Does the denial ever go away?

By Libra1969 Latest Reply 2011-06-01 01:22:17 -0500
Started 2010-01-14 16:56:40 -0600

Hi guys and gals,
I guess I am just looking for a little moral support here. I was diagnosed in 1995 with type 1 diabetes and have been on insulin shots ever since. Of course I don't like it and probably never will get used to the fact that I need this to survive. Does the denial ever really go away? There are so many days more then not that I feel like I just don't want this anymore and if I ignore it, it will go away. I know that it won't but in my mind that is what I wish. To just wake up in the morning and be completely healthy and not have to worry about taking insulin. Is it wrong to want to be carefree and not have to worry about packing my supplies before I can leave the house? I suppose I would have thought that after living with diabetes as long as I have that I would be more used to the idea by
I just want to know if there are other people that feel the same way that I do. I have a great family and they do try their hardest to understand, but unless they are in my shoes they cannot fully understand. Agree or disagree??
Thanks for taking the time to read, Hugs to all!!

38 replies

Amy Togtman
Amy Togtman 2010-01-24 03:55:21 -0600 Report

Hi I was diagnosed with type2 in 2001 and I was in denial for 6 yrs and I feel the same way u do I am on two different kinds of insulin totaling to 6 shots a day and Im also on Actos and metformin. I sometimes just want to say forget this. It is a big hassel to keep up with everything to keep ur diabetes in control. And because I was in denial for so long I am suffering with complications I have Neuropathy in my feet and I cant legally drive without glasses thats how bad my eyesight is. I now take better control of my diabetes but the complications and denial is always a factor. So I know exactly how u feel

livlaughlve22 2010-01-19 06:51:35 -0600 Report

To be honest I'm not sure it ever truly goes away. I'm a type one and I have only had it for 10 years, starting off was fine I would take care of myself at the age of 10 and I would have to say in my freshman year of high school i "gave up" I would stop taking my insulin, not test nothing to help myself. I've been struggling with this for six years now. I still can't find the way to help myself, but I'm not here to rant on myself but I have learned it was never worth it. Although we all know its tiresome, the problems I'm facing now are scaring me more than when I was diagnosed. I just wish I could have slapped myself in the face to prevent myself from being a 20 year old in and out of the hospitol with constant daily reminders of what I did to myself. Keep pushing!

Danni-the-diabetic 2010-01-21 11:30:24 -0600 Report

That sounds just like myself, I was diagnosed at 12 and I am 24 now, but I never stopped with the insulin, just the checking, so I never was propably taking as much as I should have because I spent ages 12-15 constantly in the hospital. Now I am scared for the future for the lack of control. What problems are you having now? If you dont mind me asking.

livlaughlve22 2010-01-22 00:43:07 -0600 Report

Right now I'm at an A1c of 15ishh, high cholesterol, facing diabetic neuropathy which means they're hoping its not permanet but i get it a lot, my "women organs" have stopped working lol uhmm constant dehydration which leaves me in and out of the hospitol, kidney malfunctions (so far not permanet), my pancreas is seeming to resist the insulin now so I have to take pills too, my scars are not healing, so i'm starting to look like a lepard with all of them…and exspecially the ones on my feet lead my feet to swell and go numb leaving me out of work and off my feet for days. I just wish I could get myself back. It's been so long and I had to do it all by myself, I never had anyones help I get from people I need to grow up but honestly I grew up so long ago having to deal with this all bymyself. I used to have to reuse needles because I couldnt afford new ones. its a constant struggle getting supplies but now I'm doing better affording it. It's just I got sooo fed up having to do all this for so long, I'd even have to do my own food shopping just to get some healthy food in the house which was hard because I struggled with money so I'd usually resort to junk food other people had bought. It was just never easy. But if you have the resources try your best, because I never feel "good" I either feel tired constantly sick and unable to function. Its no way of living…yet its my fault

cc9 2010-01-22 02:38:25 -0600 Report

i feel for your pain. eating healthfully may not need to cost the earth. ingredients like lentils are cheaper to buy and they are versatile. you can make burgers out of them. junk food is cheaper to buy but its costly to your health

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-22 22:44:58 -0600 Report

Since I am older, I have traded in my OLD Yardstick for a newer model! Now it isn't how WELL do I feel, but instead, I feel a little better than yesterday, but not as well as 40 years ago, but look at the miles our feet have trod, so am thankful to be in as good a shape as I am. Hugs, Pat R

