Am I cursed?

By Guardianstone Latest Reply 2010-12-03 10:28:09 -0600
Started 2010-09-30 04:49:17 -0500

I have type 2 diabetis. I have high blood pressure, chest pain, childhood trauma, bad knees, had 5 strokes, stroke damage to right side of body, arthritis, allergies, COPD, foot neuropathhy, anxiety, depression post traumatic stress, insomnia, RLS, migranes, over weight, mental distress, panic disorders, hyper extension of the joints (double jointed), loosing vision, hearing loss, memory loss, nerve damage, wrecked wrist, broken ribs, broken nose, whiplash, swollen disk, slipped disk, hernia, mole removal malpractice, miscarriage, broken toes, root canal and tooth disintigration, menapause and others.
I know it sounds like I am a hypochondraic, but each item has been confirmed with a medical diagnosis.
I have been abused as a child, terrorized, traumitized, and been through hell on earth. Have I been cursed.? Am I a decent of Job? Is it that God has said there's just something about you that pisses me off? I know he loves me. I know I am ranting but I need to know. am I cursed?

Guardian stone

78 replies

Anonymous 2010-12-03 10:28:09 -0600 Report

Ok cursed? Different curse but I feel the same Why ME. I don't have a husban/boyfriend. I think I'm ok. I'm overweight but fit. I have been told I'm pretty. I do stuff, have friends, enough money to manage, help my kids a bit and I have taken some great trips. My husban of 25 years left me for a younger/thinner woman (I know it happens). I had a hard time getting a date, but finally met a man I though was great (totally different for the Ex). He left me for a younger woman. I haven't dated since. Yes I have tried all the dating sites. NOTHING. I just don't get it AND I can really feel sorry for myself if I think about it too much. WHY me? How did those other women find loving, caring men?

efevers 2010-12-03 01:49:25 -0600 Report

Behind all of that, the answer is: you're cursed if YOU think you are. You can also be blessed, if YOU think you are. As a person thinketh, etc, etc…

hoss07 2010-12-02 18:48:03 -0600 Report

If your cursed then i must be cursed right with you. i am a 40 year old male, i have type 2 diabetes, i have problems with my liver, i have blood pressure problems, i have cholesterol problems, i have this thing called trigeminal neuralgia to my face, i have gastroprisis, my legs and feet hurt. So i am on your boat right with you.

Armourer 2010-12-02 18:15:42 -0600 Report

Not cursed at all, appears to be some bad DNA in there. I can relate to half of what has happened to you, or you have been diagnosed with. I attribute it to bad genes, poor early lifestyle choices, and just plain getting old. Best to you!

Brenda_B 2010-12-02 18:29:02 -0600 Report

I had to smile… I always say my next life I'm going to pick my parents better!… LOL… I have all the problems my parents had and all the ones they caused. I have spent a lot of time in therapy and had a lot of surgeries. I'm better than I used to be!

kafie 2010-10-26 01:02:01 -0500 Report

no you are not cursed .i feel that with me i am being punished for my past.

Guardianstone 2010-10-26 03:59:10 -0500 Report

Oh my dearest Kafie;
don't feel you are being punished for your past.
God forgives us. All you need to do is ask. You pray for others. You forgive others their faults. You are forgiven. Job's job has already been filled. Don't take on what is not yours to take.
I wrote this earlier, but it vanished before I could post. I hope it helps.
If you want to talk, I'm here.
Don't hold the pain in. I'll listen. Holding everything in will make you sick. (yes, worse than you are now.)
If you want, I can write you a vertual vacation. Let me know where (Chicago jazz club, Marti Gras, Grand Canyon), any special things that might help.
Guardian ston

kafie 2010-10-26 23:20:23 -0500 Report

my dearest guardian stone; thank you so much for listening to me. im49 and have a male friend that i have been with for 10 years and he just says he doesn't want to hear what i have to say. i took care of my mom the last 5 years of her life .my mom past away last July and there was a lot of thing that happened in my past that she would not talk to me about that happened. I tried and she would only say i don't want to talk about it.I know that if all i do is keep it in will make me even sicker.i am glad that there is people like you who are willing to listen .your a angel.

