I hate diabetes!!!!!!!!

mas14years
By mas14years Latest Reply 2010-09-08 22:11:16 -0500
Started 2010-08-06 07:06:15 -0500

I am 27 years old, but feel like I am living the life of a 90 year old. I am sick all the time, and in the hospital every month. I have been dating a guy for 2 and a hlaf years. He has been by my side and helping me fight this battle. I never expected anyone so young to understand and want to have me as a girlfriend. i have tried to push him away but he could see right through me and has stuck it out with me. Now he is starting his own business and has become really busy, extremely busy and is overwhelmed himself. I dont think he can handle my illness any longer. He broke up with me the other day and i am a mess. I cant stop crying, i cant eat, drink, sleep. i want so badly to be healthy and I am trying everything I can, but diabetes beats me everytime. i am just discouraged at this point that things will not get better. the future is terrifying me. They say diabetes is the silent killer, that it doesnt bother you now but later in life will get you. Well the hell it doesnt. It has taken over my life for the last 14 years. I am ready to beat this beast. im stepping up to the plate and swinging full force. I am going to take it down one day at a time. I put my faith in God and help from family and friends. I have to admit that I need help for the first time in my life. I love this website where i can talk to people who understand these thoughts and feelings. I just need a friend.


44 replies

newbie51
newbie51 2010-09-08 22:11:16 -0500 Report

I'll be your friend and welcome to the family. This IS a Great site and everyone is sooo friendly and helpful!! Good luck on your journey with this. I am just now taking the "bull by the horns" as they say. I have had this for 16 years. I'll be there for you. Judith

PS—Here are some more (((Hugs)))!!

Mama Dee
Mama Dee 2010-08-19 17:31:58 -0500 Report

Happy day to you,
Thought about you & pray that all is better than well w/you & yours. Remember that you are highly favored in the name of Jesus, be blessed.

Working 4 Jesus, & Lovign it.
Mama Dee

P.S. here is a big ((((HUG)))) for you.

mas14years
mas14years 2010-09-08 21:24:31 -0500 Report

Hey thanks, Im sorry I havent been on for a while I was in the hospital for two weeks. I am feeling much better though. Thoughts and prayers are always appreciated and sent back your way.

zeeborock
zeeborock 2010-08-18 00:10:56 -0500 Report

Hello you sound very strong to me but I also know how you feel if ever you need someone to talk to I'm here and that is what this site is about…How long have you been diabetic? are you Type 2

mas14years
mas14years 2010-08-18 21:33:35 -0500 Report

I am type 1 and I have had diabetes for 14 years now. The support on this site is overwhelming. i have the support of friends and family, but it is very different when somebody can tell you I know what you mean, and you are not alone.
Same goes to you if you need to talk.
thanks and God bless

Mama Dee
Mama Dee 2010-08-15 23:33:54 -0500 Report

Happy day,
I also do not feel like you are feeling sorry for yourself but you have to remember that you have to watch what you ask God for. In your statement you mentioned that you tried to push your male friend away (several times). Now you know God will give us the desires of our heart & if we keep saying the same things over & over God will say ok & it will be what it will be. Now on that note that does not mean that you both may never be together again as a couple (if it is written). What it does mean that @ this time in your live you need to concentrate on you & getting better maintaining your focus on your physical mental & spiritual balance. Once all these things are in check watch how God deliver those plans He has for you for your welfare & not for evil plan of hope. Keep you face in the Master face, you are favored in Jesus name.

