Pat Roth
By Pat Roth Latest Reply 2010-01-31 01:29:57 -0600
Started 2010-01-25 22:36:54 -0600

I have been down in my lower back these past few days, is getting worse in spite of 2 trips to the chiropractor, more Soma than I should, plus pain pills, but nothing seems to be helping! I have been accused before of being a worry wart, which I DENY! But this pain is in the same areas where my malignant kidney was, down into that left hip, hurts to move it any direction, and is now starting up in the place where my kidney, WAS—-this evening—-

But you know what really gets to me is that my husband has been yelping all day, worse today —-that he "Just can't take any more!" He has been washing dishes once a day, "Even tho I hadn't cooked him anything!! " I overheard—-He lets our dog in and out several times a day to potty, maybe fixes pancakes every 3rd night, then watches TV—-does drive a few blocks to get bread and milk—-but I really can't see that he is hurting himself any!!

It started to get to me, then I thought, "No, I am not going down that road again! He is the one with the unpleasant disposition, it is nothing new, it is HIM——and I will NOT let him get me down again, now that I am just finally finding my way UP——

I will pray that God will help me to keep my smile, no matter what tomorrow brings, it may be nothing—-I hope so, but if it is the beginning of the end, I am ready! I wish that he was, but that is no longer my problem, I have tried!! You can NOT make someone else happy, other than just trying to be pleasant etc—

I feel feverish tonight, for whatever reason, may call my regular Dr tomorrow for an appt—-just in case it is more than strained muscles, and KNOW that I have fought a good fight!! And if I need to continue on, I SHALL!! My BS is running high in the eves—around 200 plus, not too bad, but it really is rather funny that HE IS TIRED OF EVERYTHING!! hahah—-Oh, Brother!! Pat Roth

This could be another Piss and Moan post, just approached from a different angle. Hah-a

24 replies

imsuzie2 2010-01-28 06:28:11 -0600 Report

Pat, an Rx for therapy. Stand with a tall chair to your side. Call Jack over, and, holding on to the chair, kick his a**. Then turn to the other side and repeat. 2 reps, 2 to 3 times a day should do it! As you adjust to that, you could add ankle weights to both legs. :) Hugs

cc9 2010-01-28 10:20:38 -0600 Report

lol i love this one. lose weight while you kick ass.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-28 10:54:28 -0600 Report

Oh, girls, you BOTH have my undying LAUGHTER!!! Thanks for advising me to hold onto a chair as I kick A—!! I LOVE IT!! No wonder I now have the courage to talk back to him, I know that I now have friends "WHO GET IT"—-and that does not make me a BAD PERSON!! Yeah for US!!! Pat R

imsuzie2 2010-01-30 03:20:07 -0600 Report

If only I did this well at work, but can't tell the caller "hey stupid, if you paid you bill on time, mailed it earlier, looked at the message on the statement that said…" etc, I would be out the door in 2 winks. Instead, I have to put a smile in my voice and "take it'…in 5 minutes or less…but this site does wonder for my self-esteem! Thank you one and all!

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-30 11:23:47 -0600 Report

You bet, Susie and it DOES HELP to visit with others and know that we aren't alone!! We have OUR RIGHTs to moan too—-we just have to pick our spots more carefully—-like HERE!! ahha-

It reminds me of our daughter, Susan, who first started working at our hospital clinic/receptionist/billing—-she said, "Mom, I was talking on the phone, writing, AND a woman REACHED over the counter and TAPPED ME ON THE HEAD TOO!!"

I just nodded lovingly, "welcome to the REAL world, dear!! " But now we have our own little special group to share our tensions with! And we won't tell!! haha—Love you! Pat R

spiritwalker 2010-01-26 17:25:26 -0600 Report

Pat, I'll keep you in my prayers. It sounds like its coming at
you from all sides. We are all here to listen and share each
others trails. That is what friends do. Keep us up to date on
how you are doing.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-26 17:49:26 -0600 Report

Thank you so much, Lisa and Spiritw. I have at least been getting my rest until lately, and I can say for ME< it (lack of sleep) does NOT bring out the best of me!! haha—Smiling thru gritted teeth, you know!

