How did you get through the Thanksgiving week?

Pat Roth
By Pat Roth Latest Reply 2009-12-08 23:38:14 -0600
Started 2009-12-01 20:14:27 -0600

Christmas is coming so hints and tips of how others survived Thanksgiving, might be of help to us.

With some, it was the food question and families' reactions to our needs or the emotional element: if you do this or this, the family will get along perfectly, just like on TV!

NOT!! guess I am finally facing reality that good coping skills are essential in this life and especially through the holiday season! For me, it is coming out of a deep depression, trying to fit into a NORMAL conversation without the kids trying to fault every word into meaning something I didn't have in my mind at all!! I had that same old, feeling of guilt—I am the mom and should be able to handle this family, MAKE them happy and sweet to all, including the three fussy 2 yrs olds! hahaha—

My daughter-in-law is a diabetic too, newly discovered but has the strength of character (I don't, so had to watch that guilt thing in myself—-) She sounded a bit impatient with me as she led me thru some of her own food decisions. I don't know if she ate or not, we were scattered around the house, but she was pleased to tell me that she had lost 23 #, was a slow process, but do/able—-HMMM___sigh——

So, sinking into the old familiar pain of hurt and guilt, I worked my way UP, again!! Armed with my newly found coping skills, I checked my own life and diabetis story, against hers, we are NOT alike!! Everyone is different, she had a healtheir up bringing, although I am sure that it wasn't perfect, but she seems to have been born with a natural fighting/ positive instinct, where I have to WORK on mine!

So?? Doesn't that make me as good as her or anyone else? Could she, or anyone else, gone thru what I have, with my personality and "made it"?! I doubt it—-really—-no one knows us, but us, so accept yourself as you are, your financial circumstances, grade of diabetis (I call it—) I can still eat some without trouble, I checked my BS and it did NOT go over 135, a FIRST in years after eating a piece of yummy cake. I am lucky to not have to take my diabietic med every day—-just when it gets up to 170 or so—-that is just the way I AM, right now!

So, don't fret if others don't understand us as it is hard for us to understand and accept ourselves too—-

Did anyone take their own low carb dish? I didn't but I got by, ate no bread (it was already gone—hah—sigh—) ate meat, dab of potatoes with a yummy fixings salads, moderate amt as they had a dressing of sorts, on them—-was satisfied!

After I got home I thought more on the awkward feelings between my children and I. It was not all of them—-they are individuals, Pat, but the oldest girl is coming around and can talk to me naturally——not NUTS—-the oldest boy is very tactful and kind, leaving the youngest girl, so one out of 3 isn't too bad! Karen threw her tail over her back—-but that is Karen—she cares for others in a nursing home very kindly!! But ME??!! I tried to hug her and say I loved her, but she pulled away, said "leave me alone!" So, I did—sadly—

Then I thought some more, maybe the kids are still a little cautious with me, rather like my wild alley kitties, scared, afraid that they will be hurt, take it easy, feed them, set in a chair at a little distance, say nothing until they get used to you—they start speaking softly, slowly——till they get used to you, then you can gradually lean over and stroke them here and there, now I can hold them in my lap and stroke them as I have now earned their trust.

So, it must be with our children and other family members, even thogh we have been thru an emotional He—, we still must prove that we can still love and be trusted, and hopefull, "they will come"!

And my BS stayed under 135 with no Glipizide—!!! Yeah—another good point!!
Hugs, Pat Roth

34 replies

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-12-08 23:38:14 -0600 Report

During the lull before Christmas hits with all new foods and temptations again—-I am trying to indulge just a tad, check my BS more closely, am not using the Glipizide much, I found that I can eat 2 pieces of peanut brittle, one chocolate, some plain nuts, a few crackers and a diet pop, for a snack—-Bs just went up to 151, waited 2 hrs, drank water, and then checked and it was coming down to 140. No meds, so think I know about what I can tolerate now, and hopefully getting through the Christmas meals won't be such a challenge! Practice makes perfect, THEY SAY!! ahha—PR

Marilyn22 2009-12-06 10:55:10 -0600 Report

I'm new to all of this, and I didn't do well
I ate too much.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-12-06 19:32:33 -0600 Report

If we make a list of what we ate that we shouldn't have, maybe it will help to herd us away from those foods this Christmas. Stick to foods that you know are safe, salads, fish, chick without too many extra goodies, sweet pot without the goo—-just a tad of syrup. Hope this helps us all to be better on Christmas day, That way our greatest gift to our families will be a healthier life style. Best Wishes!! PR

Amy Tenderich
Amy Tenderich 2009-12-03 10:37:13 -0600 Report

Thanks for sharing your story, Pat. I wanted to let you all know that I'm actually running a contest on this topic right now:

The DiabetesMine Holiday Survival Story Contest, at

--> Tell us your story about dealing with the holidays with diabetes (good or bad experiences) for a chance to win a bunch of cool prizes.

