relatives ugh!

By tempyjane Latest Reply 2010-01-15 02:25:04 -0600
Started 2010-01-11 17:26:29 -0600

Does anybody else out there struggle with relatives that just dont just your diabetes? I get bombarded with "If you just lost weight you wouldnt have diabetes anymore" or i love this one , Other diabetics dont seem to have all the problems you do,! Like I am a bad diabetic or something who Knows ! I have even got, Are you really a diabetic? It has made me mad, frustrated me etc.,and when i try to educate people on diabetes they dont what to hear it ! Any thoughts sometimes i feel very alone .

29 replies

donna13 2010-01-13 20:06:54 -0600 Report

I think I'll speak for all the good family members. My kids have been just as I expected them to be. They treat me as an adult, and might inquire if a certain food is ok when I am there for dinner, but then let me eat as I see fit. I find that I have problems with my son and his wife who are both diebetic, and sometimes I think they are not eating right. But they are adults, too, so I just bite my tongue and let it go. They seem to be handling the diabetes ok so they don't need my nagging.

BLC 2010-01-13 19:49:31 -0600 Report

My sister will only buy me diabetic related gifts. For the past two years for Christmas she has gotten me diabetic socks…geeze. When someone is having a party, she is like "oh we have to get something she can eat" I tell her I can eat a little cake and she screams "Oh my God. Do you want to die!!"

Anonymous 2010-01-13 20:15:25 -0600 Report

Sisters may have a way of knowing just what will irritate the heck out of the other sister (I have several sisters.) One year one sister gave me an empty box of diet candy with a note inside that said "Eat You Heart Out". It's been over forty years and that still pushes my buttons even though I know it says more about my sister than it does about anybody else.

BLC 2010-01-13 21:27:16 -0600 Report

You are right it does show more about your sister than you. I had never really thought of it that way! Thanks for presenting that thought. I always feel like such an idiot after being around her a while and letting her tell everyone how I don't eat right and don't take care of myself, now I will just secretly smile to myself and know who the bigger person is.

cc9 2010-01-13 21:58:30 -0600 Report

its possible, its her way of showing her caring. i dont know your sister and how you get along. and sometimes we see what ppl do through our own lens forged from past experiences.

but i can also see that who u are essentially, the person is unacknowledged and your illness has replaced your person.

Danni-the-diabetic 2010-01-14 18:12:15 -0600 Report

I can understand how that can get annoying, like maybe she forgets you are a real person, not just a diabetic. However, like Cc9 said, it could possibly be her way of showing that she cares. My families complete opposite, so lol if they could just find a happy medium (however one year on my 20th birthday I got a box of syringes from my mom lol)

NewTerry19 2010-01-13 19:44:15 -0600 Report

Yeah I get the same thing from my older family members, they always tell them that if I ate better as a childe/young adult I wouldn't be sick now, I informed my mother it was her fault for lettin me eat the way I did as a teenager, but once I had kids I cooked better, for them so that really doesn't have anything to do with now.
My family doesn't want to learn bout my diabetes either, so I just told them that if they don't wana learn bout it, then they shouldn't lecture or scold bout something they know nothing bout. But it is still very frustrating!

Elrond 2010-01-12 05:33:03 -0600 Report

I'm semi-fortunate because since I moved west the only relative near me is my brother and he knows enough about diabetes to know not to offer advice. But everyone else who learns that I'm diabetic is an instant expert. I don't know how much 'sage advice' I've received like 'don't eat sugar' and 'rest a lot'. I just act as if it's a revelation then continue to do as I always have.

London 2010-01-11 22:59:33 -0600 Report

Totally, my family Always forgets I'm diabetic and brings me junk food. Now I just worry about myself and what I can eat. If they don't like it O'well.

Hinboyz3 2010-01-11 22:35:08 -0600 Report

First of all they cant walk in your shoes!! If they could they would understand just what we all are going thru. Relatives can really get on your nerves at times, which I can understand, but you have to over look them and do YOU!!! It's only one you and you have to do what you need to do to maintain a good healthy lifestyle no matter what. You also sometimes have to take baby steps just to start. And that's ok too. I just over look them smile hold my head up and keep on going. And trust me your not alone. all your friends are here on this site going thru the same things with you.