I saw my psychiatrist this morn and reg. Dr this afternoon, he seemed a little upset too that I can usually keep up on this type of pain—but not this time—-he said we will talk further after the results of my MRI tomorrow, takes a good week to get results back—-one reason it worried me this time is it got so intense when I was using all of my little coping skills to get on top of it—and failed—-will soon see—

Thanks for your loyal support!! I now feel that I can come HERE and vent and not be ridiculed!! Love, Pat R

lipsie 2010-01-26 11:38:01 -0600 Report


I am very sorry to hear of your troubles, I do hope things work out for you. Did they give you any idea of what they can do for you at the ER the other night? Yeah, I am sure you husband has the right to piss n moan some too but also needs to be a little understanding to your feelings I would think, but you have had this issue with him before if I am correct? It's hard to when you have mental issues, others don't tend to believe, trust in your complaints as much I have noticed…they think its your emotinal problems causing you to complain so much…I think! Don't you? Anyhow, I also take Serequol and yeah you should take it prior to bed so you are not so tired in the am to get up n going…but I don't like taking it so early cuz its makes me a sleepy too…catch 22. *sigh* Use to take Cymbalta for pain and depression myself until it cause suicidal issues…sucked cuz it was working great…so good luck with it, it was wonderful help. Do they at least got you on some good pain killers? I hope so!! Hugs!! Sheila

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-26 11:11:30 -0600 Report

I just saw my psychiatrist this morn to check on my meds and learned several things—-

If I didn't have SOME coverage—-in trying to get something cut down, but it doesn't—I WOULD QUALIFY for HELP, but since I am trying to pay my way—I am shot down!!

On my back/hip pain, Cymbalta for pain, was increased from one 60mg once a day to one 60 mg in the morn and another at night! I didn't realize that Cymbalta was for PAIN__Outside of emotional pain—-

Also if you take Serequel, take it 3 or 4 hours BEFORE BEDTIME as it takes that long to kick in—so THAT is the reason when I take it at midn or 1 am, I want to sleep so LATE—which upsets my hubby something fierce!!! Hmmm—now I have been on those meds for several years and they are just now telling me how to take them and WHY??!! Snort—snort!! Chheezzz—-Pat R

cc9 2010-01-26 09:09:41 -0600 Report

take care of yourself. too bad about your hubby. maybe he feels helpless not knowing how to deal with your pain, and all your other battles, let alone what his fears maybe. not any excuse for his behaviour. i just find the implicit so potent and can open up lots of possibilities. i shall send you healing in my meditations. love and hugs.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-26 10:49:50 -0600 Report

Thank you, CC—-I am trying to learn to ACCEPT the fact that is just the way he reacts, he is selfish, but so are lots of others, so if I don't EXPECT kind, endearing words, it doesn't get to me, personally, like it once did! Still he is an a—hole—tho—I can say that here and get by with it, he isn't computer savy, thank heavens!! haha—lol, Pat R

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-26 08:35:06 -0600 Report

Thank you all for your support!! IT gives me the courage to speak up without feeling like a crabby old biddy! I had to go to ER last night, just could not take the pain, and it was justified.

The Dr had x-rays taken and my back is VERY crooked (think most of us are—-) slipped disk, bone on bone, and has been that way for awhile—-"no wonder it hurts, I am surprised that you can even walk!" Advice to see my regular Dr this morn, see an orthopedist and get an MRI tomorrow—-got 2 shots in my butt——AND there was RESPECT in his eyes!!! Yeah—-almost worth the pain—at least the Drs are starting to listen and not belittle me like they did—-PARTLY I think because I am more sure of myself, know my pain limits now, quit pushing the "envelope" so to speak!

