgmental listener can help. Other times, the hopeless feelings don't seem to go away. Depression is treatable. I would also encourage you to think about talking with a counselor who can help you sort out your feelings, get some perspective, and also evaluate you for further treatment. Take good care of your mind, your emotions, while you take good care of your body. And stay in touch with your friends here on DC.

RAYT721 2010-11-08 17:00:30 -0600 Report

I have good news and bad news … you're normal. I go through periods of depression not only with MY conditions but with my wife's many medical conditions as well. My suggestion because I don't have answers would be to look into a counselor and/or consider medication to help with the depression. There's no doubt that you have many things on your plate. We are here for you but we can only do or say so much. It's important to take action to find outlets that will help you sort out your fears, feelings and frustrations. It's okay and understandable to go through some depression but if the depression is ruining your mind, body and soul, you should take it to the next level to get help. Some things will get better in time while other things won't go away. Love yourself and your family enough to reach out to get the help you need and that's not a bad thing. So many people are offended by the referral for counseling and that's not how I mean it. I offer it as an alternative to going through everything alone and to give the advice as a genuine caring friend. If there is anything that I can do or say, please let me know.

Babes6995 2010-11-08 17:50:07 -0600 Report

Hi Ray:
Thank you so much for listening to me and for your suggestions. I really appreciate them. Hope to talk to you soon with good news lol. Take care and please keep in touch.

Babes6995 2010-11-09 04:36:36 -0600 Report

Hi Ray:
Thanks again for writing to me. I really would like to add you as a friend, but dumb dumb here can't seem to figure out where to do it at. Can you tell me? Thanks so much. Sorry!!!

RAYT721 2010-11-09 11:21:10 -0600 Report

I am on your "friends" list now so it looks like you did it. I will send you a little note as private message. Reply when you have time.

RAYT721 2010-11-08 20:39:53 -0600 Report

Feel free to click on the photo of the ugly guy to the left and select the "add a friend" button. I don't have all of the answers but I'm wiling to bet I can get you to chuckle, laugh or at least smile.

Guardianstone 2010-11-08 13:57:04 -0600 Report

The 3 previous responses seem to have said everything I could say.
IMO They are wise.
A dragon slayer is what I became when my husband had his heart attacks. I road in on my favorite steed as I forced my lance into the eye of the dragon. It rapidly drained me and came close to kiilling me. I realized I had to relinquish my control to Dave. He needed to take on his own battles.
We are here for you if you need an ear or sholder. I'll try not to judge, and offer what advice I can. Ask your doctor if there are any diabetic clubs near by sometimes a face to face is needed. But remember that a HUG is a two way gift. It may be given or taken when the need is there.
Talk to our resident hug Guru 'Mays'. He runs the hug bank. You may deposit when you can, and retrieve when needed.
I am the virtual travel agent and there are more jokers than I can list.
Be good to yourself, and we are here to listen. Vent or rant if you need to. Laugh and smile, they help.
WOW, for not having anything to say, I did type a pageful. ;~D
God's love for all his/her children.
Guardian stone

jayabee52 2010-11-08 13:12:39 -0600 Report

Howdy Rita! Good to hear from you.

As a man I can attest that at least for me, what Caliko wrote below is true. When my wife told me her problem I wanted to get my tool box out and fix it. I would get frustrated when I couldn't. After learning that a lot of times all my wife wanted from me was comforting, and someone to emote with her, things went better with us. Of course, as the "fixer" in her life, or the "dragonslayer" in her life, I had to guard myself from falling back into those modes of "helping" her whenever a new trouble troubled her. Sometimes I would even need to ask her what she wanted from me. Was she telling me this because she wanted me to try to fix it, or did she want a shoulder to cry on and a comforting word.

As far as your question "does anyone go through this"? I have gone through a phase where I I felt helpless/hopeless and was seriously depressed. That was when I stopped taking care of myself. My wife at the time had to kick me in the pants, threaten to divorce me if I didn't start taking care of my DM.

By the way, how is your control of your DM coming?

Blessings to you and yours.


CaliKo 2010-11-08 12:20:45 -0600 Report

I'm actually at my best in the mornings, and get tired as the day goes on. But I did want to share something a smart friend of mine told me about husbands. He said husbands want to fix problems, and protect their wives. Facing the fact that their spouses have a chronic disease, something they can't fix, is difficult. Sometimes you just have to tell them that all you want is for them to listen.
And, of course, if that doesn't work, we're always here for you.

sNerTs1 2010-11-08 15:08:11 -0600 Report

Very wise friend, even wiser of you to remember to help others out too!! Was that person a man? LOL jk dont tell me!! Ive heard that as well. Men are fixers and Women are emotional doers. Its how we work. Thanks Caliko =)

runthe 2010-11-08 14:54:52 -0600 Report

I though the same thing about my husband thinking that he didn't care about my being a diabetic.

jeffrey9127 2010-11-08 13:08:55 -0600 Report

Caliko, What your friend said is very true. I feel very helpless when I can't "fix" my wife's problems. I have always felt like I am letting her down. No one wants to let down the person that they love.

RAYT721 2010-11-08 20:38:16 -0600 Report

I am with Jeffrey word for word on what he's saying. I am in the same situation. There are times I don't know what to say or do when my wife has an illness or episode. I am there for her. She knows that I am there for her. But sometimes we just don't know what to say or do and feel helpless and it may be viewed as insensitive or distant.

CaliKo 2010-11-08 16:08:56 -0600 Report

It's true, but when it's something you can't fix, just hold her hand and listen. She'll love that.