How can't I help myself like I help others?

By notgatorbait Latest Reply 2010-07-23 10:47:59 -0500
Started 2010-07-15 11:26:40 -0500

My husband & his two brothers had not seen their father in 34 years. About a year ago they reunited with him. We moved his father to FL from NJ to be closer to us. Last week one of my husbands brother moved here with his two girls so he too could get to know his father.
My father in law has leukemia but refuses treatment because he believes the chemo will give him a heart attack. So they want to spend as much time with him as possible.

He kept saying how lonely he was because my husband works a lot of hours. So I found several senior activities for him. Took him shopping. Took him to dr appts. Now we found out he is involved with a woman that is not after his best interest (much younger & short on cash always asking for money). He said he wants nothing to do with his sons because she doesn't like them.

I had been going to the gym everyday to get off all meds (have been diabetic for many years. I started losing weight and inches. Now I am spending all my time trying to put the family back together. They are making great strides but I have begun to stress eat. Sweets, sweets & more sweets. Then I sit down and cry because I think I am a failure.

I don't go to the gym as much because I am always putting out family fires.

I guess I am asking for the support I crave but am not getting from home.


10 replies

MAYS 2010-07-15 18:11:09 -0500 Report

Lead by example, especially as a diabetic, show others how to by taking care of yourself, don't be a role model, be "the" role model for diabetics!

notgatorbait 2010-07-15 16:34:45 -0500 Report

Thanks for your support. Some times all it takes is someone on the outside to make everything come into place. They are adults and so am I. I am worth just as much as anyone else. I might not be able to save the world but I sure can save myself. I am ready to get back to taking care of me. Thanks again!

GabbyPA 2010-07-15 16:41:27 -0500 Report

You go gator girl!

papashoney 2010-07-16 15:20:22 -0500 Report

I find for myself That I tend to neglect me when I am so very busy taking care of others, But I can't help it sometimes like you said caregivers give TLC. The reward is usually knowing that I like have peace because so many people in this world do not. When it becomes to much or stressful I can't be of help to anyone.
It becomes " I am not much , but I am all I think about" LOL But true.

I am new to this site and many Thanks to all who has reached out to me
Including you Miss Gabby,
Billie Baker

GabbyPA 2010-07-17 17:05:54 -0500 Report

Glad you are here and I do hope that you will find the support you need here. We all have to learn to say "no" sometimes.

GabbyPA 2010-07-15 16:17:19 -0500 Report

When we are the caregivers, we often forget that we need to be taken care of as well. You are not a failure, you are a woman of compassion. Sometimes it takes a toll and you have to learn to do for yourself as well.

I am a lot like you, but you know what. Those people can do for themselves and you don't have to always be the "fireman". It is one of the hardest things for someone like you to say "no" or "not now", but you have to learn to start. Then you can have time to say "yes" to yourself. I bet you will find that as you get more into what you need, you will have more energy to give to the people you love. Those people are adults, they can make choices for themselves...let them make mistakes. That is how they will learn. Sometimes our giving and giving is really what makes them take and just might be surprised.

LennyDenny 2010-07-15 12:08:41 -0500 Report

You are not a failure - I went 12 years with only talking to my brother and sister once. It all went back to a stupid argument we had after my mothers death. I tried many times to get the family back together with no success. It took my having a heart attack and my dad's failing health to get us back together. I survived by dad passed away last Feb. Since then we stay in touch a lot more than before. It's a lot of hard work, but worth every minute. I was the same way, went to the gym, lost weight and then had to cut back because of family. I know that you can make a change, you just have to take it a little at a time. It's great to put all the time into your family, but you have to make time for yourself. Do what you have to for the family but do everything you can for yourself.

notgatorbait 2010-07-23 10:47:59 -0500 Report

Thanks so much for your story. I am sorry to hear about the passing of your dad & the struggles you have gone thru. I am back to the gym & learning to say no to others & yes to myself. It is hard sometimes but it worth it. Your story was very inspirational to me so wanted to thank you for that.

MAYS 2010-07-15 11:52:03 -0500 Report

In short, for yourself, "Just Do It".
You are responsible for you, in the end, when it's all said and done.
You have, and will always have our support here at DC, when you need it.


papashoney 2010-07-16 15:22:03 -0500 Report

I have found a home I am excited about meeting new friends would love to be friends with you also Mays
Billie Baker

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