Family Support

Randoo
By Randoo Latest Reply 2010-05-15 23:37:48 -0500
Started 2010-05-05 05:16:07 -0500

I hope this is OK to bring up here. I was diagnosed just 4 weeks ago. Since then my wife has just alienated herself from me and won't lieten to my fears or my concerns. She tells me to stop talking about it and stop researching the internet about it. I am confused enough and thought my spouse would be there for me and help me through all the emotions that come with this.

Have any of experienced this? What did you do or what should I do? I feel very alone now and feel that I need to go through this by myself.

Thanks for listening. I appreciate it.

Randy


12 replies

KarenH
KarenH 2010-05-15 23:37:48 -0500 Report

Hi Randy,

I am truly sorry that your wife is not being as supportive right now as you need. Maybe she just needs more time to get used to the idea and will come around in time. We are all here to help each other and will give you support. Keep doing your internet research and ask questions.

My situation is different from yours because my husband and I are both diabetic. Most of the times that helps but not always. Sometimes just one of us is eating healthy and the other not OR sometimes we are both BAD, but either way we always know the consequences and then try to do better. It's nice though when we are on the same page!

Good Luck!
Karen

tholz
tholz 2010-05-10 00:06:28 -0500 Report

I am sorry. My hubby has done the same to me. I am alone here and it sucks. I have no one to talk to at all on here yes. So I dont even tell him any thing any more at all. I keep it to my self. I get so upset over this it makes me sick

imsuzie2
imsuzie2 2010-05-08 19:02:03 -0500 Report

Welcome, Randy.

You have been given lots of great advice from your new friends here on DC. My heart also goes out to you as well. For the first 4 to 5 years of my being diabetic, my husband would say, "you are not diabetic, you are pre-diabetic". I had to KEEP reminding him that I crossed that line in '03 (or was it '04?, I forget). Even now, when he goes to the store for or with me, he drops in the junk food. But, the bottom line is he is really there for me, and like Lady Di said, I think it was, he is not the care-giver type, so I have to take the bull by the horns and be my major advocate. With support from my friend here, and a diabetic friend at work, I get the extra support I might need. I have a great supportive medical team as well, and the family on both his side and mine are loving as well.

With my husband I have learned that I sometimes have to tell him exactly what I need, and he either willingly or grudgingly gives it to me. He is really a good guy I love to dump on, and I hope that you and your wife can work it out. Sometimes a third party, a doctor or therapist or good friend can help you work thru it.

I also agree getting into a diabetes education class, and doing all the research you can will do nothing more that help you be an informed patient and best advocate for yourself. Stay around and ask questions and learn from some of the best people around, your new DC family. (Live it, learn it, conquer it)

S2

Gabby
GabbyPA 2010-05-05 13:28:01 -0500 Report

Oh Randy, my heart goes out to you in this troubled time. Like many have said, this is a "safe" place to come. You can talk to people who are going thru similar things and it will help a lot.

I have to agree with what some have said. Your wife may just be scared to death about it as well, but not knowing what to do. You want that " in sickness and in health" vow to kick in here. It will, give her some time and for now a little space.

My husband is in a wheelchair and there are days when his aches and pains are main topic and I have to admit I get tired of hearing about it. It isn't that I don't love him, it is just there is a limit to how many times I have to hear that his shoulders are sore. Those are selfish moments for me, I know. When I was first diagnosed, it was all I talked about too and I am sure I drove everyone nuts. It was still being formulated in my mind. As my lifestyle changed it became less a topic and just a way of life. But with something as big as diabetes, I am sure there is a lot of denial in her mind as well.

Keep researching and keep pro active in your quest. That will do more for your ability to deal with your illness than anything. Offer to go shopping with her so you can make sure you are getting foods that will work for you. Offer to help her cook so that your meals will be more balanced for you. Offer to do for yourself, so she can see what she needs to be doing for you as well. Make it a team effort without her realizing it and before you know it she will be asking if something is a good carb or a bad carb for you.

Until then, we are here for you. Vent away and get the help you seek.

Harlen
Harlen 2010-05-05 12:32:16 -0500 Report

Your not alone you are here and we are here for you.
Just think of it from her side she may be this way
You are her rock the land she walks on and if this can happen to you the strangth of her life then how can she feel safe?
I try to look at things from the other side lol but thats just me
I am so lucky my wife in a CCRN szo she jumped on top of me and cracked the wip to get me on the right road lol lol
I didnt get over the shock for two years so take it ez on her
she may come around?
Best wishes
Harlen

runthe
runthe 2010-05-05 11:46:24 -0500 Report

Hello Randy welcome to DC. When i was first diagnose last year my husband didn't support me either. I felt so alone and i eventually denied having diabetes. Eventually i had to think about myself and learn as much as i could by reading books and from the internet. My friends here on DC are very helful and supportive. Ask your doctor to send you to a diabetic educator. Your wife will eventually come around

