Apparently I'm depressed

By BLC Latest Reply 2009-11-08 03:04:24 -0600
Started 2009-11-03 20:16:26 -0600

I went to the doctor yesterday where I was informed that I am depressed and that is the reason I can not get my sugar levels normal. I suppose I could be. I worry a lot about death and dying and losing loved ones. I cry sometimes for no real legitimate reason. But I don't lie in bed all day. I keep pretty busy. I don't like for my mind to be to unoccupied because it leaves to much room for worry, panic and well…sadness. I told my doctor that I don't feel I am depressed because I don't have a lot of the classic symptoms like sleeping all day. I have lost interest in things I used to enjoy. But like I said I stay busy…depressed people don't stay busy right? They sleep a lot..right? My A1c was 9.6 and the doc said I was killing my self. She said such self destruction is an obvious sign of depression. I'm not trying to self-destruct I just don't know what I am doing with this diabetes. Life is so busy I hardly have time to care for my family much less myself. But my eyes were sort of opened yesterday when the doctor told me I was very sick. I was put on cymbalta for the depression. I see a dietician tomorrow who will help me plan my meals. The doctor told me I may have to look into quitting my job. I don't want to quit work. I have to get better. I have a child that I love. I just am not real sure where to start. My A1c has been above 9 for over a year. But I really don't feel like I'm depressed.

18 replies

DOTTIE48 2009-11-08 03:04:24 -0600 Report

i know how you feel i guess i am depressed too. in february i lost my job and my father then i was diagnosed with diabetes. to make matters worse my ( then) primary care dr., sent me to a surgeon who said i need a total hip replacement- then the first dr found a problem with my heart. since then i've lost my insurance and can't pay for the meds i need i make too much to on unemployment to qualifiy for the states medical plan. like you i try and keep busy so my mind doesn't think i don't sleep much now but i sure am back to my normal (unhealthy) eating habits. it's a struggle to get by. my friends are all former coworkers and i have no significant other so it's rough but everytime i fail i just pick myself back up hang in there and God bless

imsuzie2 2009-11-06 20:31:08 -0600 Report

BLC, no one was more surprised when the psych told me I was clinically depressed, I just thought I was having a mini meltdown. Lots of things happened with-in a 4 month period and finally caught up with me. He put me on Citalopram and within 3 weeks I started to feel like my old self. I have been on short-term disability since 10/5 and will go back to work 11/17 unless something major happens. I have been seeing a therapist (social worker who cannot prescribe meds) who has helped a great deal and the psych couldn't believe the difference in me in the month since he last saw me. I was proactive. That first day of the meltdown I went to therapy (saw the psych 2 days later), and have been working at having more positive thoughts instead of worrying about EVERYTHING. Used to call myself the "designated worrier" (like DH in baseball). It is something like Roger said, and I think I can adapt his "lists" to my situations of self-esteem" and assertiveness, especially in regards to work. My husband was also put on Citalopram and he started to notice the difference after his 6th pill! Take heart, give yourself permission to feel better and know your extended family is here for you! Hugs

Hinboyz3 2009-11-05 09:18:01 -0600 Report

You got to remember just like you take care of the family you got to take care of yourself too. I had that problem always putting everybody before me. But when your down sick or something everything falls apart. Im sorry your experiencing being depressed, Im there with you long distance with hope and prayers that you will be just fine. Do work or the diabetes we all want to stay as well as can be, to be around here for a long time to come. So remember it's only one you and your worth it!!!

judy makowski
judy makowski 2009-11-04 19:36:42 -0600 Report

I just read your posting and can feel your pain and confusion. Depression manifests itself in a lot of ways. Sometimes it is masked by keeping so busy we don't have time to feel because feeling is to painful and makes us feel very sad and blue. We can overeat, undereat, sleep to much, sleep not enough.

For almost eery symptom there is an opposite that is just as true. Your lack of interest is another indication that something may be amiss.

I don't know you and am new to this discussion group but have had depression and sometime it pops its ugly head now and again. Medication and therapy have helped but it sure is hard work.'