Working 4 Jesus, & Loving it.
Mama Dee

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2010-08-15 23:24:50 -0500 Report

Hi. I am sorry to hear that this has been such a struggle for you. I just wanted to add that, in my experience, some people can handle being with a partner who has health challenges and others think they can but then decide they can't. And so they bolt. They are missing out on the opportunity to know what it really means to love someone not only during the easy times but also during the hard times. As a result, you have lost someone you thought you could count on. This is a big loss. But it sounds like you took the time to feel your grief. Crying is a good thing. Now you are ready to move on with your life. Congratulations. I'm glad to know that you have two of the most important tools in your toolkit: support and a spiritual connection. You have some incredible support here on DC. Feel the love! You are most likely doing this already, but I would also encourage you to work closely with your physician to help assure that you are doing everything possible to stay healthy. And best wishes to you!

supermandown
supermandown 2010-08-10 19:30:06 -0500 Report

You had a man who stuck by you through good and alot of bad. I'd say he loves you. And still loves you. I think you should stop feeling sorry for yourself and for once think of the man you have. That is a one in a million man. Sure he broke up with you. But can you blame him? Here comes a good one in a million man who would have given you the world and I believe he was trying to do just that. By feeling sorry for yourself, you forgot about his needs and wants for you. I think you should do some soul searching young lady. Look deep into your own soul and if ever given another chance treat your man that is there for you with respect and love as you would want to be treated back. You see my girlfriend is always there for me and has been there of the last 4 years. I would do anything for her. As I am now a type 2 diabetic and just learning this. I to am sick alot but I tough myself through the sickness and without her I would'nt have a reason to go on other then my 2 dogs. It sounds to me you need to learn how to respect thoughs who are trying to love you for who you are. I really hope this helps as I feel bad for you and understand your pain. Don't give up and call him and try for once by giving him a real chance instead of always trying to chase him away. Hope this helps. A little tough love.

Supermandown.

mas14years
mas14years 2010-08-10 21:59:05 -0500 Report

I really do not feel sorry for myself. I tell my family and friends not to say I feel bad for you. I understand that everybody has issues to deal with. Mine just happens to be health issues. As for my ex I have always treated him with respect and love. He said he has never had somebody love or care about him so much. I was always doing things for him. I helped him start his business and scheduled the appointments and made calls on behalf of him. The only time I would push away was when I was in the hospital. I didnt like him to see me with all kinds of tubes and the medication I was on made me loopy and say things that embarassed me. I have no doubt in my mind that he still loves me i just want to be there for him now as her was there for me. Reading your response was a lil hard for me to swallow cuz i think you have me all wrong. I love michael and would do anything for him.

supermandown
supermandown 2010-08-11 05:02:54 -0500 Report

Then I appoligize. I am sorry that you are sick alot and I am learning this my self. I have always been a healthy person up until now and when I found out that I have Type 2 diabetes I was shocked. I excersize daily. My diet wasn't as it should be. But now my diet is were it should be and I still work out 3 times a week and I take my dogs for walks daily. But anyways I am sorry if I miss understood what you was trying to say. I really hope you and your ex work things out because it sounds like you two still love each other. I wish you well and hope everything works out for you for the good. You sound like a very sweet young lady and hate to see anyone as young as you so sick. Good luck my friend.

Supermandown.

mas14years
mas14years 2010-08-11 22:05:23 -0500 Report

Thank you for the apology. I am glad to hear that you are still able to do those things. I really try to do something on a daily basis but sometimes I just cant. I guess we all go through good days and bad though. I really do love him and I know he still loves me. I guess he just needs time to get his business started. He said that he wants to be there for me and he knows he is too busy right now to do that. I hope and pray that he is happy and his business works out for him. Good things come to good people. Good luck to you and your health and never through in the towel. God bless!

WJG67
WJG67 2010-08-08 11:19:20 -0500 Report

These are lessons that test us to the fullest. We have to go through all the stages of grief at times before we see the light. Speaking from experience you will get better and don't feel ashamed to ask for help. Most of us have been there or even worse. Chin up!

Kaiyle
Kaiyle 2010-08-08 04:10:23 -0500 Report

I believe that the young man was in your life for the time he was suppose to be in it. Now you have the space and the time to work diligently on becoming the best "you" you can be. This is your time to build up a healthy lifestyle in every area of your life. In doing so, you will radiate such a beauty that will capture the countless eyes of prospective suitors but ultimately capturing the heart of the "one".

mas14years
mas14years 2010-08-08 09:56:04 -0500 Report

thank you so much for these kind words. This breakup feels harder than the diabetes right now. I am trying to do my best but struggling daily

dulcet
dulcet 2010-08-08 03:30:08 -0500 Report

I'm sorry about the breakup. :( But please try to keep your chin up. I know it sucks, but you can do it. You've managed to do it for 14 years… don't give up now.

