I can't be alone in COMPLETELY resenting being a diabetic... am I?

klfrcmom
By klfrcmom Latest Reply 2011-05-23 07:30:57 -0500
Started 2010-07-30 07:20:11 -0500

Diagnosed in 2007 as type 2 — initially was extremely motivated, tracked food, exercise, glucose levels almost obsessively — started with Januvia — plateaued out and was switched to Janumet… recently had ACTOS added as well.

ACTOS is horrible… my feet and ankles swell until they ache and no longer look human. I stopped taking it.

I resent having "special" foods on the shelf "for mom." I'm really struggling with my attitude. Sugar is not under control; don't want to go to the doc because she will just be mad at me. ggrrr

I know if I see my doc, she will put me on insulin. I feel like if that happens, I really AM a failure. Just frustrated.

Advice???


132 replies

Armourer
Armourer 2011-05-23 01:21:50 -0500 Report

klfrcmom - You are not alone by any means! DC is full of people that have felt this way, feel this way, or are goin' to feel this way. Going on insulin is not terrible. When it happened to me it cured a couple of things that oral didn't. Having two kinds of food is terrible, I know, I live it every day! My kids a grown now, but it sounds like yours NEED you! Hopefully extended family and friends will support you, mine won't, in fact they often tempt me (they think it is funny, I just shake my head and feel sad that I didn't teach them better). Foods that I could eat at the beginning of DT2 some ten years ago I can't eat today. Partly because I wasn't good at my diet control. My wife tonight was upset with me because I refuse to cut my portion size down to a couple mouthfuls a meal. That isn't even a portion size let alone a meal. But we do what we can, adjust what we can. It is hard to deny one's self things we like, I struggle with this every day, just know you aren't alone. But fight or persevere you must!

2011-05-22 22:40:13 -0500 Report

Hey Mrs. Mom~~ I've been a diabetic for 16 years & to tell you the truth, I will always resent not only when my dr gave me the "warning" that I was borderline but resent the day (4-21-95) when he called me w/the news, that I never wanted to hear. Like yourself, I, too, am on not only Metformin, Januvia, Tolinaise, as well as Actos. What I really resent myself for not heeding my drs warning.

MrsCDogg
MrsCDogg 2011-05-22 21:00:19 -0500 Report

I have been a type 2 for 10 years. There are some days when I am extremely resentful of my situation. I took Janumet for a while and it made me SO sick. Before that I was on a pretty high dose of Metformin that also made me sick. I also used Byetta which REALLY did a number on me. I should have known that one would make me sick it was discoverd from the saliva of some lizzard! That just sounds nasty!!
So yea, I can relate to your feelings of resentment. I have days when I sit and think why me? But, like Jackie said, don't be so hard on yourself. You are, after all, only human. You are allowed be imperfect.

Jackie375
Jackie375 2011-05-22 17:37:43 -0500 Report

Don't be hard on yourself, You are someone special to someone or everyone and being a diabetic is not your fault although sometimes people can make you feel that way.
It can be hard trying to eat and care for yourself when others don't seem to understand that you have to watch what you eat and take your meds like you need to. Without the meds and care of yourself you wouldn't be here and I am sure you would be missed. Get involved in something! Have the people around you get involved in with what is happening to you let them learn that it isn't really your fault and that you are doing what you can to get healthy again. I feel so angry with myself at times that I just wish it would end but that is pointless. I use my computer and facebook and DC to help me get through what is going on. Get angry with your doctor.grrrr and let them know you need more help to be kinder to yourself. I know I am probably not making much sense but I kinda know what you are going through. I hate having to buy special things for me to eat. It is just an added cost they we can't afford and I raised my children that if it is in the house it is for everyone not just one person so what can i say if someone wants to eat what i bought for me.

charlieais3
charlieais3 2011-05-22 15:03:29 -0500 Report

I felt much of the same way because shortly before i was diagnosed, my doctor told me I was borderline diabetec. Then in 2007, I was officially told the news. My legs would swell up so much that I could not tolerate the pain and twice I had to go the hospital for treatment. I was also going through other issues in my life that did not help. I don't see you as a failure, I would suggest, love yourself, buy only healthy foods and foods that you control for sugar so that you maintain your levels. I recently joined a church that really helps me and I made friends. I get involved in church activities and ig gives me something to look forward too. I still have problems with my kegs but the swelling is under control.

crosslady2010
crosslady2010 2011-05-22 13:55:18 -0500 Report

Hi, I am new here. I was just diagnosed Oct 2010 Type 2 Diabetes. Already had pacemaker implanted 2008 because of Cardiomyopathy. Survived cervical cancer in 2001! Boy do I understand your frustration! My doctor is wonderful! I told her just give it to me straight… well she did. When my second A1C came back an 8… she said, " Look, You either take this seriously or you will die from complications of Diabetes…" On Jan 25, 2011, I totally changed my eating and started exercising. I lost 20lbs… A1C went to 5.8 and my liver lipids are in range. Sometimes, I think, Man my plate is already full! I do not want to test. I do not want to exercise. I do not want to take meds. But when I eat something like potatoes… Oh my word… I have to go to bed I feel so bad! You just remember, You are not a failure!!!! I was even mad at my Native American Ancestors… How silly is that! You just take care of yourself for those little ones you have… Ok

Gwen Morten
Gwen Morten 2011-05-22 13:44:32 -0500 Report

I know the feeling! I also hate the fact that everybody else is having that good smelling dinner and mine is..well coming rite up! LOL! It kind of sounds like your meds needs to be reevaluated. I wonder if a water pill would help with your swelling. Hang in there! We all get frustrated sometimes.

