Giggles for the Day...

By griz104 Latest Reply 2010-02-21 16:01:24 -0600
Started 2010-02-19 14:53:57 -0600

A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

There, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

"Stay out of those," she said. "They're for the funeral.

15 replies

Monalisa 2010-02-21 16:01:24 -0600 Report

HAHAHA!!!!! Poor little old man!!! I just keep seeing him going down the stairs and reaching for the cookies…It would have been better if he got smacked with a flyswatter…

Sweet Mo
Sweet Mo 2010-02-20 08:50:46 -0600 Report


The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident off the coast of Maine , a man answered his door to find two grim-faced State Troopers.
"We know it's late, sir, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the Troopers.
"Tell me! Did you find her!?" the husband shouted.
The Troopers looked at each other.
One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news.
Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, the husband said "Give me the bad news first."
The second Trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay."
"Oh my God!" exclaimed the husband.
Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"
The Trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 6 twenty-five pound snow crabs and 12 good-size lobsters clinging to her."
Stunned, the husband demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news???"

The Trooper answered, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow ."

ptsparkle 2010-02-19 15:05:10 -0600 Report

10 Words That Don't Exist, But Should
1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lollipop) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.

7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.

8.PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

Jim :) :)

rankearl 2010-02-19 19:01:19 -0600 Report

lol i like the puppy one i always have nose prints on my front windows from my labs flair is 14 and lacie is 3 after the female got fixed she got huge i have to turn the self feeder around everytime she goes into the kitchen she gets a bite of food her and i both are have to go for some walks as soon as the weather breaks !! jim dont know where you keep getting them but keep them coming thanks hugs julie

imsuzie2 2010-02-20 06:57:19 -0600 Report

Jim, these are "picturesque". I can see these words and wonder why they are not in Webster's!!! LOL

Deborah L
Deborah L 2010-02-20 09:34:11 -0600 Report

I just did a copy and paste of this and sent it out as an email. Just helping others smile for the day. Thanks.

griz104 2010-02-19 14:54:37 -0600 Report

A son asked his mother the following question:
'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?'
The mother looks at her son and replies:
'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'
The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'

The father looks at his son in surprise and says:

'Son, all household appliances come in white.'

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