Guardianstone 2010-10-26 03:59:10 -0500 Report

Oh my dearest Kafie;
don't feel you are being punished for your past.
God forgives us. All you need to do is ask. You pray for others. You forgive others their faults. You are forgiven. Job's job has already been filled. Don't take on what is not yours to take.
I wrote this earlier, but it vanished before I could post. I hope it helps.
If you want to talk, I'm here.
Don't hold the pain in. I'll listen. Holding everything in will make you sick. (yes, worse than you are now.)
If you want, I can write you a vertual vacation. Let me know where (Chicago jazz club, Marti Gras, Grand Canyon), any special things that might help.
Guardian ston

Guardianstone 2010-10-26 03:37:02 -0500 Report

I understand what you said, but don't blame yourself or your past.
God forgives our past. He/She (or whatever you believe in) doesn't punish us if we ask for forgivness. I really do know what you mean.
You pray for others. That means you believe in a higher power. Ask for all you think you might have done wrong is forgiven. You know you are forgiven. You aren't Job. It's not your place, or job.
Soap box done.
Let me know how you are.
Gods love
Guardian stone

kafie 2010-10-26 00:53:11 -0500 Report

i two have alot of your diagnosis and same past.i also thought that i to was cursed.i pray for help . i also tried talking to someone but now i just keep all inside because i have have no one who will listen . you are in my prayers

goldio 2010-10-18 10:29:03 -0500 Report

I just about have all of your diagnosis (I was was wondering if I was cursed too but I doubt its a curse). In my case I was not cared as a child in all ways so I did not learn to value myself. My food obsession was from not having enough to eat growing up An example of a typical dinner 1 box of the small Kraft macaroni and cheese for 4 people IDK if back in the early 80's that was enough to feed a family but that's only a little snackish side dish IMO and has no nutritional value well whatever I am here with my new friends talking about me and getting validation letting me know I deserve to be happy and healthy. Thanks for posting this question my answer to you is it's not your fault and you deserve love everything about yourself IDK why you have all theses things that bring your health down . I just want you to know you are not alone and I can relate to what you go through.
One love

Guardianstone 2010-10-18 12:25:34 -0500 Report

Hello Goldio;
I am so sorry you were mistreated as a chirr wasld. We had food and care(of a sort). I wish you hade your childhood over again with a loving family.
I was premature at 7 months. My mother was abused while caring me. I was 1 lb and lost weight after birth. As with he I was abused as a child. My sisters and brother were also abused. (We discovered this as adults.)
None of us are healthy. It isn't our faults, but we pay for what was done to us every day.
I understand what you are going through.
We are worthy of self respect, and LOVE.
If you need to talk, I will listen. I try not to judge what has happened in the past.
(((H)))s to all
Guardian stone

outrigger1945 2010-10-06 07:37:51 -0500 Report

I know how you feel and hope things will get better.
I don't have us many problems us you but I am on my 4 Dr. and still no answers. Doing tests after test giving me new meds all the time. I have insurance but they only pay 80%. Right now I cant have any more ex-rays because it could affect my health. One Dr gave up on me and send me to an other this one pratices the same med and wouldn't you know he found more tests to take. I was in so much pain yesterday I almost passed out and was debeting if I should go to the ER. It passed after hrs. This is an every day thing. All they doing is sending me to Dr. to have my gallbladder taken out and 3 of them said no. Going this week for an other gallbladder test. I am scared and want to give up. I also feel there are manny people out there they are worse of then me but I keep asking god why why no help.

