AN UPDATE ON MY SON

Darly
By Darly Latest Reply 2009-10-26 11:49:12 -0500
Started 2009-10-05 20:08:59 -0500

I want to thank of all you here on DC for the overwhelming responses to my sons addiction. When I last posted about it I was very worried he may end up in jail,still have no clue! That was Sept. 21st when the detectives first came to the condo. Marty did admit to one theft in the building,and,was questioned,let go. I was hearing rumors that the board of trustee's were told that unit 104 was connected to the thefts,that is me. I was also told from a guy on the board that someone who has moved out since the thefts,and,because of it,told him that she got a call saying my son was arrested for taking their property! I assured this member that my son was not arrested,he went voluntarily to answer questions and then came home. I was advised by this person that if my son was in trouble that he had better get a lawyer as he was being charged with grand larceny! We have no money.This has been 2 weeks today now. I told my son last week I just can't go through this not knowing anything anymore so he called the detective dept. at local police station,he was told that since he cooperated that he was not arrested right then and there and would get a summons in the mail and it usually takes 2 weeks, he will have to go to court and will be charged w/grand larceny. Two weeks today,still nothing,I know he is going to be charged as he did admit to one thing,I am just tired of not knowing a darn thing about what is going on,getting very anxious and getting very upset about it all. Why and what are they waiting for? I did not know also that if you are being charged with something like grand larceny you would just receive a summons in the mail to appear in court,nothing is making any sense anymore. The one good thing so far is he has been doing better and trying to stay off the opiates,I know he has done some ehere and there though, know you cant just stop on your own without being sick!

Thank you all once again,and,for listening to me rant again! Have a great night. Darlene


21 replies

Wendy Mac
Wendy Mac 2009-10-15 19:52:38 -0500 Report

Darly, My prayers are with you and your son. It is heartbreaking to see you both go thru this. When my son was having his problems, was when I realized just how strong I could be for my child. Please keep us posted.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-10-16 09:13:27 -0500 Report

Wendy, I think that is so true, our love for our children really can be tested, as it is a reflection of ourselves, BUT they are unique, make their OWN decisions and some just have to learn the hard way, no matter the heart break—-it usually works out "in the long run—for the best—and to make them, and us, stornger individuals" hugs, PR

Wendy Mac
Wendy Mac 2009-10-16 11:28:48 -0500 Report

Thanks PR that means alot. Darly, I just had another thought. If your son is sincere, possibly going to an outpatient program (maybe gov. funded) before his court date will help the court decision in December. OOPS, gotta go bad storm moving in. :):)

Darly
Darly 2009-10-16 15:23:53 -0500 Report

Hi Wendy. I have tried to have him do something to that affect,he denies that he needs it! I want to thank you for your support,kind words and prayers for us,just found out we really do need them now!

Darly
Darly 2009-10-16 15:22:21 -0500 Report

Thank you Pat for your kind words and support,I have just been informed of bad news about this and I am just in such disbelief!

I hope you are feeling well these days, you deserve it!

Darly
Darly 2009-10-16 15:30:18 -0500 Report

Thank you all for your kind words and support! I had just emailed a friend of the family's (like a mother to me) as she has been working for lawyers for about 40 yrs. now. I told her the charges against him. She said that each charge is very serious,also that he would be lucky if he only got 30 days in prison (depending on the judge's mood) and his clean record he will most likely be looking at 2 years at the least! I told her because of his clean record we thought he may get probation…she said from her experience he will get prison time,she hopes not of course. My head is spinning right now,just don't know what to think anymore. He is going around like it is nothing! Of course I guess I was in denial thinking a slap on the wrist w/probation would be what he would get…Thank you all!

Darlene*

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-10-18 17:50:05 -0500 Report

Well, Darly, this may sound MEAN, but if he is that unconcerned about his future and road he is traveling, maybe a stint in the "big House" will sober him up so that he can get in touch with his REAL self and KNOW that there are consequences for their actions!! It seems to take a lot, these days, for that to soak in!