We're planning to compile the stories into a little booklet that can be shared with others online, too.

Deadline is next Friday, Dec. 11. Thanks!!

cjg54 2009-12-03 13:42:20 -0600 Report

I did real well I didnt eat too much and I even lost three quarters of a pound at my next weigh in at my tops meeting tops is take off pounds sensibly so I was very proud of myself

Patrick Benge
Patrick Benge 2009-12-03 19:16:14 -0600 Report

Hey , this is eunice, I hope you get better. I just found out my finace is very sick diabet with just found at right after Thankgiving

Patrick Benge
Patrick Benge 2009-12-03 19:27:43 -0600 Report

I just watch him in pain, because he was beening a pig heading didnt want to go to the hospital.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-12-03 19:54:35 -0600 Report

Wow, let the stories roll!! I am so RELIEVED to not be alone, as some would like to think, and it can get hard to really know who we are when we hear mostly negativity!! I feel so much better since our "Family week-end" of disgruntled feelings—-I can now say that it is NOT my fault, they are who they are, after all, there lovely mothers are not the only influence that these kids have!!! Sad—-but true!! But WE KNOW, so good for US!! Yeah!! Pat R

lipsie 2009-12-02 09:48:31 -0600 Report


I really understand where you are coming from in regards to the kids. I messed up with my mental illness, then getting into drugs along with it for sometime…loosing them at that cuz of both. I signed my rights off so they could have a decent life. And as far as I know most are. My daughter is having rough times fitting in though at her grandparents, which breaks my heart. I have contact with the two older ones…the twins…no. I just pray when they become 18 years old they will consider me. Anyhow, I now have me and my husband, and the in-laws. My mother and father are diseased. I was ill so did not meet them yet, but Christmas…it'll be my first real open table dinner and family dinner so we'll see. I had chips n dip for Thanksgiving. lol Anyhow, I am also off the insulin now so worry about that, so will be on top of checking my sugars, something I have lacked in lately. I am VERY proud of how you did as far as eatting and keeping your sugars down though!! Awesome job sweets! We have a lot in common believe it or not. The mental illness sucks, but it's part of our lives and others…are children have to take time to learn, my daughter is awesome and believes in seconds we are's the others…and I have four total. We'll see. My oldest son does speak to me, but we are slowly working on things, I know he's far away though. But understand why. Wouldn't you? I would be! Hugs Chickie!! Love yasss! Sheila

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2009-12-02 09:56:47 -0600 Report

God Bless You lipsie, I certainly hope that things are going better for you now. I understand about the mental illness thing. It is a very painful thing to deal with. Hugs to you, your friend, Sue t.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-12-02 12:24:42 -0600 Report

Me too, Lipsie and Sue T.! It so hurts to have this deep inner pain that all we want is to be accepted by others in spite of it—-but maybe in learning to cope with those who shy away from us, we are becoming stronger!! I have gotten so I wonder if THEY would have handled such an illness, as well. I don't think so!!! Think of how strong we have become in SPITE of our illness, feel superior, if one must, to have been able to have survived this long!!

How difficult it is to have something said to you, that HURTS—-maybe a reflection of our past that most of the time we don't even understand—to NOT spout off something hurtful yourself—-to NOT vent in haste and anger, trying to work thru it, inside, so that we can present a loving front, treat them as we would like to be treated——and vent to someone else, later——I have vented here on this site, probably more than what is comfortable for some folks, in desperation of getting in touch with someone who does and UNDERSTANDS and is NOT judgemental. Goodness, I can tear myself down faster than anyone else, one reason I try to associate with those that are loving and kind, to build up a softer cushion for the Other Ones!! Just because they are our children doesn't mean that they have all of our own good qualities! haha—I have to remember, their father (A good man—-to himself and others) is also in the equation and without MY being judgemental of Him——he is who he is and has played a large part in their perception of "If you aren't strong and can put in a good day's work, you are NOTHING!""But in your own heart, YOU KNOW BETTER!! And let that be part of your own defense! At least that is the approach I am working on.