Guardianstone 2010-10-06 11:12:32 -0500 Report

I feel the pain. You are not alone here. We can survive. We are better than our illnesses. I just got back from a walk. My BS was 359 this morning, and I walked through the apartment complex. We had a storm last night that damaged trees, cars, the exercise room, and the landscaping here. Rain, hail, winds, and flash flood. The parking lot and sidewalks are a mess. I walked for about 45 minutes and dropped to 313. Feeling shaky and drained. I'll test again in about an hour.
Off on a tangent again. I haven't hit this high in a while.
Try a bit of walking, maybe a hobby or craft, a long bubblebath, some meditation, I have used a meditation dvd with a stationary bike. Talking with family or friends may help.
Whatever you do, DON'T QUIT!!!
If I can drag myself out of the doctors, medicines, ex-husbands, illnesses, side effects, and my spouse geting worse every day (one foot in the grave, the other on a bananna peel), we can all do it.
Remember someone is worse off than you. God hasn't given up on them eather.
Thank you for talking to me. I feel better. I hope this has helped. If not, many others will offer help. (((HUGS)))
Gods blessings
Guardian stone

PS try vertual hugs 2010. Mays is very insiteful.

moody_mom 2010-10-06 02:16:09 -0500 Report

You know, I am sure that there are some days we all feel that way. No matter if you have 1 or 100 things to deal with, we all get overwhelmed. I was told a long time ago that when something hurts us, it cuts into our soul. But when we heal , that spot that is left can be filled with more love. I know that what I have been through has left deep scars but I know that now I am filled with love from my family and many others who really know me. I see my personal pain as a way to grow. Look past the hurt and fear to the hope and love on the other side.

Kaiyle 2010-10-05 15:22:08 -0500 Report

Hello my lovely friend. I'm glad you were able to vent your frustrations rather than leaving them bottled up inside. I hope you feel somewhat better, now that you have released those emotions. Write it out, shout it out, cry it out, stump it out, you just get it out and feel much better. Oh, and nothing as beautiful as you are could ever be cursed!!!

Guardianstone 2010-10-05 15:49:01 -0500 Report

dearest friend, I understand your worde of wisdom. I am blessed with family members like you. Cursed isn't the right word. I think it is closer to infected. Thats not right eather. It isn't easy to explain.
I noticed your picture has changed. Looks nice. Take care of yourself.
Guardian stone

poseidon43 2010-10-04 21:49:13 -0500 Report

Guardian stone, you must be an amazing person. Your name that you chose shows that you are a pillar, a strong force. I promise you are NOT cursed. I too have had some of your issues, at least 9 of them (I don't like calling them problems, it sounds too depressing), and I know that they can at times be extremely annoying and painful, but some of them can be reversed or at least feel like they are getting better. For instance, and no I'm not a doctor, but I had neuropathy, 4 bulging discs, insomnia, bad knees, arthritis, and edema, just to mention a few, for 10 years until 2 years ago when my grandson was born. It was the happiest moment in my life. Let me tell you my doctor was shocked and amazed at how that little baby changed me. I was so thrilled that I had actually lived long enough to see my first grandchild be born that some of my symptoms just started to go away. We don't know if it was endorphins or what, or maybe I subconsciously realized I had something very special to live for, I just don't know, but I took that and ran with it. My doctor tells me that I'm the healthiest diabetic he's ever known and it's all my grandsons fault. hahaha How ironic is that! hahaha Good friends and family relations and God will be your strength, your rock. Just like I'm sure you are for others. I don't know you, but I can pray for you. I very much believe in prayer, even if I'm not a church goer. I know in my heart God listens. I believe He truly does hear us. Find a happy place, even if it's in your mind and go there to think and to relax, and to calm your fears. And remember that you have people here who will give you that extra little boost to raise your spirits or self esteem, all you have to do is… ask and ye shall receive. (pardon the pun.) There is a bright side to everything, it just depends on how you look at it.

theladyiscrazy 2010-10-04 13:18:27 -0500 Report

Guardian Stone,

I can relate on many levels with your post. I have to remember that no matter how bad I have it, there are always others that are far worse off than me. I do have a house, food, and a loving family. Granted there are days that are much more difficult to go through than others.