I have been thinking about my husband's reactions, and gradually am seeing that HE ALSO has HIS rights to get perturbed over my many illnesses, a fact that I have been in DENIAL—-as I hate to not be able to do work like I could once—-so this morning I complained (I usually don't say much—just "suffer in silence!" Well, not any more, if I were him, I too would NOT want to spend more time in Drs' offices, if more surgery is needed, that is no picnic and he has seen me thru 2 knee replacements and a foot surgery—

I had my friend take me to ER last night as I couldn't awaken him, but did NOT feel mean, resentful and hostile towards him last night, can now afford to let HIM feel tired, and get his rest, I ACKNOWLEDGED that I too am tired of illness and Drs, I want to GARDEN—-QUIT acting like a martyr—-admit that it is the pitts, not an endurance contest—QUIT TAKING HIS INSULTS PERSONALLY—he too has the right to "piss and moan" , that does NOT mean that he doesn't love me, he does in his own way—-and since I am learning to take charge and NOT FEEL LIKE the victim—-Our situation is improving, and I feel worthy of it ,not so stinky mean!

Thank you so much for providing me a place to vent, to compare my life with others so I can learn better coping skills and gain some peace of mind at my age——I couldn't face this without my friends here and God's support—-think HE led me to get onto this site and gain a better perspective!! —-Lots of Love and Hugs, Pat R

Susie624 2010-01-26 06:46:27 -0600 Report

My husband must be one in a million.Yes he moans and groans,what man doesn't,and he has the right.He is 79 years young.Took on raising another mans three kids,and did a good job ,of it worked two and sometimes three jobs to take care of us.Is still working on a farm taking care of about 200 head of cattle and still comes in and works in the house and does the cooking if I dont feel like it.So maybe he has his times to piss and moan,but bless his heart he has earned the right.

Troy's Mom
Troy's Mom 2010-01-26 06:35:45 -0600 Report

Hi Pat…oh that makes me so sad. I would love to wash your dishes and let out the dog. My husband is the same way. He couldn't find something today and threw a big fit because, "I clean too much and put everything away." So it must have been my fault that he couldn't find his papers. Guess what…I found his papers for him while he sat on the couch grumpin at me. You are right Pat don't let him bring you down. And I won't let mine bring me down. O'Kay? Is it a deal? I hope your back gets to feeling better Pat. I don't like to think that you are in pain…physically or emtionally. I hope today is a good day for you.
Love Troy's Mom

tfuller 2010-01-26 06:29:31 -0600 Report

i go threw them bouts with my wife also.i get up a 6:15am every weekday to get the kids to school,do the cooking,shopping,driving.and get to bed about 2am.and do it all over again,sick all day long,tired and in pain.and on the occation that i just cant get up in the morning,i will listen to clomplaining and whinning all day how she had to get up and how tired she is.
i tell her all the time…i will trade places with you any day of the week.

Troy's Mom
Troy's Mom 2010-01-26 06:43:10 -0600 Report

Wow…what a busy day. My kids aren't in school yet. Oh…6am is to early. OUCH!! I feel for you. You go to bed at 2am? Are you sleeping enough? Getting a mid afternoon nap? Make sure you take care of yourself so you can take care of everybody else. It's a hard job but keep up the good work.

ferk01 2010-01-26 06:09:22 -0600 Report

boo hoo for your husband. Even though my husband has done alot for me for the past three years that I have been severely disabled with a herniated neck and cervical radiculopathy he has had his moments of complaint. They have to realize that you are partners and that means all the time not some of the time. He will get over it.

hbkunkel 2010-01-26 05:57:08 -0600 Report

Hi Pat, Sorry to hear that you aren't doing well. Tough bananas on your husband. Let him deal with what you deal with for at least three days and then see what he has to say. Keep taking your problems to the Lord and he will help you frind the strenght to get through this,
Love, Betsie

Hinboyz3 2010-01-26 04:58:23 -0600 Report

Thats right Pat it's not you, stand strong he'll get over it. Cause one thing is for sure he can't walk in your shoes or even try to fill them. God bless and I praying that things do get better for you.