Staying Up late, and Sleeping In...I have My Reasons, But

Cricket Crafter
By Cricket Crafter Latest Reply 2010-04-05 12:11:06 -0500
Started 2010-01-27 08:54:02 -0600

I think perhaps I am doing this partly from boredom, since I have been out on short term disability for a while, and partly because there is no place to go to be alone in the house right now.
I am sure I am not the only one who has family members living with them for various reasons but it is not easy on myself or my wife.
We have a two bedroom home with appropriate size bedrooms and closets, a large living room-dining room and kitchen, with a laundry room and one bathroom as well.
Problem is, everyone in the house is on different schedules, and right now there are four of us in the house, and five on the weekends so we are constantly shuffling people and their things around.
Before all this began we used the second bedroom for a craft and computer room. The closet was used for extra storage and for the things we used for the computer and crafts. It was well organized and easy to get to. Certainly not the case anymore.
Also my wife and I are both dealing with physical disabilities, and our need for usable space is essential…Thinking about moving, but really…
We could move, but our long term destination is not yet resolved. We have good options, so should we move for a couple of years and then again; that just adds a lot more stress.

So, I think I am staying up late to watch television and see some shows I like to watch, or maybe because I am bored.
But, then I sleep late and my schedule is off.
My wife has always been an early riser, so she has started (about 3 days now) to try to get my medications to me about the same time I would take them before on a typical work day…hoping this will help with my high morning bs…And trying to have meal ready for me so that I can eat at an earlier time as well..
I know this is a start, but maybe I should be doing more.

I know he thinks schedule is not the problem, and just cutting sweets and carbs down (and quitting smoking) is the most important to the road for recovery, but I strongly disagree and have been telling him since, well, seems like forever..and now he thinks I am hounding him and he does not want to hear it.

Any suggestions to help with the schedule for someone who is temporarily off work…and who believes it is not important will be deeply appreciated. I just feel like if I post some of these discussions and then ask him to read them, it will re-inforce what I am trying to tell him.
It will also be helping me since I have been doing research before suggesting these changes to be important for him, as well as the fact that nobody thinks I know what I am doing, or that I have even told him these things.. He keeps asking other people for answers I have given him, and that plain looks like I am not helping at all and do not have any knowledge about his proper care…I believe I do…

33 replies

joni55 2010-04-05 11:44:26 -0500 Report

My husband wasn't diabetic but did the same thing. I would tell him something and he would never want to admit I knew something he didn't, even though I had considerably more education than him. I believe they feel threatened somehow. You have to make him see that whatever you want him to do is his idea, not yours. My mom taught me this and it is a good idea. They feel so much better, if they think things are their idea.

As far as staying up late. I do the same thing. I, also, am on disability and really have no reason, at this point, to get up early. But, like anything else in life, change does come slowly. Pray to God that he will give you a reason to get up earlier. I just started doing things. I am doing volunteer work and babysitting but still get up late, 9 or so. I am okay with that. Welcome to my world. LOL

ferk01 2010-01-28 01:43:01 -0600 Report

I also am out on disability for about three years and it has caused great problems in my family for the same reasons. I have not been able to do the same work around the house and because of medication I have slept most of days and stayed up most of the nights. It is very hard to find a purpose when you are out of work and know you are unable to participate in regular necessary activities. My husband is in construction and needs to go to bed around nine and with my disability I am just getting my second wind around that time and therefore we sleep separately. Please be patient is what I am told but that is very difficult. I try very hard to appreciate everything everyone else does and hope and pray they understand that there is nothing more that I would like to do is do what they are able to do. I feel your pain; I live that pain

imsuzie2 2010-01-28 06:10:02 -0600 Report

ferk01, it also sounds like you might have some depression as well. Have you had that checked out by a therapist? Meds do help, and some of us are surprised that we are depressed without knowing it. Good luck.

ferk01 2010-01-28 06:33:15 -0600 Report

thanks for the concern. I actually have been diagnosed with depression and do take medication. That also adds to my fears.

imsuzie2 2010-01-30 03:06:26 -0600 Report

Maybe you need anti-anxiety meds too? If the fear is since the depression medication, maybe it is a side effect and you need a different one. I have been on an anti-anxiety med for about 1 1/2 years, and only take it the 3 nites BEFORE I go to work. It took that long for the depression to manifest itself. When I can retire, I bet I can retire my meds! Hugs

joni55 2010-04-05 11:47:50 -0500 Report

It could be that some of the meds you are taking for depression are causing you to not be able to sleep until late. I know when I stopped Seroquel, I felt so much more alive. I still stay up late. LOL I have done it since I was a child. Even when I worked, I don't think I went to bed very early. I get my second wind in the evening and have NO wind in the morning. LOL