I also had to realize that it is okay to feel bad about my situation at times. I am allowed my feelings, whether they are positive or negative in nature. I just try and not stay negative too long. Sometimes I need to go rest, sometimes I just need time alone, and others I need someone to come alongside and "pick me up". This site is great for that as well.

Hang around, others can help you through this time period.

Guardianstone 2010-10-04 15:15:26 -0500 Report

Thank you very much. With help from my DC family I am comming out of my depression. I knew I was in trouble when I heard my husband was not going to survive ths heart condition much longer. I didn't cry. I didn't know what to think. I was loosing him. About a week later it hit me. I was in a dispair that was gradually being taken over. I wrote 'cursed' during this time. I feel better, I can cry. The message from Dr Gary suddenly released the genie from the bottle. I thank everyone for seeing that I was screaming with bottled up rage, terror, and a darkness of the soul. Family needed for ages, found during dispair, and blessed are the family of man.
Guardian stone

Lisa07 2010-12-02 22:49:44 -0600 Report

hang in there i hope you feel a bit better. try take one thing at a time, sorry about your husband condition. take care now!

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2010-10-03 11:14:19 -0500 Report

Hi Guardianstone!

It was with sadness that I read your post. To say that you have been through a lot, and continue to go through a lot, is an understatement. I won't assume that I am in any way in possession of the words that might make you somehow feel better. But I did want to tell you that it is normal to ask 'Why me?' when faced with a medical diagnosis or, in your case, multiple medical diagnoses. You may not come to an answer, but it is only human to ask that question. Asking 'Why me?' helps us to get in touch with alll of the emotions that health challenges bring up, like anger, sadness, frustration, and fear. Emotions don't go away by themselves -- take a deep breath and let them out!

I would encourage you to find a safe place, or a few safe places, to talk about your emotions. Diabetic Connect is a great place to find support among sympathetic, caring people. You mgiht also want to find a friend or relative who can listen to you without judgment or trying to fix you. I would also recommend talking to a mental health professional who can help you to sort out how you are feeling and help you to maintain your perspective on life.

It sounds like you also have a spiritual connection. That's really important as well. Health challenges bring up a lot of questions about meaning and purpose in life. And practices like prayer, meditation, and just connecting with the things in life that help us to feel peaceful, can be a big help in staying centered.

This is a tough road that you are on. Stay connected to people who can give a helping hand along the way, starting right here!

Guardianstone 2010-10-03 13:18:25 -0500 Report

Thank you Dr Gary;
Ihank you. I am so very happy that I found this site. I have been better than when I wrote that post. I started writing something that day, and it went in a direction I never ment to send out. My other group had just worked on wrighting out 'What you are greatful for'. Something snapped and that was the result.
I've talked to many from DC and screwed my head back on straight. While reading your message I broke into tears and had to pause to catch my breath. Since I couldn't run for the meds, I tried some meditation.
When Pres. Obama's Health care plans hit Arizona I lost my insurance. My meds and doctors went next. My psych's mew management has gone with insurance patients only. I understand but I was with them for five years. My family (non-DC members) are in Michigan.
If you want a laugh (very dark humor) I didn't even talk about my husband's illnesses/disabilities. Lets just go with the biggie. He is an end stage heart patient. His folks are from Mo.
Sorry, meditation isn't working right now. Going for a walk. I'm fine. Don't worry I don't, and won't do anything to hurt myself. Just need to clear out the cobwebs.
I'll talk more later. For now rest assured I keep going. Sometimes it takes longer if I stop to blow my nose.
God bless
Guardian stone ;~)

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2010-10-03 14:04:03 -0500 Report

Hey Guardianstone!

Thanks for the quick turnaround on an update. Sometimes we just need to ventilate about how we are feeling, angry, frustrated, sad, plain old crappy. That's because we happen to be human beings. The wonderful thing about Diabetes Connect is that a lot of people here are going through the same thing and are willing to listen, knowing that you are willign to do the same.

