P & M #14

Deb-G
By Deb-G Latest Reply 2012-03-31 11:09:12 -0500
Started 2010-04-24 10:50:33 -0500

Continuation of our P & M , also know as Moan & Groan thread

Except its not all complaining, its anything goes, vent, joke, share, you name it…its just a place to put anything you'd like to say and know someone is listening :)


74 replies

Roy531
Roy531 2011-01-13 08:45:40 -0600 Report

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
along with… 'a recipe'.

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale

A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time ..' -
A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t…

Deb-G
Deb-G 2011-01-13 12:24:30 -0600 Report

Wow…got this little message in my "inbox" that a message was posted and realized I haven't been here in AGESSSS…Hope everyone is well…Thx for the giggle Roy

Roy531
Roy531 2010-11-08 15:44:30 -0600 Report

Daily Smile!!

BLESSED ARE THE Whackadoodles, FOR THEY LET IN THE LIGHT!
TWENTY-NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9. I'm not a complete idiot — Some parts are just missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18. Procrastinate Now!

19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

26. Ham and eggs… A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. (how true)
27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Life is too short and friends are too few !

Roy531
Roy531 2010-11-08 10:26:06 -0600 Report

O.M.G. - I'm rich!
Silver in the Hair
Gold in the Teeth
Crystals in the Kidneys
Sugar in the Blood
Lead in the Butt
Iron in the Arteries
And
an inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.

I never thought I'd accumulate such wealth.

jayabee52
jayabee52 2010-09-12 17:33:07 -0500 Report

I got a P&M from Friday Sept 10: I am wantiing to dance more for exercise so I am trying to learn a new dance for me, the Salsa. I find out about these classes on "Meetup.com". I had been to one the previous Friday and it was enjoyable, but on the meetup site there was some confusion as to where the next would be held.

So I drove to the salsa dance class Friday night but when I got there the lady said that "the organizer cancelled the class tonight." 30+ miles each way for nothing! and I blew off another chance to dance to go there! ~ Grumble ~ Grumble ~

jayabee52
jayabee52 2010-09-11 14:59:19 -0500 Report

anyone up for reviving this discussion thread?

Jeannie Holmes
Jeannie Holmes 2010-09-12 11:14:13 -0500 Report

YES!!!!! I wondered where this was! I for one miss being able to P & M!!

jayabee52
jayabee52 2010-09-12 17:21:49 -0500 Report

There was a person (I forget who now) who had a good gripe for here and thought about it and so decided to post and try to revive the thread. I am also trying to revive the Good Morning, afternoon, evening (#1).

Roy531
Roy531 2010-07-07 08:13:13 -0500 Report

Things Got Ya Down? Well Then, Consider These .

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am , regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 am Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 am all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11:00 , Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper , entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Still Having a Bad Day????

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still Think You are Having a Bad Day????

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Are Ya OK Now? - No?

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?!? STILL Having a Bad Day????

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb.
It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. God is Good!

There now, Feeling Better?

MAYS
MAYS 2010-07-07 08:44:45 -0500 Report

Thanks for the reality check, things may seem bad, but it can always be worse (but I am thankful that it isn't).
Enjoy your day.
~Mays~

jaclyncrystal
jaclyncrystal 2010-06-28 20:34:35 -0500 Report

thank goodness thought I would never find one of my favourite parts of this site. I have been missing in action for some months now. But I am now back trying very hard to stay positive. Saw diabetic specialist, although she was a nice person, hearing one more person tell me how awful this disease is has been a little too much. Hi to all my friends out there. jackie

tholz
tholz 2010-06-27 01:02:31 -0500 Report

We when on bike ride like all day stop at cousins never had been there. We got backabout 930pm and I had a new house computer all setup. I love my hubby for this are anniversary is wed 31 yrs. I thought i was just getting a new brainbox. What a surprise

ston3xc
ston3xc 2010-05-05 20:23:27 -0500 Report

I was wanting to do a little whining today, I hope nobody cares- here goes- I started working as a census taker yesterday. We take an oath of confidentiality so this is all about me, sorry. I'M SO TIRED!! MY FEET HURT!! MY BACK HURTS!! MY SHOULDER HURTS!! Ok, I'm through now, I feel better, thanks for listening everyone!

Deb-G
Deb-G 2010-05-06 07:51:21 -0500 Report

Awe you are going to need some spa treatment after this work :) Hope you have time for a hot bath or a hot tub in the evenings! … Take care

imsuzie2
imsuzie2 2010-05-09 16:57:23 -0500 Report

My friend is doing the same in CA and has lots of the same complaints. She liked the training, not the actual job. It is $$ and short term. I tell her to make friends…have a good week.