No matter what you are the one that decides what is right for you. If you trust your doctor and feel you meet some of the symptons don't be afraid. When you come out on the other side of the darkness you really will feel better and will enjoy life again. Your child will feel the difference. She can sense that something is wrong even if she can't put words to it. Children are really smart.

So are you. You'r asking the right questions. If you have any trusted friends or family members you feel you can questions of talk to them. See if they have noticed a difference, let them help you.

There are so many people here to support you during your down and up times. They are sincere and so am I. Just call on us.

ruthrking 2009-11-05 07:52:29 -0600 Report

i, too, am depressed but always feel it is situational and can't change that. i don't have too much energy and lack interest even in the things that i once loved. i just had foot surgery so just hanging around the house is about all i can do. my diabetes is under good control as i test it often. just wish i had more energy and desire.

judy makowski
judy makowski 2009-11-06 18:03:14 -0600 Report

It is terrible difficult when depression sets in and you are housebound. Is it possible for you to invite friends or family over just for a cup of tea or conversaion? Sometimes it helps just to have someone to talk to.

I have chronic pain and that limits what I can do physically and that can really put me in a depressive frame of mind.

I just started reading a book on meditation that was recommened to me. Before I started reading it I made sure I didn't have to count breaths ( I tried that and found I had trouble breathing just because I was counting lol) Within the first few pages ( and it is easy to read) the momk said "He said to put something in your room that will see as soon as you open your eyes that will make you smile. A smile is empowering and makes us feel better. It cost nothing but is precious. The part that has stuck with me and still makes me smile it goes " I have lost my smile, but don't worry. The dandelion has it."
I thought about it for a little while and could picture the bright yellow dandelion swaying in the breeze. I found myself smiling and mood changing. Maybe something like that would help.

The title of the book is PEACE IS EVERY STEP by Thich Nhat Hanh. His writing is an easy style and common sense ways of facing things and finding peace in everyday life. It is helping me with my stresses in life and I haven't gotten that far into the book yet. Hope it helps


John Crowley
John Crowley 2009-11-04 15:18:10 -0600 Report

I know there's a fine line here and I hope I can walk it.

Depression is a very real, very debilitating condition. Denial is a very real, very debilitating reaction to having a serious condition. You should definitely take a careful inventory of yourself, your moods, your actions and reactions. You should look hard for signs of depression and/or denial. It's probably best to have some professional help while taking this careful inventory.

However, your doctor cannot tell you what and how you are feeling. Just because your doctor went to medical school doesn't mean he has some crystal ball that allows him to spend 15 minutes in an exam room with you and declare you clinically depressed.

Trust yourself. Be honest with yourself. Depression meds are powerful medications and will bring many changes to your mood and your behavior. If you need them, they can be a great blessing in your life. If you DON'T need them, you absolutely should not be taking them.

That's just my two cents.

ptsparkle 2009-11-04 12:32:40 -0600 Report

I think you are on the right track. Try the medicine, and keep that appointment with the dietician. Follow that advice (hard as it may seem), and get your levels down. It won't happen overnight, and you will hav e some set-backs, but we all do. Just let it go and get right back on track. We are all with you, and there are many knowledgable people on this site. We are all pulling for you. Best wishes.

Roger1966 2009-11-04 14:05:14 -0600 Report

I've faced these issues also (from a mans point of view), and can truly empathize with you.The dietitian should be most helpful to you as long as you're completely honest about your dietary likes and dislikes and your eating habits.They should help you to set up your diet so that it's manageable and satiating for you. Medicine has helped with my depression but I also agree that it should be paired with therapy. One tip that may help you (silly as it seems) is this: Take 2 pieces of paper on the top of one put the title Why I Want To Take Care of Myself. On the top of the other put the title Why I Don't Want To Take Care of Myself. Next make a numbered list of all of your thoughts on each topic on each page. Take your time, think about it and be totally honest with yourself. When you finish put each list side by side and see why you make the choices you make about caring for yourself. If the list of Why I Want To Take Care of Myself seems to make more sense to you then make a conscious choice for the reasons you've listed. Carry the list with you wherever you go. You'll know what your reasons are, but whenever you feel like doing something opposed to what you've chosen take your list out and read each item you wrote as a reminder to yourself. Sometimes hunger, apathy, depression, anger, time constraints, and a million other reasons creep in on us when we're trying our hardest but you'll be able to encourage yourself with your own heartfelt reasons to continue on in the right path which you've made a conscious choice to follow. Don't beat yourself up when you have setbacks Just don't quit trying be ever encouraged by the items on your list. You KNOW they're what you really want.Hopefully this gives you a little start as you face what's ahead. We're here to support you. Be good to your babie(s) momma. You influence the future by the examples you live for them.