With what you and your husband are dealing with, you certainly have a right to vent. I'm glad it helped.

Going for a walk is a great way to de-stress, and actually, a good way to meditate.

Thanks and keep us posted!

Guardianstone 2010-10-03 14:57:05 -0500 Report

I'm not sure where my post went, so I'll try again.

Dr Gary;
thank you. You timed it just right. Walking helped. I'm better - calmer. Still confused, but thats nothing new. You and DC family have been wonderful.
Guardian stone ยข(: -)

Guardianstone 2010-10-03 14:48:22 -0500 Report

Dr Gary;
You timed it right. Just got back. Thank you, I feel calmer. Still confused a bit. (my normal state). I'll be fine.
Guardian stone

leolioness 2010-10-01 20:19:49 -0500 Report

It would be easy to feel that way, but what you need to do instead is to take the focus off yourself, and put it on others less fortunate. Vounteer at a senior center, perhaps feeding those that cannot feed themselves, or serving food at a homeless shelter or mission (that sort of thing). You will soon realize that maybe you don't have it so bad, afterall. They say God doesn't give you anything more than you can handle, so you must be a very strong person, indeed. Put this strength that God gave you to good work.

Guardianstone 2010-10-02 10:29:42 -0500 Report

I have volunteer work but this isn't enough. When depression turns black I try not to be around others.
This place has a feeling of an old tattered robe. Your favorite, it makes you feel loved, and warm deep inside.
I'll try not to dump too often. That gets tiresome. If it happens too often people tend to slip away, tired of the same old thing.
Trying to keep a good face.
Guardian stone

leolioness 2010-10-02 10:58:29 -0500 Report

Good for you…and I agree that noone can afford to isolate yourself with these feelings, so it is okay to "Dump" them occasionally. Try to find positive outlets where these dark feelings can be washed away. The use of visualization can do this…gather up those negative feelings and put them away in a box, not to be opened until some other time! Keep upbeat and hang in there, my friend!

Guardianstone 2010-10-02 11:20:42 -0500 Report

Hello again my friend.
I use grounding for panic and depression. Sometimes it works. Visualization usually sends me deeper into the pit of darkness.
I've been told most of my life that I have a vivid imagination. I can see very clearly what is being discribed. Sometimes with that sight is a smell and sound.
Why couldn't my imaginatiion be good for wrighting, or some other cash cow?
Gudardian stone

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2010-10-05 11:27:55 -0500 Report

Hi! I know what you mean about visualizzation. Once your imagination takes over and goes to town, there is no predicting where it will go. But most likely, it won't be relaxing. It makes you wonder what kind of visualizing some of the fiction and movie script writers must do. I find it helpful just to sit quietly, with my eyes slightly open, and listen to my own breathing. Keeping my eyes slightly open helps me to avoid dozing off or 'visualizing.' Listening to my breaths is a way to calm myself. It certainly helps when my mind is all over the plce. Have you tried this? Please let me know when you have a chance.

Guardianstone 2010-10-05 12:06:29 -0500 Report

Dr Gary,
when I first started therapy, they taught me about visualization, grounding, and meditation.
Breathing exercises were part of the process I have excelled with.
Thank you for the suggestion. I have a dvd/cd called Spirit Canyons. It has a native Indian fluite and highlights of a flight through the Grand Canyon. Flowers, water, clouds, and nature at it's finest. This is an American Indian meditation answer for the exercise room. I put this on and ride the exercise bike or treadmill. I relax and walk/ride in peace.
I found this at Walmart on that display for meditation music.
Thank you
Guardian stone

Guardianstone 2010-10-06 01:58:21 -0500 Report

You have been a fount of knowledge, please keep helping when you can.
Have you found any help for your diabetic patients that can't get there numbers down?
Motivation is dificult to give when people want to wallow in self pity. Some (me?) don't realize they are doing it. They give up when results are hard to see right away. Good luck and don't dought that you have helped me.
You have a place in heaven.
Guardian stone

runthe 2010-10-01 16:57:29 -0500 Report

Hi Guardian Stone. I once felt like you do now.I was also severely abuse as a child through my teenage years. I use to think that GOD had it out for me to. Now I don't try to focus on the negative things but the positive things that are going on in my life. I have enough going on in my life with dealing with Lupus, RA, Fibromyglia, Diabetes and other day to day ailments. Just know that God does love you. Don't focus on yesterday or tomorrow just worry about the present. That is why it is called a gift.

