This is my First blog. I am a Type one Diabetic and need someone to talk to who understands.

Amanda Whitford
By Amanda Whitford Latest Reply 2010-07-23 11:09:29 -0500
Started 2010-07-22 16:43:28 -0500

Hi! my name is Amanda I am a 20 year old Type 1 diabetic. I have had Diabetes for 6 years. I was Diagnosed when I was a freshman in high school. Since then I have jumped through all the hoops. I took the highly regimented NPH therapy, moved to Lantus and humalog which gave me slightly more leeway and now I am happy to say that I am on pump therapy with a green one touch ping:)
This all sounds well and great except for i still struggle daily with myself to accept this damn disease. A friend of mine told me her mom blogs about her diabetes so i thought maybe it would help me too.
First, I feel like no one understands. No one knows how hard it is to cope with diabetes. I always seem to have it together and under control but the truth is that I still become anxious if I see a reading that is even relatively high or low, I get angry at those who think they know what juvenile diabetes is but don't! or when I feel like being normal or happy is out of the question because of my disease.
My Blood sugars throughout the years have been decent but never where I want them to be in order to feel like I will live a long healthy life. I was hoping that finally taking the plunge by getting the insulin pump (after years of fighting it) would help with this, but im starting to feel like pump therapy is no better than giving injections. I understand that Diabetes takes work but is it really supposed to be this hard. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for various reasons but having diabetes is like the icing on the cake.
Am I crazy does or has anyone with type diabetes feel like this? Does it feel like no matter what you do that having diabetes will bring you down?
My mom has always said that " soon it will become like second nature" im still waiting for this day. i mean I wont forget that I have diabetes I cant remember what life was like before it, but my pump, my meter these are just constant reminders of what a pain in the ass diabetes really is.
Finally I would like to know two things. First, what the hell is up with no one knowing anything about Type one Diabetes. I mean even physicians are clueless. Its frustrating and annoying im all for diabetes education not only to diabetics but everyone else! Second, does anyone who has diabetes also have graves or thyroid disease?
Thanks for anyone who reads or listens I would appreciate the reply.
- Amanda

7 replies

sc1boy 2010-07-23 11:09:29 -0500 Report

HI Amanda hope you are feeling well. I understand that feeling about not wanting to do things and hearing that it gets to be second nature. In a way it does but it also is so frustrating to do the finger sticks and shots every day. I am like you now I just got a pump this past DEC. and it does help when we can figure out what is going on and what we might be doing wrong. I was diagnosed when I was 18 months old so I understand and know about juvenile diabetes so I do know what you mean.

Crashnot 2010-07-22 21:07:00 -0500 Report

Hi Amanda!

Wonderful and heartfelt post!!!

When I was diagnosed Type 1 at 11 months old, type 1 was THE diabetes. In the early 70s, a rare case of it cropped up in older people, so if you said "diabetes" it was understood that you had type 1. How the tables have turned! Type 2's outnumber 1s by 90%, and being a minority, it just means that people don't know. Type 2 is a bona fide epidemic, way worse than AIDS for numbers, so of course that's where the funding and media turn. Woe is us.

On the other hand, we have amazing tools to help us control our health now. Glucometers, pumps, and more rapid acting insulin. But nothing can replace that fear of "what if" I think we all have to struggle with and live with. I'd mostly overcome mine in my 30s. Then I had kids. NOW I have to stay well for them, and it puts a whole new spin on the fear. So I turn to those golden words of Franklin D. Roosevelt, later used by Frank Herbert in "Dune", "There is nothing to fear but fear itself." Funkly little mantra, easy to be taken lightly, but thinking it helps me pause to put my fears into perspective and be more proactive with my life. The mistakes I make today may be repeated, but they are over and it's time to move on.

I was pretty sure growing up that I would be blind and on dialysis by the time I was 30. Now they believe that if you manage for 30 years without complications that you'll be good to go with continued good control. I have NOT had good control, so am just grateful I seem to fall into the pool of lucky ones.

One thing I have found though that is just starting to make a huge difference in my daily life is insulin. As a kid I was on pork and beef-based insulins. We didn't have blood meters to check our control, but I had very few lows that needed treatment, and my A1Cs were in line. Then I switched to the analog, "synthetic" insulins in the 1980s. My sugars started being erratic, I became a moody, occasionally depressed person, but being a hard-headed Norwegian, I just lived with it.

