husbands ajusting to your new life style

By mamaoak Latest Reply 2010-01-15 21:51:38 -0600
Started 2010-01-11 19:41:51 -0600

has any one had problems with ther husbands not excepting your new life style .

29 replies

ALHanel 2010-01-14 00:37:35 -0600 Report

How does anyone deal with a husband that doesn't care? I feel like I am a single mom. How do I teach my son right, when I cant afford to buy the food I need?

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-14 11:51:39 -0600 Report

Well, In my case, I gave up on trying to CHANGE HIM, and had to change MY way of listening and coping. He wasn't about to change if I TOLD him how—-how would I FEEL if the tables were turned, so I do what I feel is best, and let the chips fall where they will, he can try to cope or feel left out of your circle of LOVE! I had that LONELY feeling for so many years, but the people here on this site have helped me to fill in some of the HOLES!! Love and HUgs, Pat R

tholz 2010-01-15 00:14:52 -0600 Report

You could go to food banks

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-15 09:51:02 -0600 Report

We have a local Thrift Shop that works with our Ministerial Alliance, where food and clothing are avaialbe at low costs. A lot of our community make use of them—"where did you get that pretty sweater?" "at the Thrift store. At Christmas our group of women put together boxes of food for the needy, including a frozen turkey, and lots of canned goods.

You might check in your vicinity for such helpful places. Best of Luck! Pat R

angela d
angela d 2010-01-15 16:07:35 -0600 Report

well we dont have the money to eat heathy so im stille ating the same just less amounts my husband says i conplain to much its not that bad stop acting kije an old lady but he claims he is gonna get me an exercise bike so i stop conplaining about my feet men we take care of them when they are sick but when it comes to us forget us so im going to do the best i can do get heathy cause we have a 4 year old chubby daughter she needs me i dont want her to end up like me

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-15 21:51:38 -0600 Report

I admire your spunk, Angela!! Good for you!!! Be there for yourself and your daughter. The men seem to come out smelling like a rose, (although most of the men on this site seem nice!!!) so you might as well take care of the TWO of YOU!! Maybe he will get on board later, when he sees you getting slimmer and more energetic, hopefully—takes time—-and you will gain more self-respect as YOU know that YOU did it for YOU and your Daughter!! Hus and Best Wishes!! PatR

Pam from KCMO
Pam from KCMO 2010-01-15 17:29:07 -0600 Report

Go online and Google food banks or food pantries in your city or county. Visit your county's Web site and see what kinds of social services they have. You may be eligible for food stamps. At the very least, they should have a list of local agencies that can help - call them and ask.

Just a few thoughts.

tholz 2010-01-12 08:34:49 -0600 Report

Pat my heart goes out to you. I do know what you are talking about as mine seems as uncaring as yours.
Love ya Tammy

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-11 23:58:02 -0600 Report

Well, I HAVE!!! Not only that he is ANGRY that I am having so many follow-up appts re- this malignant kidney they removed last Sept! He asked today, WHY?? WHy do you have to keep going to Drs??! Like it was all upto ME!!

The diabetis he seems to accept better as HE can tell me what to NOT eat, and assume his controlling way! I came home this eve with a pretty crown for a year as I had lost the most in TOPS for this past year, 20 pounds, and his comment was ,"well , I had better keep on it and lose another 20#!!" I was so Mad I almost got rid of 195# real FAST!!! PR

I can now see that his attitude is NOT my fault, and I will make arrangements from now on to LEAVE HIM OUT!! I asked him if he just wanted me to die with cancer? And he JUST SHRUGGED!!! Now THAT is being MEAN and I see NO excuse for it!!!! He had done that to me before when my white count dropped to 1000 and I was in the city in reverse isolation because the Dr thought I had Leukemia! It turned out that I didnt just a real bad infection plus pneumonia and too many antibiotics—-Why did I think that he would change!!!! Sorry, I am TICKED BIG TIME!!! Pat R

Pam from KCMO
Pam from KCMO 2010-01-12 06:44:16 -0600 Report

Dear Pat - I can't imagine living day-to-day with such a rude, uncaring man. You've described the situation in other posts, and my heart goes out to you.

I know you like quotes and I heard a good one a few weeks ago: "Bless and release."

I relate to that quote because I am struggling with a colleague at work. She's manipulative, passive aggressive, and has ticked me off regularly for a long time. I've tried to build a bridge, but am coming to realize that 'blessing and releasing' her may be my best option. Letting go of the expectation that we can work together, and just focusing on my own stuff, dealing with her in a cordial way when I have to.

That's what I'd like to do, anyway. But it ain't easy!

I know my little problem is nothing like what you have to deal with, but I thought you might like the quote. :)

mamaoak 2010-01-12 09:32:44 -0600 Report

dear pat well mine does car and so does yours he just does not realise that this is important i am from canada mine thinks it is just a money grab here. he wont even keep his appointments for his yearly check up drives me crazy with this money thing they seem to have a funny way of showing they care i think thy are afraid of the resualts. you have to look after your self and be as selfish as they are.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-12 10:07:45 -0600 Report

Thank you for LISTENING to me VENT!! This morning, I feel much better, partly because you guys are caring, it just has to come from SOMEWHERE, I am trying to quit EXPECTING certain things from him, as he just isn't capable—-but does show it in other ways, I guess—-have had to look at things differentlyNOT as I wish—Thanks for the support!

