Thought Process #2

Sue Turner
By Sue Turner Latest Reply 2010-02-09 15:08:52 -0600
Started 2010-01-26 10:53:16 -0600

Ok, my DC friends; I have a concern regarding uncontrolable thoughts. There are times that I have these horrible thoughts running rampant through my mind. It is like a recording that will not stop. At times they are very terrifying, and there will be days at a time, that I will obsess over these thoughts. I just can't seem to put them from my mind. Does anyone else ever experience anything like this? I am concerned because it is very stressful, and I know that it doesn't help when trying to control my BS levels. Could it be the diabetes, or a panic/anxiety, disorder, or a form of OCD?

42 replies

Antique-Dave 2010-01-30 09:01:57 -0600 Report

Sue, if its taking a lot of your mental time it can be a real problem that needs to be addressed. When you obsess over it and it becomes consuming its time to talk to someone professionally.

I had a period of panic attacks that were quite extreme almost 10 years ago and for a short time relied on medication and counseling to work through it. I don't think I could have done it by myself.

its defined this way;

Negative cyclic thinking; persistent and recurrent worrying or brooding.

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2010-01-30 09:44:47 -0600 Report

Thank you Dave for you advice…It is very consuming. Sometimes the fear/panic renders me imobile…It's very scary. I think, "I certainly don't want to live out the rest of my life this way; I want to be free from this so that I can enjoy life, what I have left of it, anyway!" I'm glad you were able to work your way through yours…My husband tells me that one morning you will wake up, and all of this will be gone, well, I'm still waiting for that morning to come…lol I will check out that website…There has got to be some help out there somewhere…I just keep praying that I will find the help that I am searching for…Again, thanks!

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2010-01-30 11:26:29 -0600 Report

Jim, I checked out the website; I know for certain that I have some form of OCD, although the doctors tell me that I don't have it, but then they don't live inside my mind…I know too, that the diagnosis of diabetes, with all the fears that come along with that has added fuel to the flame…I don't have the compulsive rituals of the hand washing, counting, et al, but I do have the anxiety, panic, and depression…Mine is more on realm of the obcessive intrusive thought process… I just wish that I could make them understand, and do the tests that are necessay in order to Rx the right medications for this horrible disorder…My grandson also suffers from the same thing, but he is on the other realm of the phobias, such as counting, taking baths, etc., It is just a horrible thing to have to live with…

Antique-Dave 2010-02-04 12:59:57 -0600 Report

Its doubtful that you'll wake up one morning and it will be gone. My doc told me that it would probably take 4 to 7 years before I was back to the place I was before the depression and anxiety attacks started.

I returned to work within 2 months of starting the medication and counseling, the anxiety attacks became less intense, the depression got better but it was a process, its not an event.

I had about 6 months of Hell, and about 5 years of recovery before I really felt 100% back to myself.
If you find a doc who will prescribe the anti-anxiety and anti depressants thats a start. IMHO you won't get the long term recovery you seek unless you sit down with a counselor and work through the other emotional baggage that usually preceeds the depression and anxiety attacks.

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2010-02-04 14:58:28 -0600 Report

4 to 7 years, huh! Wow! Well my husband and I will be married 6 years in April…Do you think that maybe I will be getting over this pretty soon? LOL

I know a lot of it is because of the guilt that I carry around being blammed by my daughters for the break-up of the family…They haven't gotten over that yet; they still carry around a lot of anger, and they take their anger and frustration, and hurt out on me! Then, there's the grandchildren, they don't like the fact that their grandparents are no longer together…And, that causes me a lot of guilt, and hurt…

IT IS Hell. My therapists and I got on the subject of Hell one day in one of my sessions, because I have a lot of problems with forgivness, not so much my forgiving him (ex)for the things that he has done, but my being forgiven, and forgiving myself…She said to me, "Sue, you have BEEN in Hell here on earth with what you have gone through in your life!" And, she was right, it is Hell!!! Pure and simple…I know it is really hard for anyone to understand who has never experienced going through it…When you look and your children and your grandchildren and you see all the hurt in their eyes, and you think,"did I do this to these innocent little souls?" That is a hard pill to swallow…

I know that I am not going to wake up one morning and it will all be gone, that is just wishful thinking…:)

I am working on it Dave; hopefully I will get there…It is really wearing me out, emotionally, and physically!