Trudie Ann
Trudie Ann 2011-05-22 13:28:20 -0500 Report

You are not alone. We have all been there, and we continually visit those frustration feelings, but we do get through them and life does go on. Me, my personal demon is that I get sick and tired of taking pills, but then I think about where I would be without them. Keep your doctor informed about how you feel. He might need to change your meds. or maybe even just the dosage. Good luck and God Bless.

DJackwon
DJackwon 2011-05-22 12:26:50 -0500 Report

No pills, no insulin for me yet, anger? Sometimes, but mostly I am grateful. I survived breast cancer, and thanks to my diagnosis I am fortunate enough to have a chance at a fairly normal life. Change of diet, exercise, and remembering I am human and thus subject to an occassional blooper in my diabetic walk? I am mostly ok with myself. I do believe faith and trying to remain positive works wonders.

See I am not the disease, I alone decide if I am going to allow it to beat me. I am not allowing it. I know I cannot keep the progression from happeninhg, but I also know that I can slow it down considerably. I guess what I am saying is that I would do meds, or insulin if required. Especially if it was better for me in order to offset the downside of diabetes complications.

Do you have the right to be angry? Sure you do, acknowledge it and rely on your friends here, your diabetic team and perhaps friends and family for a place to rant..its sure less stressful than holding it in. Then try to let the anger go. And you are not a failure…you have a name, a life and a personality, thats who you are.

Prayers & hugs your way

- Debbie -

2011-05-22 22:50:42 -0500 Report

DJackwon~~ Congrats on surviving breast cancer!! And may you be able to keep your A1C, & your BG levels low enough so that you can keep a handle on your diabetes. The minute you lose that grip, it's hard to go back. You might have diabetes, but diabetes doesn't have you.

Gimpalong
Gimpalong 2011-05-22 12:22:35 -0500 Report

I think that at times we've all felt the way you do about having to always be on alert about our bg's and feeling like pincuchions. I was put on Actos 10 years ago. I couldn't get my doctor to change to another medication. I ended up gaining 150 lbs., but my numbers were great (90-100). Of course, my b/p was high, my heart was having palpations, lots of edema, etc. Take care of yourself. Find out the side effects from your medications, then talk with your doctor. You may have to get mad in front of them so that they can see you're serious. Stick to your guns. I'll be praying for you. Just remember you're not a failure. We are all pulling for you. We know that frustration is part of diabetes.

amr82170
amr82170 2011-03-14 13:04:49 -0500 Report

Your doctor may not put you on insulin. There are so many things out there now. I took Januvia and Janumet. Thank you for opening up this discussion on being mad as hell and not taking it anymore lol. I've been type 2 for 3 years. I've been ok for about two years with diet and meds. Just last year my B/S was hitting 250's to 400's. I know stress plays apart of high blood sugars. last year my husband was diagnosed with cancer. I'm a emotional eater not a good combo with diabetes. I would stress about chemmo go eat a big mac then stress about the rise in my blood sugars. they put me on Byetta the upchuck drug as I like to call it. Tnen they put me back on metformin the flow drug. between the upchuck and the digestive system issues now I'm mad. I had my own pity party, but looking at my husband fighting cancer I had to snap out of it. But darn it sometimes it's like I'm tired of the drugs ,watching everything that I eat, being a human pincushion and feeling like you mouth is constanly full of sand.

MOMMY_OF_AN_ANGEL
MOMMY_OF_AN_ANGEL 2011-03-14 10:11:11 -0500 Report

Dont feel bad! I was diagnosed at the age of 8, with Type I, and still am learning how to deal with this all. My 7 yr old son knows all about it as well! We dont really have any "special" foods, but he knows stuff that mommy cant eat, and he knows all the basics about not to touch my insulin and needles, etc. He also is aware of the Emergency Pen if mommy goes really low. All I can say is, once you take care of yourself (even if that means your body now requires insulin) you will feel so much better!! (Physically, mentally, amotionally) I didnt take care of myself at all for a huge percentage of the time being diabetic, but one day, i decided I was tired of feeling sick and tired…ALL the time. I had no energy after coming home from work to do anything but eat and lay on the couch for the night. I realized it was starting to affect my family. My fiance doing most of the housework all the time and my son being limited to what he could do just because mommy didnt feel good. So, I made a change and started doing what I needed to do to feel better and keep by body as healthy as possible! I know EXACTLY how you feel when you say you dont want to be yelled at when you go to the dr. In fact, I am too! I have an appt on the 24th to see my Endo. However, I just recently decided to start taking better care of myself maybe about a month ago! So, its prolly been about a year since I last seen her. Thing is,…I need to be honest with her and tell her the truth. I was simply lazy in the past and didnt do much for my diabetes. I rarely ever checked my sugars…I just waited till I started feeling icky and then took a large dose of Humalog. So yea,…Im going to tell her the truth, but Im going to also make it clear that I am not here for her to yell at me, but to help me make a change in my life. Perhaps it is something you should share with your doc! They need to understand that us, as patients, need to feel comfortable while under their care, and NOT intimidated! Hope this helped some. Have a great day!

swanslake54
swanslake54 2011-03-14 09:59:35 -0500 Report

Good morning, I'm sorry to hear of your suffering from diabetes but please don't feel like a failure because of having to take insulin. Sometimes I say I feel like a junkie but then I Thank God that he's provided something to help me cope with the disease. I fought taking insulin for quite sometime but I'm grateful, my daughter has mitral valve prolaspe and when she's going thru a crisis there's no med to give her instant relief. We can bring our level down with a shot, I wish it was that simple for her. Life is going to deal us hands that seem unfair but if we keep the faith and do what we're supposed to (most of the time) we can live a good life. Praying for you.

