Be up front with your Doctor and Husband

Pat Roth
By Pat Roth Latest Reply 2010-01-13 10:09:39 -0600
Started 2010-01-12 23:22:33 -0600

I suppose that most of you have read my complaints of not being able to communicate with my husband and most Drs. I KNOW the root cause, which I will NOT go into, BUT I am finding that if I can manage to "Be up front, honest with THEM" it does help—-let the chips fall where they may. I was such a PEOPLE PLEASER it was pathetic and a pain to be around!

I faced my husband with my thoughts on his attitude and reluctance to take me to Wichita today, about 75 miles north of us, and he shared that he was tired of GOING! Well, I thought, and shared, I really don't like to go that much either!! BUT—-we kinda laughed!

Well, it is a GOOD thing that we LAUGHED to warm us up for the following errors—-I got busy cleaning in the kitchen so was off to a late start! I shared that I was tired of having so many interruptions, I couldn't get anything done either—and he NODDED! ok—-so far—-

We wwere 10 min LATE, and as we drove in to the Hospital, a sinking feeling hit me, THIS WAS THE WRONG PLACE and for the life of me I could NOT remember what the correct address was—-I THOUGHT that he knew—he usually knows more about what way the car is going , than I, I just go along for the ride!

"WHAT???! Screeched thru his clamped teeth!! What? I firmly said that it was all My fault (he loves THOSE words) but it was my surgeon, not the pulmonologist, it was my fault as I hadn't told him SURGEON or he would have known better. Probably so, dear—IT IS OK, we are late anyway, then the correct address came to his mind, NOT MINE—I was past THINKING—-and he proudly pulled back out into the traffic and we sped further north for 10 min, then we were there! Only 20 min LATE! (I am never late for a Dr appt—-)I asked them if they would go ahead and see me——"yes" got my ua and went on back!

So Jack was pleased that he had finally gotten me there, and it was my fault as I didn't have the card—-and it is OK——I have been flaky lately—

The urologist was so nice!! He looked at Jack and listened and did me also, very respectful!!! YEAH!!! He said my urine was great,my incision still had some pink, proud flesh, which doesn't mean anything to me—-but was OK, asked me how I felt—if I was breathing better, had more energy—told me to behave myself! Jack snorted, and he kindly said,"that is what I thought" so CARING!! I couldn't believe it!!! Then we had an uneventful trip home!

My greatest fear of NOT making Jack mad, worked out when I faced it and discussed it, accepting my share of blame, then the Dr seemed to READ me and was so KIND!!! I am so thankful that I vented here before I left as I think that it helped me to open my eyes more clearly and grow one more step out of this horrible depression!! Have others had similar experiences? It can relate to having diabetis or anything else, nothing to be ashamed of here!!! Hugs, Pat Roth

7 replies

Deb-G 2010-01-13 09:56:53 -0600 Report

Love reading your Posts Pat…what a dear woman you are… :)

Thanks for always sharing…I'm sure so many of us can see parts of us in you…I know I can…

My first marriage didn't survive the combined forces of both our faults…but…I am thankful to have a husband now that understands my swings, what they are about, and my daffy moments..and just seems to let them go…We always seem to be able to work it out, discuss it, and even laugh about it…for that I feel blessed…

Its not easy to feel alone in it…yet its not easy for the other person to constantly deal with it either…so I guess sometimes it does take us many years to figure it out together…but someone that really LOVES YOU is still there sticking it out! :)

Thx again for your wonderful blogs

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-13 10:09:39 -0600 Report

Thank YOU for your humorous information, and that word,daffy, that is the first time that I have heard that word in many moons! Daffy Duck, brings tears to the eye, doesn't it?! haha—Pat R

Pam from KCMO
Pam from KCMO 2010-01-13 05:39:36 -0600 Report

Yay for you, Pat! As cc9 said, you can't make someone else change, you can only make changes in YOU. So much better to ACT, rather than react. My therapist told me once that, as you change, the people around you start reacting differently.

The laughter you shared is a good thing. It shows how your response to the situation changed the usual outcome. Good for you.

I had a similar situation with a different outcome. I was in an unhappy marriage with a man my brother the shrink later told me he'd diagnosed as an alcoholic narcissistic psychopath. Lovely.

I started therapy, started healing and behaving differently, and came home one night to a half-empty house and a note on the kitchen table saying my heart was a toxic waste dump and he was out of there. Years later, he wrote to apologize - part of the 12-step AA program he'd finally joined. I didn't respond. I was done.

His leaving was a good thing - I've been happily married now for almost 20 years.

I'm glad your husband laughed. A MUCH better response!

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-13 09:44:56 -0600 Report

Thanks so MUCH for all of your support! My husband laughing really caught me off guard, as he usually CUSSES something FIERCE!! He did to start with, then stopped as I admitted I didn't really know where we were going either, I always left THAT up to him as he usually remembers better than I, at least for now—-so it was a surprising, refreshing response, he was ready for change too, I think—-not sure that we could have pulled it off a few years ago as both of us were so uptight on being RIGHT!! I decided I needed to know that I was right, on the inside, and not verbalize it as it seems to settle the troubled waters for smoother sailing! Love and hugs, Pat R

imsuzie2 2010-01-13 05:11:13 -0600 Report

Atta Girl, Pat! See. We are smarter than husbands…tell them we are wrong, and they are as pleased as punch! (And you guys tell us wives you are wrong, and we love it!)…a win-win. The trick is thinking fast on our feet to take the wind out of their sails before the storm has a chance to "blow". Hugs

cc9 2010-01-13 02:22:15 -0600 Report

awesome pat!!!! well done. guess you must have rehearsed and reviewed the situation in your mind when you spoke of your trip to see your doc. someone once told me you cant change someone's behaviour but you can always change the way you choose to interact with the person.CC

tholz 2010-01-12 23:38:09 -0600 Report

I do with both of them. But hubby doesnt seem to get it. I told him I need to get my Meds well what part didnt he understand. Cuz he told me he didnt get. I had sent email to his work. Off one med put on another. He needs to listen to me.

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