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-02-04 18:03:40 -0600 Report

And yes, just remember how much energy is used in trying to cope with just the pain, let alone in trying to NOT think about what started it—so PAINFUL, but with meds, Cymbalta for me, it was a good start, coupled with therapy and my deep digging and the support of THIS group!! No wonder depression is exhausting!! PR

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2010-02-04 18:19:55 -0600 Report

My doctor put me on Cymbalta for a while too Pat…You are right,one of the things that I am having a very hard time with IS trying to not remember or think about what started it! That is very PAINFUL! I deal with that on a daily basis…I'm hoping that one day I will be able to get past it, and put those horrible memories behind me…I just wish that my daughters could do the same…The breakup of a family is a very PAINFUL thing, even if it is a bad, and unbearable situation…I said I had tenacity; I hung in for 40 years…

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-02-04 23:24:12 -0600 Report

Well, sue, as long as not too many negatives hit me at the same time, I can slide by, BUT today has been ROUGH as our daughter put on FB the fact if their daddy was their hero, list his name, and Jack was listed!! I felt like CRAP!! None of my kids have EVER told me that I ever did ANYTHNG that they liked or remembered!! Surely there was SOMETHING!! Especially after the past few days, he has been a ————feel free to fill in the blanks!!!! Pat R

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2010-02-07 09:44:22 -0600 Report

Pat, I can certainly identify with that… You are not alone! I had one who posted pictures of herself, and her sister with their father laughing it up like thy were having a wonderful time…I mentioned to her that she had not one picture of her mother on FB, and she removed the picture of her father… I admit that it DID hurt my feelings when I saw it! Sue

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-02-08 18:17:46 -0600 Report

Yow, that was just a tip of the iceburg—-they send him cards, thanking HIM for doing things for them THAT I DID—like taking our daughter to horse shows, even tho I had worked the night before, and knew nothing about backing that horse trailer, always tried to pick a spot to drive into—-took a pillow for an hours or so nap, then work again all night—-they swarm all over him now, hugging him and in reality, I had to cover many incidents where he refused to go to their ball games, I took them etc—-just boggles my mind! But am slowly adjusting to—-that is just the way it is!!!! PR

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2010-02-08 19:35:16 -0600 Report

I know Pat…I get so angry and frustrated when I think of things regarding my ex, that I think I am going to have a heart attack…I was just sitting in my bedroom watching tv, and something came to mind, and I couldn't even concentrate on the tv show that I was trying to watch! It has got to stop, because it is affecting my health…I have got to realize that the man is just not worth it! I get so upset at times that It's a good thing that I can't get my hands on him…That really scares me..Wow, when is my next therapy session??? LOL. When I get like that, I just want to run down the street as fast as I can screaming!!!! Anything to get all the frustration out…It is a real shame that we can allow someone affect us that badly…He always had a real knack for pushing my buttons, and it looks like I am still letting him do it…

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-02-08 22:42:01 -0600 Report

Me too! I usually try to do something positive for someone else, when it hits, if I am able—I am so sick and tired of being so sick and tired! If it helps any, they told me that I have abondonment syndrome, post traumatic stress etc—so guess we just have more TRIGGERS than some—I try to ask myself if I was responsible for any of it, face it if I am—-I used to have a snappy temper—now am mostly too tired! Since I can't change the past, I try to just surround my present with kind and caring folks, like here on this site!! It helps some—-PR

AddassaMari 2010-02-09 07:27:13 -0600 Report

Pat, were you the best mother you could possibly be to your kids? I believe you were. I know you are. How they express their appreciation is their problem, I know it hurts but you can hold a good conscience because you did everything in your power to ensure they had the best childhood you could give them.

Be content with that, let him gloat over unearned praise, his conscience will beat him up, while yours will be clean.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-02-09 15:08:52 -0600 Report

Thank you, Adassa—that is what I have always needed, praise for the best that I could do—-excpected to hear it from my family—-Ithink—-maybe that is part of my problem —it just isn't going to happen—-40 some years is a long time waiting—oh, I have been BUSY in the meantime, but with this big hole in my heart—-maybe that is another step in "growing up"!! Thanks for the common sense—-PR

Pam from KCMO
Pam from KCMO 2010-02-05 04:57:41 -0600 Report

You could also say life is a journey, not a destination. Healing IS a process - and it's hard, hard work.

Another way to look at it: your girls and grandchildren may be hurt, but what kind of model for them would you be if you continued living with your ex? If you continued allowing yourself to be abused or diminished by their father? If you continued in misery?

Someday perhaps they'll understand - but in the meantime, know that you did what you had to do for yourself. For your emotional health. For your life.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-02-05 12:29:05 -0600 Report

I am evolving—-I spoke out loud of my feelings, instead of denying and burying, he understood, in his own gruff way-(I am getting so I don't take it so PERSONALLY__!) and I told him to go ahead and "Throw it all out!! I didn't care!!" But, he was Sensible and just organized it, neatly, did throw out some empty boxes, resorted some, and it LOOKED NICE! And I was able to FEEl and SAY so, and "Thank you! I am overwhelmed with this house cleaning, so I appreciate all of the help I can get! Feel free to clean and sort anything else that you see—-I am overwhelmed (and can NOW admit it!!)