Gimpalong 2011-06-01 00:58:56 -0500 Report

I hear you, Pat. I, too, am very thankful to be in as good a shape as I am. I don't know whether to go back to the OLD yardstick or just try to get another new one. LOL Take care of yourself and have a wonderful week. Nancy

Gramamtz 2010-01-15 22:42:12 -0600 Report

I have been a diabetic for 8 years and I am very angry at myself for letting myself get this far with it, I just feel frustrated wish one morning I would wake and say its gone and now not having too much feeling to my feet makes it worse. I use insulin and symlin.

jaclyncrystal 2010-01-16 01:44:00 -0600 Report

I originally controlled by diabetes with diet and exercise then last November my new Dr. old one having retired told me with much distress to him that i had diabetes, I told him I new that for many years, but you all know what it is like you tend to stray away from the diets and exercise and just want to be like everyone else around you. Now i am getting back on track, watching everying that goes in my mouth and trying hard to exercise everyday. Do i hate this disease and wish it would just dissapear you bet I do, I fully admit that there are days when i just have to have a "no,no" and I do have it cause tomorrow is another day and I get to start all over again, and we are human and do slip, I pray for a cure for our problem, hugs to all my good friends on this site, at least I know that I am not alone EVER.

OMG-T2 2010-01-15 13:03:31 -0600 Report

Hi everyone —

I was just diagnosed as a Type 2 on 12/31/09 — a lovely little parting gift for the year 2009. I have had no issues with "denial" per se in the two weeks since, I just took it all in as I have everything else difficult in my life. I set my mind to change what I could for the better and I have not deviated from that essential 'game plan' too much since. Sure, I went to a restaurant last weekend and ate something I knew would be bad for me (and as reflected in my blood glucose, I was right), but I can't waste my energy beating myself up for that lapse in judgement…I must press on.

Every single day since my diagnosis I thank G-d for this opportunity to effect better change for myself via choices in proper nutrition and in paying attention to things I have taken for granted for most of my life — like my hands, feet
and eyes. I thank G-d for the friend who pushed me to go to the doctor for something totally unrelated to what culminated in my diagnosis and I truly feel that I have dodged a proverbial bullet with the subsequent knowledge.

Believe me, my demeanor is as opposite that whole "Mary Sunshine" persona as anyone can be, and I don't really know what life is like without depression, but there's a part of me that feels like I have been reborn and that, for me, is the gift that this illness has given me. To deny it just wouldn't serve me.

Pam from KCMO
Pam from KCMO 2010-01-15 17:45:15 -0600 Report

When I was first diagnosed, I talked with a coworker who was also diabetic. Among the many things he told me was that he now saw his diabetes as a gift - that he was healthier now than he'd been before his diagnosis, because it had FORCED him to take care of himself.

Not sure I'm to that point of acceptance, but it was an interesting way to think about it.

magicmark 2010-01-15 02:17:28 -0600 Report

You have asked some very good questions and made some very good statements. I feel the same as you do.
I have very few good days where I would believe that I do
not have diabetes. Then the next day I am reminded when I wake up and I feel like a piece of hammered poop.
It sounds like you are handling your situation fairly well
so, you have given me encouragement to keep going forward.

lacie 2010-01-15 11:58:29 -0600 Report

I have been a type 2 diabetic for about 20 years. It is a bearable way to live, because I am alive. My problem is my granddaughter. About 3 years ago, at age 11, she was diagnosed as a type 1 diabetic. She did ok for a while, but now she doesn't take care of herself. Her last A1C was 11. She has keytones, and has admitted she does not test or take her insulin as she should. I have asked her to tell me why she is behaving this way, but she just says she doesn't know.

It baffles me, because she is well aware of the dangers involved. Wish I could find some way to get through to her before it is too late. Anybody have any suggestions?