Danni-the-diabetic 2010-01-11 22:25:10 -0600 Report

This sounds kind of familiar. My family never understood it when I was growing up and neither did I and even I would ask myself the same question "do I really have diabetes?" and "Why can't I just get rid of it!?". I get the questions like, "Did you eat alot of sugar when you were a kid?" That one always amuses me; do I really have to explain to them about the pancreas and how one day it stopped producing insulin!? I have even gotten asked if I did heroine or shot up other drugs when a couple guys saw some syringes in my car. I just laugh about it, that's all I can do!

Anonymous 2010-01-11 20:55:28 -0600 Report

I have been on the receiving end of this kind of behavior and it is a pain in the a**. But I have also seen people with cancer be subjected to comments implying that if they thought positive thoughts, ate the "right" diet, etc. they either wouldn't hve cancer or they could cure it. Opiniated people voicing opinions like that just seem worse then stupid, almost cruel (they of course probably think they are being helpful or telling people something for their own good). On a good day when comments are to me as a diabetic I just let them talk and end the conversation as soon as I can. On bad days I ask them to get back to me when they have their medical degree. I know, that is bad manners on my part.

Danni-the-diabetic 2010-01-11 22:28:27 -0600 Report

I get frusterated sometime and I am sure I can speak for alot of people on the part. Some of us speak our minds or some of us (like me) laugh inside and bite our tongues…I wish, however, that I could speak my mind more often, even if it is bad mannered.

cc9 2010-01-12 00:39:01 -0600 Report

hey there's nothing rude about being assertive!!!!! i reckon part of it is the "culture" and values that if something is wrong with someone its the person's fault. perhaps its partly due to the public's denial of mortality. i mean mags and tv progs all show very healthy and beautiful ppl, successful etc and that is escapism. not reality as it is. i refuse to be labled a diabetic and i tell ppl i have diabetes. my condition does not define who i am. and sometimes we choose what battles we want to win. and thats just it its about us making a choice. my kids had great difficulties coming to terms with my diabetes and occassionally they still go off tangent. i choose to educate them as they may live with diabetes one day.

mamaoak 2010-01-11 19:36:45 -0600 Report

yes some can't except facts and they dont want to it is my husbands familly that has a problem with it. he is the worts of them thinks now i have it under controll i can eat anything we just cant get on the same page we eat different meals at differant times. you have all my sympathy about this.

Harlen 2010-01-11 18:33:19 -0600 Report

Yep I tell them on the sly I realy am glucose intolerant but dont tell any one its like diabetes but you never get over it, A tear in the eye helps a lot then you sey one day I will die and theres just nothing I or the Doc's can do lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

spiritwalker 2010-01-11 18:26:16 -0600 Report

Don't expect people who don't live with diabetes to understand.
Many times people with diabetes don't understand either.
Do what you need to take care of yourself. There is nothing you can do if the people in you life aren't willing to learn. Keep coming to DC their is understanding and support here.

SkipT 2010-01-11 18:06:38 -0600 Report

Remember the old saying…
You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your relatives.

(Which reminds me of one of my dad's old sayings:
You can pick your friends and you can pick you nose,
but you can't pick your friend's nose![lol])

salmanda 2010-01-11 18:03:52 -0600 Report

I know what you mean. I hate it when folks who have no clue what they are talking about give "helpful" advise. Right! I always wish I had a quick comeback for them, but I don't. You are right though…the kind of folks who say things aren't the ones who truly want to learn about diabetes. Very sad!
Why is it that relatives feel like they can say anything to family, and it will all be okay?

cc9 2010-01-11 17:45:49 -0600 Report

lol. yes and some of them look at ppl with diabetes as if we are lazy slobs. i have been having some discussions with a friend who told me if i exercised more i would stop being a diabetic. go figure!!!! i just smile and nod when someone tenders unhelpful advice. you know yourself.

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