Somewhat irritated.

By badfirefairy Latest Reply 2010-07-04 11:07:10 -0500
Started 2010-07-02 21:29:18 -0500

I have been doing pretty good managing things until my children had a meltdown. My step-son is s**** because the focus is no longer on him (he has medical issues) and my 5 year old is acting like a hypoconriact (pretending everything that is wrong with us is wrong with him). At this point, I am just frustrated. I have to clue what to do about the kids AND keep myself from falling apart. Any suggestions?

10 replies

Jeannie Holmes
Jeannie Holmes 2010-07-04 11:07:10 -0500 Report

Poor firefairy! I have raised 2 stepsons and 1 stepdaughter plus a daughter of my own. The only advice I would give you is try hard to take care of yourself until he grows up!! You will never win with him, so just don't go crazy. All of my kids are now adults and we have a wonderful relationship. But when they were growing up I wanted to either kill them or run away! I did run away when I got the chance. But only for a few hours or a few days. Good luck and hang in there! : )

Pam from KCMO
Pam from KCMO 2010-07-04 06:06:29 -0500 Report

I liked Ray's suggestion of trying to enlist your stepson. If you're both dealing with illness, you've got that in common. Maybe you could ask for his help in plotting the way forward for both of you. The buddy system - tho, being a teenager, who knows how he'd respond. :-/

Good luck to you!

GabbyPA 2010-07-03 21:05:51 -0500 Report

It's so hard for kids to get it. They are used to getting the attention and they don't see a physical reason to view your illness as something serious. No blood, no problem. You know it is a kid's world. Time will give you a chance to learn how to deal with your illness but still give the kids what they need. You can't expect them to understand, but you can make it fun for them. Involve them in your meal planning or the shopping. Involve them in your exercise and have fun. Involve them in the fun part of it ( Yes, there are good things about it) It will make your attitude better and keep the kids interested in how to do the new things they are learning.

Katsarecool 2010-07-03 09:54:58 -0500 Report

Hello BadFire: Sorry to hear you are dealing with a petulant child! I am not talking about the five year old. LOL And your five year old is acting like a normal little boy. I have a 4 1/2 yr old grandson and he is so much fun at this age. But doe she ever ask a lot of questions and he pays close attention even if it appears he isn't.

I agree a sit down with the older one is in order. Putting up boundaries is probably a good idea. Kids don't like to see their parents sick. It scares them and can lead to inappropriate behavior. As far as the little one is concerned he can share in a discussion with you one on one. How I handled my kids when they were that age was to do a brief synopsis (age appropriate) and then let them ask questions.

Try not to stress as we all know how bad that can be for our health. Not easy with little ones I know.



salmanda 2010-07-03 07:35:48 -0500 Report

When Ray said to hug him because it would tick him off, it made me think of a movie that was made many years ago called UNCLE BUCK. It starred John Candy, and he was called on to take care of his very poorly behaved niece and nephews. Very funny…maybe watching it would give you some ideas. :)
That aside, I understand your frustration. I am a teacher of young children and deal with the emotion on a regular basis. I have found with my students that being matter of fact when they complain about illnesses helps. I feel their head, talk to them a minute or so, and give them a reason they might be feeling that way. That usually takes care of them. As far as the older stepchild, I would not give him the attention he is asking for when he acts out. If you feel that is the case, talk to him later about your thoughts about why he is doing the acting out. Tell him you are not going to refocus to him when bad behavior happens because the focus isn't on him. Even by getting the attention he receives from bad behavior is getting the focus on him which is what he wants. Sometimes rewards given for good behavior work really well.
Whatever you choose to do, the most important thing is to be consistent and follow through. If you don't/can't do these two things, the best plan in the world is worthless.
Good luck…hope I have helped some.

Katsarecool 2010-07-03 09:56:29 -0500 Report

Sal absolutely! Especially being consistent which should be a Golden Rule for parentlng and grandparenting as well.

Harlen 2010-07-02 23:35:17 -0500 Report

I feel for you
My grand baby is the same way lol if it didnt stress me out so bad it would be funny.
You can not let kids run your life you must run theirs
With kids each one is difrent and must be handeld difrently
its up to you.I know I am no help at all. Sorry
Best wishes

RAYT721 2010-07-02 22:13:38 -0500 Report

It's a little more difficult to have a heart-to-heart chat with a five year old than with the, I presume, older stepson. Realistically you'd have a better chance of Dora the Explorer or SpongeBob having the discussion for you with the five year old. The older one (how old?) may simply be going through that type of tween-teen attitude that lasts for several years and may just be coincidental to your diagnosis. Oh, God, I remember my teen years. Knowing that I couldn't cry about the things that bothered me, I made sure that everyone else around me suffered instead. The step child/parent relationship is always difficult so I would encourage you to say what you feel. Find the right words to vent your frustration and ask for his help in your care while you assure him your help in his. You should stand up for yourself or the frustration will turn to resentment… for both of you.

I am so sorry to hear of your frustration because you most certainly have a lot of concerns, fears, and emotions as you are about to embark on a journey. It's important to keep your stress levels under control in order to get your weight and glucose under control. You are in the right place for that… you've joined a group with some really good listeners. If there's anything that I can say or do, won't you please message me? It's nice to have a friend to confide in and especially someone who understands what you have and will be going through.

I don't have all of the answers for you but I am sensitive to how the relationships can be damaged or strengthened with ill family members. It's important for him to realize that you're in it together and both need comfort and understanding from each other.

If you really want to piss him off in return, give him a great big hug. Teens hate them!!! For everything else, there are a number of wise and wonderful people here who share the frustrations, fears and feelings.

Trust us!!!