Guardianstone 2010-10-02 10:36:37 -0500 Report

If you need to talk I'll be listening. I may not have answers, but i do have a sholder to cry on or an ear to listen.
I know God has plans for us . . . one day we will see what it is. We are strong enough as long as we have faith.
Thank you.
Guardian ston

Guardianstone 2010-10-02 10:36:36 -0500 Report

If you need to talk I'll be listening. I may not have answers, but i do have a sholder to cry on or an ear to listen.
I know God has plans for us . . . one day we will see what it is. We are strong enough as long as we have faith.
Thank you.
Guardian ston

Pynetree 2010-10-01 08:28:27 -0500 Report

Wow! Sure does sound like way too much when it's all down in black and white in one spot! Proving that you are one strong lady! But the storm has passed ..down to just overcast ! Happy October! New month! New day! Make it yours! I wish you strength! Theresa

Guardianstone 2010-10-01 09:38:25 -0500 Report

Thank you. A fresh start sounds good. My husband is in a deep hole of depression and fear. There will be better days, its just hard to wait.
His disability check just ends before the month does. The food dosen't last much farther than the day the cash flow does. The Glendale Az charity circuit is an arid dust bowl.
Take a deep beeath . . . hold it . . . release the breath. I am calm. I will keep my mind focused on my slow steady breathing. I will not retreat. I will make a difference.
Guardian stone

realsis77 2010-09-30 12:39:22 -0500 Report

Oh sweetie sometimes I feel that way to. I have lung disease, spinal fusion and many more things and im not that old. We have to say ok God wont give us more than we can handle ! Try too stay, positive! Remember you have many friends who care about you! Think on the bright side and remember there is always someone who has it worse than us so were blessed.

Guardianstone 2010-09-30 13:36:02 -0500 Report

Thank you. Its just old age catching up on me. I'm having a rough day. BP too high, and onbed rest. I'll be fine. last night was just a pity party. Brain shut down for a quick nap, without the body let hand type that, and memory tape was disengaged. I should be fine. Thank you for caring.
Guardian stone

jayabee52 2010-09-30 12:33:22 -0500 Report

Our minds can certainly run away with us when we dwell on our own troubles, don't they? Your list of "medical challenges" sounds quite like the list my bride had when she was with us. Yet when someone met her she had a way of bringing some sunshine into their lives. She was always asking how the person was and how their spouse & children were (and she remembered the childrens' names too). After her passing I received calls from several Drs who marvelled at her way of brightening their day with a joke or remembering something signifigant about them, even though she had every reason to be self-obcessed because of her so very many challenges.

I mention this because, at least from my end of the wire, you seem much like my "Jem".

Did she ever get "down" in spirit? Most assuredly! There were several times during the course of our relationship I found the need to encourage her.

What I am trying to say is You may not have an idea of your importance to others. Even people with whom you may have only an acquaintence. People who look at you with all your "challenges" and say to themselves: "She keeps on keeping on with all her problems, I can keep on keeping on with the challenge I have too!"

(Jem looked up to me also because I have a lot of challenges and didn't give up on life)

So GS, go ahead and have a bit of a pity party (we all need it from time to time) but don't give up! You may not know that someone is watching you and silently rooting for you!

