I hate my life and my diabetes

By ann042965 Latest Reply 2014-03-11 02:18:56 -0500
Started 2010-10-15 17:32:54 -0500

I am not happy being diabetic at all. I have been a diabetic since 1990. My diabetic is on controllable and my weight is getting out of control. I have high blood pressure and right know I am looking for anyone to do surgery on my belly to remove excess fat. I have all the exercise equipment, cook books, exercise help that my house can stand. I am very depress and sleep late all the time. I have also lost my big toe because of diabetes and about to lose one more. I hate this, I just wish it would go away. I sis back and think of things that I should not because it would require me to me dead. No one seems to get it…I have tried all I can try and they are all failing just like me : ( — did not match any discussions.

41 replies

Miracles 2010-11-28 23:57:32 -0600 Report

I am sorry that you are having so many problems. My frustrations seem small to yours. I do understand the frustrations. I even felt that way when I was diagnosed with colon cancer. I did find that in fighting the cancer that if I stayed positive I would get better. I think it did help and like I said in my very first note I have learned to stay positive. I succeed most of the time. It is hard when one is feeling so poorly to find the good. I pray that you will. You have many reasons to keep trying. I am still trying and I know I will be frustrated again but I will keep trying. I hope you will too.

A2Jturk 2010-10-25 14:50:04 -0500 Report

You have tremendous ability to express yourself. I’m not sure what that means to you but a person having that ability is needed in so many areas in life, that it would be sad for you to allow what you’re going through to win and consume you. Many people wish for someone with your talent. You have a gift that other people would take great pleasure because you are around. Yes, you have diabetes. That is only one aspect of your life. Many areas of your life flow in beauty and love. Can I tell you about those areas? Not at this present moment. If it wasn’t for diabetes you had dreams and plans you would pursue. Still have talents others need. Diabetes has not won. You have won. It’s time to show diabetes you are the champion of your life. I’m not writing this just to you. I’m writing this for myself as well. I’ve prayed that I would die. I go through times of losing all faith in myself and God. I’ve also found things in this life that brings hope back and I begin to realize it’s not that bad. I just have been asked to work Power Point for some people. I am getting trained in it. I am finding out that my life is more than just dwelling on what I can’t do. I hope you don’t take this as if I’m saying you are wrong to feel the way you do. I'm only suggesting that you have more to live for than just being a diabetic.

dougz 2010-10-24 06:23:20 -0500 Report

Nobody wanted to be diabetic. If we don’t like the things that comes our way and we can’t change or do anything about it, still we can change the way we look at it in positive side; only then that acceptance will be easier. It may take time but surely time soothes the agony.

Try to look around and you will discover that you have more blessings to be thankful than feeling sorry with your health condition. God bless!

lauramushkat 2010-10-23 15:40:30 -0500 Report

Sounds like you need help fast!

You dont say if you are going to a specialist or not. Someone in your posistion should be going to the best endocronologist you can get to. If you are and are at this point-maybe you need to change doctors. You MAY not be getting the best care or advice or for some reason not listening to it! You have to like and have faith in your doctor if s/he is the best for you or things go wrong!

The only people I know who are diabetics with your problems insist on going to a general doctor.

For example-regardless of having cholesterol problems or not does your dr know to put you on a cholesterol med because it is good for a diabetic?

When Januvia came out the only people I know who were given it went to an endo.

Are you tested every 3 to 4 months with all the needed lab tests?

Do you keep STRICT watch on your carbs-for me I was told to keep it 40 carbs per meal and 15 for snacks-it is only when I dont do this that my reading go bad. I have been told that few diabetics really are as careful as they should be regardless if type 1 or 2. It took me awhile to realize I am not on a diet that I can go off or on-in fact I stupidly got Halloween candy early and now not only goofed myself up badly but will be going out the day before the kids come to buy more. I have to look at it as every mistake is a learning lesson!

Speaking of food-reading nutritional labels is BORRING and makes the trip longer but I do it. Boy do I miss bannas with their high carbs and other fruits I love!

Since I am a widow who lives alone with kids who are out of the house and on their own I am able MOST OF THE TIME to restrict my diet so that I know the carbs I am eatting (and calories!!) of what I decided to, and how I eat them. I am lucky in that I USUALLY eat to live and not live to eat. Not only does this help me control things but I do not take my glucose levels 2 hrs after every time you eat like I would need to but only when I eat differently, am ill or feel "funny". If food is your problem according to your doctor why not try this-and ONLY have in your house these things. This way in order to cheat you have to get dressed and go to the store!