Elrond 2010-01-27 22:32:48 -0600 Report

If you think you have a strange schedule, you should try mine. If you settle into something that suits everyone, use it. I was forced to retire from my 'active' job at the ripe old age of 43. Since then, I've developed the habit of staying up very late. With all that time on my hands, I found a new career as a novelist. Now, I rarely go to bed before 6:00 AM and I even schedule a blood test, insulin injection, and meal before bed. I then sleep until 12:30 PM. My roommate (female) and I are forced to share a bed due to limited space but she gets up at 5:00 so we're rarely in bed together. My girlfriend is dubious of the arrangement but she lives with it. This arrangement allows me many hours of very quiet time for writing. I've managed to write four complete novels in the last three years and number five is beginning to take shape.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-28 00:49:34 -0600 Report

Elrond, YOU are a character, too!!! hahah—-Where can we buy one of your books? Would I understand it, science fic and all——-Pat R

Elrond 2010-01-28 00:57:59 -0600 Report

Pat, my books are science fiction. The titles currently available are Star Tricks, More Star Tricks, and Star Tricks Three. The fourth book is complete and will be published as soon as I find an artist to do the cover for me. The books are available on but unfortunately they're fairly expensive. My cut is only slightly over $1.00 per book and the rest goes to the production company. While the books are science fiction, they're about a common 'everyman' who gets thrown into galactic adventures. The space fleets belonging to several planets want him to lead them while all he wants to do is go home.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-29 10:06:56 -0600 Report

Well, I am proud to KNOW you, Elrond! I used to crochet doilies all night—-did my best work, Then I kept diaries/ notebooks of my feelings and gardening—-at night/was quiet and the phone didn't interfere breaking my peace——

joni55 2010-04-05 11:52:04 -0500 Report

I used to keep journals and also did drawings of how I was feeling. They were graphic at times, but helped me get through some difficult times.

joni55 2010-04-05 11:53:40 -0500 Report

I have a caseworker who just started his own business. He does some wonderful stuff. Maybe you might want to consider him. Let me know.
He is also getting some people from the Art Institute of Philadelphia to help him.

Cricket Crafter
Cricket Crafter 2010-01-29 07:00:42 -0600 Report

Well we do have something in common, I read and write at night as well, and enjoy my free time when I can find it. Although it is tough at times, I will steel a quiet room when I can find one. Sometimes just a moment of silence can change your whole attitude.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-27 20:57:51 -0600 Report

Try two people retiring at the same time, with the male not interested in going out for coffee, just sets mostly—-hassels me because I can't keep the house as clean as HE likes, I got so I didn't care, so exhausted —-yes, partly due to a deep depression and the overwhelming feeling of having to "do it all" yet no one understood ME, all were praising him for putting up with ME, never mind that part of my crankiness was due to him and poor coping skills!

So, I finally figured out that everyone has their own problems and really aren't interested in anyone's elses, and if you vent they feel led to HELP, give advice, instead of just sympathetically listening, being a sounding board—I always have had free, spare time at nights, after our 4 kids were in bed, I worked full time, needed QUIET time, desparately——-Looked forward to the days that my hubby worked—-then——-kablooey——

I have crafts too, but no extra room to store them in—-when our daughter critized, I got to thinking—-well, she has TWICE as much room as we have—-she can get organized and it stays that way!! So got rid of THAT guilt—do the best I can, and when hubby starts hollering, I just agree with him, "Yes, things are a mess and it is driving me as crazy as it is you—-well ALMOST!" Then we both laugh, and another day has passed—-lol PR

Monalisa 2010-01-27 21:07:10 -0600 Report

Pat, I love you so much! I read your postings and I envision you in your home with your hubby and your daughter and the way you write it's like I am seeing you for real and you were part of my family!

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-28 00:51:09 -0600 Report

Thank you for that statement, Monalisa, wish that it were true—-hahah—maybe I could write romance novels! haha—_It is wonderful to be thought of so kindly!!! Pat R

imsuzie2 2010-01-28 06:06:24 -0600 Report

Pat, try not only agreeing with Jack, but asking him to show you how he would like it kept. Then when it gets messy and he complains, tell him you forgot how he did it, could he show you again (and again, and again). He will either get the message or help. LOL

