judy makowski
By judy makowski Latest Reply 2010-03-21 07:34:28 -0500
Started 2010-03-20 16:04:20 -0500

I have been in the hospital with my husband for a week. First they thought he pneumonia and then found out he had metastatic lung cancer. He went in on a Thursday and died the following Tuesday.

I haven't been able to eat or sleep. I know part of it was the shock and then staying up for him and only taking 15 minute cat naps when I could.

My emotions are off the wall and my eating is terrible.
Not that I'm eating the wrong things I'm just not eating.

My daughter is no help. She has emotional problems herself and doesn't want to know anything. It's just crazy.

Please bear with me while I work my way through this.

Everything has happened so fast, so many decisions to be made, legal issues, financial issues. Everything is up and down

Any help regarding eating etc. would be greatly appreciated Thanks


11 replies

alanbossman 2010-03-21 07:34:28 -0500 Report

So sorry for your loss,i will pray for you and your family at this time. As some here have said you must eat to stay healthy even small things .

Pam from KCMO
Pam from KCMO 2010-03-21 07:19:27 -0500 Report

Judy - as others have said, you need to eat something even if it's just a piece of toast or whatever.

I cannot know firsthand what you're going through, but here's a site that was of great comfort to me:

It lists the seven stages of grief and describes what each stage feels like and what's going on. My best friend of 35 years died suddenly last year from bacterial meningitis - fine one day, dead 24 hours later - and I found it very helpful in describing what I was feeling, both for me and for her teenage children.

I am SO sorry, Judy, and am keeping you in my prayers.

cc9 2010-03-21 01:40:21 -0500 Report

Judy so sorry to hear about your sudden loss. You must eat. No matter what it is. a glass of milk, a few nuts, a piece of toast, soup etc anything that will keep you going. i will pray for you and your family. We are here for you and with you so you are not alone.

spiritwalker 2010-03-20 20:03:37 -0500 Report

Judy, My thoughts and Prayers are with you. Its never easy when your world is
turned inside out with the lose of one we love. You have my number if there is any way I can be of help.

Nova69 2010-03-20 19:26:06 -0500 Report

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know what to say when something so awful happens and nothing anyone can say is really going to help. I know you won't believe it now, but the pain will lessen with time. It'll never go away completely, but you'll be able to live with it and learn to keep the good memories in your heart.

Please make yourself eat. Sometimes when you're stressed, cold food like salads is more palatable. You have to take care of yourself now and let others help you as much as possible. God bless. you and your husband will be in my prayers.

donna13 2010-03-20 18:29:20 -0500 Report

Judy, I'm so sorry for your loss. As a senior I have suffered the loss of quite a few family members, but the hardest one to get over was the loss of my husband. This was 29 years ago, and though I have adjusted to life without him, I can still feel the pain at times. When he died they told me it would take about 2 months for the reality to set in. For a month or so I know I walked around thinking it was a nightmare and I would wake up from it. Please be prepared for when it does hit you. But it does get easier as time goes on. We're all here for you, but it would probably be good if you can find a relative or friend who will listen to you. But please take care of yourself.

imsuzie2 2010-03-20 18:12:20 -0500 Report

Judy, I am so sorry for your loss. I also have lost many of my family, but not my husband, who supported me thru the other losses. My son was also a great comfort when I lost my sister, and I hope that you will accept us in place of your daughter.

I guess one of the best things I can say is outside of immediate decisions that have to be made (an these might be easier if you keep you in mind and do what will make it easier on you, not others), but on other important decisions, TAKE TIME to make them. Possibly grief counseling will be a big help And Mays and Harlen are right, you have a big family here to fall back on.

As to eating. Eat what you can. Doesn't need to be a lot, just enough so you can take your meds and sustain yourself. Graze every few hours if that is easier, and the routine should kick in and you will do it on auto pilot.

May angels surround you and yours during this difficult time. Hugs and love

imsuzie2 2010-03-20 18:13:40 -0500 Report

And James and Jem too (sorry, couldn't see the other posts and short-term memory is not as it should be0!

Harlen 2010-03-20 17:30:48 -0500 Report

I am so sory your going thrue this as somone thats lost a dear loved one I feel your pain Judy.And you will never get over it but you can learn to live with it. It takes a long time but each day it will hurt just I tiney bit less that happens after you get mad that hes gone and your still there.
Then you will blaim your self that you didnt do as much as you shud have at least I did there was times that I didnt wish to go on,I am glad I did .
Best wishes and lots of love Judy

jayabee52 2010-03-20 17:23:33 -0500 Report

Judy, please take the time to take care of yourself now.

Things are undoubtedly in a jumble right at this moment, but please take the time to take care of your physical, emotional and spiritual health. Eventually you will find your equilibrium, but that'll probably not happen overnight. It will certainly take some time for you to find what I call your "new normal"

Please know that my bride and & i are praying for you and yours.


MAYS 2010-03-20 16:51:28 -0500 Report

I am so sorry to hear that, I really don't know what else to say, you have been very supportive of me and I have appreciated it, if there is anything that I can do, please don't hesitate to ask, as of this moment all I can do is pray for you and offer you support and comfort.

You must eat or start eating something, although I shouldn't say this, even if it's the wrong thing to eat at this time, you must eat, your body is under stress, most of it hidden which is silently taking it's toll on you.

Rest and nourishment are vital at this moment, and the support is here at (DC) and will always be, you must start thinking of and taking care of yourself healthwise.

We're all here for you, just a mouse click away !
May God provide you the peace, comfort and wisdom to see you thru this time in your life.