When you go to the doctor and things are going wrong do they change doses of your meds or whatever might need adjusting or changing?

I have other things wrong with me and my general doctor wanted to put me on certain meds-fortunatly I asked my endo who said NO they will raise your blood count and got me on other things. Even if you endo is not your main doctor, if you need one for insurance reasons, s/he should know anytime your doctor changes or gives you new meds BEFORE you start these if possible-obviously an emergency situation might make this impossible till you can get hold of your endo.

Have you gone to a Diabetic Educator? This helped me best-maybe you need to go again so I would check and see if your doc thinks it might be helpful and if so see if your insurance will help pay or if not see if you can work out a payment plan.

What has your doctor say is why you have these problems-are they really out of your control to prevent? I would think that it would then have to be a genetic problem and would investigate to see if anything can be done about that.

Am very sorry for your problems and hope something can be done about them soon!

ArkieCameo 2010-10-20 14:00:04 -0500 Report

You are important and doing good just keep up your good work and never quit IT CAN HAPPEN for sure

I do know how you feel and understand what you are talking about. I am to go on insulin tomorrow only because my insurance (PA State Access Plus) said they could not pay for my pills. Now there is more costly insulin and needles for them to pay for. My meds were only $98.00 for two months worth. I just don't have the money. UGH Insurance companies make me depressed and on insulin no one looses weight really ugh.

I was ok till they started talking insulin. The doctor made me feel like a failure—not the case. I am doing all I can and though all is going slow, it will be ok. It is like they always think we invited this desease to enter our body. They are not really human if they think that. You are doing just great. Keep your head up and as you know what to do, we are all with you that is for sure.

You are doing good and working hard I know. Diabetes is a very hard desease to work with. Just remember no matter what the doctors say, they don't really know how diabetes is working in you as it is different with everyone. As long as they get their money— and sometimes I think they get kickbacks from the insurance companies too— they will upset who they want to. Just believe in YOURSELF and you will do what is best for you.

Draw your strength from the heavens and keep going.

May God Bless You Always

Type1Lou 2010-10-20 09:23:27 -0500 Report

GET HELP! You are wasting precious time and energy in "hating". I don't think any one of us diabetics are "Happy" about having it. YOU have to get yourself to the point where You "accept" that you are a diabetic and truly recognize what it is in your control to do about it (or not do about it.) Don't try to find "easy" solutions; there are none. The surgery you are seeking may provide some help but only if you change your behavior afterwards. If you think you can "pay" to make the diabetes go away, you are only deluding yourself. Sorry if I sound harsh and insensitive. You need to seek help to overcome this depression, then recognize that you have choices and the responsibility to make those choices for you and your family. You are not the only one dealing with the diabetes; everyone who loves you is also dealing with it. Please, please seek some help.

jroddy32 2010-10-18 09:18:53 -0500 Report

hey I am new to this but check out the behavioral diabetes institute. behavioraldiabetesinstitute.org/ they focus on the emotional stresses and diabetes. I was at ROCK BOTTOM and I googled "i hate my diabetes and depression" and i happen to stumble across th BDI's website. Although I still struggle everyday meeting people who understood how I felt and respected me for doing what I do everyday made a huge difference in my motivation. I also learned that only 13% of diabetes are "in control" meaning they have an A1C of 8 or less. This quote kinda summed up my feelings:

“Think how discouraging it is to fail at something you really wanted to do. Then consider what it must feel like to have diabetes and be failing at something you never, ever, wanted to do in the first place.”

— J.W. Hoover, 1988

Please email me at jroddy@genesiscareer.edu small I would love to keep in touch with you!

I've been in your shoes and I know how frustrated you may be hearing everyone say oh you just have to do this and you gotta get up and do that. Well that was impossible for me to do! But now it seems like i am heading in a direction where I can, all thanks to the help I received from the behavioral diabetes institute and making new friends.

thanks for letting me share all that with you :)


bicker68 2010-10-24 06:11:08 -0500 Report

So happy to hear that you got the help you needed. For I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in the 90's, then about 7 years ago with Bi-Polar Disorder, so I know how it feels when you get in that rut that seems like you will never get out of. You just need help getting there.
Please do as others have done and ask for help, and Best of Luck to you.