I'm glad to run into someone who's around my age (I'm 26, soon to be 27… and no offense to my older friends, :D) but you can turn to me if you need a friend. None of my friends know what I'm going through it's hard to have them understand because they don't have it.

mas14years
mas14years 2010-08-08 09:56:54 -0500 Report

thank you, you can never have to many friends. Especially someone who understands what you are going through.

petals
petals 2010-08-07 21:49:51 -0500 Report

Hi! I am sorry that you are going through such a hard time right now. I think that you are better off with mr. busy out of the picture. Now you can focus on you and getting better. Keep your faith strong. And if you want a friend you can count me as one. I have had diabetes for 8 years now and I can understand the crying, some days are just worse then others. Hang in there and I am here for you any time. Hugs.

mas14years
mas14years 2010-08-08 09:58:03 -0500 Report

I dont know if i am better off he was there through everything for me. I think he is better off without me. Ill pretend it the other way though. Thanks

petals
petals 2010-08-10 12:06:44 -0500 Report

I am sorry if I hurt your feelings in any way, that was not my intention. Do you have anyone else to help you through these things, You said he was there for all of it. Maybe he will rethink this matter. I am here for you anytime.

mas14years
mas14years 2010-08-10 13:40:11 -0500 Report

No, not at all. Yes, I have the support of my family and a couple of close true friends that I have had all my life. My ex was just like my daily partner for everything. My wake up call, before bed call, just hang out and watch tv, go out to dinner. He is the one that you dont have to make plans with, just always there. I know it is not easy for him right now either. He is being pulled in all kinds of directions and the pressure he is feeling is scaring him beyond what he wants. I wish him well though. Thanks for listening.

Bucci
Bucci 2010-08-07 17:48:39 -0500 Report

I feel you .I can not stop crying someday the diabetes is good and somedays it is bad. I need help and a friend.

mas14years
mas14years 2010-08-08 09:59:04 -0500 Report

as you are here for me, i can be here for you. It is very hard and I completely understand what you are feeling.

RAYT721
RAYT721 2010-08-06 20:38:09 -0500 Report

Well, the crying and not eating and not sleeping is certainly not going to help your mind, body or soul. I so totally understand how you're feeling. I've been there! Need a friend? Count me in. Just click on the photo of the eye candy to the left of this message and send a friend request. I assure you that I'll accept and while I don't have all of the answers for you, I will certainly listen and who knows I may even be able to make you smile a little, vent a lot, and help you on your quest to strike that home run to a happier and healthier life free from trying to please Mr Businessman at the sacrifice of your own health. You deserve to be stress-free with someone who will make you a priority. Start by making yourself a priority!!! Take a deep breath and be glad Mr Busy is out of your life so you can enjoy your life instead of apologizing for it.

mas14years
mas14years 2010-08-08 10:01:16 -0500 Report

hahahaha. Thank you. I know I have to focus on a lot of things right other than my love life, but I cant imagine going through some of these things without him. Thanks for the friend invitation i will definatly send a request. Take care.

monkeymama
monkeymama 2010-08-06 18:49:00 -0500 Report

I had to stop and really search within me here. They're all right here though. I may not have had my diabetes as long as you have but it has been a fight and struggle for me with being married. There are my moments when I just want to throw in the towel and give up. I've given up hoping my husband is going to being by my side through all of it. He picks and choses when he wants to. I will hear him sometimes say,"I don't know how I can help you or where to…". I will try to get him to go with me to an appointment so he can learn, understand, and know how he can help me; but nothing. I hit a BIG REALITY just this year. It was might fight and I needed to learn to do for me. I came to terms of my husband choice. I have had to stand my ground and move forward for ME. I have my good days and I have my bad days with my diabetes. I have had to learn to make slower and gradual changes to my diabetes meals, fitness, and personal issues with it. Except that it is okay if I fall but get back up and fight back again. Move forward and not dwell on what just happened, rather learn and grow from it. We're all humans!!! Even though there are moments when I say to myself, "I hate having diabetes' and go into a hate this and that blame game. When I do feel like I want to say "I GIVE UP", I tell myself this - "I can do this…I will do this…I want to do this…I am going to beat this…". We're all here for you…