My BS was 160 yesterday eve, I ate the last piece of special cake I had baked——but ate a bit of peanut butter—protein—to offset it and went to bed! Amen!!! Yeah for the Sweets of the SWEET!! Hugs, Pat R

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2009-12-02 13:01:02 -0600 Report

Boy Pat, I certainly can identify with that. I am struggling with one of my daughters right now because she is being really ugly to me right now. I just don't know how much more I can stand. I am so thankful that we can get on here and vent our feelings because right now, I just want to sit down a cry. I am just about to the end of my rope. My mental state is not in a very good place right now. I can't even talk about it, I am so upset. Hugs to you, your friend, Sue T.

BIRDY 2009-12-02 14:18:25 -0600 Report

Sue my dear , I'm reading your problems with your daughters and really feel sad.Pls do not let them to worry you.I know you are a very sensitive person and wishing to have a good relation with them but sometimes all we need is just to do NOTHING.Maybe you need just to give up fighting against the windmills and leave everything as they are.Have a warm bath , have a cup of coffee or some ice-cream and pls DO NOT CRY. I don't like crying.I look very ugly after crying and besides always have a terrible long-term headacke …You also do not cry.Look at the mirror and say " heeey I'm wonderfuuuul today" .
By the way , I'm also 40 but still like a child.I also do some stupid things and mom says " oh Birdy you are still so silly". Yes , unfortunately we are still children and will remain children forever.So that no need to think about the stupid things deeply , really . Hugs , hugs , hugs :)

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2009-12-02 18:27:09 -0600 Report

Hi Birdy,

I just read you comments, and I have to say, you are not silly, you are precious!!! I am not going to cry anymore. Besides is messes up my makeup, and then I have to re-apply. LOL. You are right your children are always going to be your children, it doesn't matter how old they get all you see is that little girl or boy. I can remember my grandmother worrying about my mother when my mother was in her 60s and my grandmother was in her 80s. It doesn't stop with age. And, crying makes me ugly and, gives me a headache too! I just had my dinner, so I am going to relax with my husband and try to enjoy the rest of the evening. Thank you sweetheart for all of your good advice, and thank you for being a wonderful friend. Hugs, hugs, hugs, back to you. :))))) I feel much better now. I will have a better evening thanks to you!!!!!

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-12-02 18:50:24 -0600 Report

Well, I guess that I have to be different. If I feel sad, I go ahead and cry in private, it helps to wash away the pain, THEN do something positive. To me, you need to get rid of the bad, before the good can come in and fill that void.

Bus also, whatever works for YOU, we are not alike!! But when I didn't cry, then I got so I couldn't cry when I should, buried it, and it twisted and assumed a life of its own—but, whatever works for YOU! HUgs, Pat R

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2009-12-02 19:05:47 -0600 Report

I have my moments Pat, when I just can't hold back, and I do cry. I will go into my bathroom and bury my face in a towel so that no one can hear me, and cry. Since we own our own business, and work out of our home, it is hard to get away by myself, away from everyone, but when I get so stressed to point that I feel like I am going to go crazy or explode, I will let it out. I try to hold back for my husband's sake, because he worries about me so. He has so much stress on him, that I try to keep my feelings from showing in front of him. So, I have to find a hiding place. It's like going into your closet to pray, and sometimes, I do that too. Hugs to you Pat. your friend, Sue T.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-12-02 22:41:48 -0600 Report

You know, Sue, I have been thinking more of what Birdie said, one reason that I love this site, get some fresh input to an old problem——-I am so afraid that folks will deny their true feelings then end up where I did—-so HORRIBLE to NOt KNOW for sure if you are tracking straight, or not, the tension in trying so hard to smile all of the time——
But I have been re-thinking my own situation, maybe I TRY TOO HARD, just let it go, and let nature take its course——Not everyone is ever going to love us for whom we are, not even our own children or other relatives. But why give them that power over us. I have been thinking that when we try too hard, it does make for an uncomfortable aura around us——just try to relax, and find somone in a crowded room to visit with about a neutral topic—-my trouble is that I just can't think of anything to talk about!

Last year we met at a cafeteria then went to a park, in Oct—-and we could have gone outside someplace——I think that some of our group were outside, only that left us quieters ones on our own, at an awkward place——for lack of anything to say—-would ask questions, only got yes and no answers. So—-the solution? Take something, catalogs or something of interest to discuss—-we don't go for games much—-but had planned on taking Apples to Apples, had a lot of fun at a reunion earlier, but I forgot it!! I did take a small picture album that helped some, gave us something to discuss——

Sadly I have to admit, I am afraid that I am a control freak—want to get this "out of the way" try to plan get togethers, after not having gotten together for a few years, thought that that might help——didn't-Oh, sue, I so HAtE these feelings, and want to help the kids to accept me as a normal mom—-I was for many years, no matter what—BUT——-

It just goes against the grain to let this awkwardness slide, but like Birdie said, maybe that is exactly what we need to do. Similar to my oldest daughter looking for a good man, I called it, "looking for love in all of the wrong places!" But one day she just gave it up and QUIT LOOKINg, and whoa-la, the right guy appeared from an unexpected source, and they have been happily married for 15 years.