It is horrible for parents and grandparents, but know that IT IS HIS FINAL DESCIONS that have created this problem and he needs a big "wake up call"!!

We have a grandson who wasn't too well adjusted to high school, made a NEW friend, and shortly, was arrested for "stripping a car"! He was 16 years old and was drug from his home, in ankle chains, on Thanksgiving Day!!!! I BAWLED and BAWLED for years, as my own life had been so tortured that I THOUGHT IT WAS MY FAULT, that I hadn't provided his dad, our oldest son, with the proper love and acceptance that might have helped him to prevent such a horrible thing from happening!!

As the years have passsed, the pain has lightened, BUT it is still there, drawing tears to my eyes as we speak! WHY, OH, WHY??!!! Asks the tortured soul of his loved ones, while he goes merrily on his way, doing as he pleases—-I FINALLY had to come to terms that HE has to be the one to wise up, and change his ways, IF he will!! Such a waste of a promising young man———to me, his grandmother!! I could see such potential in him—-but—-at least he has not killed anyone, just "acting out"< I guess, but at age 27 yrs., it isn't cute! But he doesn't seem to care as it seems to be a lever to use against his dad——and as for me, I did the best I could at the time I was raising my son, with what I knew at the time, and LIFE is NOT PERFECT, no matter how painful the heart is, or how numerous the tears!

I would suggest that you have done all that you can do, just turn it over to God to help you guide him, it may not be down the road we would have chosen for them, but maybe in his own struggles he is actually helping someone else! One never knows—-only hope and prayers for all of these young folks who seem to be so programmed to ruin themselves and their future. But maybe that is NOT the way it will turn out!

I so wish that I could help to alleviate your pain, much like we do our own folks!! Hugs, and PRAYERS! Pat R

tholz
tholz 2009-10-23 20:02:12 -0500 Report

My heart acks for you. Really hope he doesnt go to the big house. Its not nice in there. Ya I have had family members in there.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-10-24 09:07:02 -0500 Report

I think most of us have had folks in "the big house"—-maybe all that has been going on will be sufficient to get the message thru to him that there are consequences for his actions—-TOUGH——Love, PR

Darly
Darly 2009-10-24 21:39:08 -0500 Report

Your right Pat,he is walking around like he hasn"t got a care in the world! He has no job,just his unemployment check,gives me nothing!! I have overdue household bills,trying to get up condo fees and taxes again this month, somehow there is $100. or so missing from my food card that he had cause he did a very small shopping twice for me as it is hard with the pain and all. I am changing the pin # and he will never have it in his hands again! I now have to go without food,I have a feeling he had something to do with this. I asked him if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes last week,he had $40. would not do it,said he needed to make that last!! I felt like crying! Wanted to take pictures this past Sunday at my youngest granddaughter's christening,went to get my digital camera gone!!! Still will say he didn't take it,told him the cat did not walk away with it. I know somehow someway he is still getting high…puts the poor me act on,big smile,giving me hugs,telling me he loves me,massaging my feet that hurt, all this is because he knows I fall for his sweetness!! Not anymore,time for the tough love,he has done so much to hurt me,the lies,stealing and all, it has to stop. He needs to leave! I am going to try and get his father and 3 brothers to have an intervention with him,he has to go to a 30 day program then sober house,just can not deal with this anymore,he doesn't think anything of having 3 counts against him and thinks he will get probation for sure,he does not know that!! Pat, your right,tough love is the way to go. Thank you all for your encouragements and prayers…Darlene

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-10-26 11:49:12 -0500 Report

Why that onery scoundrel!!!! To treat his own sweet, caring mom that way??! He needs a good spanking—-or better intervention to fit his age. I bet its the drugs that have helped to change him, how could he be so heartless to turn on YOU after all that you have done for him!! It breaks my heart to know that you have been so mistreated—there is NO excuse for that!!! Do get the men of the family to intervene, set that young man down and tell him the "facts of Life! Kindness to others, lying and stealing do have their consequences and it is time that he felt that sting!!!

