Very depressed

By Turtle Latest Reply 2011-08-09 23:08:20 -0500
Started 2009-12-28 21:32:23 -0600

I am very depressed and just want to die. I am on meds but they do not help. My dr is on vacation and I cant get in to see a psych. I have a therapist but she has been off for 2-3 weeks so I hav not seen her for awhile. This is more than the holiday blues.

45 replies

salicee 2011-08-09 23:08:20 -0500 Report

I will keep u in my prays WITH GOD ON UR SIDE everything is good I have been living with diabetes for 40 year I've had up & downs I want u to keep ur head up k & I will talk with u later k

Anonymous 2010-01-05 18:04:11 -0600 Report

I have yet to see my therapist. She quit without notice and now I have to see a different one. At least I have seen this different one before. It is just difficult because I was trying to build a trusting relationship and she vanished without a reason. Too many people have done that in my life. I feel so abandoned.

Elrond 2010-01-05 19:41:45 -0600 Report

Just remember, WE haven't abandoned you. We're with you in spirit if not in body. Just reach out.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-05 23:21:24 -0600 Report

Yow, these therapists!! I have been in therapy for over 40 years, seen so many DIFFERENT ones, about the time I feel comfortable with one, they have a baby and leaave, or drop dead! How dare they??!! Of course, that is a ridiculous statement, but to tell the truth, that is how I FELT!!! I was in an amb. on way to a big psych hosp, (after an overdose—)and my therapist arrived in another with a heart attack—-and I LIVED and he died! Was NOT FAIR!! HE was only 50 years old, and I was older than that—WHY???!!!

At the time I continued to question as my emotional pain was so intense and deep, before I got put on Cymbalta, that at least eased it a bit——

Frankly, I have been surprised at so many others on this site that have had similar experiences. I thot that I was THE ONLY ONE!! In fact I WANTED TO BE!! NO ONE had suffered like me——gradually, I have come to realize that faulty thinking, but sure did need love and support of others in the "doing"—- That is where this neutral site came in, has savd my life, so don't mind now if I am a bit too SWEET! PR

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-05 23:56:49 -0600 Report

I should have made it clearer, that the therapists do have individual lives, and it is hard to imagine that at times, and to not take their absence personally. That is one reason I said, "He died, How dare he?! I am sick!" Not an entirely rational thought, but when one is sick, our thoughts are seldom rational! PR

jayabee52 2010-01-05 23:47:43 -0600 Report

I am sorry to learn of that. It is tough to start almost over again. I suspect your therapist's leaving has NOTHING to do with you, but to you it probably FEELS like it does. We're not trained therapists but we DO CARE. And like David (Elrond) wrote above we haven't abandoned you. And between all of us, we probably have seen most every kind of situation out there, so please don't give up on us.

redglitter 2010-01-05 04:31:52 -0600 Report

Hi Anonymous,

I am bipolar and have lived with it since I was a kid. I understand how crippling depression can be. If you can't see your doctor or therapist then go to your local hospital ER and tell them what's going on. There have been several times when I've been out of meds and my usual support system was on vacation or something and I felt like cashing in my chip but I went to the ER on the advice of my pharmacist and got medication and spoke with someone and it helped until I could see my doctor. Try to remember when things feel utterly hopeless, it's the depression talking and not the truth!

Inkaddiction 2010-01-05 04:41:32 -0600 Report

I went to the ER once, on the verge of chip cashing, surprised I made it to the ER at all…they gave me something for the horrid headache I had, some guy from *Community Services* came to talk to me…I explained how overwhelmed I was with health issues…my bs issue, he told me, flat out that *I was fat, and needed to get that under control, and the rest would work out*…I was shocked…my daughter was with me, and went out to talk to the Dr & nurses and told them they werent giving me the help I needed, they told her it was *none of her business*…so they let me go to drive home, I almost hit a deer on the way home realized what they gave me for my headache DID have something in it, altho they told me it was non narcotic…managed to make the 40 mile drive, left my head lights on…2 days later when I crawled out of my hole, the car was dead, the house was cold, I missed all my meds for 2 days, and the whole thing started over…but I didnt go back to the ER, and I wont go again for mental health issues, sadly, its the only hospital for 40 miles, I would have to go 56 miles to get to the next one, 112 miles round trip is a long way when you dont feel good =o(

dietcherry 2010-01-05 10:00:02 -0600 Report

Your experience is absolutely horrible!!! There is still too little compassion for depression and mental illness in our society! People who have never suffered with debilitating depression and the like think it is something that can be "snapped out of" or see it as weakness. It is a crying shame that there are those who STILL think you are not disabled if it is not physically noticeable. God help them if they ever fall victim to something they can't just "snap out of"! Sorry, Everyone-just had to get that off my chest! :)