Guardianstone 2010-09-30 13:45:22 -0500 Report

Jem was lucky for having your strength. My brain took a nap while my body had a pitty party. Excuse my wallow, and accept my thanks for everything you said. Keep smiling.
loving thoughts
Guardian stone

jayabee52 2010-09-30 14:14:00 -0500 Report

We are ALL entitled to have a little down time, don'tcha think?. I know, I've been there too. Back in Dec 2006 I was facing a lifetime of Dialysis and thought my life was OVER! No more good times. I was wrong because I hadn't met Jem yet. I had seriously considered not going back to Dialysis and let nature take its course. I chose not to because of my sons, and I'm glad I did. Jem was also glad i chose not to let my disease take me.

As long as I am still breathing, God's not finished with me yet!



Guardianstone 2010-09-30 14:55:58 -0500 Report

I marvel at your strength. Thank you for being a friend and family member. I remembered part of what could have made me so down last night. I had found the P & M discussions They are wonderful, but I ran across the knock-down drag out fight. It was miserable. I know famlies fight, but that was worse than the night I almost took out a co-worker. I don't mean that we dated. I came close to beheading him with a clipboard. For some reason I couldn't stand having to skip through all the name callng, shouting, hair pulling and total warfare that had gone on.
I flashed back to screaming battles my sisters and I had. the memories of that forced the sleep typing.
I'm sure it doesn't exsist. I hope the issue has been resolved.
Take care of yourself

Graylin Bee
Graylin Bee 2010-09-30 21:53:35 -0500 Report

I have been marveling at the many strong people I have met here. Diabetes may be a curse, but it has blessings - in finding strengths in others living with it. Thank you all for sharing with and encouraging each other.

jayabee52 2010-09-30 22:01:06 -0500 Report

There's the saying, Graylin, "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger!" DM hasn't killed us - yet - LoL! So we're getting stronger all the time! (Maybe it's time for a new deodorant? LoL!)

Graylin Bee
Graylin Bee 2010-09-30 22:20:47 -0500 Report

I've been wondering a lot lately about that saying. Sometimes this year I haven't felt nearly as strong as I've tried to be. The cellulites MRSA combo almost did me in, then all the other stuff just made me too busy fighting to figure out whether I am stronger or just reacting out of electrical impulses in the brain. Maybe I should just go get some new deoderant and not think about it for now.

jayabee52 2010-09-30 23:50:17 -0500 Report

Well, in my experience, I did not get strength immediately after the challenge. That came a little later after I had time to mentally process what I went through.

Even this discussion has given me an opportunity to process what I've gone through and to glean some insights from my past experiences.

For instance I didn't understand what was going on with me when I was in the process of receiving dialysis. I was too busy trying to recover and arrange my life. But the experience of dialysis, and me coming off of it, is something which was meaningful to Jem, because she was going to dialysis when we met online. I could swap stories and commiserate with her. It was one more thing which bound us together. It gave her hope, and she gave me hope.

Much the same way I see hope for me in the fact that you survived all that you did and still keep kicking, and likewise with Guardianstone.

Well I must stop here for today and take my BG# my insulin and other meds and get ready to leave for Las Vegas to see my middle son get married Oct 7. He just bought a brand new house too and I'm eager to see it.


Guardianstone 2010-10-01 00:57:00 -0500 Report

Dear James;
have a wonderful trip and enjoy the wedding. You helped me alot.
I didn't realized my depression was as bad as it is.
I need to up my meditation and exercise. A littel prayer goes a long way.
Guardian ston

Graylin Bee
Graylin Bee 2010-10-01 10:28:47 -0500 Report

Depression has a way of sneaking up on us and trying to take control sometimes. Indeed prayers, our own and from other's, goes a very long way. The Beatitudes have taken on a deeper meaning for me this year. As Job was very blessed by God after his trials, we all can look for God's blessings in His time.Sometimes I hate like heck the hard times getting to the blessings time though.