Hinboyz3 2010-10-18 07:54:55 -0500 Report

Hello, No one wants to be a diabetic but in this life I've learned we are what we are for a reason. Now you have to pick yourself up and continue to hold on and to keep going, nothing worth having in this life is easy to get. You have to put in hard work and pain, and sometimes you have to just cry and that's alright. We all have feeling inside and we are all in the same boat and all in this together. I found out just a year ago, and I felt like I wanted to just give up on everything. Seem like I was hitting a road block after a road block. But I found this wonderful web site and it was right at the perfect time for me. It took time but I started to move in the right direction, and we all have times when we want to stop exercising and eat what ever everyone else is eating, but we just can't do that. If you don't have faith and support from family well you have a whole new family right here on this site to talk to. The wonderful thing is someone is always here for you and ready to listen to what ever you want to say. So be storng and just lean on us and reach out, things will work ourt and you will see the light at the end of that dark tunnel soon.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2010-10-17 12:33:33 -0500 Report

Hi Ann,

I was very concerned when I read your post. I am not a physician so I can't give you any medical advice. But I am give you a few words about your emotions which I hope you will find at least a little bit helpful.

The words 'hate my life' and 'depressed' set off alarms for me. I could feel your frustration as you feel your diabetes and your weight getting out of control.

There is a strong connection between mind, body, and spirit. When one aspect is out of balance, this can competely throw you off center. I would really recommend that you reach out for emotional support. Diabetic Connect is a great starting place and I hope you will keep in touch with your friends here.

I would also recommend looking for a support group of some kind and/or talking with a mental health professional who can provide you with a listening ear and give you emotional support as you face your health challenges. I would recommend talking to a professional who can evaluate you for depression and, if needed, recommend treatment.

Having a safe place to talk about how you re feeling, with people who understand and care, can be a great help on the road ahead of you. Emotional support can also help you to stay compliant, which I know isn't easy.

Don't go through this alone! And stay in touch with your friends here on Diabetic Connect!

t0tianna 2010-10-16 17:59:36 -0500 Report

i understand how u feel
i hate everything about diebeties and im never ever good enough for my doctor
its always loose more weight excorsise more blah blah i been working hard but the only way to get to there standards is i guess to look like a friggen toothpick and starve yourself nd eventually get depressed and then messes everything up
but no one understands at all nd i hatre it

ArkieCameo 2010-10-20 13:51:31 -0500 Report

ss I was going to talk to all of the ones feeling down—will post it below. Again ss I am new to this please forgive me. ooops guess it was at the top ss all I will get this down I Pray

CaliKo 2010-10-16 11:03:38 -0500 Report

Hang in there. I know its tough and you've been battling this disease for a long time, but you need to spend some time putting your health first. This community is a great place to discuss different aspects of diabetes, but only you can take control of your health and do what you need to do to feel better and be healthier. Don't try to take on too much at one time, just concentrate on what you need to do today and tomorrow to improve your situation. It takes all the little steps to make a big difference. Hugs.

ann042965 2010-10-16 16:20:33 -0500 Report

Thank you, but that is the problem…I do think of my life and health but I feel that my body just is not working with me. I have been working with doctors as well as nutritionist and I am still getting bigger.I am a walking book of problems and the bad part is it or other health problem does not run in my family. I am checking into Mexico on all the tummy surgery they have. I can not die being 5'6' 259 pounds. I exercise daily and it seems to be a total lost. The only way I can lose is not eat and drink water/flavor water all day. That is not good for me at all.

CaliKo 2010-10-18 09:12:35 -0500 Report

No, you can't live on water, you have to eat good food to be healthy. Good luck with the surgery. I know that's a big step. I'm assuming you've had other things ruled out like thyroid problems etc. that might be complicating your situation? Please keep us updated on your progress.