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2010-01-05 11:13:04 -0600 Report

You are so right, dietcherry,

I have delt with depression most of my life. My family didn't understand it, but they had compassion for me, and tried very hard to help me. I remember how I would talk to my father for hours; he never got upset with me; he only wanted to help me, but didn't know how. When I married my first husband, he would tell me that I was just weak, and to "snap" out of it. Well, if I could have just "snapped out of it" I would have…LOL. There are so many people who do not experience this problem, who think that you can do that. And, it is very sad, because no one wants to be depressed and feel the way it makes you feel. We all want to be happy, and enjoy life!

dietcherry 2010-01-05 11:52:15 -0600 Report

We have only scratched the surface of the myriad reasons for mental illness. I remember reading a study some time ago about how chronic disease and depression often go hand-in-hand. However, they had yet to figure out if the weariness of dealing with disease with no relief caused the depression or if they are somehow linked by physiological factors. Now, please don't "correct" me-this is what I recall and I am almost never spot-on! I do believe our minds can make our bodies sick, i.e. internalizing negative emotions. I think I suffer from this particular affliction. But I am also an optimist, even in the face of devastating failure-I guess that is the will of the human spirit! How well I manage my diabetes plays a HUGE factor in my moods-doesn't matter what is happening in my life at any given moment; it is based solely on wether I am high, low, or swinging. Don't know what my point is now, I've rambled on so much! Just thinking that underlying physical illness yet to be discovered can be a factor in mental illness. Thanks for bearing with me!!! Renee :)

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-05 12:09:45 -0600 Report

Hi, Renee! Don't apologize for THINKING!! Much is to be learned from people speaking up. I think that a lot is lost in the complaint of the patient, as to the INTENSITY of one's feelings! I have felt suicidal in so many different LEVELS!! If I am TIRED, it seems to be worse, sometimes being with a neutral, caring person helps, other times, it doesn't , depending on the depth of that particular episode. If it is an unconscious feeling of being alone, triggered by something said, or any other trigger—a scent, a sound—-that might to the type and depth of that particular suicidal experience.

Sometimes I WELCOME PAIN as it seems to help relieve that unknown source of guilt! Guilt, I have found, that is buried, denied, as the pain is too great to let come to the surface without a med—sometimes it is just best to go to bed with a soft, cuddly blanket, and PRETEND it is the very love, and supportive caring that your soul so longs for——

And I agree, that the harder we TRY to NOT be depressed, the worse it gets, showing up in physical ailements! Too many to go into , in my view—

Well, that is my bit for this time. Hang in there ALL!! Pat R

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2010-01-04 13:08:00 -0600 Report

I can't say that I know how you are feeling, because I do not, but I have suffered with depression for years, and it is a terrible thing. I have been so depressed at times that I thought I would never come out of it, but I did, and you can too. Just know that you have friends here who are willing to listen to whatever you need to say, and offer whatever help we can give you. Hang in there, and don't give up, or give in. Keep fighting, and it will get better. I know right now, you don't think so, but it will. Hugs, prayers, and lots of love to you.

Anonymous 2009-12-29 19:43:08 -0600 Report

I was supposed to see my therapist tomorrow but sshe canceled until Jan. 4th.

Thank you everyone for your support. I am not going to od. They make psych meds now so if you od nothing happens except you get sick. I do not want to add that to my problems.

Elrond 2009-12-29 19:49:04 -0600 Report

Good thinking. You don't need to make things worse. Reach out. We're all here to help you. You have more friends than you can count. And no matter what is bothering you, I bet somebody here has had a similar problem. We all care and want to help. Just trust us.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-12-29 22:27:40 -0600 Report

Wise!! See, even in the midst of your sorrow, you KNOW better and do not want to aggravate the situation! Besides, we need all the help you and everyone else can give, emotions are so volatile! Love and HUGS!! PAt R

TwoHugs 2009-12-30 01:51:19 -0600 Report

Please don't take this as disrespect..Yet to come on and post for help…then thank everyone…and re-post your going off to OD is inappropriate..Please join in the posting and except any help available. We ca work this out together..
This time of the year is unfortunately hectic for doctors as well as ourselves.Hope to hear from you soon. As many ppl are now very concerned and waiting for you to return.

dyanne 2009-12-30 03:00:42 -0600 Report

I'm not trying to be fresh but I think u better reread her post. I don't understand your reply to her and I don't think it will be very helpful to her. Unless I missed something I think u misread it. If I'm wrong I'm sorry. What she needs now is caring support not ridicule.

