Embarassing Medical Exams

joni55
By joni55 Latest Reply 2010-05-14 16:43:29 -0500
Started 2010-05-13 16:18:33 -0500

Embarassing Medical Exams
by altje at 5/12/2010 1:48:24 PM

1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'

My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - -
and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,
San Francisco

2… At the beginning of my shift
I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,'. . .replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes,
Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad
news when I told a wife that her husband had
died of a massive myocardial infarct.

Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he had
died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up
appointment with his cardiologist, he informed
me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
one of his medications..
' Which one ?'. .. . I asked. 'The patch…
The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it !'
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped
I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now, the instructions include removal of
the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair,
Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .
' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
Corvallis , OR

6. I was performing rounds at the
hospital one morning and while checking
up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your
breakfast this morning?' ' It's very good
except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem
to get used to the taste.'. .. . Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced
a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf,
Detroit ,

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
when a young woman with purple hair styled
into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
entered … . . It was quickly determined that
the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating
table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had
been dyed green and above it there was a
tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN no name,

AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.
I was quite embarrassed when performing female
pelvic exams… To cover my embarrassment
I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing
and further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . .
' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
She replied with tears running down
her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .

' No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . .
' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' '

Dr. wouldn't submit his name…

1 MORE

Baby's First Doctor Visit

This made me laugh out loud.
I hope it will give you a smile!

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

'Breast-fed,' she replied..

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'

I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,

But I'm glad I came.'

————————————————————————————————————————

Comments

waltaz
online now! 5/12/2010 2:31:03 PM

snugglyangel56 5/12/2010 2:40:26 PM

gosh those were FUNNY!!!

nenebubbles 5/12/2010 3:30:15 PM

dejad 5/12/2010 3:38:14 PM

januaryhunt 5/12/2010 4:08:22 PM

sunny3881 5/12/2010 4:27:16 PM

I LAUGHED OUT LOUD. VERY FUNNY

vera_is_back 5/12/2010 6:14:08 PM

being a grandma I loved the last one now must wait till I have more great grands to see if it works for me.

lkavour92 5/12/2010 8:27:43 PM

WAY FUNNY!

texangelfire 5/12/2010 8:30:48 PM

Oh goodness Oh my gosh laughed my head off

skipper_doodle 5/12/2010 8:37:13 PM

OH JESUS, I just peed myself

heydaddy64 5/12/2010 8:41:43 PM

I loved it. Especially the Grandmother one.

ooohman2 5/13/2010 3:17:43 AM

Hey Grand Ma Guess you have to watch what they serve for jelly in Ky.

altje 5/13/2010 4:58:03 AM

One can never be too careful!

sharsea 5/13/2010 6:33:07 AM

Thanks, I needed that! Laughter is good for the soul…LOL…

bigmamano7 5/13/2010 1:08:32 PM

thanks for making my day more funny, Vicki

joni1955
online now! 5/13/2010 2:07:16 PM

Loved it, Loved it, Loved it!!! I have a neighbor who is in the medical field. I will share them with her.

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3 replies

Gabby
GabbyPA 2010-05-14 14:45:36 -0500 Report

Ok the Oscar Myer Wiener one was just too much! That is better than the glitter one I have seen going around for years.

joni55
joni55 2010-05-14 16:43:29 -0500 Report

You know something, I didn't even catch on to that until you said something and I just looked at it. OOPS!

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-05-13 23:39:40 -0500 Report

Funny, Joni!!

A true, embarrassing story that I was a part of years ago, was when I was a nurse aid, our "clean, midstream U.A." was just that. We used 2 paper cups, one with Phisoex soap and cotton balls, and one with clear water and cotton balls, to wash the soap off of the "area", instructions to "pee" a little bit, then catch it in the clean cup provided.

The elderly man was so shy, he begged me to close the bathroom door while "he did his business'—but uneasily, I peeked thru a crack in the door and was flabbergasted when he DRANK THE soapy water, followed by the clear water—-not sure what he did with the cotton balls——I tried to stop him in mid—-air—-NOT successful. I rushed up to the nurses' station and asked my RN if it would hurt him—-she didn't know, but the man was OK, and had the CLEANEST urine speciman in the hospital, from the INside—-out! Pat R

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