"I know it's hard"

By livlaughlve22 Latest Reply 2010-02-14 23:21:57 -0600
Started 2010-02-10 22:38:49 -0600

I constantly battle with my family because I have a hard time controling my diabetes, I tell them I'm trying and try to explain diabetes can be physically damaging as well as emotionally damaging. & I get that constant response of "I know its hard" nooooo you dont lol and I cant make it any clearer for them. Any advice on how to get them to understand a little better?

24 replies

livlaughlve22 2010-02-14 02:51:35 -0600 Report

Sometimes I think it would be pointless for them to live my life for a day, only because living with the disease for a lifetime seems to have more of an affect. And just doing it for a day won't let them truely comprehend what the disease does to someone

livlaughlve22 2010-02-14 02:53:15 -0600 Report

As for educating them, the close members know but they see diabetes from the surface meaning the damage that it could do is unnoticed and all they pay attention to is the diet an prescribed medicine, when we all know its more than that!

cc9 2010-02-14 05:22:01 -0600 Report

yeah i agree. there is a continuum where we fall. some of us have been battling it for a lot longer and therefore deal with more complications because doctors didnt know as much as then as they do now about the disease. as well i think we tend to put up a brave front bec what we go through is mostly invisible.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-02-14 23:21:57 -0600 Report

We had a Bible study this afternoon, and after trying to communicate, I quickly learned that some people just "Don't want to get it!!" So I am shutting up, feeling wiser INSIDE!! And it is OK now since I have friends on this site that you don't have to wear yourself out in trying to EXPLAIN!! PR

Danni-the-diabetic 2010-02-11 23:44:36 -0600 Report

I feel for you…It gets under my skin when people say stuff beginning in, "I know". They haven't been in your shoes and even if someone is experiencing something familiar, they will never know because it is different for everyone.
I don't have any advice because I am experiencing the same problem you are. I like the ideas above, about making them try to live your "lifestyle" for a day, and even have them check their sugars (just for fun, Ha!Ha!). Whether or not they agree, who knows, but if they don't it is because they don't think or want to handle it.
I know it's hard, but just try not to let what they say get under your skin and just do your best and know you are doing the best you can, that's all that matters when you come down to it.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-02-11 23:51:53 -0600 Report

I really think that most people just don't know what else to say!! I attended a club meeting this afternoon, and since my self esteem has risen, I listened to the other women in wonder——And I used to let THEM upset me?? "I have come a long way, Baby!!" haha—Pat R

cc9 2010-02-13 01:03:46 -0600 Report

awesomeness pat. i can see the development of your self esteem and confidence in the posts. you go girl. hugs

jayabee52 2010-02-13 02:53:54 -0600 Report

That's great Pat! Eleanor Roosevelt would be proud of you!, and so am I. ~J~

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-02-13 16:37:53 -0600 Report

Thanks, that comment does help me, and I also hope it helps others who are too shy to post their own insecurities—As for me, it was like—-"well, I am on the BOTTOM, what do I have to loose?? My self respect?? Well, Been there and Done that, I have to communicate with folks that HOPEFULLY will raise some kind support for me and others—-And you CAME THRU—even the negatives helped me to LEARN where to draw the line, and learn to defend myself—and gradually, I had to do that—less and less!! If that makes sense!! yeah!! Pat R

Anne56 2010-02-13 17:24:02 -0600 Report

Dear Pat,

I try to keep in mind where I am in God's eyes. When I was young, I read the Desiderata by Max Ehrrman (sp?) and it has meant a great deal to me over the years. One line says (paraphrased) "…no less than the stars in the heavens, you have a right to be here".

I never think that I'd like to put someone in their place. I think that I/we need to remember OUR own place in the eyes of God, the Universe, our Maker, and even each other — All of us, not just a few people who don't "get it" yet.

Love to you!

NormaJean 2010-02-11 21:00:06 -0600 Report

I have a suggestion maybe you should educate them on Diabetes..if you haven't done so…let them read and learn about Diabetes and what it's like living day to day with the concerns and the fear of the unknown.