Guardianstone 2010-10-01 10:50:08 -0500 Report

True. It can be trying with getting to the time of blessings.
If we trace our family trees back far enough we may find Job.
Blessings to you
Guardian stone

GabbyPA 2010-09-30 10:13:54 -0500 Report

I think that seeing things as a curse or a blessing is up to the individual. The fact that you are still around and able to function as a productive person says a lot for the strength of your character. Perhaps a book is in order? Just imagine all the people that you would be able to inspire. My husband has a litany of things he has endured, though not as long as yours. He uses it to let people know that there is a reason he is here, or he would have been taken a long time ago.

Now about the decedent of Job...just maybe!

Jeannie Holmes
Jeannie Holmes 2010-09-30 10:13:36 -0500 Report

God doesn't give us more than we can stand. You must be the toughest person on earth!! HUGS!

Guardianstone 2010-09-30 13:55:47 -0500 Report

I havent found my reply to you, so I'll repeat the highlights. Brain disenged, body typed message, not nuts.
OMG, thank you for caring. Thank you for moral boost.
Gods lone.
Guardian stone

Guardianstone 2010-09-30 21:06:01 -0500 Report

I needed to try answering your message. I was falling asleep while typing.
brain disengaged - morale - Gods love
Guardian stone

jayabee52 2010-09-30 21:12:17 -0500 Report

Don't drive yourself too hard please GS! When sleepy go to bed or take a nap, please. Sometimes things can slide for a bit while you get your needed rest! Take care of yourself first! Please?

Guardianstone 2010-09-30 21:59:43 -0500 Report

I wasn't tired when I started the message. Suddenly my eyes wouldn't focus, and I was nodding off. I wanted to finish what I was doing. It looks like I should have quit while I was ahead of the game. I'm better, my BP is back to normal, and I want to get to bed at midnight. (last meds till 06:00. Time for supper, gotta go.
Thank you for careing
Guardian stone

jayabee52 2010-09-30 22:10:19 -0500 Report

There's many times I've started a response and either got sleepy or couldn't think worth anything (felt dumber than a box of rocks) and decided it's best to hit [cancel] link and let it go into the bit bucket and perhaps come back later when I'd had time to let it percolate in my mind.

Enjoy your meal

Hops 2010-10-05 13:40:35 -0500 Report

Sorry you are so down. In my life I feel especially well when helping people with disabilities more severe than my own. i wonder whether you exercise taking a 10 minute walk each day. Exercise creates a sense of optimism in us all. Meet with friends to enjoy social activities. Do you have a personal diabetes support group? Find one in your community. Then you can compare your challenges with others and each helps the other progress toward healthier diabetes management.

You are only cursed if you allow the world to make you think you are cursed.

Guardianstone 2010-10-05 15:05:04 -0500 Report

I know I'm not cursed. Thank you for responding. I don't have a diabetis support group that I can get to. My car was totaled and we can't afford a new one. The insurance company gave us less than it was worth. Yes, I know that's their job.
We forgave them, but not the woman that totalled our car. She drives on a revoked license, no insurance, and texting all the way. 75 in a 35 zone, but didn't get a ticket. I will not continue. She will eventually have her karmatic payback. Her husband won't be able to get her out of many more accidents. He should loose his license to practice.
I said I was going to stop.
Oh my it's RAINING. IT'S POURING the old man is snoring. (not yet) Two days in a row. The winds knocked the olive tree largest branch down. Some of the palm fronds are floating in the parking lot flooding. The thunder was continous. Oh . . . It's stopped. More on the way, but not yet. Got some marble sized hail, and violent winds.
Did I move during the night? This is Glendale Az, outside of Phoenix. Parking lot is flodded with 5" of water, and trash. Yesterday only about 1", and no damage. I hope the maintenance crew was under cover when this hit.
Going to take a nap while the thunder growles. Sounds restful. Have a good restful afternoon. All I was going to say was we have been carless for over a year. It's hard to get around.
I went on a tirade (ok a rant)
Riaining again, cats nestling next to us, and husband gently snoring. Shush . . . tiptoe . . .
Good night
Guardian stone