Anonymous 2009-12-30 14:20:11 -0600 Report

Thank you Dyanne. You did not miss anything. Twohugs did apparently. I never said I was going offline to od. I would never make a post like that. That would be wrong of me. I have thanked people here for their kind support.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-12-30 15:49:23 -0600 Report

Just one of those misunderstandings, Anon—sometimes we SEE what is just a reflection of our own state of mind——-If I am really DOWN, I can READ that in most any words spoken! Forgive, and try to forget—we all feel misunderstood at times—-Love and Hugs to ALL, Pat R

TwoHugs 2010-01-02 00:01:29 -0600 Report

Perhaps I did and I whole heatedly apologize.I hope you'll both except. I am new here and trying to "fit in" I may have made a mistake and ask to be forgiven. Blessings

dyanne 2010-01-02 00:59:16 -0600 Report

hi no need to apologize we all misread things at times. I had said in my post that if I had missed something I was sorry. I just know what it is like to feel very depressed and just didn't want to make her feel worse. Just so u know I'm not a confrontational person and have never had a problem with anyone here… I just didn't want u to get the wrong idea about me !!! So lets hope we all have a great new year and welcome to the site,,,, u will enjoy it.
hugs dyanne

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-02 13:53:24 -0600 Report

None of us want to deliberately hurt someone else, but it does happen, that is just life—-

We all stumble and struggle, trying to communicate—-but must keep trucking and trying!! Love you ALL! Pat R

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2010-01-04 13:01:49 -0600 Report

Lots of times when something is written, it can very easily be taken out of it's proper context, and interpreted in a way that it was not ment at all. That is where a lot of confusion comes in. Don't worry about it, because it happens to all of us. I say things quiet often that is taken just the opposite of how I had intended it.

TwoHugs 2010-01-05 01:16:58 -0600 Report

I was sincerely asking her to come back and talk to all of us. We're here to help each other. Yet, when there wasn't any reply's it became a concern. I wasn't sure how to help or console. My intention was to help and put my best foot forward and support her. As I said-wrote before I apologize…I was misunderstood…unfortunately a common thing in E-mails. I do hope things are better for her now and we can all just let my mistaken reply go and move on. I didn't mean to make all the focus on myself.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-12-29 18:18:14 -0600 Report

Go to your ER—deep depression is NOTHING to be messed with, as bad as a 500 BS reading, only one does not have a meter to check by-=—just GO! Love and PRayers Pat R

London 2009-12-29 16:43:34 -0600 Report

I also would go to your local hospital or ER if these feelings do not go away. Do not wait for your doctor.

Elrond 2009-12-29 16:53:01 -0600 Report

I agree. This is just as much an emergency as a broken leg. That's why I offered to listen. I'm still available but professional help would be much better. Don't try to do this alone.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-12-29 12:03:43 -0600 Report

Wow, Cara!!! I am impressed with your LIFE and your TALENT in still being able to express what it is REALLY LIKE, when trying to ease the pain, only brings more, only of a different, but not better, quality!!! I so ACHE for you, as I too tried that route, several times, only I was fortunate to survive, slept 3 days and did not know it, but was MAD when I woke up, but I still could function, but the PAIN gets so severe—-it just overwhelms one—-BUT then there is the situation of IT not working, maybe if it works, of spending eternity in HELL—-that is what I was always told, not too uplifting——

Thank you, Cara for sharing your painful past to help prevent others (of Private) from following your trail—-I have been shocked to realize as I too have shared my inner thoughts, at the number who also have felt, or are feeling, OVEREWHELMED!! DON"T KNOW THE WAY UP! May we all shine and show them there is LIGHT ahead!!! Love YOU!! Pat Roth

caragypsy 2009-12-29 11:39:25 -0600 Report

I have been there. And I tried to die. This is a free-verse poem I wrote about it.

To Be Or Not To Be

To be or not to be
That is the question
The Bard had Hamlet ask
In a play long ago

To be or not to be
That is the question
To many of us ask ourselves
When situations feel desperate

If you have been feeling like this
I ask you please think about it more
I did not and I live with the damage
Of a unsuccessful try not to be

Try to be the person you are
Even if difficulty’s are so stressful
I will never be the person I was
The Brain Damage took her away

If you ask yourself this question
The Bard had Hamlet ask so long ago
To Be Or Not To Be
Please remember me

