Maybe two months ago I had posted a blog about hating diabetes. I let it over take my life. I was no longer known as Melissa, just oh I feel so bad for that girl. I never wanted that to be me. Being in the hospital every month and the doctors telling me they cant help me, didnt help out. I am 27 years old and I was not living. I have had diabetes for 14 years now. I used to be very active in sports, lots of friends, laughing all of the time, and always wantiing to do things. Well around 5 weeks ago my boyfriend of 2 & 1/2 years had broken up with me. It completely blindsided me. I was his world. He called me multiple times a day. Every morning when i would wake up there would be a good morning, I love you message on my phone. Anything I needed, I knew I could count on him. We were in a serious relationship, but dealing with my illness and me giving up was just too overwhelming for the both of us. Of course he was too nice to say that, so he said he just needed some time to himself to kick off his career. The first two weeks I was a mess. I didnt get it or understand. I was determined to figure out why this happened. In my mind I thought there has to be another girl. I knew he still loved me but he wasnt acting the same. I wound up in the hosptial for two weeks. I was admitted with dka and a sugar of 911. 911 is right. I cried everynight. Then I got angry. He stopped talking to me, didnt visit me in the hospital, and became a stranger. He was my best friend, boyfriend, and the love of my life. I had pushed him away by saying, "oh, go out with the guys tonight", or "i'll see you tomorrow". I didnt always answer the phone when he called. I was miserable and didnt want to be bothered by anyone or anything. My life consisted of tv, sleep, the hospital, and every once in a while go out to eat or shopping. I basically stopped living.
I started thinking to myself, what do I have to offer anyone? I asked myself that night, "am I the best person I can be"? The answer was no. I am on social security and disability, I do not have a car, I do not have social life, I was ashamed of myself. I know that I am sick, but I let it get the best of me. I decided right then and there, get busy living or get busy dieing. Why would anyone not want to be there best. I decided to start my insulin pump again. Not to let diabetes defeat me no matter how hard it gets. I check my sugar every two hours and if i need insulin, I take it. I went out and joined the gym la fitness, am in the process of buying a tracker, started sellling a collection of guns for a doctor on gunbroker. com to make a lil extra cash, I am also going to start babysitting for a 2 & 1/2 month old baby, getting back in contact to talk and hang out with friends, and I am going back to church. I quit taking the medication that they were giving me. They had me on morphine, scopolamine, zofran, compazine. I was tired and dizzy.
I now feel amazing. I have been to the gym everyday and I am busy round the clock. It good feeling to be busy. There were things that would make me happy, like my family and Michael made me happy, but for the first time in a long time I was by myself and I made me happy. I am becoming the person I wanted to be. I am not a drag to be around. I am full of energy and a zest for life. The positives I am now living are rubbing off on all of those around me. I thank God for giving me another chance to live my life. I am no longer letting diabetes take control of me. I still do not feel too good, but I wont let it hold me down. I am going to do what it takes. Michael noticed the difference in me and I started noticing he was texting me more and more a little each day. Then on Saturday he asked to come over. As soon as he came he, he just started hugging me. He said he loved me since the first minute he met me and he still does. He did not know how to motivate me to make myself better. I am so glad he did what he did. I thanked him for breaking up with me. He motivated me to do better, but I am doing it for me. It is nice to have his support and have him back by my side. I could not be happier. My life is turning around.
Im sorry this is so long. But my message to everyone is "Live life to the fullest, never take anything for granted, and stare diabetes in the face and kick its ass! We can all do this together, you are never alone, and never, never, never give up. God Bless All!!!!!!
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