Tough love is so hard, BUT it is best in the long run—they NEED to FEEL PAIN of their actions, not just brush it off on their loving mom who so wants to believe the best of their children———IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!! We are all faced with choices all of our lives, it is too easy to "blame the parents"! so—"get over it, now create your own person, child"—-don't blame YOU!!! The nerve of the little stinker to use his own mom's money for drugs—but they say that is what happens when they are hooked, so intervention is a must, I think—-I so pray for you to have the strength to stand up for yourself, and put your child into a loving headlock! "This is for your own good, son!"

And mean it!! Prayers and Strength, Darly!!! Love and Hugs to you, Pat R

Harlen
Harlen 2009-10-06 13:02:38 -0500 Report

We do wish you and yours the best

Darly
Darly 2009-10-06 14:15:24 -0500 Report

Thank you Harlen!
He has gone grocery shopping for me,should be back soon.
Hope he knew what to get with no list! lol He really is a good boy and is trying rally hard,but,as we all know you can't stop on your own at this point you need help.
Thank you all for your support,it helps me a lot! Darlene

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-10-06 19:45:01 -0500 Report

I so hope so, Darly!! It hurts so badly to watch one of your own, flounder in a sea of hurt and bad influences!! I think most of these kids on drugs, start out as good kids, but then the drugs distort reality, and they are almost helpless to change—-without strong support and other interventions. Best of Luck—-PR

Darly
Darly 2009-10-15 17:27:44 -0500 Report

Just an update on my son. He did receive a summons in the mail yesterday,he has 3 counts against him!
!st: B&E building for felony 2nd: Receive stolen property +$250. #rd: Larceny under $250 by false pretense!!! I have no idea how bad this really is or what this means for him. He has a court date 12/16/09…I do not know what or how to feel about this at all. I am just dumbfounded at this point!

Thank you all for your support & prayers…God Bless

Darlene*

Anonymous
Anonymous 2009-10-05 21:25:59 -0500 Report

Darly - I don't know about your jurisdiction but where I live a citizen can get a copy of a police report for a small fee ($5.00) and that report will detail the disposition of a case by an investigating officer. Also, many court records are on line in some jurisdictions. I mention this only as a suggestion for how you might get more factual information about what is happening in your son's case. A clerk of the court cna be very helpful in pointing to the available public sources of information. Even the police department here has been known to be helpful in providing records. Your son/you might also want to be looking into public defenders services in your area instead of waiting to learn about that until after your son is arraigned - But I am a Boy Scout at heart always wanitng to be prepared. If you went to an Alanon or Narcanon meeting in your area you probably would meet people who have been through this and could provide you with more info for your area. Just remember you didn't cause it, you can't can't control it and you sure can't cure it. Will keep you in my thoughts.

hbkunkel
hbkunkel 2009-10-06 05:54:55 -0500 Report

Great advice. My biggest problem and yours too might be that they will not release information to you, even though you are his mother because he is a legal adult. My son has also been in trouble and information for a realative (even parents) is sometimes hard to come by unless he gets it himself and shares it with you. Is he really off opiates or is he hiding it better until the court appearance? Hy heart aches for you. Keep us posted and God bless you.
Betsie

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-10-06 06:53:38 -0500 Report

God Bless and support you in your trials. We had 2 grandsons that were in and out of trouble, they hauled our 16 yr old grandson away in chains on Thanksgiving day—for car stripping with a NEW FRIEND, Just broke my heart!!!! But he seems to be doing better!!! May your heart be protected, and as wassaid above, you sure can't change HIM, it has to come from within him!! God Bless! PAt R

Darly
Darly 2009-10-06 10:12:08 -0500 Report

Thank you all for your helpful information. Last night I had decided that no news is good news,to keep myself from going nuts! lol I found out that the other 2 men in the building who were being looked at were being evicted from here from one of their own mother's!! Just found that out his morning,they were living together but one moved out months ago as the other found someone new! I never would have thought,they seemed so nice!