Just feel sort of lost

BLC
By BLC Latest Reply 2009-10-06 02:22:52 -0500
Started 2009-10-05 13:05:27 -0500

I am at a point in my life where I really don't know where to turn. I just want to kind of express some of my concerns here and see if anyone had any advice for me. I am in an extremely stressful job. But I like my job and it does allow me time to be with my child. But there are days I hardly ever have time to check, much less control my blood sugars. On a daily basis I have blood sugar readings in the 300s and 400s. I have not been watching what I eat for years now. I honestly don't have time. There are no other diabetics I spend time with so I don't think those in my life realize how time consuming this illness is. My main concern in that I am going to die. I have gained a lot of weight (about 30 pounds in the past year or so). I don't have time to make healthy food choices. I have a few family issues (don't we all?). My little buddy, my rat in this profile pic had to be put to sleep this week due to an inoperable tumor that had formed in her stomach. I know its crazy but I have taken her death really hard. I know she was just a rat but she was my buddy. I don't really have close friendships. I am introverted. And sometimes I am just depressed and I am not sure if it is because of my illness that I feel this way. I am type 1. I was diagnosed in 2005 at the age of 25. Honestly I just don't want to be diabetic anymore. Is that an option? LOL. There is much more craziness going on. But please don't get me wrong I have many wonderful things in my life. I am very blessed. I am just tired of not feeling well. I'm sorry I needed to vent a little. Thanks for listening.


10 replies

Anonymous
Anonymous 2009-10-05 21:41:31 -0500 Report

Condolences on the loss of your buddy. We are all God's creatures and the loss of one of us is a loss for all of us. There was a time when I too said I didn't have time to check my blood sugar, stop to eat..No more. I am more important than the demands of my job and ironically not really THAT important: if I died tomorrow they would have to manage somehow so they can manage while I take a few minutes to check my blood sugar or give myself an injection or get something to eat. I think my change in attitude and consequently the change in my behavior is due to my getting past some of the denial. (It has only taken me 30 years of being a diabetic to get there..LOL and it ain't perfect yet, but it so much better.) Keep us posted on how you are doing. I will hold you in my thoughts.

BLC
BLC 2009-10-05 22:05:35 -0500 Report

You are absolutely right about being more important than the demands of your job. You know, I am so glad you said that about being in denial. I think that is most of what my problem is. I have been diabetic since 2005 but I still have never fully accepted it and maybe even never fully believed it. Thanks for the kind word about my little rat. You are right we are all God's creatures no matter how big or small. In my eyes she was a very big part of my life. And I miss her. Thanks for your understanding response. I appreciate your thoughtfulness.
BLC

Alicia039
Alicia039 2009-10-06 01:16:16 -0500 Report

I hope you can make some time for yourself. I know it is probably hard to do but even 15-20 minutes would help. I was in a very stressful, time consuming job when I was diagnosed. I was on call 24/7 and worked mad hours. The whole time I was working I had no control over my diabetes even with my medication and made poor choices when it came to food. Ate out all the time lol
I decided I could no longer work that crazy job, and went part time. Boy what a change :) Thank goodness my boyfriend is very supportive.
I take the time to pack a lunch and a snack now. And if I do go out for lunch I look at the heart healthy part of the menu or even the seniors section. I'm definitely not perfect and my sugars are not as low as I would like them to be but they are not in the 400s anymore and that is a big plus. I take it one day at a time.
I too am on medication for depression. On top of my diabetes I have psoriasis. Horrible stupid skin disease :( But the medication does help. I'm not crying at cheesy commercials anymore lol

And I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my dog 5 years ago and still miss him very much.
Rats make great pets, I agree :) My best friend has had rats for pets for years. Unfortunately they do not have a very long life span. But she loves them so much that is the only pet she will own.

I will keep you in my prayers and my thoughts.

SWKer_2011
SWKer_2011 2009-10-06 02:22:52 -0500 Report

I just want to reaffirm that what everyone is saying is from the heart. We are here for you whether as a sounding board or to share humor or success. I am told by friends and family in the military that there is none closer to them than their comrades. I think it is the same with diabetics. There are millions that span race, age, gender religion, etc…people so different from all over the world yet connected by a common factor that truly only another diabetic understands. That is why I am so thankful I found this site. Love yourself and your family enough to put your health first. I used to feel guilty for taking time for myself until I finally got it through my head that that was what my family wanted me to do all the while. It was me who had the guilt. In taking care of myself I was also taking better care of my family. As I took the time to cook healthier meals and work on achieving the 10,000 steps suggested by the ADA I was also helping my family to be healthier and possibly help deter my children from developing diabetes due to eating and lifestyle habits they developed. I am also sorry to hear about your buddy. You were blessed to have your little buddy but your little buddy was also blessed to have someone to love them. I liked what one person said about the journal. I have a family member who battles low-self esteem and severe depression for many reasons and thanks to your post and comments by others we all learn and benefit. There you can put that in your journal—-because of me someone else has another hope of helping their loved one :o)

DiabetesDiva
DiabetesDiva 2009-10-05 18:36:29 -0500 Report

I am so sorry about your little pet. They are a big part of our lives and give us unconditional love. When I was your age, I to had stressful jobs. I did not take care of myself and gained a great deal of weight. No job is worth your health. You have to put yourself first and find that time to eat healthy meals, test your bgl and de-stress. I promise you will be a happier & more productive employer. Depression can sometimes be part of the diabetes. I suffer from depression and am on medication. I worked in Human Resources and was fortunate to have very supportive co-workers, including my boss. You have value in this life. Be gentle with yourself. Reward yourself with a funny movie, pedicure or a hot bath.