LadyDi - 26259Miller
LadyDi - 26259Miller 2010-05-05 10:57:36 -0500 Report

I have noticed throughout my life that there are so many types of people and so many different personalities, etc. Some people are more nurturing than others…know how to care for others and provide support. I think others want to or wish they knew how. Some people more readily show emotion than others, but not showing emotion doesn't necessarily mean they aren't effected or that they don't care. Some have trouble finding the words to express themselves. Don't expect the same reaction from everyone. That won't happen. Your attitude and how you relate to your new diagnosis and how you show that you care about your life could make a difference in how your family and friends relate to it. If you can subtly educate them while educating yourself, that's good too. It will make it easier for them to relate and support you, I think, if they see you accepting it and taking action…having a positive attitude. If you're upset and confused, they are too. We all expect or wish that our spouses, etc., were ready to be there for us in times like this, but that doesn't always happen. In that case, you can't let that discourage you and keep you from doing what you need to do. You can control your quality and length of life in great part, so get with the program and move forward. Good luck!

spiritwalker
spiritwalker 2010-05-05 10:56:51 -0500 Report

Welcome to DC. You are feeling overwhelmed right now.
You have come to the right place. Everyone here is supportive. There is a great deal of information in the area
listed at the let on your screen. Look around, join in discussions. Post questions. Tell us what you need and we
will try to help. You can still lead a good,full life. I have
been diabetic for 25 years. Ask your Dr. to send you to
a diabetic educator or class. Most hospitals offer them.
They will teach you the basics. Visit this site often and
share with all of us.

ston3xc
ston3xc 2010-05-05 10:03:41 -0500 Report

Your wife is scared and out of her element but that does'nt mean you have to be too. Learn as much as you can and keep doing the best you can. We're all here for support, all you have to do is ask!

monkeymama
monkeymama 2010-05-05 08:38:37 -0500 Report

Hello there Randy! I've been a diabetic now just over 6 years. When I found out I was diabetic, my husband did not react the way I was hoping he would. I went into a deep denial and refused to follow what I needed to all of the time. I just picked and choosed when I did care. I start wising up and coming to terms very slowly but still was not there yet. I tried and realized you can't make a person do if they just do not want to. I gave up on asking my husband to help and be supportive. I realized just this year a new view to it all. I have to do it for myself and for only me. I have to be strong and take responsibility me and my actions in what I do. I began making very slow and gradual changes in my life. I changed my attitude to a I WANT TO do this…I CAN do this, I WILL do this mode of life with my diabetes. Okay, so you have a rough day or time. Do not allow it to bring you down. Get yourself back up and fight to beat it. Do not allow the diabetes to beat you at the game. You game to beat it! Utilize your resources and get involved with groups like this. There are other means of support. Just because they may not want to be as or supportive as we want them to. We also must learn to still love and accept them. Do not allow negative thoughts from others bring you down either. You won't be able to help yourself and be there for her if you don't take charge. That was my other side I had to look at. I have three children and I am in nursing school. It won't help me with either. Just hang in there, be tough, be strong, and we are all here for you.

shorty31
shorty31 2010-05-05 08:03:34 -0500 Report

when i found out that i was diabetic my husband didn't help me either. my father did and i remember all of the family that died fron it. but when my husband found out i went to classes i allways asked him did you take your meds. i felt so alone that i got very depressed i gain wieght. i just with drew from everything and everyone. but one day i looked in the mirrow and ididn't like what i saw, i had realize that he couldn't give me the support i wnated only God could. do you know my youngest son said to mom i love you very much but since you married him you have just giving up on life. it took two people in my life that even acted like they cared that is my son and the one that means the most to me is my granddaughter you support comes fron all over and within you have to believe in your self that you will learn how to take good care of yourself. sometimes it will get rough but God don't put on you know more than you can bare he only testes your faith. once you stand up and act like what your wife is doing doesn't matter and i know it does because i feel like you and some times it does hurt . just remember i am lovedand you will find support where you least exspect to find it . you have a believer in me if i can pull thrugh this with the friends i have here you can do it too. GOD blee and good luck and remember we are here if you need us day and night.

MAYS
MAYS 2010-05-05 07:24:15 -0500 Report

Welcome to Diabetic Connect !

This happens and can happen.
Some people are supportive, some aren't, some don't know how to be, what's important for you is that YOU stay focused, educated and committed to controlling your diabetes and managing your glucose level daily.

You can, will and have found support but you cannot force or expect someone to feel more concerned about you than you are of yourself.
Continue doing what needs to be done for you, once the initial shock and resistance wears off, you will see a change in others concerning your medical condition.

Join in the discussions, browse the site, educate yourself and keep others informed of your failures as well as your success, be an inspiration to others a soak up the support and love present here at DC.

Like all things in life, give it time, it's well worth it !

~ Mays ~

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