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-28 10:49:47 -0600 Report

hahaha—Oh, Suzie!! I do LOVE YOU!! But it is my exhaustion problem, now slowly improving as I use oxygen at night, and prn during the day—-my strength is slowing returning—-I can move and work better—it really was driving me NUTS TOO—but I just COULD NOT DO IT—-he isn't very forgiving of a woman that doesn't work, but then he didn't think I did anything when I was working full time at the hospital and caring for our 4 children, without benefits of indoor plumbing or running water, unless I ran while carrying the buckets—haha—but that is changing, as I change——I am now working on my kitchen cabinets, etc, so hope to CATCH UP in the coming years—haha—Love, Pat R

imsuzie2 2010-01-30 03:03:00 -0600 Report

I know, I know. I ask Mike to empty the dishwasher, and as he does it, asks me to help! Or will leave some things on the counter for me to put away. Sigh. Sometimes on my way out to work I will say "you are responsible for dinner tonite", then have to tell him what I want from which ever restaurant or "fast food" place he goes, so I can choose the healthier things. Sigh. Sometimes I call Mike "Sam", my father's name, and say he is turning into daddy…but, at least daddy rinsed he dishes and put them in the dishwasher until he developed dementia! Mike has his good and bad days, but at least he is supportive (unless I ask him to pick-up something at Wal-Mart…he does, but brings in donuts or candy or ice cream…). Can we say passive-aggressive? But, I get my licks in too. We are well suited to each other and he is good in an emergency. Hugs
PS…take your time and DON'T over do. Continue to have Jack help. (if he will)

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-30 11:18:20 -0600 Report

Yes, he does help, has started washing dishes every night!!! He was really upset last night, said that "He hated it, couldn't take it any more!!" I AGREED I Know, that is why it helps me so much for you to do it sometimes as it DOES get OLD and I get TIRED of it too!!! The better I learn to like and accept myself, the less he, or the 'church ladies' upset me! Yeah!!! Hugs, PatR

imsuzie2 2010-01-30 20:33:23 -0600 Report

Hey, Pat. I have another angle. Why not Thank Jack for doing the dishes, and telling him much better your hands are…softer, less dryness and cracks…and you owe it all to him! LOL

joni55 2010-04-05 12:05:53 -0500 Report

That is very important, if you want them to do something again. Make a big deal over it and they will be more encouraged to do it again or something else.

joni55 2010-04-05 12:01:41 -0500 Report

Nice one!! Men always needed to be reminded that things are their idea and sometimes, they will surprise you and help. When I first started painting my apartment, my husband kept saying how he hated painting, so I never asked him to help. Finally, he offered to help.

joni55 2010-04-05 11:59:24 -0500 Report

I had to get a caseworker to help me with my apartment. I could never pass Section 8's inspections. I have gotten rid of so much stuff, but am still working on it. Sometimes we get so overwhelmed that we just give up, for lack of knowing where to start. We need some kind of motivation, not criticism. It doen't help and only discourages us more. You need to take small steps and make small goals for yourself. We started with one small section of a room. It has helped me and something has clicked. My place still isn't where I would like it to be, but I am working on it. It has taken over a year so far. Don't be discouraged. Anything you accomplish is a plus, even if noone acknowledges it.

spiritwalker 2010-01-27 20:44:51 -0600 Report

Have you considered family counseling? It can be of help
for many problems. You might check with your local
hospital and see if they have a diabetes support groups.
Some hospitals offer various groups for diabetics as well
as family support.

Monalisa 2010-01-27 18:08:51 -0600 Report

I too had the same problem when I had to stay home permanently and it was caused by a deep depressive state that I didn't know I was in, I think you should both try to get counseling, this way maybe you can get to the real root of the problem and start sorting things out.
Good luck…LISA

Harlen 2010-01-27 14:29:30 -0600 Report

Schedule whats that?????
I get up at 5:45 to get grandbaby off to school and pick her up at 2:30
We eat dinner and 5:15 so nanny can go off to work then little one gose to bead at 6pm I will play oker till 1,2,3,4,5,am and start all over again lol Life is good and as long as every one eats all is good.

ptsparkle 2010-01-27 11:12:20 -0600 Report

Your last two paragraphs have me a bit confused. You start off as the husband talking about yourself and your wife. Last two paragraphs sound like your wife is talking?
Anyway, I have been on long term disability for 1 1/2 years, and can understand some of what you are going through. We have 5 in our house, 2 grown daughters and 1 grandson. It certainly gets hectic, and toys get scattered. But grandson understands to at least keep them out of the walkways. I enjiy my "free time" when all have gone to bed. I can watch some shows I enjoy or spend some time on the laptop. I still get up early, and get breakfast for my g-son and drop him off at school. I wouldn't trade the semi-chaos for anything.
Perhaps you could call together a Family Council, and try to make all understand the difficulties with you and your wife, and come up with a plan to male life a bit easier on all. You might chat with doc. sometimes excessive sleeping could be a sign of depression.

joni55 2010-04-05 12:11:06 -0500 Report

Thank you Jim! I thought it was just me that had a problem with her posting! LOL

One thing that is important though is that you have to make sure that the counseling is not a complete attack on the other person or they will not stick with it. I went through this and I know. The other person cannot feel threatened or they will not continue to go.