So, I am volunteering to help box up turkeys and canned goods this Fri afternoon, for 10 hungry families, so I will feel needed and accepted in my own right—-My youngest one doesn't know or seem to care, of my other activities in trying to do something for someone else, only sees whatever she is wants to see——I need to just LET IT GO, know that there is NOTHING that I can do to change her mind about me, we will never have the warm and fuzzy friendship I have always craved, so must fill the void with kindness for others. Maybe some day, she will discover who I am and where I am coming from. But until then, it is HER battle, and I must LET GO!! It hurts, but to acknowledge it helps a bit—-will take time, but there is plenty to do, if only to write and inspire!!

May you also find your peace of mind, it is a long battle, but, maybe if we can just not try so hard, relax and get our minds on something and someone else, it will work out better than we have ever thought it could!!

Best of Luck, Sue T. and I too will try and let go, smile and keep on laughing, try to not find fault with her, and let my heart be my guide!! Warm Hugs, Pat

The reason I am digging into all of this, is now I KNOW why I was always so intent on eating SWEETS__to help ease that pain, and now that I know, I will try to let go!

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2009-12-03 10:31:35 -0600 Report

I agree with you Pat, it is very hard trying to stay upbeat all the time. It is "exhausting!" I get tired of not being able to just be myself, and voice my opinion, if I so desire; I have that right. I was told once that we cannot live our lives for our children, they have their own, and they are going to go on with it no matter what we think, or what opinions we have. So, don't we have that same right???? One of my daughters was telling me how I should feel, and what I should do; she had all the answers for me. I said to her, "you don't live in my body, so you don't know HOW I feel!"

One of my therapists said to me during one of our sessions, "Sue, just relax, and enjoy life. Don't worry so much about everything." My girls are grown, married, and have families of their own. They don't really have that much time for their mom, they just want to tell me what I should or should not do. And, I can remember when I was their age, I thought I had all the answers to life's problems, then after I got older, I realized that I don't have all the answers. They will come to that conclusion one day themselves, maybe…LOL

So, I am going to try very hard to enjoy the life I have, as much as I can, anyway, and not let my daughters drag me down. I can't worry and get upset everytime things don't go right in their lives. Those things are their problems and they are going to have to deal with them themselves. I didn't have anyone to help me figure it out when I was growing up; it was sink or swim, and you learned by your mistakes. And, I think that I am a better person for it, and maybe, just maybe, a little wiser for it, as well.

You have a nice day Pat; I am going to try to. I am so very thankful that we all have each other on this site that we can just get on here and just let it all out, and no one judges us for it, no matter what our faults may be. Hugs to you, your friend, Sue T.

riverrat 2009-12-03 01:46:31 -0600 Report

Boy, am I with you ladies. Kids don't understand us at all and they always think they know what we need better than we do. I have probs with my daughter because she wants me to live differently or she wants me to come live with her and doesn't understand when I tell her that I want to be with my significant other and my little dogs. We have been together for 30 years and the kids still don't get it. Sometimes you just do what you need to do to live and your kids don't like it. He is always there for me and when I am sick he is the one who takes care of me. I am not mentally ill but am somewhat eccentric and my kids just want me to be different.
Oh yeah, I did great through thanksgiving. I never eat a lot of anything at a time and I fill up on lots of salad with very little or no dressing. Fortunately for me I love veggies. I also have a thyroid condition so pay attention for that too. I am so glad I found this place. I can finally express some of my frustrations. Thanks for being here people.

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2009-12-03 09:32:14 -0600 Report

You are welcome riverrat!!! We are all struggling in some way; dealing with someone or something. But we are survivers, and we will make it. I think that our families are so close to the situations in our lives that they just can't see the forest for the trees…LOL. Were it a stranger or aquaintance they could see the bigger picture, but if it is mom, or dad, etc., they just don't get it sometimes. But we love them anyway, and as Pat said hopefully one day they will. Your friend, Sue T.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-12-03 10:13:34 -0600 Report

Welcome, Riverrat!! It is great to find a place where you can expell some of the undercurrent things that can drive us to over eating sweets or such, to fill in the void of uncaring or no t understanding folks!! Family or not—-If I vent, feel accepted in spite of it, then I can go on and present a happy face to the world, but if I store it all inside, I am a CRANK—-and sometimes don't even know why!

