Need advise please!

Anonymous
By Anonymous Latest Reply 2010-01-11 05:21:38 -0600
Started 2010-01-06 01:29:42 -0600

Recently my 11 year old step daughter was diagnosed with type 1. Her father & I take this VERY seriously and give her her recommended carb count at every meal as well as watch what kind of carbs they are (like whole wheat breads, vegetables…sugar free items) . Her numbers while with us every other weekend are very good (70-120) and has an average of 102 on her meter. We also deduct all of the fiber from her total carb count & her mother does not. We have heard her mention that her mother gives her things like eggos with powered sugar & syrup & hot cocoa for breakfast & let her eat candy on a regular basis and just corrects her with insulin by what she wants to eat. At her last visit she brought her log book with her & we looked at it. Her numbers are in the 200-300 level almost every day. Her doctor never asks for our meter and her mother I am sure is not telling him the truth on what she is feeding her so he is only going by what she says & her meter. He keeps adjusting her insulin but I don't think that is the problem as we have NEVER had a spike in her blood sugar at our house. Anyone have any suggestions or have been through this?


15 replies

dietcherry
dietcherry 2010-01-09 23:10:00 -0600 Report

How are you doing, Anon? Please let us know how things work out with your stepdaughter! We are all concerned about her, her health, and the rest of your family! Lots of Love, Renee :)

Anonymous
Anonymous 2010-01-11 01:02:06 -0600 Report

Thank you! We are in the process of trying to get her doctor to call us back, seems to be tougher than just a simple phone call! I really appreciate all of the advise and thoughts about how to deal with this issue. It is really new to her father 7 I am I am really glad we found this website…kinda makes you feel less "alone"… :) Will update with any new info as we get it. Thanks again!

Pam from KCMO
Pam from KCMO 2010-01-11 05:21:38 -0600 Report

That's great to hear, Anon. Keep at it! And welcome to the site.

Good advice from Renee about educating your stepdaughter. How much does she know/understand about her condition? And how to manage it? Serious stuff for an 11 year old - but she needs to understand what she needs to do.

Good luck. At least she's not a teenager…yet! :)

KarenH
KarenH 2010-01-06 22:20:40 -0600 Report

I think it would be beneficial to take the log book to her doctor showing the high readings and then the normal reading for the weekends spent in your home. Maybe then he could approach the mom and discuss the child's diet plan.

Anonymous
Anonymous 2010-01-06 19:57:47 -0600 Report

Can't your husband speak to his ex-wife about what their daughter is telling you two? Mom may feel guilt (like mine did) about the diabetes and could be trying to compensate. I was 12 when I was diagnosed and I was still going to cheat and eat sweets, although now it's not cheating. 35 years ago it was a no-no. Getting child welfare involved sounds extreme! If your husband is not capable of speaking civilly to his ex-wife, the doctor could be the go-between. I think your hostility towards your husband's ex-wife is clouding your judgment.

AddassaMari
AddassaMari 2010-01-06 20:10:23 -0600 Report

You do have a valid point, but the hostility could be from the mother which makes it difficult to discuss the situation with any civility. Mother could see any attempt as criticism of her parenting and or an attempt to turn her daughter against her. I agree that caution may be needed, but time is of the essence.

dietcherry
dietcherry 2010-01-06 20:37:05 -0600 Report

Thought I should start reading from top; I don't always do that before posting! Children do like sweets and her mother probably hates to deny her when she wants something! Renee :)

Anonymous
Anonymous 2010-01-06 21:24:27 -0600 Report

There is no ex-wife here. No hostility towards her except she is not trying to keep her child's bg levels in check. A constant reading of high 200-300 is unacceptable to me when I know it can be much much lower. Her mother has never denied her of anything sweet, and even after being diagnosed makes no effort to even give her sugar free items or even try it! Full sugar everything! At our house, we try to let her see what there is for alternatives to her sweet cravings and she is always amazed that what she is eating is low sugar or sugar free!

AddassaMari
AddassaMari 2010-01-06 23:00:08 -0600 Report

Maybe the Mother is in denial. Or feels it is her fault, Anonymous mentioned guilt. Some parents do feel a measure of guilt, the feeling that their child is being punished for their mistakes. Or if she ignores it, it will go away. Many people think that children will "grow out" of an illness. Unfortunately, this is not one of those conditions. This one can do serious irreversible damage.

AddassaMari
AddassaMari 2010-01-06 18:05:40 -0600 Report

I also agree with Pam and P2putt. I it time to get pro-active. You and your husband may need to request a health and welfare review. Then her doctor could compare both meters. It could become an expensive process, but a her welfare takes precedence over cost, does it not?

P2putt
P2putt 2010-01-06 08:00:44 -0600 Report

This is severe child abuse(physicial). I would agree with the suggestions given above. Please make every effort to let the child's Doc know what is occuring. Provide him/her your records. You may even aks the Doc to speak wiht this child's mopther..The Doc also has a responsibility to report child abuse.Wish you all the best. Pete

Susie624
Susie624 2010-01-06 05:48:42 -0600 Report

I will agree with Pam your husband needs to keep a record of her testing and talk to her doctor and show him how her counts are when shhe is with you.If this continues you are going to have a seriouslyill child on your hands

Pam from KCMO
Pam from KCMO 2010-01-06 05:21:59 -0600 Report

Wow - your stepdaughter's mother sounds like she needs a slap upside the head! How scary for both you and your husband! And she's certainly not helping her daughter.

Do you have joint custody? Any remedies outlined in the custody agreement? I'd definitely have your husband talk to your stepdaughter's doctor and let him know about what's going on. Even if the ex has full custody and hasn't given the doc permission to talk to you all, you can talk to him/her and fill 'em in on what's going on. He can see by the meter records that there's a pattern that verifies what you're saying. That mother needs education.

Long term if she continues abusing her daughter - because that's what this is - you could always try to get custody. It's a long, painful, and expensive process, though.

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