Deb-G
Deb-G 2010-05-03 10:59:27 -0500 Report

Happy Monday :) Hmmm…are Mondays ever really happy? lol…Maybe if your work week is through Sunday and Mondays and Tuesdays are your weekend? lol…Hope everyone is feeling well, doing well, and smiling! :)

imsuzie2
imsuzie2 2010-05-05 05:08:17 -0500 Report

Deb, what is the update on your oldest? How is her asthma?

Looking for a smile to get thru the rest of your week?

"Vising India"

Goldie Cohen, an elderly Jewish lady from New York,
goes to her travel agent. "I vont to go to India."

"Mrs. Cohen, why India? It's filthy, much hotter than
New York, it's full of poor, dirty people."

"I vont to go to India."

"But it's a long journey, and those trains, how will you
manage? What will you eat? The food is too hot and
spicy for you. You can't drink the water. You must not
eat fresh fruit and vegetables. You'll get sick: the plague,
hepatitis, cholera, typhoid, malaria, God only knows.
What will you do? Can you imagine the hospital, no
Jewish doctors? Why torture yourself?"

"I vont to go to India."

The necessary arrangements are made, and off she
goes. She arrives in India and, undeterred by the noise,
smell and crowds, makes her way to an ashram. There
she joins the seemingly never-ending line of people
waiting for an audience with the guru. An aide tells her
that it will take at least three days of standing in line to
see the guru.

"Dotz OK."…she says.

Eventually she reaches the hallowed portals. There she
is told firmly that due to the long lines she can only say
SEVEN words to the guru.

"Fine."

She is ushered into the inner sanctum where the guru is
seated, ready to bestow spiritual blessings upon his eager
initiates. Just before she reaches the holy of holiest she is
once again reminded:

"Remember, just SEVEN words."

Unlike the other devotees, she does not prostrate at his
feet. She stands directly in front of him, crosses her arms
over her chest, fixes her gaze on his, and says: …

"Sheldon, I'm your mother. Come home…NOW!"

Deb-G
Deb-G 2010-05-05 07:55:06 -0500 Report

lol…too funny…thx for the giggle Suz!

Thx for asking about Ashley…We did get her a new tx plan and are aggressively treating the Asthma and any environmental seasonal allergies that could be aggrivating it…She is breathing much easier and there is only a cough present when she starts to do too many sprints or endurance kind of running in softball practice…so we are limiting that right now…she's doing well in games and it seems to be helping…

I am so thankful we have a Rx plan…her medications for one month were about $500…I cant imagine trying to afford that full amount…and whats the alternative? no air…its a scarey thought…scares me more then not affording my own crap lol

Anyway…*Knock on Wood* things seem to be going well :)

Hope all is great in your neck of the woods too!!

imsuzie2
imsuzie2 2010-05-09 17:01:30 -0500 Report

Here's another one for this week…

Subject: Will you live to be 80?

Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned 60.)

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'

'Oh no,' I replied.. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?

'I said, 'Not much… my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'

'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'

'No,' I said.

He looked at me and said,… 'Then, why do you even give a shit? '

imsuzie2
imsuzie2 2010-05-09 18:50:51 -0500 Report

Welcome, Renee! Here is one for you!!!

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10

years old, but they know they are in love.

One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10.. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine."

Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this.

"Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question.

What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?"

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."

Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.

jayabee52
jayabee52 2010-04-29 21:36:32 -0500 Report

Universal Truths

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to start my collection…again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Crap!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

21. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

22. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

23. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

24. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

25. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

"We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by."

Deb-G
Deb-G 2010-04-29 08:34:07 -0500 Report

Well its midweek and my day off…the sun is shining…and I'm spending the entire day worrying about my oldest daughter…go figure…She is a asthmatic and while she has outgrown the severe attacks that require her to carry an emergency inhaler, she is still very affected by any colds or allergies…She gets a asthmatic cough and its just aweful…we do nebulize to keep her lungs clear and hopefully get the cold out faster but with some bugs she gets a swelling in her voicebox that causes a separate breathing issue…this terrifies me most because a rescue inhaler wont fix that…She has early release today and softball later and I'm just a mess trying to get her into the doctor while she's wanting to not miss anything…I guess she forgets all the ER visits with her turning blue? Well Mom's dont! …so anyway…so much for a day off lol

imsuzie2
imsuzie2 2010-04-30 02:59:12 -0500 Report

OMG, Deb, if it is not one thing, it is another!! Hope the day went ok for you and the oldest. HUgs

Deb-G
Deb-G 2010-04-30 08:29:18 -0500 Report

I know right Suz lol…sheesh…I pick her up from school in a couple hours and head to the specialist…her larynx swelling is still off and on…time to get a different solution…

tholz
tholz 2010-04-24 22:28:25 -0500 Report

Hubby is an ass. So he wants me to look for a coat rack for his office with what money I wonder. He give me none.He has all uncle sams he got back

ston3xc
ston3xc 2010-04-24 17:33:36 -0500 Report

I have discovered that I no longer have to shave my legs, they have been as smooth as a baby's behind tor two years! Now we all know that that is NOT a good thing, but I was starting to have trouble getting it done and now I say HURRAH!