Tigereyze209
Tigereyze209 2011-03-14 11:11:37 -0500 Report

What I like is that the insulin I take is made from human DNA and not from bovine (read 'cow') sources. Eventualy, there is hope that they can 'fix' the part of the pancreas that regulates and produces insulin.

Mrs. Alilce
Mrs. Alilce 2011-03-14 09:45:47 -0500 Report

OOOOO I was outraged. I DID eat right and exercise. I had had cancer 4 years ago. Looking back, I have likely always had some blood sugar issues since then. The main thing was the pain and fatigue I could not shake. After being diagnosed Type II, there were few changes I needed to make. We were already eating healthy. Then I consulted a new dr, who completed more tests of blood, stool, and saliva finding I was anemic, my adrenal glands were nearly shut down, and I am allergic to gluten. (a lot of diabetics now seem to have that going on). I have stayed away from all grains, dairy, nuts, and tomatoes which are the top possible things to be allergic to. It has made such a difference in how I feel, never mind the great weight loss without effort (so to speak). As for "mom food" it is only when I make my planned meal to carry to work, that I reserve something. Everyone at my house can eat what I eat, or some version of it if they want to cook. I miss a few things, but like other diabetics, I obtain one serving of it, enjoy it. I don't keep it in the house cause…you know. Balance. I hope you can find peace. I am 53 and finally grown up enough to find other things to do at home or when I'm out with my daughters besides eating. Food is just a necessity, not such an obsession. It shifted my focus really and for that I am thankful. Good Luck to you!

AuntieBear
AuntieBear 2011-03-14 04:04:05 -0500 Report

I too had a horrible time on Actos. I do much better on Avandia. I am controlling my sugar, but I HATE going to the doctor.

As for the attitude, I just keep telling myself I have to take meds and watch what I eat for the rest of my life or I will not have a life. What helps and hurts at the same time is I have seen some of my family and friends die from complications of diabetes. It is a very BRUTAL death.

My probelm with most of the "special foods" is that I am allergic to most diabetic sweetners and the ones I am not allergic too are not used in many "special foods" or are flat out too expensive to buy on my fixed income. So I have had to learn moderation with regular sweets. There are a lot of cook books and web sites for diabetics that teach you how to cook regular food in a healthy way so that you do not have to rely on "special foods." Check online or at your local bookstore. Maybe if you don't have to have as many special foods it won't suck as bad.

I do have one question for you. When you were first diagnosed, did you go through the 5 stages of grief? People have a tendency to do this with illnesses like diabetes as well as with the death of a loved one. Maybe this is you going through the anger stage. Can you go to a diabetic support group in your area? There is strength in numbers and you can make friends and learn better coping mechanisms.

Hope this helps,
Bear

Tigereyze209
Tigereyze209 2011-03-14 11:05:39 -0500 Report

I had forgotten the five stages of greif analogy. Thank you for the reminder. I have an addictive personality, so should have remebered it from my recovery group. One thing easily overlooked, we can repeat some steps over and over, and there are some personality tyes that are only 'happy' when they act miserable. And, sadly, the ultimate high for those types are when they can make the lives of those around them miserable as well.
Note: I am only sharing generalized infomation from personal observation.. I am not sugesting or implying that this applies to ANYONE in this discussion. My most humble apologies if anyone found offence in my comments.. it was entirly unintentional.
God bless, good life, and great blessings upon you.

jayabee52
jayabee52 2011-05-23 07:30:57 -0500 Report

In the nearly 60 years I have been on this planet I have learned that there is a great difference between giving offense and taking offense. Some folks are so touchy that it seems they actively work to take offense from even the most inoffensive statements. There seems not to be many like that here on DC. On the other hand, I do like to try to be as inoffensive as possible, so I understand where you're coming from.

Tigereyze209
Tigereyze209 2011-03-13 21:19:46 -0500 Report

Talk about ones thunder being stolen. I was going to mention how there is no cure (yet) for diabetes, and once you get t, all you can do is maintain it, and slow down its progression. If you are having side effects of a particular medication, you are well within your rights to insist on switching to something else. While it is interesting that you take your doctors actions so personally, it is up to you to follow the advice and directions, or not. For instance, you can choose to stop all treatment completely, and simply let your condition progress until it, or one of the aggravating secondary conditions kills you. Heck, you MIGHT even live for years before you start feeling the worst of it.
Or, you can work with your health professionals and regain control over your condition. If you truly feel that your primary doctor is giving you bad advice, you can always change to someone else.
I just had to start taking insulin after ten years since my diagnosis. As a general rule, I absolutely hate shots, and now I have to give then to myself. On the plus side, my numbers are starting to go back down to where they need to be, and my overall health has improved noticeably.
I wish you luck and continued success. If you think it will help, I'll even add you to my prayer list. (What with all the events going on it the world, it is starting to get a bit long, but always room for one more.)
Sorry if I sounded a little heavy handed. I care, but you sound like you have a decent support network around you, and was reacting badly to a little bit of bad news.
It is tuff at times, and definatly frustrating when things get worse even when we are dong all the right things. Sadly, we WILL get worse over time, but we CAN slow that sucker down, and even in some rare cases, beat it back to a lower level. Hang in there, keep at it, and things will get better.
Take care.

