I hate holidays

By Armourer Latest Reply 2009-11-29 19:12:46 -0600
Started 2009-11-22 19:29:09 -0600

Tis the holiday season once more and I can't stand it! Tons of goodies and treats around that I can't eat. Going to extended family for dinner is terrible. Of the 15 people, I'm the only diabetic and was told two years ago not to bring my food to the dinner. So while everyone else had rolls, pie, mashed potatos, etc., I drank 2 cans of V-8 juice. Now I refuse to even attend family events. I stay home, eat what I should, and curse the day I became diabetic. Wouldn't be so bad if I had help, but I don't. Not even my own family will help. Anybody else have this type of problem?

45 replies

donna13 2009-11-29 14:03:19 -0600 Report

I was at my daughter's for the holiday and stayed for a couple of days. My 16-year old grandson had friends for a sleepover. My son-in-law went and got pizzas for the bunch and added chicken wings to the order because one of the boys cannot have gluten. But the boy said I can't have those either, did not make a big deal about it, just said he wouldn't eat and would be all right. They made him a salad and he was perfectly content. I was impressed by his maturity, that he made no fuss. I think if a young boy like that can come to turns with his disease, I think I can too.

donna13 2009-11-29 14:04:13 -0600 Report

Whoops, sorry meant "terms".

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-11-29 19:12:46 -0600 Report

Some learn those facts, sooner than others!! He is an inspiration to all of us. But if our own backgrounds twist our feelings around so that for whatever reason, we feel like we do NOT deserve to be treated fairly or nicely——enough said, as that stirs up my own pain, but in venting here, it is easing and each time it rares it's ugly head, it gets just a bit easier to accept the nicer things of our own reactions. Love to ALL< I do feel better too—-that "I wish that my family could have a perfect, happy life, perhaps a reflection of my own brilliance—-??!! haha—Reality takes some getting used to. Hugs, PR

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-11-29 12:32:59 -0600 Report

Armouer, I have been searching for YOUR response!! How did your Thanksgiving go?? Are you able to express what you actually did? Sometimes if we just vent, we can go thru the motions, at least, of a good time—-food and people= a joyouse time, at least TV would have us believe!

Seriously, I hope that you are OK and maybe even found a positive solution, or at least just survived the day!! Best of Luck in your own struggles! PR

denisewilis 2009-11-29 06:25:03 -0600 Report

Now, Now, Mr. V-8. Stop being so hard on self, family and friends. I will beat you your can of V-8 there's some at those meals you can enjoy without being Mr. Pity Party. Someone brought string beans, toss salad, meats, etc. Nothing says you can't eat the food you love, but it do say to do it right. Why couldn't you have turkey with green veggies and a diet drink or lemon water? Don't let this diagnosis beat you down, you're to big of a man for that. Keep me informed as to when you start living with diabetes.

packrat2 2009-11-29 11:28:13 -0600 Report

I am with denisewilis, there are lots of things you can eat just watch the carbs. some of us have celiac too, but have a good time anyway…best regards packrat2

imsuzie2 2009-11-27 04:52:07 -0600 Report

I was thinking, Armourer, maybe next year instead of thinking of the family, why not donate your time at a food kitchen or hospital. People there will appreciate you, and it will make you feel warm and fuzzy. It might just change your feelings about the holidays. Hugs

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-11-27 12:56:25 -0600 Report

Now that is a kinder approach to the situation. My thought is to vent the negative OUT of your system, THEN let the good flow in! How was your holiday, Armouer?? I am so anxious to see how YOU handled a sensitive situation!! Life delivers us about anything, it is our actions that make it what it will do to us—-so many various approaches or coping skills to work with—-that is one reason I LOVE this site, When we are ticked about something, we sometimes lose the ability to think differently so was just wondering how YOU felt for the Holidays!!!! Did you make it work FOR YOU??!! We all do care, and so does your family—-just probably feel awkward and not quite sure how to handle a "diabetic" so it is up to you to help educate them and prove by your actions that you are still you—-and relax and enjoy.

My comments are usually addressed to that initial "shock and awe" type of response—the one that we all have and feel GUILTY about—-Emotions are for a good reason, you are uncomfortable with something so that is a clue to re-think it and figure out how YOU will handle it!