Deb-G
Deb-G 2010-04-24 19:50:21 -0500 Report

I rarely have to shave mine either…lol…seems so funny and so nice all at the same time…course i'm blonde and never really hairy anyway but somehow it just still seems NICE!! haha

Pam from KCMO
Pam from KCMO 2010-04-25 07:31:09 -0500 Report

I still shave my legs, occasionally, but since I only have about nine hairs left on each one, I could probably just use tweezers!

Okay, TMI. (Too Much Information)

Pam from KCMO
Pam from KCMO 2010-04-25 07:31:50 -0500 Report

And thanks for starting a new thread, Deb. The old one was getting looooooooong.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-04-29 11:01:37 -0500 Report

Yow, I was just thinking and hoping you would start a new thread, and who-la—Good for you! I haven't shaved my legs for years, not sure when that started, nor my underarms either, and nothing is hanging out, I guess——PR

Shortaphrodite
Shortaphrodite 2010-05-06 03:53:01 -0500 Report

Mwahahaha funny az! I thought I was the only one!! My 9 yr old daughter is hairyer than me. Saves on razors tho, and nicks!!

KitKatt93
KitKatt93 2010-04-28 23:44:17 -0500 Report

That's not fair! lol I have to shave at least every other day and I have blondish hair. Care to share your secret?
~Katt

ston3xc
ston3xc 2010-05-05 20:09:22 -0500 Report

Neuropathy destroys the nerves and the cells that produces the hair. Not having to shave anymore just proves my neuropathy is pretty bad-0uch!

ptsparkle
ptsparkle 2010-04-24 12:37:48 -0500 Report

NO Nursing Home for me!
With the average cost for a Nursing Home per day reaching $188.00,there is a better way when we get old & feeble. I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn for a combined long term stay discount and senior discount of $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for:

1. Breakfast, lunch and dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service.

2. Laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, washer, dryer, etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.

3. They treat you like a customer, not a patient. $5 worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling to help you. There is a city Bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The Handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp). To meet other nice people, call a Church bus on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the Airport shuttle Bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.

4. It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in one place forever, you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there too.

5. TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience. The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are ok. If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

6. And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation. The grand kids can use the pool. What more can you ask for?

So: As I reach the Golden age I'm facing it with a grin. I'll just check into the nearest Holiday Inn!

:) Jim

Deb-G
Deb-G 2010-04-24 13:22:16 -0500 Report

Amen

I always say to my Dad "Aging Sucks"

and he always says …"Beats being dead" lol

joni55
joni55 2010-04-24 15:05:51 -0500 Report

I told my doctor that getting old was a pain (literally) and he said that it was better than the alternative. He looked at me with a strange look, and said, "Oh?" He was concerned because of some emotional problems I hav had in the past. I said, "Yeah, I hear heaven is a pretty nice place!" He smiled.

imsuzie2
imsuzie2 2010-04-24 18:11:40 -0500 Report

I forget the costs, but living on a cruise ship (inside cabin) is not too much more than the Holiday Inn…heck, you can upgrade to an outside cabin or suite for not too much more…!!!

Miminv
Miminv 2010-04-25 02:48:42 -0500 Report

I am so there with you. "Traveling old people" is what we can call it. Go from state to state. And when the U.S. is done we could dip our toes in the water arcros the pond. LOL
I am now looking forward to getting old. Thanks

Deb-G
Deb-G 2010-04-24 10:52:16 -0500 Report

Ah, there you are ;)

Nice to see you!!

imsuzie2
imsuzie2 2010-04-24 18:13:42 -0500 Report

My step-mom refers to old age as "The Rusty Years".

Got a gripe!

The little # now says I have 25 tracked discussions. I can't find them, and the number continues to grow…

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-04-29 11:05:46 -0500 Report

Click on them and they should show up—-I am finding also, that some respond to something that I have said, and I am not notified, so when I have time, I search a bit, but not as much as I used too—-running out of anything to say, anyway! hahah—go ahead and laugh——PR