Whomi?
Whomi? 2010-11-13 20:50:32 -0600 Report

When my doctor decided I should start insulin, I began to cry. I told him I felt like a failure in fighting this disease and gaining complete control. He told me that diabetes is a progressive disease and that, sooner or later, insulin is needed for better control.

I hope you have already gone back to your doctor. Having your bs in control is your goal, whatever it takes! She will help you reach that! Take heart, and God bless your efforts!

jeffrey9127
jeffrey9127 2010-10-22 14:36:05 -0500 Report

Hello klfrcmom, My sister and I both have Type 2 Diabetes. I am currantly on oral meds and so was my sister until about a year ago. At first she resisted going on insulin, bu once she was on it she had better control of her BS and felt much better. Insulin is just one more tool in the control of Diabetes. You are not a failure! Discouraged perhaps. I also resent being Diabetic. But I will not let it define me. I have a great family and try to enjoy everyday. Do I get upset at times? Yes. But I do my best everyday. Do I have days that my BS spikes? Of course. When this happens, I take a step back and work to get my numbers down. Hang in there. Let us know how you are doing.

bedroom
bedroom 2011-03-13 23:10:00 -0500 Report

How do you cope sometime when you want sweet

jeffrey9127
jeffrey9127 2011-03-14 08:00:34 -0500 Report

I will eat a small amount of a piece of chocolate, maybe one or two cookies, but not much more than that. Usually I will eat an apple or an orange if I want something sweet.

Miminv
Miminv 2010-09-23 23:27:11 -0500 Report

My feet and legs never swelled until i went on Actos. Now they swell all the time but not as bad.
I took myself off the Actos after being on it for three years and my feet and legs swelling 3 to 4 times their size. My (doctor?) at the time kept putting so called band aids on this problem. At one point my legs had more bling and the rest of me. I had 80$ compresion stocking and 130$ shoes just to get through the work week. I had to plan my clothes and shoes according to the swelling of my feet and legs. At one point I had a special pair of stocking made to fit my legs and feet. I would bring socks (oversized) and shoes to change out of the compresion stocking because by noon my circulation was being cut off.
It was a article online that talked about doctors in a hospital that were finding elderly patients having problems with Actos with swelling and Heart failure that made me say that is enough. I asked the (doctor) to take me off of it while I was going on insulin. He said that would not be wise. I asked my pharmasiist if i would have any problems going off of it and he said there shouldn't be.
I went off of the Actos and got a new doctor.
I thought I was a failure too when I had to go on insulin, but I would jump on it now. It make so much of a difference in your levels and how you feel every day.
It helped me clear the negative feelings and work on what and how I eat every day. It is a long process to figuring out what works for you food (carb) wise.
Good luck and hang in there it can get better.

lanegrabklyn
lanegrabklyn 2010-10-22 13:14:41 -0500 Report

u are so right i just found out i have diabetic i am on a pill thank god and i stop smoking the same day they told me and i am eating healthy now and i hire a private trainer i will get in shape and do the right thing this was a wake up call for me so im glad i joined this on line chat to learn more

klfrcmom
klfrcmom 2010-09-15 13:17:30 -0500 Report

I switched doctors. Went on insulin. Numbers went from 400+++ on average to 175 average… (still tweaking dosage) —
It's nowhere near as bad as I thought. I did a lot of reading … insulin is not a death sentence.. many people can go off of it after their numbers are in line — it's just another tool, like medication and exercise. It's just not in pill form.

although, I still resent the hell out of journaling BG numbers, meals, snacks, etc. etc. etc.

MelissaBallard
MelissaBallard 2010-08-25 15:12:11 -0500 Report

You are SO not alone. I was sure that I had been given a death sentence when I was diagnosed. My father and one of my aunts had just passed from complications and I was sure I was next. My husband also has it and he has NO CONTROL. My A1C has gone to the highest it has ever been and my wieght is the lowest it has been in years. Nothing makes any sence and I am tired of trying.

cbryant
cbryant 2010-08-20 21:07:13 -0500 Report

no, you are not alone. I have been a diabetic since 2000, at first I was doing excellent ,1ac, was 59, but I have been out of control and have gotten to the place I don;t want to take my blood sugar because i don't want to see the numbers.

donna50
donna50 2010-08-22 00:54:22 -0500 Report

no you are noy alone i have been a diabetic for along time and it is wearing me down can not get this under control and i feel the same way can not gwt thw numbers under control