BLC
BLC 2009-10-05 22:01:13 -0500 Report

DiabetesDiva,
Thank you for the kind reply. And I love your screen name by the way. My husband tells me the same thing as you about my job not being worth my health. It just seems there are a lot of people depending on me to do a good job at work and I want to do a good job. I also want to be healthy but I find it hard to do both. Thank for the kind words about my pet rat. She did give me unconditional love. I loved her and miss her. Thanks for being so sweet. I appreciate your helpful advice about de-stressing and being gentle with myself. Thank you.
BLC

hbkunkel
hbkunkel 2009-10-05 18:02:43 -0500 Report

I totally understand what you are going through. Find positive ways to vent and better yet, schedule "Me" time so you can begin to get yourself on track. It might be during a soothing bath, a relaxing walk with your child, looking at pictures, all sorts of things. One thing is to keep joy journal where you write 1 - 3 things that happen each day that you find happiness in ie: a beautiful sunset, your child gave you a special hug, your did something well at work, etc. Reading back over that journal will help you see the positives in your life. Start addressing your diabetes NOW so you will be around to help your child grow up. Make time to eat better - make larger meals over the weekend so you will have nutrional things for lunches or easy dinners. Get yourself another pet when you are ready -they are great listeners and easy to vent to. Good luck and keep us posted.
BEtsie

BLC
BLC 2009-10-05 21:52:30 -0500 Report

Thanks Betsie for all your great ideas. I love writing so a journal sounds like a really good idea. I did a lot of recording of my blood sugars when I was diagnosed and I think that made me do better with my sugars. I sort of got lazy and quit doing that but maybe if I start back it will give me a visual of where I am at with my diabetes. I do know I am not in s good place with my diabetes right now. You are right about seeing the positives in my life, I have a good husband and wonderful little boy and a roof over my head. I am blessed. Pets are great listeners. When I played with my little rat my blood pressure was better. I know it sounds like I am crazy for loving a rat so much but I think friends come in all shapes, sizes and species. She was a good friend. Thank you for all your kind words. Another positive in my life…Kind people like you. Thanks again.
BLC

Sarguillo
Sarguillo 2009-10-05 13:21:41 -0500 Report

Hello,
I hear you.
You are not alone.

FIrst off, try to take some time to plan out your day.
Work can be stressfull so plan the night before what you are going to eat the next day. My sister-inlaw used to take a large grocery bag to work with her meal inside. Just make good descisisons of what you are going to eat. If you have to eat out because of work, then try to ask for a heart heathy menu items. They tend to be more vegtable type meals with less carbs and less fat. Learn to love Ice Tea on those meeting lunches. That is what I do.
Yes, depression can be a big thing with Diabetics. Do you have an outlet? SOmeone you can talk to?
Sorry to hear about your pet. Pets are big in some peoples lives. I had it hard when I had to put down my dog 4 months ago. Yes, he was a rodent, but that does not deprive his value as your pet. Dry your eyes. Look into small pet rescue and in his honor, rescue another pet when the time is right. If you think about it as an honor to the love you had for him, then it will help out as a way to say, yes, he was here, and is now gone, but I still remember him.
Have you looked into a pump? If you dont have the time to take care of your self during the day, you need a pump. End of story. Just make sure you set it all up and eat to your settings.
Again, you are not alone. We have been there. You are still young and have your life to look forward to, Please try to take care of yourself.
As for your stressfull job, do you have an outlet to stress?
Reading, Biking, anything that you like to do on your time off?
Take some time off and do it, If you dont know what you like to do, then strart finding out about yourself.
SOme like to cook, others like to walk, find a mellow outlet and enjoy it.
I hope things start to go your way.
Good luck.

BLC
BLC 2009-10-05 21:45:46 -0500 Report

Sarguillo,
Thanks so much for your thoughtful reply. I really liked the idea about taking my meals to work with me. I usually just run by a drive-through during lunch. It just seems quicker but actually by taking my lunch I can plan a healthy meal and possibly save myself from a high bs. My husband has been a great outlet and he listens well. But you know sometimes I just want to be a "normal" wife and not put him through all the stresses I deal with. But he is very understanding and I know I am blessed to have him. Thank you for the kind words about my little rat. My sister runs a rescue for dogs and cats and she said she can get me a rat when I am ready for one. Maybe someday.
I was actually on the pump from June of 08 until July of 09. I still had a lot of trouble with blood sugars with it. And I had some trouble with infections at the infusion sites. Sometimes I feel like a complete failure because I couldn't even make my sugars better with the pump. Maybe someday I'll try it again. Thanks so much for your helpful advice. It is hard to find others who understand the ups and downs of being diabetic. I am so glad to have found this site with understanding and kind people like you. Thanks again.
BLC

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