Hope these posts help others in learning better coping skills so that so much anger and pain, aren't suppressed that plays havoc with our BS! Take care, ALL!! Pat R

thee808diabetic 2010-01-26 16:12:32 -0600 Report

hey i know what you mean. i have that EXACT thing. sometimes i feel like im crazy for what i obsess over. the thoughts rushing through my head make it difficult to take care of my blood sugars. my doctor is saying i have ocd that i started a pill for today lol. maybe you can talk to your doctor and ask for a recomendation?
i hope it gets figured out soon! stay strong and happy!

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2010-01-28 19:43:35 -0600 Report

Thank you Thee,
Maybe we can compare notes regarding these thoughts that makes us feel crazy…I would be interested to hear some of the things that goes rushing through your head! You can send a message to the inbox anytime…We will see who is the craziest…LOL

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2010-01-26 12:11:33 -0600 Report

lipsie and Harlen, I am going to make a list of things to discuss with my doctor the next time I see her…I can't get anybody (my therapists) to listen to me, so maybe, if I discuss it with her, she just might be able to help me in some way…Thank you for your concerns! Hugs to you both, Sue

AddassaMari 2010-01-26 12:13:48 -0600 Report

Lots of Hugs to you Sue. Now I am confused, I thought the purpose of having a therapist was to have a listening ear?

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2010-01-26 12:21:28 -0600 Report

Yes, AddassaMari, for as much as they charge, one would think that they would at least take the time to listen to your gripes…I have to admit, I do have ONE who I love dearly…The last time I saw her, she took about 30 min. extra time with me…I think she likes me; I always have her laughing when I leave… She said to me once, "Sue, you are so funny!" I guess she thinks I'm a NUT! She just doesn't have the heart to tell me…lol :)

AddassaMari 2010-01-27 06:49:51 -0600 Report

She sounds like a positive person and we all need positive people around us. You are lady with a good sense of humor, so yes you are funny. I like that despite everything, you affect her in a positive way and that's her way of saying thank you. Many people with similar situations are more self-absorbed, you know —woe is me, why me, poor me, but you choose to look for positives, the silver linings behind the clouds and that is very uplifting.

In the words of my Psychology professor, "all of us are a little nuts" that's what make us unique. ~~~Gail

BIRDY 2010-01-26 12:08:36 -0600 Report

hey Sue , I have invented a thought processor for you. It works like a food processor ; you put your thoughts in it and push the button and it simply chops any unwanted thoughts.Do you want me to send out to you one of them :)

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2010-01-26 12:15:49 -0600 Report

Yes, Birdy, please do! I need that, and the happy light that Deb-G got for Christmas…LOL. That way I can get rid of these anoying thoughts, and be happy all at the same time… :)

MAYS 2010-01-26 11:58:49 -0600 Report

Take this seriously and talk it over with your healthcare advisor and doctor, the opinion and advice of others on this matter should be taken lightly, seek out professional medical help.

I wish for you the best in this matter.


Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2010-02-04 16:22:35 -0600 Report

Thank you Mays! This is a huge struggle for me, but, I am working on it! I want give up the fight; I have too much to live for…I am a very tenacious person!!!

MAYS 2010-02-04 16:42:42 -0600 Report

Someone once told me this,
" Hang on tight, give your life but most importantly … Fight " !

Don't give up no matter how tough it may seem at times,
Fight !

alanbossman 2010-01-26 11:50:17 -0600 Report

Hi Sue I think Shelia and Harlen are right check with doctor could be panic/anxiety disorder my wife has some thing like that but more depression than anything else. hugs

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2010-01-26 12:04:59 -0600 Report

Hi Alan,
I have the depression too! I think it all goes hand-n-hand…The ocd, then the panic/anxiety,(or vice-versa) then the depression…I have noticed that mine has gotten worse since I was diagnosed with diabetes…I know the fluctuating of the BS levels have and affect on your emotions, and mine has been going crazy lately…I'm either in the 200s or bottoming out…Very frustrating…Yesterday, all I wanted to do was cry all day…I was just having a BAD DAY! lol- Thank you Alan for sharing that with me. Hugs to you, Sue

Susie624 2010-01-26 12:13:43 -0600 Report

Sue sounds like you are going through what I went through last week. Pause,take a deep breath and just let you mind drift to more pleasent thoughts.Sounds silly but if you try hard enough it can happen.I know it worked for me and knowing we have a caring family here praying for us. Linda

Harlen 2010-01-26 11:15:43 -0600 Report

It looks that way to me as well sue it may be a good thing to go see a Doc over this.We all care for you and dont wish to see you in pain so you must do something for this.
Best wishes and Hugs

lipsie 2010-01-26 11:08:26 -0600 Report

Hiya there! It certainly doesn't sound like diabeties to me but yes a form of OCD, and panic/anxiety disorder too. I suffer from the panic/anxiety disorder myself. I would definately seek some help though, cause things could get bad otherwise…believe me I know first hand. i am here if you need a friend though K? Hugs! Sheila

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