By imsuzie2 Latest Reply 2010-02-21 02:51:33 -0600
Started 2010-01-22 05:33:18 -0600

What do you say to yourself to build up your self-esteem? Where are you on the "I'm OK" meter? What are your confidence tricks?

20 replies

Deborah L
Deborah L 2010-02-20 09:09:12 -0600 Report

imsuzie2, I know how tough this is for you. I went most of my young life not understanding how my "self talk" was undermining my self esteem. Later I ended up teaching it to others in my work.
I also had clinical depression including after my son was born which later actually turned out to be bipolar. Back then people didn't even acknowledge that kind of stuff.
It was a long, slow process of becoming aware of how I was hurting my self esteem and how to turn it around. I had to catch it one sentence at a time and challenge the truth of it, then replace it right away with a positive thought about me.
No more name calling or derogatory statements. There was no "You're a good person" or other singular thing that worked for me. Changing my entire belief system about myself and accepting me for who I am, including past mistakes wasn't easy.
Keep in mind that self esteem fluctuates. I have had a healthy one for many years, but sometimes I can slip back if stuff piles up in my head.
I suggest getting all the professional help you can and being gentle with yourself and those you love. If they can't be gentle in return, learn how to let it go.The letting go part was hard, especially people who hurt me the most when I was young. I learned that's their issues, not mine. And I don't have to accept the lies they tell me just to help themselves feel better. Depression changes my thinking about everything and will lie to me to keep me depressed and feeling bad about myself too.
The old saying, "move a muscle, move a thought" helps.
Okay, I'm off my soapbox now. LOL I'll believe in you until you can believe in yourself. Go for it!

MAYS 2010-02-21 02:23:31 -0600 Report

People with low self esteem should really read and understand this, it can go a long way in helping them to understand that depression can lower your self esteem.

imsuzie2 2010-02-21 02:51:33 -0600 Report

Deborah, WOW. That is what I am working on in therapy, as a matter of fact. But, did you ever nail it! I will definitely copy this and place it several places in the house to read daily. Thank you so much for sharing and caring! Hugs

Kira_xo 2010-02-18 18:39:35 -0600 Report

My self esteem is honestly very low. I once read a book when I was a kid about a boy who kept losing his self esteem .. everytime he got his feelings hurt or felt bad about something he would shrink until he was itty bitty. I forget what the book is called, but Ive always remembered it. I feel like I have a lot going on in my life right now and I am too exhausted to deal with it. Some days I feel low…I fight with my husband over petty things and twice I've had to call my mom to watch the baby. It doesnt help that I am obese, and I ahve a staph infection that has left scars a.ll over my body. I think to myself…even if i do lose weight those scars will still be there…Ill never be pretty. I also am a stay at home mom. Sometimes I feel like crap because I dont work and Im not in college, but right now i have no desire to do either. I want to spend time with my son before he is off to school in a few years. I have a bad self image and a low self esteem. I know this and I am trying my best to work on it as best I can.

MAYS 2010-02-18 20:15:01 -0600 Report

There is only one you and no one else like you !

There are those who look up to you, but you must look to and up to yourself !

You control your world, but lose control of it if you give others the right to control it !

You cannot give more of yourself than you already have, and you cannot allow others to take more of yourself than you are willing to give !

When you look into a mirror, who is that a reflection of looking back at you ?

You must protect yourself against destructive measures and attitudes brought on by depression and low self esteem.

When you decide that you are ready to cast aside your low self esteem, and be the person that you know that you are, and can be, there will be someone there waiting for you.

And that person is, " You " !

imsuzie2 2010-02-18 23:10:28 -0600 Report

Kira, I so hear and feel what you are going thru. I have to say you have a beautiful face, and you have a beautiful spirit that shines thru your posts, even when you are down. You may be a stay at home mom, but there is SO much you can do for yourself…you can TEACH you son so many things and being a terrific mom is a great esteem booster. You have the internet, so you can research all sorts of things…for yourself, for your baby…can even take classes online!

Are you on depression meds? Could this be postpartum depression? Working on weight is a day by day challenge, just like diabetes. Small steps. One meal then one day at a time. Easiest for me is portion control, that is why Nutrisystem worked so well for me. It is too costly now for me, but you can do the same with frozen Weight Watcher's or Healthy Choice or, if you are home, making your own meals. It takes time. Think of the fun taking your son for long healthy walks will be! You can do this. I have faith in you…hugs

Kira_xo 2010-02-19 05:24:07 -0600 Report

Thank you Suzie. It's just hard. I do not think I have post pardum depression, only because, I dont feel the same as I did after I gave birth and was put on birth control. I can honestly say a month after my son was born I started feeling very… out of it… I was more or less depressed, but it was more of a spaced out, cant sleep, cant get off the couch thing.. I just felt very alone… It lasted about a week and a half to two weeks… until I forgot tot ake my birth control (we were moving and had a lot going on)… Well… after about 3-4 days with out taking it..i started feeling a LOT better… after two weeks not taking it i felt 100% again. So I honestly blame the artificial, synthetic hormones in birth control for how I was feeling. Weird huh? lol.
I think a lo of my issues stem from the fact I have always been over weight, I was made fun of a lot in school and because of it, I made no effort in school..I was very defensive and I got into a lot of fights… eventually I dropped out at got my GED when I was 17 just to get away from being made fun of. Now, after getting married and having a baby I have just gotten bigger and bigger… and I think it's taking a real toll on me and myself esteem. I have gained almost 150 pounds since getting married. Sad part is.. I LOST weight while pregnant… so I really cant use the pregnancy as an excuse. So I really think a lot of the problem is I am self conscious of my weight.