Do you think that our kids put parents on a pedestal and we are NOT supposed to have any faults??? Get snitty with us, thinking in some way that we are an embarrassment to THEM? hahha—You know, that is really FUNNY, as I was just thinking the same of THEM!!!

Too close, is probably right, they know too much about us, but cannot accept us unless we are like everyone else—THEY THINK!! So go ahead and be ourselves—and keep them wondering. I have been watching stories on TV—that not all kids ever get it, if you can believe TV—haha—

In other words, we are not alone, but we are strong to have had to endure such misunderstandings, and we will prove to THEM and to US, that we do matter, God doesn't make trash, we are good people, but those closest to us, don't see it —maybe it makes them look wimpy! haha—Laugh and keep them wondering!! Love and warm hugs, Pat R

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2009-12-03 10:37:29 -0600 Report

Pat, your comments sound just like the ones I just expressed!!! Well, you know what they say, "great minds think alike!" :))))) Wishes to you for a great day. Sue T.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-12-03 19:51:01 -0600 Report

You bet, SueT We do have GREAT Minds and are also the sweetest among the SWEET!! So there! hah—Love and warm hugs, Pat r

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2009-12-02 09:29:52 -0600 Report

Good for you Pat. I didn't do well at all. It was utter caos around my house. My BS stayed in the 300s most of the time. And, then this morning when I checked it it was 314, I did an adjustment on my pump, that was two hrs. ago, and it is just now down to 237. I guess it is time to change out the infusion site and give myself some fresh insulin. It takes it about 3 hrs. to go down. But, last night I bottomed out; it went down to 40 so I took advantage of it and ate a brownie and a little bit of pumpkin pie. That is why it is so high this morning.

The children thing, I just give up there. I'm stressed the morning and don't know what to do. Not having a good morning.

Hugs to you Pat, your friend, Sue T.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-12-02 12:11:34 -0600 Report

Oh, Susie!! I so FEEL for you! I have to feel that these lovely children of ours, just have their own unique personalities, some just Can't get it, maybe they have their own burr in the soul that PREVENTS them from feeling close to us and being polite and civil——I have so YEARNED for a closeness that just seems to elude me——I am trying not to EXPECT it and maybe it will come—-but if it doesn't , to know that there are others that DO CARE and concentrate on them, not what I don't have!! BUT IS IS HARD< and I so feel for all of you with similar problems, but just know, that here, we all have something in common, and we do care and know how it feels to not have others show it to us—but we can all embrace and HUG each other, and know that you are not alone! And God is here for ALL of us!! After all, we are the SWEETEST of the SWEET!! So there!! haha—-Hugs, Pat R

Hinboyz3 2009-12-02 07:24:04 -0600 Report

Hi, good job!!! I was able to keep mine bloodsugar under control too. sometimes I hate exercising but I know it helps me to maintain good levels and it makes me feel good in the process. Im ready to handle xmas too. It will be ok!!

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2009-12-02 09:34:17 -0600 Report

Good for you Hindboyz3, you did a great job. I don't know what my problem is. And, I hate exercise. When you have a house full of comapany and are running around like crazy trying to take care of everyone, it gets really hard to find the time to take care of yourself. Hugs to you, your friend, Sue T.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-12-02 12:06:21 -0600 Report

hahah—You know, Girls!! Why running around after company isn't counted as exercise is beyond ME!! haha—Love you! Pat R

Susie624 2009-12-02 07:20:38 -0600 Report

I know how you feel on the food deal,left out .I love the different ethnic foods,so do have to cheat ever once in a while.Always game to try any food at least once,and will still try a bite or two just for satisfaction.Was fairly good Thanksgiving,a bite or two of just about evertting and bs tested 137 tested when got up this morning tested157 so I really dont know what the deal.

hbkunkel 2009-12-02 06:05:05 -0600 Report

Wow Pat, you have been through the mill and came out OK:). You can pick your friends and not your family and that can be very hard. Just know that we are non judgemental here and will support you all the way. I wish I could give you a big hug, kiss and a pat on the back to say you are great!

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-12-02 12:04:50 -0600 Report

Thank you, so MUCH!! You guys have literally, saved my life!! To just be accepted, even if I say the wrong things, or get depressed for no seeming reason to others, just the feeling of Love and Acceptance from others, in spite of negative feelings, means more to those depressed, or otherwise——can be the saving oil of life!! Love and Hugs, Pat R

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