Feeling like a "Throw away person"

By Turtle Latest Reply 2009-12-01 22:56:47 -0600
Started 2009-11-28 10:02:29 -0600

I have felt this way all my life…I am sure it stems to my abandonment of my bio parents when I was a toddler and I was adopted at 2 1/2 yrs. but never really loved. Sadly mostly hurt. I have ended up hurting myself many times as a result because that is what I have been taught to do.

None of my friends here at DC have ever treated me this way so please dont any of you waste your time wondering if I am talking about you or not.

I am very upset but cannot say how I truely feel because it is just not proper to post stuff like that.

One person in another post has already wished me a merry christmas…please do not do that to me. I plan to ignore the day and the season this year.

21 replies

Turtle 2009-12-01 21:08:57 -0600 Report

I finally got the nerve to tell my mom how disappointed I am about Christmas and how I think her decision is linked to over helping my brother.
She got defensive but said she understood how I feel. I still cannot go there for Christmas.

Her loss. She never treated me like she knew she had 2 kids. My bro. always came first. he still does.


tholz 2009-12-01 21:40:11 -0600 Report

Wow I wish I could tell my mom how I feel. My mom had 5 kids but 2 in her eyes. I feel like I dont belong there. My step sister treats me better

BeckyIssa 2009-12-01 22:56:47 -0600 Report

I wish I could stand up to my mom but I don't want to go home for Christmas. We have been at odds for years. This Christmas she expects me and I don't want to go.

Crashnot 2009-11-30 11:23:01 -0600 Report

Hi Turtle,

I always enjoy your posts, and find them so well thought out I rarely have a need to post a note after yours. You really sum things up!

There should be some type of certification every human has to get before they are allowed to have children. Think of all the pain that would be avoided if we had some assurance we would land on this great earth with nurturing, caring, supportive parents!

Alas, I'm not sure a majority are that lucky, and they suffer a plethora of indignities as they develop. It pains me every time I see someone yelling at their kids, and gives me ulcers when I see my own husband doing it. Hopefully my support overcomes whatever he spews out on the days his sugars go too high and the kids and I take the brunt of it. We know that it will pass, but it sounds like you are one of those souls that was faced with making someone feel better every day by making you feel bad.

We all go forward with that remarkable self-preservation instinct, and I hope that each of us, whatever our upbringing, can end each day feeling we have made a contribution of some kind to the future of the world. Be it through the ecology, helping others in some way (I bet you hold the door for folks all the time don't you!), and finding ways to just keep on going.

I'm so glad you are here and a regular contributor. Please continue! Whatever that little rotten worm in you is trying to say, he's wrong. You're an asset to your world and ours, and I can only wish for you that you are able to come to peace with yourself, and love yourself in the present.

Turtle 2009-11-30 14:08:43 -0600 Report

LONDON & CRASHNOT - Thank you for your support. Yes, I do hold doors open for others and I am not a man! lol… It is ingrained in me to be courtious to others especially my elders. And it is ingrained in me that no matter how hard I try, I am not good enough. Friends here on DC like you both and others help to undo that psycho-babble. I have Sunny my service dog and I love him so much and take care of him in every way he needs.

Sunny knows I do not feel right because he keeps coming up to me and kissing me and asking for some loves. He helps me refocus too.

Again, thank you both for your input. It has helped me.


Crashnot 2009-11-30 17:43:41 -0600 Report

Animals are the best. I've been grateful to most of my horses, dogs and cats over the years for popping in there where human angels fear to tread. They say dogs, and horses for that matter, can tell good people from bad people instantly. And my observations over the years have agreed with that. So you obviously have a wonderfully perceptive dog telling you what you need to hear! Nasty programming is printed into your cells I think, but then I remember that our body replaces every cell every few months. So just think, the more cells you lose, the more valuable your new ones should begin to feel! :-)

Armourer 2009-11-30 22:13:43 -0600 Report


How wonderful to have a service dog that is so intune with your needs. I sort of understand how wonderful that is. Three months ago a herniated disc in my lower back decided to make itself known. It would take me about 30 seconds to get up from sitting and then not be able to stand all the way up. I would groan and swear. To my surprise my son's dog would hear me and come running up to see how he could help. Even though he can't help, he's there to support. Your dog needs you as much as you need your dog. What I've learned is that they (animals, dogs) have this unconditional love to give. You are needed!