Best Wishes and hope that you did have a good day, in spite of some cranks—I think all cranks are nice, deep inside—-Kill them with LOVE___—hugs, Pat r

imsuzie2 2009-11-26 07:13:17 -0600 Report

Armourer, I am sorry that family holidays are so difficult for you. I have had a problem eating onions and peppers, and something like that causes problems as well. My in-laws are very laid back and either accommodate me or I bring my own. Not all the choices are diabetic friendly, but since I like simple, there are healthy choices for me. It's funny, we have a friend that cooks dinner for us a few times a year, and she is always careful to ask me if I like something and will leave out onions or at least cut them big enough for me to pick out. After the first dinner, when I was hesitant to "taste her homemade dessert" and mentioned I was a diabetic…the time time we were over, the husband proudly presented me with a sugar-free type of dessert he bought just for me. I was overwhelmed that he would do that for me. Couldn't tell him that sometimes those are worse than the regular dessert. Had a quarter of so of it and took the rest home for hubby. Just have to make do.

I saw if you don't feel welcomed in their home, don't go so you will not have the stress you feel. I am also sorry that your family is not as loving and supportive as you deserve. Screw them, you have us. S2

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-11-26 08:08:56 -0600 Report

haha—-Suzie 2, we do think a lot alike, try to comply, take your own food, or just eat smaller amounts of theirs—and enjoy!

But I usually address the UNDER CURRENT reason for stress or discontent—If one is aware of the Real reasons for our feeling the way we do, we can then make wiser choices of HOW WE WANT TO HANDLE THE SITUATION!! And not become a victim, do NOT give that power to anyone!! You are You, Armourer, and you have made the right decision in sharing your own discomforts with US, so that you might clear your own mind and do what you feel is best for you!! So much well intended advice, so hope that you can save your THANksgiving Day!! Yeah for US!!! For WE get it and not all are so fortunate!!! You are not ALONE and no one else is either, no matter how you feel!! Hugs, Pat Roth

denisewilis 2009-11-29 06:37:59 -0600 Report

Enjoy, that is the key word. We try so hard to do so many things but enjoy the life we were dealt with. I'd be thankful to have a friend who thought of me while planning a holiday meal. Which i had family who thought to invite me over every year. Enjoy life, it can be great even with Diabetes. Wow I wish that was my problem, what to eat on thanksgiving and christmas!

alanbossman 2009-11-25 08:51:38 -0600 Report

Hi,Amourer sorry this a little late,I agree with SkipT. Your family needs to understand what you are going through. Most people dont think diabetes is dangerous to your health.
You can lose body parts and damage your organs. You can also die from it.And if they still dont understand, then they dont need to see you this time of the year

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-11-25 18:06:52 -0600 Report

Amen!! Time for ME to shut up—-I think most get where I AM COMING FROM!! I am so THANKFUL to either like and accept THEM or NOT___I am just not comfortable around them, so that is probably true for them, but that is my own personal problem!!! I am thankful for the many friends I have found here—that "really get it"!! PR

denisewilis 2009-11-29 06:33:46 -0600 Report

Some people take diabetes and wear it on their sleeves wanting everyone to pity and comfort them. Everyone with diabetes don't die from it, some die in car crashes, not related to their diabetes. It's not a death sentence for everyone and your family shouldn't be treated as if it's theirs. They shouldn't treat you like you're dying tomorrow because you're not. Should they take your car keys away because data says you may be involved in a accident? Work with life and diabetes, don't kill yourself off because someone told you something you don't quite understand yet. Living is possible with diabetes.

Elrond 2009-11-25 03:53:32 -0600 Report

I only wish you lived closer to Phoenix. You would be more than welcome to join us for Thanksgiving, My brother and his wife failed to invite me for the third year in a row so I will be getting together with a small group of friends. I'll be the only diabetic but the others are making sure to have diabetic-friendly food for me.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-11-25 18:04:29 -0600 Report

You too??!! Oh, Praise the Good Lord for this site, and the honest in-put from ALL that find life isn't always FAIR!! You do NOT always reap what you sow—TRUST ME__But they are all still in my prayers, that I might get over some of the hurt and pain, and be able to honestly say that "I forgive them for they know not what they do!" PR

denisewilis 2009-11-29 06:44:07 -0600 Report

WHAT IS DIABETIC friendly foods? Please tell me! I thought carbs was the issue and how much you shovel down. Maybe if we stop living like we're on the diabetic friendly list, we might enjoy a meal or two. We may even become tolerable at dinner.

London 2009-11-24 23:02:29 -0600 Report

I have the exact same problem! my family does nothing for me. The other day my mom brought over choc. chip cookies and told me "sorry, they were sooo good" I say we make our own food, just enough for us! Sometimes they don't know how upset that makes us feel, but on the other hand we will be healthier and a few pounds lighter.