mas14years
mas14years 2010-08-08 10:04:53 -0500 Report

I know that we all have to stand up and fight for ourselves. It makes me really sad though what you say about your husband. I cant tell you my ex knew everything about diabetes, but he knew what I should or shouldnt eat, how my meds worked, how to check my sugar and give me my shots, would read about it on the computer and would absolutely go to my appts with me. Your husband should be doind some of this for you. Ask him to go to appt with you and try to teach him about it. It may bring you closer if he could understand you a lil more. Thank you for the encouraging words though. Good luck to you.

SkipT
SkipT 2010-08-06 12:34:34 -0500 Report

You say you hate diabetes. Who would actually welcome an illness. My wife has MS and she hates that. I have a neighbor who is battling cancer, and she hates that. But we do what we have to do. No one ever said that life is fair. You have to live it to the best of your ability. I will never throw in the towel. My battle with my diabetes is constantly ongoing, but it never overwhelms my life. I make sure I control it.

Gabby
GabbyPA 2010-08-06 09:12:43 -0500 Report

What a blow. I think that what you don't realize is how incredibly strong you ARE! Diabetes has not beaten you yet and you are still fighting. Sometimes the fight is exhausting, and it will get you to the floor. You are still standing and from what you have shared you are spittin' fire! You get 'em girl. Drop in over at the "Hug Bank" and pick up a few for yourself and know we are behind you.

mas14years
mas14years 2010-08-08 10:07:05 -0500 Report

everybody just keeps telling me how strong i am amongst my family and friends. I know that I have been through a whole lot but it is not like I have a choice. I mean you gotta do what you gotta do. i dont feel very strong right now at all. I can cry at the drop of a dime. Every good memory i have of the last three years involves him. But thank you. Its good to have friends on here to talk about these things with

Gabby
GabbyPA 2010-08-08 15:06:12 -0500 Report

That is the funny thing about being strong. Those of us who are, usually don't have a choice because we know that we want to survive, thrive and make it in life. That is the attribute that makes you strong. Also, strong doesn't mean that you don't cry. Crying is good for the soul. It puts you in touch with parts of your heart that are good to know.

Here is how I view relationships. Maybe it will help

Imagine you are a tree, the trunk or body of that tree. You are made up of roots, branches and leaves. Here is how a dear friend shared this concept with me. It helped me so much when I seemed to be losing my friends.

Some friends are the leaves. They are fresh and lively, popping out in the warmth of spring and cooling you in the heat of summer. But when autumn winds blow, they wither and fall to the ground.

Some friends are the branches. They are of varying strengths and support the canopy of your tree. Some storms will come in life that will take those branches down. They will fight for a while, but eventually, most of them will fall as well.

Some friends are the roots. They are the ones that give you stability and strength. They feed you what you need and dig deep into the soil to be strong for you. When the winds blow and the floods come they keep you steady. When the branches fall and the leaves blow away, the roots are still there.

You might be thinking, well I want all my friends to be like the roots. But a tree cannot be a tree unless it has all the parts. You cannot have all roots or all branches or even all leaves. The tree, to thrive, must have all of these things. So when you loose a friend it may be just that they are a leaf in your life. They serve their purpose and then fall to make room for another. The branch friends likewise are a bigger part of your life for a time, but they too will be gone one day and leave a gap that another branch will fill. The roots will remain until you, the trunk of the tree, are gone.

A tree always has far fewer roots than branches and leaves. Life will show you who is which part of your tree. So don't worry when friends leave...it was their season and their time to go. Just as you may drift in and out of other peoples lives as well. Once your purpose there is done, it is always time to go.

