Toddler's Miracle Diet

Richard157
By Richard157 Latest Reply 2010-02-03 07:32:10 -0600
Started 2010-02-01 10:24:47 -0600

The Toddler's Miracle Diet…

People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation ( the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days. Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet! Over the years you may have noticed that most two years olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult you doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good luck!

DAY ONE——
Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.

Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handfull of potato chips, and a glass of milk ( 3 sips only, then spill the rest)

Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Pepsi.

Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor…

DAY TWO——
Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.

Lunch: Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handfull of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon Snack: Lick an all-day sucker untill sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on the rug.

Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with a spoon.

DAY THREE——
Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of your best chair.

Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handfull of potato chips, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through nose, if possible.

FINAL DAY——

Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar.. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.

Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it.

Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.


7 replies

spiritwalker
spiritwalker 2010-02-01 16:16:42 -0600 Report

Richard, This is priceless. I am coping it and sending it
to my niece. She has twins who are two. I am sure it will
put a smile on her face.

Monalisa
Monalisa 2010-02-01 13:37:09 -0600 Report

HAHAHA! You have just reminded me of those days when my 2 boys were little!!! Not only they were slim but I was too!!!! Running around trying to keep everything clean! you know there is a toddler fashion too… just dry your laundry in the dryer with that sneaky crayon that you didn't find!!!

Keep up th good spirit! Hugs…LISA

donna13
donna13 2010-02-01 11:20:17 -0600 Report

Richard, you must have raised kids. This is funny, if you are not going through it right now. Since mine are all grown it is hilarious. The story that I have been giggling about lately is about my niece. She has a brand new baby girl and a very rambunctious 5-yr. old. The baby very much wants her mom within her sight at all times. She was on the phone and the baby was on the floor in her bouncing seat. All of a sudden the baby screamed, and thinking the worst of her son, she looked down. He had turned the seat around so the baby was looking at the wall. As long as I don't have to contend with these things any more, I just gave the 5-yr credit for being so imaginative in persecuting his sister.

ptsparkle
ptsparkle 2010-02-01 11:08:53 -0600 Report

Way to go Richard ! Too funny. However, could I substitute permament markers for the crayons?? Thanks for that diet plan, made my day.
Jim

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