KarenH 2009-11-24 18:18:57 -0600 Report

I'm sorry for your situation with your family. It just does not sound right to me. I'm not understanding what it could possibly hurt for you to bring your own food. I hope they come around in the future but remember you have friends on here…Best Wishes, Karen

MarineMomX2 2009-11-23 15:24:19 -0600 Report

Sorry you're having to dread dealing with your family on the food issue. I've kinda always thought most were on the disfunctional side sometimes! lol As we all get older usually things like diabeties, heart issues, etc come up in the conversations and most are sympathetic to the issue or at least concerned. However, some people you can't change their way of thinking or, they just don't care. Nor do I force the issue on them, expecting them to change some traditions…that I just won't do. It's my responsibility to take care of myself so that leaves it up to me to make the adjustments when necessary. Heck I volunteer for the salads, veggies or desserts, it doesn't matter…if they don't like them there's usually plenty of other stuff for them to select from. And I just have to remind myself, a small portion of dressing, no gravy/rolls and watch my portions. The last family get-together my buttermilk pies disappeared so they're going to get pecan pie to try this time! You try and make the best of it and not turn the holidays into a battle ground if you can avoid it. :-)

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-11-25 18:02:24 -0600 Report

I liked your response too, Marine Mom, just eat smaller amounts, that is what I can do as I am fortunate enough to not be too strict——I am just having a problem with the "family attitude" thing—hits some of my sorest spots! Just don't expect anything from them and that will help to ease the pain—-I think—at least—-Everyone is different! Just Pray for them all, they need it!! Love and hugs, PR

St-Bridget1969 2009-11-23 12:20:10 -0600 Report

Sorry to hear you have to go through this. My husband's family is just as bad. He has told them a zillion times he can't eat the stuff they do and no one listens. We stopped dealing with them. My family is really good about it because my grandfather was a diabetic and we lost him to it. When my mother was alive she made special dishes so he could have them at holiday meals. It sounds like your family needs to learn how dangerous the diease is. I know my husband's family doesn't understand it is deadly if not treated properly.
Good luck..

ptsparkle 2009-11-23 10:10:51 -0600 Report

Sorry for your predicament. Maybe you should invite all of them to your place, and serve them what you eat. Make sure they know they can"t bring their own food, and see how they like it!
Actually, I'd bring my own meal, and if they really were offended or made a big stink about it, then that would be my last family gathering until they came to their senses. Holidays are tough on all of us, but we cope the best we can. Hang in there, you have a great family here on dc.

donna13 2009-11-23 11:30:18 -0600 Report

I don't mean to criticize, but what is the big deal. I'm going to my daughter's for Thanksgiving and will eat turkey, vegetables, salad, and maybe a SMALL spoonful of mashed potatoes. If I decide to have dessert, they know to give me a SMALL slice of pie. I make do and do not make a fuss.

St-Bridget1969 2009-11-23 12:28:37 -0600 Report

Donna not all diabetics can do that. Depending on where you are at with diabetes it can be hard. When you have no family support it makes it harder to keep the diabetes in check. Family in any illness is the key to your support and saftey net. Glazes, sugars, and starches should not be the highlight of a meal with a diabete at your table at anytime. That would be like salt in food for a person with congestive heart failure. Families and friends need to be taught how deadly diabetes is.

donna13 2009-11-23 13:20:08 -0600 Report

Can you tell me what I listed that any diebetic can't eat? I said I might have small spoonful of mashed potatoes and a small piece of pie. That would be etirely optional. Everything else is perfectly OK for a diebetic. If there is a glaze on the vegetables, then of course that would be a problem. Since my family does not use glazes regularly, I guess I never considered that.

ptsparkle 2009-11-23 13:14:53 -0600 Report

I didn't say there was a big deal. Just responding and giving my opinion. Perhaps the big deal is the lack of support Armourer and many diabetics get from their family members. Just a sad situation, but true.

St-Bridget1969 2009-11-23 12:31:45 -0600 Report

I agree with you ptsparkle. When we have company at our house they eat the same food my husband eats. Nobody ever complains and there are no left overs. They all know he is a diabetic and if you don't what I make you don't have to come to dinner.

Armourer 2009-11-23 14:16:34 -0600 Report

Thanks to all for your comments and point of view. Two friends of mine who have diabetes have a hard time understanding why they can eat what they do and I can't. It is different for every diabetic. If I bring food, they won't let me use the frig or stove or microwave.They know what it can do, and don't really care. Nobody will eat anything that has fake sugar, or wheat, etc. If I ate one white dinner roll my sugar would spike 100 pts., it does this with wheat too. And to add to this problem, I don't eat meat! Having protein is a big problem, so far it is just egg substitute. It costs way to much to eat right, and I don't have the budget for it.

