I haven't been around much, sorry. Seems like things are snowballing here for me.
My husband told me that in January they are changing our insurance coverage back to Aetna which has me so angry and upset right now I can't even think of where to start with why…
and last Wednesday we rushed my dog Ethan to the vet. He was lethargic and would not eat… not even bread. Eric rushed home and scooped him up and we went almost an hour early to the animal hospital.
As soon as we walked in (Eric was carrying him in his arms) they rushed him into the exam room. I had to stay back and fill out some paperwork.
When I walked in the vet was examing him. She had this look on her face and I knew it was bad. She let me feel a very hard lump in his abdominal area. She said she thought it was cancer and he was so weak she was afraid he wouldn't survive surgery. So.. I had to make the decision to put him down. She also asked if she could do an autopsy on him. I was so torn about this… but I decided if there was something she could learn from it that could possibly help another animal it would be a good thing. She reassured me that I had done all I could for Ethan.
Now I am so angry with myself. Why didn't I see how sick he was sooner? He was such a good dog. I had him for 10 years or so and so I wrote off some of the symptoms he exhibited to old age because he was 12 or so. I feel like I failed him in so many ways.
Now I have all this bottled up anger inside me and I don't know what to do about it…my blood sugars are spiking and I am sure it's over being upset. I have found myself snapping at Eric for the smallest and stupidest of things. I apologize but it makes me feel worse. He's going through this loss just as much as I am. So here I am venting to you all.
If you actually read through this jumbled message please accept my apology. I just had to get this out.
Thanks for listening!
Next Discussion: Proper Diets »