Gimpalong 2011-06-01 01:08:42 -0500 Report

Hi Lacie, maybe your granddaughter has been teased about her diabetes and made to believe she just isn't cool. Peer pressure can be very difficult to our kids, especially if they have a "life long" disease to live with. She may not be taking her insulin correctly because she wants to be considered "normal" by her peers. It is hard to say when kids are this age, teenagers, but not adults. I'll hold both of you in my thoughts and prayers. Nancy

dietcherry 2010-01-15 12:35:43 -0600 Report

Lacie, I know how hard this is for you and you are probably worreid sick about her! She is asserting her independence now that she is a teenager, she is in denial and rebelling against her life sentence, and she just wants to be like her other peers who are "normal". She will end up in the hospital and maybe that will be her wake up call! Counseling for those with chronic conditions may help; finding a support group in her town for T1 kids so she doesn't feel alone, although she may be resistant to this as it just serves to remind her of her diabetes. Just keep telling her she IS NOT ALONE; there are many others dealing successfully with this everyday! Lots of Love to you, Renee :)

lacie 2010-01-15 15:33:08 -0600 Report

Thank you so much for your reply…I will keep all your suggestions and thoughts in mind, and maybe let her read it herself…who knows? Maybe it will help

Armourer 2010-01-15 00:47:24 -0600 Report

I was diagnosed in 1998 as Type 2. I was told loose 20 pounds and it will go away. For a couple years I outright denied it. Several more where I refused to stick my finger cause of the pain ( I mean pain). Lost 42 pounds and my sugar problem got worse (I really have the real thing). My family does not support me in any way other then policing me and making sure I don't cheat (while the skinny folks pig out). Some days I just don't eat (and don't). Yea, I wish things were different, especially wish I didn't have to inject two types of insulin five times a day. Wish I could eat anything like my family does. Your are not alone, girlfriend. One good thing is your family supports you, might not understand completely, but none-the-less support you.

Danni-the-diabetic 2010-01-14 23:58:32 -0600 Report

I was diagnosed about 12 years ago and the whole time growing up I was in denial, especially because back then not as many people had diabetes as they do now, none of my friends had diabetes. I still took my insulin and checked blood sugar (rarely) but that was it. Several months ago I was told I had neuropathy from my diabetes and that's when it hit me, "whoaa! This diabetes crap is for real!". Also, I started thinking about having kids, so that was a real motivator to get back into reality and get this mess straightened out. I have days where I want to throw my meter against the wall or throw my insulin vial on the floor and shatter it into a million pieces. It 's a nuissance in our lives, but we don't have a choice. It makes me feel less in control of my life and that makes me so freaking angry! But moral support is great to have - that's why I am so happy to have found this site. (Sorry, I started rammbling here…)

Roger1966 2010-01-15 00:58:11 -0600 Report

Hey Libra 1969 I've been a type 1 diabetic for 45 years now. Have I had denial? Certainly. . . The question that always hits me is do I want to deny my symptoms and condition and let it control me? Or do I want to do my best to manage my diabetes and have the best quality of life available to me? Many times I get sick of feeling like my diabetes controls me and invades every aspect of my life. For perspective I ask myself: Would a terminal illness be better? I wouldn't have to deal with it nearly as long and I'd probably get more help and understanding from others around me. It absolutely would not be better I tell myself. The problem with diabetes is that it's not so visible and it can be self managed at home so lots of non diabetic folks pass it off as nothing. I urge you put on your happy face and move forward, you'll be the one who benefits most.There always seems to be plenty of support here for those bad days we all have. It comes from people who understand because they're living daily with the exact same issues we are. Take care my friend. Roger

Gimpalong 2011-06-01 01:16:55 -0500 Report

Thank you for your answer. You've helped a lot of us realize just how real diabetes is, and it has to be controlled by us, or we have no real life at all. Hang in there.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-16 12:25:57 -0600 Report

My neice HATES her diagnosis too, is now in her 50's and has an active life, but does have to make adjustments, but not always sweetly and she is a sweet person most of the time! She is very active, works full time and gardens, big time, BUT she gets too involved and hates it when her energies run out before she can complete a task, I am like that too, but I am older and supposed to slow down anyway, so it hasn't been such a challenge for me in that respect!

Her mother is diabetic too, on insulin and likes to brag about how much she can eat—-just ignores it, or takes her insulin—-her eyes are affected, she is about 82 yrs. old, BUT her own stubborness in NOT complying is just making it harder on her daughter who has a worse case than she, yet she is the caregiver!