Harlen 2009-11-23 16:47:35 -0600 Report

Eat befor you go????
If I look at food my BS gose up so I know what you meen
Take haert bruther we are here for you.

Anonymous 2009-11-23 19:53:38 -0600 Report

Why won't your family let you use stove, refrig, microwave? Is it that they are cooking for such a large group they don't want interference in the kitchen? Whatever the reason, I don't think being angry and cursing the day you became a diabetic is helping you. Seems like it wold just raise your stress level and make your blood sugar harder to control. That means you are paying the price for your family's behavior. If you lived by me you could come over and we'd cook together and you could use kitchen facilities to your heart's content. I try to remember that I can choose my friends but not my family and go from there. It is tough. Best wishes to you.

BIRDY 2009-11-25 02:44:04 -0600 Report

it's hard to believe that they don't care but seems the reality of your life.Prepare your best menu you can eat , stay at home and watch your favorite movie.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-11-25 17:58:46 -0600 Report

Hey, you mention other diabetics, why not invite just THEM to your own type of yummy, good for you—food, to heck with calling it DIABETIC food, it is GOOD, TASTY food too, just add a little imagination—and whola—-make them WANT to come to your house next year to see why the others are so impressed—have the other diabetics bring THEIR own speciality plus their recipe, can't beat that combination for a warm, friendly THANKSGIVING dinner!!! Hugs, Pat r

Harlen 2009-11-23 09:18:16 -0600 Report

Tell them to bugger off
bring your food and to heck with there wishes
You are the only you there is,So take care of you.
I gave up on otheres to care and I care for me.
I dont have much to do with my famly they dont know or care and niether do I.I will live my life as I see fit and I will let them do it too lol
Best wishes

Hinboyz3 2009-11-22 23:14:42 -0600 Report

I think if the shoe was on the other foot for those famiy members telling you to bring your own dinner, they would'nt be able to handle it like you do. Some people are so narrow minded and unthoughtful, some just don't care. Im gonna make my own goodies, its my first holiday with diabetes, I've stoped eating so many good things that I just love, especially Lay's chips that's my down fall. But I got to be storng cause I like the way Im feeling and clear thinking I've been blessed with once again. I have to do what I have to do for me and no one else. So Im going to walk around on Thursday smiling all day long eating my own goodies, it will be ok. It's friends like you that people really need in their lives, but keep doing you.

denisewilis 2009-11-29 07:01:08 -0600 Report

Good comeback, hinzboyz, you have what it take to fight this thing, and you're to pretty to let Lays chip get you down. That was the first thing i let go of in my walk to weight loss, then it was the pepsi, which is awful on my sugar counts. It took some work but i did it. Then it was the butter, which Parkay Zero made it easy. Every moon bean i cheat, i am only human. Keep on smiling and being positive it helps in living with diabetes.

SkipT 2009-11-22 19:51:24 -0600 Report

It is very rude of them to tell you not to bring your own food. All of my friends and family know that I travel to all occasions with my own food. They know how important my health is to me. Maybe if you set down and had a discussion with them they would be more understanding. Here is a website that you can show them that may help them understand you disease better.


daniel velazco
daniel velazco 2009-11-22 19:57:23 -0600 Report

SkipT is right, you need to talk to your family and let them know what would happen if you ate the wrong foods. See uif you can find some pamflits at yourt Dr's office and give them to your family.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-11-25 17:51:03 -0600 Report

I loved your positive reply, Skip——I am in no mood for rudeness, however——Sometimes we give family members too much credit—-theySHOULD understand—-by simply caring for YOU as a person!!

As I emerge from a deep depression, in which kind support from family would have meant WONDERS!!! But NO, tis the season on most proving how much they can get done—-competitive, I guess—-and too bad if you can;t cut the mustard anymore!!

For 40 some years I had the big, Family dinners helping ease some of the load off of my mother-in-law, and my mom, worked all hours—Full time was so proud that I could manage it all—-then—kabooey—-I can do little now, and we have NOT been invited to any of our 4 kid's dinners nor in-laws that are left, my folks are both gone too—-Let alone being a diabetic now, they stopped inviting us a few years before that—-guess I am not any fun anymore, HOWEVER I INSISTED that we get together ONCE A YEAR, and that day will be this coming Sat. it just happened to fall close to Thanksgiving!

