Do you ever just want to throw your cards in and give up, just quit? Do you ever feel so defeated that you don't care if you live or die?
I've been trying to be so optimistic, and I hate to ruin that for myself and everyone else, but I can feel it draining out of me, too fast. I'm trying to use my method, "fake it til you make it", I'm just having a hard time with it lately…not all the time, but just more often than usual. I hate being this way and I hate to feel and sound so negative; I like to bring smiles and make people laugh. I've just been so frusterated lately. My health is scaring me, I don't want to be on dialysis, especially when I am still pretty young; I've always had great eyesight til recently and I heard diabetics can go blind; the neoropathy is getting worse and so I find myself asking, 'What's the point? or Is it worth it?'. If I talk to my Dr. about how I'm feeling concerning this, she may not say it, but she will be thinking, "well I tried to tell you…" and I know seeing that look, let alone hearing it, will make me feel worse…
I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound pathetic, but I'm feeling pretty pathetic…I just need to get it out and nobody around me really gets it, maybe some of you will understand a little bit.
Thanks for hearing (reading) what I have to say and giving me someplace to let it all out.
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