I actually am going to try doing some of the weight watchers foods and such. And I am going thru the process of getting lap band surgery. My main fear, is during the psych eval they are going to say "Shes crazy she cant get the surgery" lol.

imsuzie2 2010-02-20 06:28:32 -0600 Report

Kira, I have to admire you for getting yourself out of the bad situation in school AND getting your GED. I was on birth control for 2 yrs from 16 to 18 for regulation and cramps. Didn't do much but make me vomit the morning after the first pill in the cycle and nauseous the next 2 mornings. And, I never should have been put on it as my mom had breast cancer at the time. I sometimes think we woman are guinea pigs for the drug manufacturers.

Losing weight is difficult for 90% of us, maybe more. And, isn't there a less invasive lap band surgery now…a new and improved one? I don't think you need to fear the psych eval if you are honest in it. You sure don't come across as crazy here in the community where you can be yourself. It is not as if you are talking to yourself ("NOT NOW, I'M WRITING TO KIRA" "OK, I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOU". "NO PROBLEM") or something, right? :)

Kira_xo 2010-02-20 07:24:25 -0600 Report

Thank you Suzie, Yo make me feel like I'm like a good person lol. Trying to explain why I got my GED to people it like pulling teeth. They always make me feel like I was weak and I should have just ignored the other students and get over it. But When your 10 years old..and the weight just keeps piling on it is hard. Kids these days are mean. One summer, when i was 15, I lost 25 pounds and was so excited to be wearing a 14! I went to school and on the first day got called a fat ass, and had one kid make noises when I sat down in my desk. It was hard. And honestly… I hated going to school because of it which is why I failed a lot of classes and skipped out. Getting my GED was best for me I think… I got it before any of my other classmates graduated and I was actually kind of proud of myself.

I do agree.. I think drug companies use us a guinea pigs. I personally, will never take birth control pills again in my life lol. I will just go for a hormone-free contraception. I know so many people with horrible side effects from it that it makes me wonder why they even stay on it when there are so many other options out there.

Actually, the lap band procedure is relatively simple! It's also a lot less drastic than gastric bypass, which is why I decided to go the lap band route. They simply put the band around the top of your stomach and the band is connected by a tube to a port that they put like, under your skin attached to the muscles. Anywho every 6 weeks or so, you go to the doctors and they use a needle filled with saline and they push it thru the port where it goes up the tube and "inflates" the lapband. They only do a tiny bit every 6 weeks until you reach your own comfort zone.

Sorry! I didn't mean to babble on about it all! lol I think I get carried away sometimes!

donna13 2010-02-20 08:24:22 -0600 Report

Hey, keep babbling. I know I have learned a lot more about lap band surgery then I did before. Hope everything goes ok with your surgery, and let us know how it turns out.

imsuzie2 2010-02-21 01:45:20 -0600 Report

I agree, Kira, babble! And, I never knew how the lap band worked, so thanks for the education. You have great instincts, and it actually takes courage to do what you did!!!

Me2 2010-01-22 22:08:25 -0600 Report

I say "God doesn't make junk." And I also believe that I am here for a purpose and I am loved. It's so easy to become negative with all the negativity we see/hear on tv and in the newspaper everyday. Seems the media harps on the bad which to me is a downer. So, I choose to surround myself with people who are "up." Someone once said, "for every negative thought you have, you must think of TWO positive thoughts." Try it…it works!

imsuzie2 2010-01-22 22:14:39 -0600 Report

I like that, Me2. That should be easy enough. I will give that a try. Thanks.

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2010-02-18 18:33:07 -0600 Report

I wish I had some good advice, but I am dealing with the problem of low self-esteem right now myself, and having a very hard time of lifting myself up…I need some good advice in that department as well…Sorry, wish I could help!

imsuzie2 2010-01-22 20:27:29 -0600 Report

I'm not talking depression here, just self-esteem. What self-talk do you say to yourself instead of "that was stupid", "I can't get this right", I should have…instead of "I do the best I can", "I am a good person", "the obstacles I try to overcome are irrational expectations set too high for most people to make". This is looking at the people you work with and say to yourself "if they can do it, what is wrong with me that I can't?" In knowing deep down that in doing the best I can I am ok and doing the best you can and knowing that, you are a good person.

To put it in perspective…working in a call center, speaking to angry people and trying to calm them down and resolve the issue in 5 minutes as is expected while LISTENING to the caller and actually doing something instead of maybe a "patch" that doesn't explain or solve the problem.

spiritwalker 2010-01-22 16:24:30 -0600 Report

I find I must take care of myself first, or I have nothing to
give to anyone else. You can't share energy if you don't
have enough to get by. Take care of yourself first. That
is when I have time and energy to care for family,friends,
and others in my life.

rankearl 2010-01-22 15:10:40 -0600 Report

hi all harlen your right you have to love yourself first and that includes doing what you have to do and yes some days are easier then others hugs julie

ptsparkle 2010-01-22 11:39:49 -0600 Report

The first thing I do is avoid looking in the mirror! But I do look at my family members and friends and appreciate the love and support they give me. I have lived a fairly good life, but i would still like to hang around a bit longer. My grandson and I have a date to go fishing as soon as I am all healed up. That in itself, keeps me going.
If you don't have any of the above mentioned, you have a bunch of good friends here. Best wishes.

Harlen 2010-01-22 06:33:14 -0600 Report

I am the only one like me.I love me.
And if I do then I must take care of me
If I dont do it who will?????
I need to get a lot of things done every day I have others who need me to be there for them.
Best wishes

Hinboyz3 2010-01-22 06:16:29 -0600 Report

Well to answer all those questions, I would say it's only one me and I want to be around as long as I can be in this life. So that means doing a little exercise, eating right and maintain my diabetes. I have to do it and hold my head high in the process. Dont get me wrong we all are afraid but we have to try.

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