I pray for them both as I know how frustrating it is to be caring for someonelse who doesn't even TRY to help herself—-her brother died from it, had even lost both legs before that time, and still she doesn't watch what she eats. She has never been a motivated person anyway, but I just hate to see her daughter pay THAT price.

As for me, I don't have it so bad, but still find days when I could throw a sweet potato instead of eating it! Yes, we are all human, so more than others. I have to take care of myself as I have never felt cared for by anyone else, so since I am a survivor, I will groan and gripe, but CARRY ON! Pat R

AddassaMari 2010-01-14 18:54:04 -0600 Report

I was diagnosed on July 21, 2009. It is a day I will never forget or regret. My first child was born on that day 17 years ago.

I am only a little diabetic, is like saying I am a little pregnant. You either are or you are not, there is no two ways about it. I am a person with diabetes and I will have this condition for the rest of my life. I have diabetes, diabetes does not have me. That is what I told myself the day I was diagnosed, everyday I wake up and every time I eat. Of course, I barely had time to assimilate the diagnosis, much less go into denial, I was told I had a brain tumor, and diabetes the same day. I had bigger issues to deal with at the time. If my blood sugar goes uncontrolled, I cannot have my tumor remove. So I have a precariously balance scale to work with. Denial, I cannot afford it.

Now wishing for a different out come, YES. Everyday, I wish it was July 20, 2009. The last day I was viewed as a fairly healthy person..

Gimpalong 2011-06-01 01:22:17 -0500 Report

I'll be praying that your diabetes will be controlled, so that you can have your surgery. Hang in there, gal. You have a beautiful smile. God bless. Have a wonderful week. Nancy

2sweet2eat 2010-01-14 18:33:14 -0600 Report

Hang in there.I have been a diabetic since 1999.I have seen what it can do to you first hand,my dad had it,he died 10 yrs ago at the age of 62 from diabetes related illness.I am an RN and see many horrible things people go through with diabetes,such as blindness,amputations,kidney disease.Honestly it sucks!!!!! I have days where I want it to go away. The first thing I see when I get up is my medication,just a reminder of what my life has become.I also have a great family and friends,but like you wrote, they don't understand. I take it one day at a time.I am going to Ride in the Tour de Cure for Diabetes on June 6th in Rhode Island.I have started my training but I must go slow because of the wonderful disease I have been dealt.I will bike forward and you will make it through your darkest day. Smile and remember (It is tough to be so sweet) I came up with that myself it makes me smile. Good luck and hang in there.Don't give up!!!!

Hinboyz3 2010-01-14 17:46:20 -0600 Report

We all go thru this some more than others. I found myself going thru this morning when I was getting ready for school, almost forgetting to do my blood sugar, I have to learn how to add more time to my schedule. I wish I was well too, but we have to do our part and stay focused at all times, even in the low and bad times. We can all do it together.

Harlen 2010-01-14 17:22:44 -0600 Report

I think we all have been there from one time or another just hang in there it dose get better
Best wishes

donna13 2010-01-14 17:15:56 -0600 Report

I think it is normal to feel like this at times. I'm sure anyone with a chronic illness feels frustrated and tired at times. I don't have to take insulin, just oral meds, but i find myself looking at all the chocolate bars in the grocery stores and think "Why me".

paulbudman 2010-01-14 17:07:20 -0600 Report

I feel the same way, it's almost been a year for me. I was using insulin for only about 5 months, they took me off that around July of last year. But lately I've been going through the same thoughts…No meds, No appointments= No diabetes! I wish…I'm sure someday, but for now I guess I need to tell myself to stick with the program until then!

Libra1969 2010-01-14 17:13:03 -0600 Report

Thanks alot I appreciate the feed back from you. We do need to keep hoping that one day they will find a cure for us and we will all be able to live happily ever after. Thanks again,,,

dietcherry 2010-01-14 17:53:13 -0600 Report

Paul, your reply reminds me of the old school rap song Get With The Program! LOL Renee :)

paulbudman 2010-01-14 18:25:00 -0600 Report

Renee, your "old school rap" reply got me thinking about The Sugar Hill Gang…that song will be in my head for days now! :)

spiritwalker 2010-01-14 17:01:39 -0600 Report

I am a t2, I take insulin since I had bad reactions to most
of the oral meds. I have been a diabetic for 25 years.
At times I really want it to just go away. I hear what you
are saying. Hang in there. hugs.