“Almost ten years ago I ODed on my antidepressants, because of the very large amount of pills I took and flat-lining two times I have Brain Damage. The Dr’s said it was a miracle the damage was minor. I have to live with it and it’s not minor to me. At 46 years old I had to stop working, I had tried for a year and 2 jobs to work. But I no longer have a short team memory that is any good at all and I can no longer learn things the easy way. And after I learn them a lot of times I forget them again. I had a bad stutter, now I only stutter if I am very nervous or upset. I have partial amnesia, for about 3 years I didn’t remember almost anything and then over the years I started to remember. A lot of my life is still gone though. I have tremors they are better then they where but its still annoying. My equilibrium is messed up, my brain thinks up is about one foot to the right and I get bad dizzy spells. I fell a lot that’s how I hurt my back and had to have the back surgery that left me physically disabled.
All because I thought it would be easier Not To Be! Cara

NewTerry19 2009-12-29 08:53:08 -0600 Report

We all have our "depressed " days, just hang in there, things will get better. There are a lot of friends here that will always listen and offer advice, and I am one too.
Try to keep your chin up and talk if you need to.
Good luck and your friends are here for ya.
Hugs and smiles

jayabee52 2009-12-29 06:45:14 -0600 Report

I also would like to help if I could. Invite me to be your friend (if you're not one already) and email me through the DC system. I can then give you my outside email if you wish.

There are A LOT of people here who care for you. All you need do is reach out and accept an offer of help from any one [or many] of us.
Best wishes for you and HUGS

mhdrsr 2009-12-29 00:08:55 -0600 Report

Keep you head up high…This forum is a good place to come and learn. I love reading post that way I can help out my soon to be wife. She has an immune disorder that know one knows what it is. Sometimes she could sleep for days. It is sometimes hard for me to see what she is going through because I have want to remember her how she was. I now know that she needs me to be there when she is having a bad day. Having people to talk to and share your stories does help. She is a very independent women and does not like for me to do everything for her. You will meet people in here that can help you, Just keep your head up high.

Pam from KCMO
Pam from KCMO 2010-01-05 05:02:57 -0600 Report

Has she been tested for Lyme Disease? My best friend was diagnosed with chronic fatigue, they treated it for ten years with not much result. Then a new test for Lyme came out and - bingo - that's what she has. They tested her for Lyme originally, but the test ten years ago wasn't as accurate as what they're doing now. Lyme can also involve secondary problems like cat scratch fever. (W/ apologies to Ted Nugent…)

Chronic fatigue seems to be an umbrella diagnosis when they don't really know what's going on.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2010-01-05 12:00:44 -0600 Report

True, rather like, "sinusitis" We had a PA who meant well, but I heard him tell his students on their rotations at our hospital, if they couldn't figure out what their ailement was just call it sinusitits. One day an elderly woman came in, was put in ccu, dx, "sinusitis", died the next day! You don't talk of those things out loud to others, so that was another incident I buried in my chaotic soul!
Sorry, got caught up in the moment—-but don't always take that first diagnosis when your problem persists!!! PR

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-12-28 23:49:03 -0600 Report

I have been there too, although I do not know how YOU feel, I know how badly I felt, and am slowly coming up and out of it, with meds and therapy. You should be able to get hold of an emergency person, or an understanding third party, who will listen and not criticize!! No one else can really KNOW WHY, but you—but maybe the source of your PAIN is too deep yet, to dig out, so emergency measures are in order!! Do something for some one else, bake them a cake, send a card—anything to help you feel of some use to others, and there fore, a REASON FOR LIVING!!! Your heart will help guide you—you are seeking help, and that is always the FIRST STEP!! WE all love you and ACCEPT you!! Just as you are, none of us are perfect, so we do NOT expect anyone else to be, just know that you are being ACCEPTED HERE, no matter what!!! Love and warm Hugs, Pat Roth

Anonymous 2009-12-28 23:29:01 -0600 Report

I know what it's like to feel depressed. I'm bipolar and have up days and a lot of down days. Call a friend, talk to a family member, anyone who will listen and be there for you. Get yourself out of the house and go for a walk even if it's only for 10 minutes. Don;t let depression cripple you. You can climb out of that dark hole. Hang on and see your therapist/psych asap. Don;t they have someone on call. See a social worker at a hospital/clinic, or talk to your pastor in your church. If you reach out, you will find people are very willing to help. I know how hard it is to make yourself do this, but you have to.

Elrond 2009-12-28 22:27:19 -0600 Report

Private, if you get desperate, contact me. I'm a night owl so I'm available at all kinds of strange hours. I check email frequently. small. If you email me, I'll give you my cell phone # too. I'm not a professional therapist but I care. No matter what, hang in there.

Harlen 2009-12-28 22:13:07 -0600 Report

I am so sorry you feel so down!
I have been there too,but life can get better sometimes fast so never give up.
You can chat with me any time I will be there for you.
What can I do to make you feel better??
We are all one of a kined there no one that is just like us.
If theres any thing I can do just let me know

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