Rader
Rader 2010-08-19 12:02:47 -0500 Report

I'm T2 and my Dr wants me to get on insulin because I am on so many meds they are taking a toll on my kidneys (mostly my diabetes meds)and it will help my BS levels. I too asked for advice on here and I researched it as well. Actually the insulin controls your BS levels a lot better than meds. I decided I am going to start insulin. I felt the same way about being a failure because I was copping out and going to insulin. But Its not a cop out. It is taking responsibility for your health and doing what is best for you. . I started a discussion " To insulin or not to insulin" the wonderful people on here gave me a lot of good advice and they posted a lot of links with a lot of good info. I suggest you check out that discussion .
I wish the best
Jim

bjgilbert
bjgilbert 2010-08-18 16:05:49 -0500 Report

I hated the Actos too it did me the same way. I went back to the doctor yesterday & he changed my meds for the 3rd time & said if this don't work he's going to put me on insulin. I don't want to go on insulin either. I hope you get it under control, I feel your pain.

cdhaley
cdhaley 2010-08-18 15:58:34 -0500 Report

taking isulin doesnt mean u have failed
having daiebtes either our pancreas doesnt make enough insulin or sometimes none at all
insulin is something our body is suppose to make naturally
so now we have a substitute for what opur body isnt making

dont feel like its your fault

abjt4
abjt4 2010-08-18 14:24:38 -0500 Report

It is not your fault your body isn't doing what it is supposed to do! Insulin was made for us people who have bodies with attitude problems. Don't feel as if you're a failure, look at it as if your body has changed and now has needs. Simply take care of those needs as best as you can, and try to find happiness in the fact that we have so much resources at our convenience now, than what there was just not so long ago! You sound so much like me! The only difference, is I am not taking Actos and I have somewhat decent control of my sugars.

roshy
roshy 2010-08-15 16:18:34 -0500 Report

Insulin is a gift to us people!!! i think sometimes it can be so asy to concentrate on the hard and negative aspects of our lifes but we shoud be grateful. have you tried counseling, it helps tones!!!

ccthatsme
ccthatsme 2010-08-15 11:46:42 -0500 Report

Insulin DOES NOT mean you are a failure. I cried when my doctor told me I had to start taking shots. I use a medication call Byetta, it is not an Insulin, but you do have to inject it, it is in a pen form. I was scarred to death of giving myself a shot, but it is not that bad. It works ! Like someone else said in this discussion, your body is probably changing fat to muscle and muscle weighs more, so you probably really are losing fat! Just hang in there, we are here to help you through this. We know where you are coming from.

my2bluiiz
my2bluiiz 2010-08-15 11:39:46 -0500 Report

I hate being diabetic. If diabetes was a person I would have shot it dead a long time ago. I hate the diet that you are supposed to follow. It's ridiculous! I do not eat a large breakfast before I leave the house & can't eat a good meal at work. I am on the pills but I am the kind of person who has a typical male mentality about going to the doctor, but I'm a woman. Another one of my biggest frustrations is that not being insulin dependent, I can't get any help with the cost of my testing supplies & my test strips are $70 a box! I believe there will never be a cure for diabetes due to the fact that the drug companies want us to live on their medicines thereby providing them with a guaranteed income.

Lori1964
Lori1964 2010-09-27 00:32:41 -0500 Report

To my2bluiiz…I know what you mean about the test strips being so costly. I have been out about a month and hubby threw a temper fit when he found out. But I told him we can not afford them right now. He grabbed his wallet and said he would be back and stormed out the door. When he came back he had a new meter and 100 strips for it I was in shock. He told me the meter was 10 bucks and the 100 strips and the new meter cost less together than my old strips did for only 50 strips. You know that is a smart way to go cause you only pay about .50 a strip instead of over a dollar a strip. The brand is ReliOn Ultima and it is working great for me so far.

t55kat
t55kat 2010-08-19 10:46:08 -0500 Report

i too am not a breakfast eater and was told that i could have a slim fast and a piece of fruit, my goal is 45g of carbs/meal and snack. so look to see what slimfast carb grams are and add to that for a meal that isn't too cumberson

ROYALTY1
ROYALTY1 2010-08-14 20:32:58 -0500 Report

I LISTEN TO YOU GUYS AND I HONESTLY CAN RELATE AND IT ALSO MAKES ME WANT TO BE STRONGER. WE CAN'T GIVE UP. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME FOR ME ON THIS SITE AND I BELIEVE IT IS A BLESSING. WE NOW KNOW WE ARE NOT ALONE. WE CAN TRY TO HELP EACH OTHER BE STRONG. SOMETIMES I IGNORE THE FACT THAT I AM A DIABETIC. BUT WHY, I ALWAYS COME BACK TO REALITY AND TRY TO FIX MY GLUCOSE LEVELS. TODAY I PROMISED NO MATTER WHAT TO CHECK MY SUGAR LIKE I'M SUPPOSE TO AND TAKE MY INSULIN RIGHT. IT CAN'T HURT, ESPECIALLY IF I EAT SOMETHING I SHOULDN'T. SOMEONE IS ALWAYS WORST OFF THAN YOU ARE REGARDLESS HOW BAD YOU THINK THINGS ARE. I KNOW SOMEWHERE SOMEONE WAS WISHING THEIR ONLY PROBLEM WAS BEING A DIABETIC. I PRAY A LOT. PRAYER WORKS. TRY IT.