Sue Turner
Sue Turner 2009-11-04 12:18:42 -0600 Report

It is possible that you may be depressed and still be unaware of it. Not all depressed people sleep all the time. I have been dealing with depression and panic attacks for a long time now, and I don't sleep alot, I just think and worry alot; even when I am busy, my mind is still going. I whish I did sleep alot, then I wouldn't be thinking so much. I don't understand why your doctor thinks that you are killing youself. Are you not doing what you are supposed to be doing in regard to your diabetes? I know it is hard to keep it under control. I am on the pump, and I can't keep mine under control all the time. It is either high or bottoming out. I was at 52 just a little while ago, so I had some ice cream, probably shouldn't have done that, but I did. I can't see any difference in that than eating a small candy bar. Just needed to get it up quickly. But, my advice to you, is listen to your doctor; take the medication and see how you feel in a few weeks. My doctor put me on Cymbalta for awhile. It didn't agree with me,so I stopped taking it. You may do better with it than I did. We are all different,and medication affects each and every one of us differently. Don't let them put you on Abilify. You can read my posts on my expericnecs with Abilify. We are here for you, so if you get down and out and need someone to talk to, just get on here and vent. You never know when you just might get lucky and get a lot of your questions and concerns answered. Hang in there, and keep us posted on how you are doing. Will be praying for you. Sue

Elrond 2009-11-03 21:43:06 -0600 Report

Remember, clinical depression isn't always a 'sadness'. It takes a trained professional to diagnose it. I went through a bout of it several years ago and I was fortunate to obtain professional help. Listen to your doctor and follow what he or she prescribes. Usually, you can beat something like this fairly quickly. We're all rooting for you.

BLC 2009-11-03 21:53:24 -0600 Report

Thanks so much for your reply. Its good to hear someone has been through this and overcome. I appreciate your encouragement.

hbkunkel 2009-11-03 20:49:07 -0600 Report

I wish I could be of more help but I am with you for moral support. Try, try, try to get your diabetes under control and maybe that will help but get the professional help that you need. we are here to support you.

BLC 2009-11-03 21:51:36 -0600 Report

Thank you for your support. I feel kind of like I am in a fog trying to figure all this out. Thanks for your support. It means a lot to know people care.

Pam from KCMO
Pam from KCMO 2009-11-03 20:41:12 -0600 Report

Depression shows itself in many ways. Been there myself, and I'm an extremely busy person. That 'busy-ness,' I finally realized, was one of the ways I was coping. The busier I was, the less I had time to deal with, even realize, my feelings. I was skating along the surface, not understanding how thin the ice could be.

Therapy and medication are the best solutions for you, my dear. (And I speak from experience.) Unlike friends or loved ones, a therapist is dispassionate and trained. And - most importantly - on your side. Depression physically is often a chemical imbalance in the brain - the right medication can help.

A warning: therapy hurts. But those hurt feelings are in there and have to come out.

Harlen 2009-11-03 20:59:19 -0600 Report

so true
If your not there who will take care of your child.You need to take care of your self if you dont there will be not may be some bad things instore for you.
It was so hard for me to take time out to take care of me but I had to I have my grand baby she has been with me for 4 years and she is 7 and I need to be there for her I am all she has and I will do what ever I need to,To be there for her.
I do wish you the best
If you need to chat please drop me a letter.

BLC 2009-11-03 21:50:07 -0600 Report

Thank you for your thoughtful reply, My doctor want me to get therapy…I'm just not sure yet.

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