But I have finally gotten so I can talk, vent—if you wish——why the holidays get to me so—-I LOVED having the dinners, seeing all of the relatives—-kids, grandkids and greats—-Now, it is NOTHING! HARD, I don't care how hard one tries to THINK POSITIVE< JUST SMILE, THINGS COULD GET WORSE_—-and they sure can——-

I am finally being able to share WHY some of this just devestates me,—-I brought out a large, personal picture of my mom at age 19 years, on the back was a sign, or note from my dear dad, stating, "This the gal I married 57 years ago, and whoever destroys this photo will be destroyed by us too!! George and Nell !!

Now, thatisn't the only little message of love left for me, their only daughter who cared for them both until they died—-going to the city when Dad struggled his losing battle with cancer, then mom at 98 yrs, with GUILT< DEMENTIA that drug me under, still trying to find my way UP—- Dad also told me, before he died, that if I didn't take good care of my mom after he died, he would HAUNT me!! Now, that hURT!! I have ALWAYS looked out for their welfare!!!! Even when my loving dad left mom and I when I was 8 years old for another woman and WW2 (literally!!) returning with his own baggage of GUILT which he directed to mom and I when he returned when I was 14 years—-etc, too much to go into and besides, I know that there are those of you who would say to "shut up and be thankful for what you have!" Oh, believe me, I DO!!!

I just want to remind others to be careful of your own words and actions, even if one is NOT diabetic!!! How CRUEL that Armourer is so tortured too by his own family at such a supposedly happy occassion!! You have my blessings and sadly, understanding!!

As for my husband and I, we too will spend the day alone, and be thankful that we do have a warm home and a roof over our heads, BUT PLEASE to EVERYONE, BE KIND and uNDERSTANDING to ALL,Diabetics or not—-

My heart still bleeds over the hatefullness of so many thoughtless people, I constantly PRAY that I might find foregiveness in my heart for those who have delighted in tormenting me so——Don't answer this, I KNOW what most think—-be aware, as you too can be one of the victims of LIFE—no matter your good intentions!!! Your kids can forget you in a moment, kind when it benefits them——just don't get in their way as they hurry thru life!!

As for my husband and I—-his own folks are gone too, his older brother, and one sister is a snit, the other one is great, so we talked awhile ago, and WE are thankful for the one, understanding sister, and now I understand HER better as she also celebrates alone, even tho she is many miles away——I now "get her" so maybe that is one reason for the saddened understanding of how life really is—-we too, must travel the roads of others so that we too might NOT become hardened to the feelings and souls of others!!

Anyone want to come and share a slightly burnt pumpkin pie with us tomorrow?? We are really fun at times! hah—Happy Thanksgiving Folks and don't forget your manners, even alone at home! Love and hUgs to ALL, Pat Roth

denisewilis 2009-11-29 06:55:05 -0600 Report

Wow, Pat, you sound like a sweet heart. Many of us will face the day when we have to face the facts in our lives. Many of us don't have perfect family and we didn't do great things that got us great friends but Pat you still have your Honey Bunny, that's more than some of us. You are there honey and the fact is clear but you dont have to be negative, You sound like you can come up with positive real fast. That Pumpkin Pie sounds like you
didn't let Diabetes destroy your world. Keep living lady!!!

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-11-29 12:29:05 -0600 Report

Thank you so MUCH!! Those comments ease the pain of not seeming to be able to smooth the waters of my family. I wonder if part of the problem is the expectation of trying to make life look and be, like TV families—-perfect and so joyous in every way!

In reality, everyone has their hangups, just because they grow up, doesn't mean that there aren't ripples thru the day——

We had a good time yesterday with all of our families, the 2 yrs olds didn't want to eat, mothers trying to force them to eat—-screaming and yelling——cheezzz I said nothing———am I just finally growing up, let the kids alone, they will eat in their own time—they are healthy looking, but were EMBARRASSing to their poor moms! Was I once like that too? I can recall following my 7 yr old daughter, UNDER THE TABLE with a bit of tomato that I thought that she SHOULD like and eat—she had at one time until the neighbor girls wouldn't eat them!! I remember the force inside that was driving me to MAKE that child liKE tomatoes!! Guess what, she is now 53 yrs and she really HATES tomatoes!!

Now I can just laugh at the "mom's seriousness" of forcing food down these kids—-ahhah—-O, my, glad I have finally survived to be a Great Grandma—who cares if the kids eat tomatoes or not? haha—Sorry, I tend to wander off of the subject, but do hope that something in this post, helps some one, in some way—Have a GREAT SUNDAY!! Hugs, Pat R

PS, I had a piece of cherry cake and NO RISE IN BS! Am I healed? Yow, right!! haha

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