sherifawson
sherifawson 2011-03-14 08:35:47 -0500 Report

Amen to that! I used to struggle with anger and resentment. As long as I felt it was so unfair that I had to have this disease I was not great at controlling it. Taking responsibility for it was everything for me. I have a gene in my family that predisposed me to it. I was not responsible for that. The responsibility lies in what I am going to do moving forward. So what can I do? Be an example of someone who really lives while managing my disease. Encourage others who struggle with it and connect with them. Share my ideas about coping. Be a light in a dark world. I used to think I could either have a life or keep a constant vigil over my disease. It doesn't have to be either/or, it can be both/and.

judylynn4168
judylynn4168 2010-08-15 22:44:31 -0500 Report

honestly we are not alone only if we put ourself their we have each other .thats why we are here to help and talk to each other .hay we are diabetics and we are here .its okay we just have to take care of ourselfs and be their for each other .god bless us.

newbie51
newbie51 2010-08-14 10:12:58 -0500 Report

I too am angry about my diabetes. I had been indenial for 12-13 years and then started getting one complication after another. I am mainly angry that I didn't know then what I know now. When I was first diagnosed the doctor put me on insulin right away and had me give myself the first shot. I didn't even get to practice and learn how to do it properly. Now they have classes for that and for getting information about the disease. I never knew until recently that I had Type 2. To top that I am BiPolar and have anxiety and borderline personality disorder that I take medication for.
Judith

evon666
evon666 2010-08-10 23:20:04 -0500 Report

I was diagnosed 6 years ago and sometimes am very angry that I have it and the many other health issues. I understand that I didnt have a chance since it runs in my family on both sides. I dont understand why I have it and not my other siblings. I am oldest and think I got all the bad genes. My family dont understand and think that if I took less medications that I would feel much better. I wish that was true. If I stopped all my meds I would probably die from all the dieases and conditions I have. I wish I could just trade in my body for a new one and wipe my brain of all the bad.

moora
moora 2011-03-13 16:12:34 -0500 Report

I sometimes feel like you do. But, my husband reminds me that it is never too late to reverse the conditions. you may not get rid of all problems, but you can have a life better than what it is now.

judylynn4168
judylynn4168 2010-08-15 22:52:12 -0500 Report

hay you shouldent think that way .think positive and just do your best we have it so now all we can do is our best. hange in their .we are here and we need to be here for our kids and husband .i do it everyday just like you .i take medicatoins too ya it gets fustrating sometimes ,but were here and i,m glade i sharish everyday with my family.think positive hang in their .its not that bad come on .i,v learnd so much on here and it helps.take care sweaty .think positive please.JUDY

BBW4EVR
BBW4EVR 2010-08-10 21:24:50 -0500 Report

ahhh, the frustrations of having an incurrable disease…but a controlable one. No one who requires meds of any kind is a failure…just simply in need of help. As far as being angry or hating diabetes, I have a different perspective. Maybe I am looking through rose-colored glasses, but I embrace my diabetes—every day. Diabetes SAVED my life. I was on a downward spiral…and to the point of no return. When I was diagnosed with Diabetes, I was shocked for a moment, than I thanked God. I have made major changes in my life, and I haven't felt this good in years. Is it easy? Nope. Are some days better than others? Yep. Does it change who I am? Nope. Diabetes isn't who I am—it is what I have. I am a wife, a mother to a special needs teenager, a daughter, a grandma, a volunteer, a creative woman, a caring woman who just happens to have Diabetes—which has made me take better care of myself so I can be the best I can be to all of the people in my life. Do I wish I didn't have this disease? Yep. But I do, so I embrace it for all of the positive things it has made me do for me!!!

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2010-08-12 13:51:55 -0500 Report

I loved your post. What I tell my clients is: "You are not a medical diagnosis. You are still a multi-faceted human being! Embrace who have always been and still are! A medical diagnosis does present new challenges, and this means change, something that humans tend to avoid. The 'normal' will become a 'new normal.' But you are still you." Best wishes to you!

Guardianstone
Guardianstone 2010-08-19 03:29:04 -0500 Report

I wish I had seen this article years ago. This can be said for many diseases, accidents, or other things. Every time something new has been diagnosed the depression deepens as I get another case of the "poor me's". If I could look at them as what I have, and not what I am, I might have a better (maybe even easier) life. Thank you.

Guardian stone

redclaw123
redclaw123 2010-08-10 15:59:13 -0500 Report

insulin isn't my failure, it's my salvation. i hated all the pills, they never did enough for me, but that insulin can put you right where you need to be and get your a1c in order in a short period of time. it makes it easier to remember your med than with pills too, and it makes me feel healthier. I never knew when i was resisting it how much better it was going to make me feel. It's not even difficult to inject…if you find stabbing difficult just push it in instaed, and try to avoid fatty tissue in favor of smooth area so that you don't bleed. other than that, the most inconvenient part is if you go out to eat, and even then there's always the bathroom if you are embarrassed to do the shot at the table.