Ritz.P 2010-10-18 03:24:15 -0500 Report

i know this is very hard on you but i have also noticed that you've given up on it!
You have to be a fighter and fight this off..dont be so negative,dont let yourself believe that having diabeties is the end of the world!
Diabeties initially had no cure but today we have insulin..i know we're not as perfectly normal as everyone else..but hey everyone goes through some problem or the other and no problem is ever easy or impossible to handle…
Take control of your life,Be optimistic and good about yourself,believe that you can tackle this!and you will fight!
I for one hav had diabeties for 11 years now..and everyday i feel grateful that there is somehting i can do about it..that atleast its diabeties and not something more horrible like cancer or aids!(there r worse diseases that make u suffer)
atleast once i inject myself and take care of my diet i'm just another normal person walking down the street:)

Stay connected here and find some guidance..there are millions of people who care…and im sure we'll help you through this
take care:)

t0tianna 2010-10-16 18:18:24 -0500 Report

have you ever considerd having this diease called P.C.O.S
thats what it sounds like
hard to loose weight nd keep it off
had trouble or couldnt have kids
irregular peroids
exsessive facial hair
or any other places

RAYT721 2010-10-16 08:37:02 -0500 Report

Let me begin by offering you a virtual hug for all that you have, are and will be going through. Having a disease, any disease, is an emotional roller coaster. Those feelings, fears and frustrations that you have are completely normal but taken to the extreme can be damaging to your mind, body and soul. Might I suggest adding a counselor to your support team? This could help with the motivation to wake up earlier and looking forward to each day and whatever is thrown at you, accepting the challenges and get results from your efforts. Having a house full of equipment and cookbooks and the things that many of us wish we have is actually a blessing but if you don't have the motivation/energy to put them to use is actually not going to help you. If your doctors aren't helping you, it's time for a new doctor. If you are not listening to your doctors, it's time for a new attitude. I can't cure your disease and I can't help with the depression but I can offer you an understanding and compassion. I can offer you a genuine concern and friendship. I want your next discussion message to be one of progress and determination. If there's anything I can do or say to make that happen, won't you let me know? I truly believe this website is a community / family and we are here to cheer you on, pick you up, swap tips and tricks but we can't do is get you to take action. That's something you have to take on. I hope that I am not the only dumbbell that you're planning to spend time with today.

ann042965 2010-10-16 16:29:40 -0500 Report

thank you very much.i wish I could change doctors because he does not listen to me but my insurance will not let me. I have been able to do all what I can with all that I have but it just does not work. The last two things I have tried was the Sensa diet which set me back by about 250 bucks and nothing happen, and the 6weekbodymakeover set me back about 198 bucks. I seem them I try them then I wonder what model or air brushing technique did they use. I always give them the time allowed but then I feel like Oprah when she lost weight and then it came back triple.

jayabee52 2010-10-16 03:36:59 -0500 Report

I think that most people here are not happy being diabetic. But you've come to the right place IMO because most of us here can attempt to understand what you're feeling, as opposed to someone who has no diabetes.

I am not happy being diabetic either, but I am and I must either control it, or it controls me.

You say you "have all the exercise equipment, cook books, exercise help that my house can stand" That is great! But excuse me for asking, do you actually use them consistently? I used to have an expensive Schwinn Airdyne exercise bike. I didn't use it consistently (except as a clothes hanger - LoL!). It didn't do me any good if I didn't use it.

I believe you are ABLE to control your diabetes and your weight if you really WANT to! It is not easy, but it can be done with some determination. Please read the stories of those who HAVE succeded in bringing their diabetes under control and/or their weight down. I don't think any of them would say it was easy, or that they liked having to do what they did ,but they were determined to do it, and they did it!


I like bear69's story

It is good you felt the need to vent about your disease. Keep coming back and ask your DC family to help you sort things out.

I echo Guaridanstone's sentiments

"We care - God cares"

God's blessings to you and yours


Guardianstone 2010-10-16 09:38:32 -0500 Report

Thank you James.
Trust in God.
Hugs for all who need them, all who want them and all who don't want them.
Their contagious. Take a few, give when you can.
Guardian stone

Still got the migrane (down to +3) Much better.

Guardianstone 2010-10-15 20:24:15 -0500 Report

Dear Ann;
please don't do anything that will hurt yourself.
There are too many people every day that give in to the black hole of depression. Don't let the bastard win.
Weather or not you know it, you have reached out to family. We care what happens to you. Let us offer a life preserver.
We care - God cares.
Guardian stone

Guardianstone 2010-10-16 09:50:29 -0500 Report

Are you alone where you are?
Fight, We will give you support, if you want it. Let us know.
Keep your family (us) know what you need.
Migrane or not I'll try. I have the strength, so can you.
I have had to learn that this year.
I hope and pray that your life lessons are gentle.
I pray that you 'DO IT FOR YOURSELF! FIGHT!'
Guardian stone
Be a warrior (H)s

ann042965 2010-10-16 16:50:58 -0500 Report

No I am not, I have my 5 kids to take care of and I tend to see the look they get on thee face when we go places and thee friends mom can run or climb stairs. I have put on the most weight since my knee and toe removal surgery.