Harlen
Harlen 2010-08-06 08:50:36 -0500 Report

Hello
My mom passed from not taking care of her diabetis and I tell you it was a hard way to go.After seing her go that way I work on taking care of mine and if I can do it anyone can.you can go thrue life and ignor it and it mite not send you in DKA butt its a big risk and then there are the things that will happen to you as time gose on its up to you and only you.I am 47 and I plan on living till 99 and chasing all the hot RN's at the home lol
Hang in there Life is hard but it can be so great you just got to make it that way.
Best wishes
Harlen

alanbossman
alanbossman 2010-08-06 08:35:01 -0500 Report

Mays is right live your life!! But you do need to manage your diabetes and your life will go on. You will get on with your life, have faith always.
Alan

MAYS
MAYS 2010-08-06 07:32:58 -0500 Report

"The sun always shines above the clouds during a storm".
Having faith in God, and the support of others is great and always welcome, but the care and management of diabetes starts with one's self.

Awareness and acknowledgment of such must from you BEFORE the personal commitment to fight, then comes the knowledge of diabetes and a plan of action, work with your medical support team on this and when you're ready, do this first and foremost: "Live Your Life!"

Managing your diabetes doesn't require that you give up on life, diabetes is a "Beast that must be tamed, but never killed."
You can do this, you have all the love, tools and support at your disposal, and faith in your heart … Do it ! … "Tame the Beast!"

(((H))'s
~Mays~

mas14years
mas14years 2010-08-08 10:08:57 -0500 Report

god willing this will just be something else in my life that I can overcome. It will be hard not having him, but everybody is right. I need to stand up and fight for my life right now. God bless

KimFeilGood
KimFeilGood 2010-08-09 11:36:31 -0500 Report

As an environmental activist, I've become consumed in fighting gas drilling in urban neghborhoods as is really popular in Texas…I believe in cancer prevention and your story touched me so that I wanna make you smile so watch my music vid on youtube under the name… "Can't You See It's Acid Raining"

mas14years
mas14years 2010-08-14 08:57:56 -0500 Report

Thanks, I looked you up on you tube and listened to your song. It made me smile. Mission accomplished =)

roshy
roshy 2010-08-14 17:24:12 -0500 Report

hey there, im glad i read your post because i can completely understand where your coming from.

I was 16 when i was dnx type one and after 2 years of thinking this diabetes was just one big joke i started to get really sick. at 16 and trying to gain independence i was instead gaining insulin dependant. Like you i spent time in hospital and suffered a major dka just last october!! Being a young viberent girl who was always smiling over time became extremely depressed and thought life was just diabetes diabetes diabetes!!
Ive learned that theres nothing going to take this condition away and i can easily give up and throw life away or i can live a life which is worth fighting for!!

Sorry i got very feckn deep but i do understand where your comin from!! If it helps spend time bonding with ur glucose kit!! i gave mine a complete make over and sowed coolio buttons to make it look nice a pretty!! sad but it was fun!!!

If u feel like u need support im here!!

mas14years
mas14years 2010-08-15 12:22:21 -0500 Report

thanks, I too did that with my meters. Well, i bought a pink, purple, green, and blue one, with matching vera bradley holders lol. Well i hope you are doing better then. Thanks for the support!

roshy
roshy 2010-08-15 15:55:56 -0500 Report

no problem!!!

I have a great interest in meeting other women with the condition and see how their ife is affected.
I suffered terrible depression last year because i honestly thought my life was going to be ruled by it. theres no escape realy is there???
and as for relationships goes i know my condition is part of the parcel so if they cant understand it and have patients with it then theres no room for them.

stay strong hunny and remember you have a ot to deal with that others dont undertand .Dont beat yourself up when things go badly just remind yoursef how well you have done so far.

mas14years
mas14years 2010-08-15 22:48:04 -0500 Report

I am really trying to stay positive. My family is being really supportive and my best gal pal has been amazing. i just wish I could have a week, or even two days in a row that I am not sick. I feel I am missing out on life and I have so much to give. I have to fight even harder than I have been doing. This is my life and I need to take controll over it.
If I can be there for you in any way, please let me know.
Thanks again. :)