PJ Dewey
PJ Dewey 2010-08-08 20:53:24 -0500 Report

It's actually easier to eat if you take insulin. As a type 1, I simply count my carbs and dose my insulin according to how many carbs I eat and my blood sugars stay under control with the occasional low. I even eat sweets, ice cream, etc. (Just not huge portions-half a cup or a couple of fun size candy bars) I would much rather be on insulin where I can control how much med I get vs. having to take a pill and having to eat on a schedule. If I don't eat, get up late, whatever, it's okay b/c my long acting insulin handles what my liver kicks out. Don't feel bad. Almost all Type 2's go to insulin and you may find it EASIER! :)

Dev
Dev 2010-08-08 18:02:39 -0500 Report

As everybody is saying it is ok to feel frustrated. It is also ok to have to take insulin. It is not a failure.

Rather than managing your diabetes with special foods on a separate shelf, I think it might help to eat the same stuff that your family eats but in different portions. In our house, most of the times we cook the same stuff but my husband who has diabetis eats less of certain things and more of others than I would eat. Also, in our house we consider nothing out of limits. Even sweets. He eats sweets but in very small quantities. Also, if he eats something that will spike his sugar then he eats less of carbs that day and also exercises more. So overall we keep the big picture in our minds rather than having a 'can eat' and 'cannot eat' list. That kind of strict constraint was the reason for his frustration.

It also helps to change at least a little bit dietary habits of the family. It might not happen overnight but you can try to reduce the frequency of unhealthy foods slowly. Much of the stuff you have to avoid, all healthy human beings should be avoiding too.

Family support is very important. So talk to your husband and children about how their behaviour is affecting you and what kind of behaviours might be more supportive. Try to find a diabetes education class that is for the family and take them for it so that they know/understand the seriousness of the issue and need for their support. I went for one with my husband and I think I understand better how to support him without nagging.

Exercise I have realised is key in keeping his sugars at bay. But he gets bored of the same kind of exercise. He also gets bored of the same kind of foods that keep his sugars down. So try variation in the types of exercises and foods you use to control your sugars.

Hope this helps reduce your frustration. And whenever you are frustrated you have this community to vent to. :)

moora
moora 2011-03-13 16:19:01 -0500 Report

Great response. What you have said here, makes the effort of dealing with diabetes lot better than I thought it was possible.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2010-08-12 13:25:48 -0500 Report

Hi neighbor! In my experience, as you said, family support is key. When one family member has a medical diagnosis, everyone else is affected. When family members communicate about how they are feeling, their fears, their frustrations, their hopes, they can work together as a team.

Kaiyle
Kaiyle 2010-08-07 11:02:59 -0500 Report

I was just recently diagnosed as a type 2 diabetic. After having cared for my father for six years and witnessing the severe medical complications that stemmed from him being a diabetic, I was devastated to learn that I had become one too. For the first month and a half, I was obsessively tracking everything too, but now I have mellowed out but still staying on top of tracking my blood sugars. What has given me a better outlook on things, is going to diabetic classes. Being well iinformed gives me a sense of control and along with taking my medications and exercising, I am confident of not allowing diabetes to control me but rather I will control the diabetes and live life to its fullest. Be encouraged and look forward to your future because it's a bright one!!!!

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2010-08-12 13:22:54 -0500 Report

Hello my friend. Just wanted to let you know that I appreciated your post. Knowledge is power! When you know the facts, you also know what you are up against. The mind is strange in that way -- without the facts, our minds tend to fill in the gaps, and that can lead to unrealistic expectations (and denial) as well as unrealistic fears. And I couldn't have said it better -- you're controlling the diabetes instead of it controlling you. Enjoy your life!

chrissie cass2
chrissie cass2 2010-08-15 06:58:20 -0500 Report

I was put on the pills and still take them Janument , I too watched my loved one go through this terrible thing but he was in denial for years and wouldn't take care of him self no matter how we pleaded with him to take care of himself He is my youngest son . He found out he had it when he was 18 and he died in 2006 at the age 36 with a wife and 3 children. His kidneys shut down on him & he was sick to his stomach all the time . I don't want to go through that kinda suffering , I loved him so much and his children did to , they watch their dad go into the hospital more than he was at home. Don't think it won't hurt you if you don't watch your diet and manage the medications and so on. Pray often and trust your doctor to be your friend, I have a super Dr she is a Russian and i can't hardly understand her but she is so patient with me i have grown to love her. I have a problem with weight not coming off i am 69 and i had a heart attack in 2007 which caused me to have 4- bypass surgery, i have grown a little stronger since all that but i feel great now . I need to exercise but i'm lazy in that area but i have a gym i go to, please keep me in your prayers as i do you also. God Bless!!!

Meeshe
Meeshe 2010-08-07 08:14:32 -0500 Report

No you are not alone… I have had diabetes for about 10 yrs now and find it hard to be motivated about taking my meds and checking my sugars… I also find that at times when I am not doing go I avoid the doctors office because I dont wanna hear the lecture… thankfully I am doing that less now and more often than not I am on track. As for the "special" foods on the shelf for mom, ha I kinda love it… I find that at times I can get my kids to eat healthier simply because they just have to have that special food mommy eats…

WJG67
WJG67 2010-08-06 22:03:31 -0500 Report

I'm the king of falling off/getting back on the diabetic wagon. My doctor can write a book about me if he hasn't already. The question I recently asked myself is do I really want to live. Right now we all have so much to live for why let diabetes take it away. Whatever you need to do just do it! We're all in the same boat and understand what you're talking about. Who wants to take insulin daily with a handful of pills. I do and it if is going to prolong my life so be it. I wish you peace in all your decisions and hope nothing but better days.

ajm1125
ajm1125 2010-08-17 10:13:02 -0500 Report

I was recently diagnosed, and after several days of pity, I was just like you…I want to live. I want to be healthy and live a full life. My family and friends are great supports. I have my moments where I just want to fall off the wagon, but the weight lost, and the way I feel…well I don't want that to go away!