Since starting the pump though in 2009, my problems increased. My husband and I did a recap and determined the only thing that had changed for me was starting the pump and realized my symptoms matched the ones I had when I briefly used Lantus and then Levimir. So I shelled out the $100+ for a vial of pork insulin, called "Hypurin" and things changed. My sugar levels stay very stable during the day, my mood and personality have lifted, the front of my brain feels like a fog has lifted, and I'm more sensitive to when my blood sugars are falling. May be a long shot, but if any of these things sound like they might be affecting you, you can go through the files at Try this file first for an overview:

They are a British organization that recognized years ago that SOME people cannot work well on synthetic insulin, and have pushed to keep the pork & beef insulin available for us weirdos out there :-)

I do not have Graves or Thyroid disease, but do have Celiac Disease, which is another immune disorder that frequently affects type 1s. I've been learning that many of the auto-immune problems usually have another one tied in with them. Do you have both conditions? That is a burden for someone at your age to bear! But you clearly have an inner rock core, you're looking in the right place for feedback and support. And your mom is right, but it takes a looooong time to get used to this specter! I kept a journal for years, and on my bad days I still turn to writing to try and grapple with my emotions and frustrations. A blog is a lovely modern means to do this. Keep it up!

Lisa in Ontario

livin' life
livin' life 2010-07-22 21:17:37 -0500 Report

Hi, I have went through alot of the same things you have, I have been a type 1 for 26 years now, and I take human insulin,Humalog, and nighttime insulin Lantus, no complications,and also my thyroid and pituatary gland don't work,I have a hard time telling when my blood sugar is low,like it can be 38, and I won't even feel anything! Anyway, ever need to talk, I'll be here, good luck to you, and stay well..

monkeymama 2010-07-22 19:39:14 -0500 Report

Hello there Amanda and welcome to our community. I am a type 2 diabetic with on the Animas PING (green as well). I struggle everyday with psychological issues as well. I have my moments where trying to cope with my diabetes and EVERYTHING that is on my plate (nursing school, wife, 3 kids - two for which have a life threatening disease and my other her own psychological issues and a eating disorder). I completely understand the feeling of not getting anywhere with my diabetes. I feel like when I get that BIG PUSH to fight and I don't see…I just give up. I am feeling so overwhelmed at times. I am down to trying to make small changes and learn to except the good bad and ugly with my diabetes. I'm constantly having to be monitored for thyroid disease. I do have a benign tumor on my liver and early stages of non-alcohol related fatty liver. I gets me upset when my husband thinks he knows…when he don't. I'll try to get him to go with to an Endo appt "to understand" and forget it. It does get very irritating for me when my mother who is a type 1 gets hypocritical with me when she don't care to do for her at all.

With my insulin pump and meter (this might sound crazy but it has helped) I have learned to make friends with both. I find creative and fun ways to try to wear it. I even have a name for it. Since it is kind of like having a friend attached to you. Try to hang in there and we are all here for you.

Harlen 2010-07-22 19:34:08 -0500 Report

Hello and welcome
Boy do I know what you talking of .
I think thats why this site is so great lots of info that the docs didnt know
If you had only one leg would you accept it?
Its good that your here it will help with dealing with it.
Best wishes

alanbossman 2010-07-22 19:09:07 -0500 Report

Hi Amanda and welcome to DC community. I am T2 but i do have a thyroid disease an overactive thyroid. I do take meds for it. I take metformin 2000 mgs a day and 15 units of insulin.

RAYT721 2010-07-22 17:26:30 -0500 Report

I am sure you'll find all types of diabetics on this site and I'm so glad you've found us. Now I am a Type II but I can totally understand all of the fears, feelings, frustrations (and a couple other F words) about being diabetic. Of course you have questions, concerns, depression and everything else. You are diabetic but you're a normal young adult … and a pretty darn responsible, I must add. You are probably more educated about diabetes than I am and probably more than your physicians are. You have it. They've studied it. Now as for graves and thyroid condition(s) with diabetes I am sure there are some with and some without each of those medical concerns. That will be up to each people to reply to discuss with you. One of the coolest Type I members is an older gentleman named Richard who actually wrote a book on his 64 years of diabetes (as a type 1)… keep your eyes out for Richard. He's a really motivating and intelligent member of this site and a genuinely caring person. I hope you two will cross paths to learn and teach each other.