Yow, when I worked at the Hospital, we had an RN that was a witch! You could just set beside her and FEEL the anger and hostility SEEP out of her—-I wanted EVERYONE to like me, my dad said that wasn't necessary, but that comment made me mad as I thought if I CHANGED ENOUGH the tension would ease, NOT, Like you said, bless and release—-she had her own issues I am sure—So I am LEARNING to accept others as THEY ARE, NOT AS I WISH—-think I am getting there, but it sure does help to have you guys support!! Amen!! Pat R

Pam from KCMO
Pam from KCMO 2010-01-12 19:08:40 -0600 Report

I think you're right - some people are incapable of expressing what's deep down. And that lesson of accepting people as they are and not as you wish they would be is a hard one. Blessing and releasing…

BevC 2010-01-12 14:54:37 -0600 Report

Pat, I can identify with you. Except my Husband is the Diabetic,and I try to help him eat right. He takes his insulin shot every night, and thinks that's all he needs to do! He has been in a state of denial since he was diagnosed in 2004, is a heavy smoker, and keeps "Little Debbies" hidden in his man-cave.(home office) I suffer from my own health issues, had to have 2 emergency surgery's on my spine in late Oct 2009. Dr found a large mass on MRI. Am still recovering, and he is constantly complaining about all my appts. We are both disabled in electric wheelchairs, so exercise is hard. I am now walking on a walker 3-4 times a day, and he pushes me to do more! Congrats on your weight loss! I've lost 35 lbs since my surgery's. Anyway…There's a story here to tell…Bev

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-12 19:06:52 -0600 Report

Thank you for sharing your own story!! Makes me feel better and not such a lonely Dork!! I actually feel better since I SHARED my concerns, then laughed as others came on saying, yow, me too!! For the most part, in this town, NO ONE wants to HEAR anything that is a bit negative! Well, I can tell you one thing, "better out, than IN!" Same goes for diarrhea too! PR

Hinboyz3 2010-01-11 22:31:11 -0600 Report

Yes my hubby was ok in the beginning when I first found out, and as time went on he began to get into denial. But now he knows its my way of life to eat the right way and exercise so I can be a better me. So now he's adjusting to my new way of life. Still trying to get him to exercise with me so he can become healthier too.

Danni-the-diabetic 2010-01-11 21:54:45 -0600 Report

When I got diagnosed when I was 12 my family didnt make any adjustments in their food - I didnt even know what my diet was suppose to be, I'm actually still working on it - but my mom, for about the first month, measured out my snacks, like put 8 animal crackers in front of me. I don't know if it's that she didn't care or not, but I just think how it mustve been just as difficult for her to accept and adjust as it was for me - and I just recently started 100% living the diabetic life style and Im 24 now.

Anonymous 2010-01-12 21:05:55 -0600 Report

Danni - Can you have that conversation with your mother to find out what was going on with her? Was she told by doctors to leave family food alone? Was she overwhelmed? Was she in denial? Or did she not care (nobody said maternal instincts are there just 'cuz a woman gives birth)? I would be really interested in the outcome of that talk if you and she could have it.

Danni-the-diabetic 2010-01-13 15:29:45 -0600 Report

I will ask her…but I think I know what she will say, that she was overwhelmed or in denial…she says that alot. I'm not mad at her, just frusterated cause I know my body was damaged when I was younger from VERY uncontrolled sugars and I practically forgot I had it…but now that I am older and am ready to take control myself, it's like I'm starting from the beginning, to where I was when I was 12.

Anonymous 2010-01-13 19:23:19 -0600 Report

I understand because I too pay the price for inadequate/insufficient/ignorant parenting. (Among other things, when I came home from school every day with headache mother gave me slice of white bread with honey on it - How is that for counterproductive intervention!!!??!!!)I never had the conversation with my mother that I am asking you about and now she is dead so I can't ever have it. I regret not ever having an adult exchange with her when I asked her directly how she felt and what she thought and told her the same anout myself. In some respects I avoided that because my mom's sister died of complications of diabetes as a child and knew how severely that affected my mother. Anyway, my good thoughts are beaming out in cyberspace to you (and to your mother who, if she says it alot probably was/is overwhelmed and in denial!!)

Danni-the-diabetic 2010-01-14 18:05:37 -0600 Report

Thank you. I havent asked her, but I will. I am not really worried about what she says because it doesn't change anything and she too is only human. I understand how you wished you couldve had the conversations with her and I am sorry about the loss. I hope you dont hold a grudge… It's hard when people turn your backs on you or do whatever crazy things they do, but one way for me to try my hardest to get over it is to realize that nobody's perfect. Your mom loved you and I know my mom loves me and I am sure that if they could both go back and try their best to change that they would.

Anonymous 2010-01-14 19:29:57 -0600 Report

Nope - no grudge here. I learned years ago we all do the best we can with the resources we have at the time and that includes mothers!

tholz 2010-01-11 21:18:56 -0600 Report

My hubby use to care his actions tells me he dont. But once in a while he will be the food police

Anonymous 2010-01-11 20:31:40 -0600 Report

The only problem with my hubby is that he won't eat all the stuff I shouldn't have fast enough to save me from myself!!!

Harlen 2010-01-11 20:15:40 -0600 Report

My wife is the same shes great
and I do all the cooking lol she best like it or starve lol
Best wishes