By vgarrison Latest Reply 2010-11-06 01:47:38 -0500
Started 2010-10-12 14:02:38 -0500

Not really guilt from being Diabetic, but guilt for not always doing what I am supposed to do. I checked my bs last night for the first time in weeks, also not taking my meds…and oh gee what a suprise, my bs was 501. I have not seen my dr in a while due to losing my insurance, but I don't even want to think about what she would say if she saw what I'm sure is a very high A1c.

So I am starting over again from square 1, and I'm trying to get back the feeling of gung ho that I had when I was first diagnosed. Damn it, I want to see my daughter grow up and graduate high school, get married, and have kids of her own, so why do I keep doing this?

Sometimes I feel like a recovering addict and I keep relapsing…

Thanks for letting me get all this off my chest…now I'm gonna go walk for awhile!!!

Blessed Be

11 replies

Rjhill74 2010-11-06 01:46:13 -0500 Report

I havn't checked my bs in a few weeks. I try to take my meds as prescribed. Sometimes when you don't have the meds its hard to keep up. I just get in these times that I guess I need to take a break. I do get back to checking. Everything is so stressful and after a while it gets to be too much for me. I'll start back again. I don't want to stop taking care of myself. I do want to do better. I am feeling better since I started coming here. I'll encourage you and you encourage me. I'm here if you want to talk.

cordovagirl_93 2010-10-18 20:22:01 -0500 Report

Take care of yourself. I know you hear it alot being a diabetic but it's true. What if your kids or your grandkids get it? You might not be around for them to talk to. My grandfather had diabetes but he died before I was diagnosed. No one else in my family has diabetes so I feel alone I am dealing with it on my own.

Rjhill74 2010-11-06 01:47:38 -0500 Report

I know what you mean. It would be so much easier if I wasn't the only one in my family. It is hard to stay on track when nobody else has to eat right or take meds and such.

trkdriver 2010-10-13 16:03:01 -0500 Report

It is very important to control your sugar, after 19 years of letting mine run wild i am losing my eyesight. the bad part is complications will slip up on you!! It is a everyday struggle and hard to deal with i know but worth it when you keep it under control to feel good everyday!! Know that you are not alone, I have turned to god and it has helped me alot. Keep fighting!!!

SHAFLEH 2010-10-13 13:51:57 -0500 Report

Hi Vicki. As you i also fall off the wagon alot. It is very hard to suddenly change your lifestyle. it is however very easy for a doctor to tell you what to do as if its so simple. I too have too high of an a1c that i avoid going to the doctor. i feel like a failure. but i do want to live a healthy long life and the only way to do it is to tighten my belt and move on and take care of myself. Good luck to you!

mas14years 2010-10-12 23:12:10 -0500 Report

I do not think there is a diabetic out there who is perfect. It is hard, very hard to do what is expected all of the time.. I remember when I was diagnosed I was twelve at that exact moment you are expected to change everything you do, how you do it, and just except it.
You have to take your medicine though, please!!!!! I have so many problems from the diabetes, please take care of yourself.. You are too important to let your self go…
You should be able to get insurance through the government. You need life sustaining medication. You should check into it. Insurance is a must on the check list after the word diabetes enters your life..
You will be in my daily prayers and if you need to vent, or talk, I am always here.
God Bless and Good Luck,

Elrond 2010-10-12 20:51:34 -0500 Report

Vicki, please don't be as hard-headed as I was. I managed to mostly ignore my diabetes for more than 30 years. I took meds and even insulin but I rarely tested and I didn't pay much attention to my diet. As a result, I had a near-fatal stroke at the age of 43 in 1994. The stroke forced me to retire and that cost me my medical insurance. Because I wasn't financially ready to retire, I wound up in bankruptcy court. Eventually, I lost my house and new car. Then, when I thought things couldn't get worse, my neglected diabetes presented me with a near-fatal heart attack. Fortunately, I had the VA as a back-up for medical coverage and I now exist with a pacemaker and an insulin pump. Please take control of your diabetes before it's too late.

GabbyPA 2010-10-12 20:31:20 -0500 Report

Vicki, I was in your shoes just a few months ago. I knew I needed to go to the doctor, but I was afraid because I had been doing so well and then suddenly it all unraveled. It is hard to change all those things so fast. It took a life time to create the habits you have. A year or two is not enough to really kick them, and kind of like an addict....that little taste can sometimes be the start of a downward spiral. Just knowing it is a huge step. Getting in to have that talk with your doctor is the next step to take. Just own up, and move on. That is the great thing about tomorrow' get to start all over again. I am planning a much better doctor visit next time. I don't care how big or little the improvement is. I just want improvement. I know you do can do this. We are here to help any way we can.

CaliKo 2010-10-12 17:20:41 -0500 Report

Hi Vicki,
Don't waste your energy feeling guilty. Just take charge of your health and decide how you are going to change your habits. Maybe plan out a menu for the week, and make a shopping list. Figure out when, where and how you can exercise. Be realistic, and work up slowly. Make plenty of veggies ahead of time and have handy for snacks and to add to your meals. I know what you mean about feeling like an addict. I feel like a food addict, but after two years of eating well, I'm addicted to different foods now. Like roasted red bell peppers and blueberries and jicama. And I have to get my exercise in every day or I don't feel right. It gets better and easier, especially when you start seeing good results.
Good Luck!

RAYT721 2010-10-12 17:17:48 -0500 Report

Welcome Back!!! It is awesome that you are putting in writing your intent to get back on track. It is also beneficial to add the "reasons" for the commitment. You were on track before and CAN do it again. As for the insurance thing, I recently wrote an article called "Resources" that may offer some medical/financial assistance to you at this time of need. There are programs out there but they won't come to you so hopefully something on the list can benefit… something in the way of help is better than nothing. It is "okay" to fall once in awhile but to realize the fall before you hurt yourself, put yourself back up, and move forward instead of backwards. Think of DC as a home… and remember that home is where the heart is. We luv ya!!!

Harlen 2010-10-12 15:09:35 -0500 Report

Guilt no and I never look back only take care of what I need to do to fix it
You are the only you there is,Dont lwt your self down.
Best wishes