RAYT721
RAYT721 2010-08-06 20:00:59 -0500 Report

I understand your frustration but I don't believe that being on insulin would make you a failure but that giving up would. If you don't feel that the doctors are treating you with the respect you deserve, it may be time for a new doctor. If all doctors treat you the same, it may be time for a realization. You didn't cause your diabetes. You cannot cure your diabetes. You can control it but it means trying Plan A, trying Plan B, learning what works and what doesn't. But not to return to the doctor because you don't like what they have to say isn't going to help your mind, body or soul. Take a deep breath and check out what is behind door #2. Call your doctor and if that doesn't work… call a different one!

Anonymous
Anonymous 2010-08-06 19:38:36 -0500 Report

When I was first diagnosed I went back 3 months later and my doctor was so shocked with my progress he took me off all medication. I have to say I was obsessed at that time. I walked/ran VERY hard 4 miles a day and keep my heart rate up over 145 for a hour at a time. I never ate anything that had any kind of simple processed carbohydrate. I checked my blood sugar all the time and had logs of what it was morning noon and night before and after meals. I freaked out one when I had checked my sugar and it was under 100 and got two small sliders from a local burger chain and it jumped to 140. That was the first time I had eaten bread in 4 months.

It's damn hard to keep an obsessive routine like that up for very long. My A1C is good now but I want it to be lower. Now I just try to make sense of it all and modify what I can without driving me crazy and keep chipping away at it. My meds have gone up but at least I am sane now. It is bothersome and embarassing being 49 years old and having to have a jumbo pill-minder to keep up with the metformin, januvia, amaryl, 8 fish oil pills a day, two statin drugs, two types of blood pressure meds (one helps the kidneys too), over the counter med for reflux, vitamins, and lets not forget the stop smoking pill I take. That's my big goal this summer. Stopping smoking!

I just don't worry about it all now, I do what I can without gong insane and keep my health the best I can. I tackle one thing at a time and try to keep it steady and improve every week. I go back in 3 months for a choleserol check and I think that my tri-glycerides should be improved. Maybe I can loose a statin drug and 1/2 those horse pill fish oils! Quitting smoking should help me with exercise and blood pressure and maybe that I can actually enjoy working out without being insane doing it. It's a work in progress!

Amalia Alonzo
Amalia Alonzo 2010-08-05 23:36:02 -0500 Report

I was diagnosed w/ diabetes in 2007 as well. When I got pregnant they put me on insulin. It was the best thing that could of happened to me, my A1c is a 6, I could now just take metformin pills but i figure if I am doing so good w/ insulin why get off. They make these really convenient pens that are insulin. But please don't feel like by taking insulin you have failed, I was pregnant when I started and it was the best thing I did for my two boys.

Emma2412
Emma2412 2010-08-05 09:50:14 -0500 Report

I know you probably don't want to hear this because you're in denial about diabetes, but believe me I've been where you are and that attitude of yours is just going to make it worse for you and slow you up, too.
When you are done with school or work or your chores around the house (whatever), I want you to do the following.
Take your blood glucose reading and see where you are. If it's low, then have a snack which includes all three food groups (protein, fat and carbs). If it's high, do not take any medicine yet. Get your fanny pack or whatever and put a snack in it just in case.
Now, go for a real good fast, but not too fast, walk, pumping your arms and using a lot of energy as you go. If one is available, get a friend to go with you. If a friend is not available, put your headphones on and listen to a really upbeat piece of music as you walk. But get that real good, fast walk in.
When you get back home, you're going to feel better about yourself mentally. Exercise increases endorphins (I think my spelling is right, LOL). Take your reading again. Is the reading lower? How much? If it is, you just found out without any pain at all that exercise is going to help you control your diabetes.
I, too, feel that insulin injections mean failure. The way I look at Type 2 is that lifestyle got us where we are and a better lifestyle will help us get to where we want to be.
So, don't despair. Your life isn't over. And so what if your Mom has some food that reacts badly for you. Do you really want to feel sick from eating something that's not good for you? And, also, is that food that Mom eats good for her? Probably not.

bace
bace 2010-08-04 16:51:50 -0500 Report

I can truely relate..this sucks. and you wouldn't be a failure if need to go on insulin. the deal is you have to stay motivated to take care of yourself. i'm not good at doing this everyday myself. but i know when i do better, i feel better. it's just a matter of keeping myself on track. the minute i was diagnosed, which came by surprise (ok wasn't a total shocker, but still a surprise)i was immediately put on glucovance and lantus. talk about feeling like a failure? i knew i was a prime candidate for diabetes…strong in both sides of family, and i still couldn't lose those 'extra pounds' to better myself!! i get so frustrated with counting carbs sometimes, and always watching every morsel that i take in. i hate watching my friends eat potato chips by the bagful. i hate that they can bring in donuts to work, and eat 2 or 3 of them! i hate that i have to watch how often i eat. you really need support for these down times…but don't give up. i wish i listened to myself more often…good luck and take care! this site will help alot…