London 2009-11-29 23:16:52 -0600 Report

I somewhat understand…When I was 10 my bio dad signed his rights away and my "step-dad" adopted me. When I was 23 my bio dad stepped into my life and it is wonderful til this day. When my stepdad and mom divorced he decided to throw me away to. Yes, this does bother me and I am 30. But, I have learned he is the one that missed out and I deserve better. Does the pain hurt from being disowned again…yes,but I pick up and carry on. You are a better person of what happened even if you don't think so. Hold your head up high and smile because in the end you are all that matters. ♥♥

Harlen 2009-11-28 15:10:53 -0600 Report

You are a wonderfull woman you are kined sweet loving
This I know of you and I have only known you for a short while
Hon dont let others make you feel lest then, for you are not! I would never cast you away
BIG HUGS just for you

Turtle 2009-11-28 19:14:31 -0600 Report

louh- I know what bg is optimal. I never asked so why are you telling me?

Harlen- thank you so much. You are a wonderful person too.

louh 2009-11-28 14:47:15 -0600 Report

We can not pick our parents but we have to make the decision to be a better person than those who have hurt us. Blood sugars should be in the range of 99-120 for optimal control.Keep your chin up.

Tess K.
Tess K. 2009-11-28 13:37:16 -0600 Report

I know what you mean about the jurnals falling into the wrong hands, but for me I have to take that chance. If someone reads it that I don't want reading it I hope they will have the nerve to come to me and address the situation. Maybe some day my journal will gieve someone some insight, I don't know I just do it.

Tess K.
Tess K. 2009-11-28 13:25:48 -0600 Report

Well, All I would like to say is to continue to reach out, even if you dont't put it all out there it helps to share. One thing I do (and I don't do it everyday) is a keep a private journal and journal good and bad days. Sometimes I abbreviate and use initials or code, but getting it down on paper is like talking to God and my friends and one day I will share it with everyone. Thanks for letting me put my two cents in. For me every little thing helps.

Turtle 2009-11-28 13:31:39 -0600 Report

Tess, thank you for your support. I used to journal and I know what you mean about sometimes using abbrv or codes. I just never want my journals to fall into the wrong hands.

Turtle 2009-11-28 13:14:14 -0600 Report

Dave you sound like a therapist not a friend. And yes there is a difference.

Susie I so wish I could come. Thank you for your kindness.


Susie624 2009-11-28 12:26:09 -0600 Report

Turtle you are not a throw away person. you are a very dear and caring person. I would be happy to invite you to my home for the holidays ,we dont have much but we try to make the most of it.

Antique-Dave 2009-11-28 10:13:39 -0600 Report

You are the only person who can determine if you are of value. If you don't see it in yourself it won't matter what any of us say.

You are not a throw away person, you are also not 5 years old. I'm not trying to discount your feelings here because I do understand, I do feel your pain.

That was then, this is now, what are you going to do about it today to make it different, to make it better?

Turtle 2009-11-28 10:19:33 -0600 Report

Dave, I do not believe that you understand in the least what I am talking about. I did not say anything about 5 yrs old. that is your poor interpretation of this discussion. Please do not say things that only add to the hurt.

I do not believe that only I can determine my value. I believe my whole life experience contributes to it.

Antique-Dave 2009-11-28 10:33:54 -0600 Report

I'm not trying to add to your hurt, what I'm saying is that you do not have to be that abandoned child, you can choose to do and to be something else.

People can say or do a lot of things to us, we choose whether or not to accept it, whether or not to believe it.

We all have a cross to bear, my family of origin was no picnic, but what I could not get from them I found in other places and in other people.

It took working through some bad choices early on but its all part of it.

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