Trudie Ann
Trudie Ann 2014-03-11 02:18:56 -0500 Report

Don't give up. You do have something wonderful in your life - 5 children who I just bet love you. They may not know how you are hurting emotionally. Talk to them, ask them how they feel, then tell them how you feel.
I also hate being diabetic but I could never hate my life. 3 children and 8 grandchildren, a wonderful husband, and a dog. I know they all love me and I love them. That makes my life worth living for me. You need someone to talk to that can understand these feelings you have and help you. Not just family and friends but a professional, and if you believe in God even talk to a minister.
I hope you get all the specialized treatment you need including the weight problem. Don't give up. Never say never.

Guardianstone 2010-10-16 18:17:36 -0500 Report

Ann I'm going to give you a homework assignment.
Sit down with your kids and have them tell you what they are greatfull for. Write it down and dd something every week for a month. You don't need to send it out. Keep it where it can be seen. At the end of the month go over it with the kids. Maybe it can help. If it works give the assignment to someone else in need.
Smile, it keeps em guessin.
Guardian stone

Bear69 2010-10-15 20:15:08 -0500 Report


Im not going to say its easy because its not. I my self felt like you before. Asking myself,,,why do i hv diabetes? and so on. Keep at it hun!! keep at it!!

Let me tell you a story if i may.

This woman was going to swim across the pacific. Her day came to start & on she went. simmimg & swimming & swimming day, night, rain, stormes, you name it it came and she kept swimming.
Here it is now she has been swimming for months!!! Then one morning there was a heavy fog, she was very very very tired and she began to think that this was a bad idea & that she started to think that this cant be done and that she cant go on no more. The new people told her to keep going her trainers and other people in boats also were tell her and shoting,,,DONT QUIT!! but no one could see past the deep deep fog. She was drained, tired.
Then she said the words on national television. "I cant go no more" Then she said , "Pull me up" And on to the boat she went. It was 6am. Reporters taking pictures and trying to ask her questions, The Dr's making sure she is ok. By this time it was 8:15am. No one had noticed that the fog had cleared up but one man when he shoted,,,"HEY EVERYONE!!!! LOOK!!!! People stopped what they were doing and looked up,,,everyone was quite and were just looking.
The woman looked up,,,But only to see that if she had kepted swimming,,,she saw that she was only 20 feet from land. 20 feet from her goal. Because she Quit.

Ann,,,right now your fog is thick and you cant see whats on the other side.
DONT QUIT! Dont do what this woman did. you dont know how close you are to make a break throught.

Thomas Edison on his 104th try. He got the light bulb to work. What if he never went that 104th try???



Chrissy6341 2010-10-15 18:13:30 -0500 Report

Don't give up like mo says. It does get better. Have you tried seeing a psychologist? Talking to your Dr? A friend? I have been there and even tried it, it is not worth it. The people you love would be hurt. Please seek help, believe me it does benefit you.

ann042965 2010-10-16 17:05:08 -0500 Report

Thank You, Yes psychologist which I can only see every other week. That is as much as my insurance can pay for. they give me a new one every 6 mths because they are in training. I try not to give them that much because in 6 month I have to start all over again, huhhhhhhhhhh.

jayabee52 2010-10-16 17:27:36 -0500 Report

In cases like that I have written up a "case history" written from my perspective and give it to the new therapist on the first meeting. Then they have - or should have - background on you in time for your 2nd meeting (I have a 2nd copy with me at the 2nd and 3rd meeting so if they want to refer to something you have your own copy to read). I kept it updated for the next therapist as best I could. Most of the therapists I have done this with found it useful.

mo91108 2010-10-15 18:00:18 -0500 Report

Don't give up. It gets hard, but it most certainly can get better. Do you have insurance? I don't know how much you weigh, but I know that my cousin's insurance paid for his wife's lapband surgery and she lost a lot of weight. I really hope you won't give up. I'll pray for you.

Good Luck & God Bless

- Monica

ann042965 2010-10-16 17:09:35 -0500 Report

Hi mo91108, that is the type of surgery I have been trying to get. Medicaid makes it hard to do and my weight is 259 on a 5'6" frame. My BMI should be a lot lower than 39+ and my weight should be per them about 160…

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