Anne56 2010-02-11 13:47:01 -0600 Report

You are definitely on my mind! I'm packing for a trip (trying to remember everything, like my "new" supplies for diabetes). I have a classic movie channel on TV (I use my TV as a radio). Anyway, This superior officer says to James Cagney's character — in this upper-class British accent — "I know how you feel" (about having to ground the Cagney/Pilot during war). Cagney responds — in his Cagney Sneer Voice (draggin' it out real slow ) "You know how I feel…" OMIGOSH! If anyone ever says 'I know how you feel' in a condescending or dismissing way, I now know just how to respond! I am way too nice, of course, but I'm gonna practice anyway. I'm also gonna practice the Cagney Sneer Face that went along with it! LOL

Justice 2010-02-11 10:19:15 -0600 Report

Honestly they may never understand totally because they are not in the same predicatment you are. Its just like when you lose a love one people say they understand. Well unless you lose a love one you don't understand. I would have them maybe come to your doctors appt with you or on join this website that way they can see first hand what you and others like you go through on a daily basis. I will assume you have the type of family that wants to be supportive but just doesn't know how. So, if you haven't already I would break down the things you need from them to help you in your fight to live a long life. This is what worked for me. I had my boyfriend go with me and meet my endocrinologist that way he understood first hand. When I got involved with my local American Diabetes Asso organization I had my family come and participate with me raising money and doing the walk. And they have a better understanding of what I go through now.

rankearl 2010-02-11 09:33:08 -0600 Report

i always say if they could only walk in our shoes i have been a good diabetic to the best of my abilities that is the key just do your again your best hugs julie

cc9 2010-02-11 02:33:50 -0600 Report

is there a diabetes support group in your area for partners, family etc? if there are groups like this may be helpful forum for ppl who dont have diabetes understand what the challenges are like.

MAYS 2010-02-11 02:25:31 -0600 Report

You can only try to educate them on the problems, symptoms,complications and causes of diabetes.
A person can only be educated if they choose to be or eventually if they have to be (it may hurt then).
There will be a struggle and frustrating moments in trying to do so, Harlen's suggestion is an excellent one !
( If they can deal with it, or last that long ) !
" Mays "

Anne56 2010-02-10 23:05:50 -0600 Report

Dear LLL,

I'm not sure what the battles are… Others do not accommodate your dietary needs when grocery shopping or for meal preparations? Do you vent to them and then do not get appropriate responses? I also wonder if the lack of communication is your family's general m.o. (method of operation)?

The reason I'm asking specifics is because if folks respond poorly to you on all matters, that is one scenario that may be addressed in a number of ways. If this is only about the fact that you have this diagnosis (and they are generally understanding and supportive) the situation might be remedied by their gaining information about diabetes from another source. For a couple of reasons, people sometimes "hear" better from others — whether it is spoken or written.

"I know its hard" is sort of an ineffectual rote response that people might use when they truly do not know what else to say. One translation is: "I couldn't possibly know how difficult this is for you on a daily basis, what your fears might be, or of all the changes you work so hard to make, but I can IMAGINE that it is a great, ongoing, frustrating struggle. The more you share with me, the better I understand".

"I know its hard" is a far cry from "Shut up already!", for example, or "Yeah, well, life is tough for everybody".

Can any of your family members be given the benefit of the doubt about what they truly mean to say?

Harlen 2010-02-10 22:43:45 -0600 Report

Hello it mite help to have them live with your diet for a week and tell them this is what life is like for you
Its so easy for everyone to tell you its ez let them live it for a week and see just how ez it is
Best wishes

Kira_xo 2010-02-10 22:57:52 -0600 Report

Thats actually a REALLY good idea!

SuzyAttendorn 2010-02-11 07:28:28 -0600 Report

I agree with Harlen…my husband has pretty much adopted my diet since I am the only one who cooks!! He really doesn't complain. He eats salads with a bit of meat and cheese for lunch as well. But…he still eats his ice cream at night.