By RoseAngel Latest Reply 2010-09-30 22:27:35 -0500
Started 2009-09-12 16:20:13 -0500

I know I need to keep this short, but I'm so frustrated at this point, that I think I would much rather die than continue to live like I have. I have an insane amount of medical problems including a herniated disk with radiculopathy, asthma, fibromyalgia, CFS, sarcoidosis, sleep apnea, narcolepsy and diabetes II. I've had a cardiac arrest and 3 blood clots in my legs and a pulmonary embolism. I'm on enough medication to make anyone's head spin. And to make things worse, even though the diabetes is bad (I've got neuropathy also), my pain issues have become my target because I can't even cook or do common household chores without being doubled over in pain. My blood sugars were remaining somewhere between 350 and 500 for the last 2 months, until I saw an endocrinologist up in Denver, who put me on almost twice the amount of insulin I was on (now my blood sugars range from about 200 to, still, 400). I quit seeing the doctor I was seeing because I felt she was making things worse than better and in the meantime, I entered the "doughnut hole" with my Part D insurance, meaning that my insulin alone (getting it as Walmart where it's the cheapest) is costing me $150 a month, let alone all the other meds I have to be on. Patient assistance for prescriptions won't help me because they say "I have coverage) - what good is that coverage when it's not paying a single penny? I try to live on disability, but even before I fell into this "hole" I was still coming up short of money by the 3rd week of every month. My podiatrist just told me that he thinks there's something underlying all of my problems and that I need to be looking at them as a whole and find out what is actually going on in my body. I can't even find an internist that I can talk to who will actually listen. I feel like I'm such a loss right now and I really, really want this all to go away.

Oh yes, and I'm only 49. My father is 73 and is in better health than I am.

8 replies

Guardianstone 2010-09-30 22:27:35 -0500 Report

I see how things are going here. I got into a deep funk last night. (yes I grew up in the 70s) Check am I cursed. I needed to vent. Maybe a boot in the ***. I have had so many things go wrong that has made me mentally unbalanced. I only have this group to turn to for help. Family and friends are stand-offish. They think if they ignore the whole health trouble it won't hurt anyone. But sometimes we need someone to vent too.
Please don't do anything to harm yourself. You and all of us at DC are a one of akind. Unique and special.
God has plans for us. We don't always know what it is, but it is necessary.
Enough soap box. have a wonderful weekend.
Guardian stone

jcheung 2009-10-02 14:18:30 -0500 Report

I can't really say I know how you feel but I've been just diagnosed with Diabetes and not knowing which kind yet, when I found out I wasn't all the concerned because I wasn't aware of what the consequences were till it finally hit me. I am only 29 years old and don't know how I will continue to live my life and how it will affect my partner but after many hours of feeling sorry for myself I've decided that I will beat this diaease, I will change my life style and exercise a lot so that I can control this. You have family and friends who care a lot about you and you should let them down or have them worried.

P2putt 2009-10-01 10:00:22 -0500 Report

I can only imagine how you must feel.Frustation is a perfect description. Do you have another app. with the endochronologist?Are you eating many carbs,sweets? They can really elevate your bs levels.Depending on your weight,you may be insulant resistant. Just a few thoughts. Wish you and yours the very best. Keep in touch with us and bring us up to date on your progress. Till next time,Pete

RoseAngel 2009-10-01 18:10:09 -0500 Report

Thank you all for your helpful input. The change that the endocrinologist up in Denver is actually working fairly well in keeping my bs in check (it's basically been hovering mostly in the upper 100's, which is amazing for me); I even had one reading of 96 - I had to retake it to see if it was really right (lol). Unfortunately though, my pain issues are getting worse and worse and so are my sleep disorders; besides having sleep apnea and narcolepsy, I'm a chronic insomniac and have gotten about 5 hours of sleep in the last 96 hours. I also haven't been able to find any recourse to help with the almost $300.00 that I have to pay for my meds every month. Both of these things have effected my depression immensely and I'm struggling to find a reason to "keep on keeping on." I made a stupid remark in Facebook yesterday that I thought everyone would better better off if I just dropped dead, including myself. Both my kids read it and were very upset (and I had turned off my phone and computer because I didn't want to talk to anyone, so they had to go through the night wondering if I was going to try to end my life. It's very unfair of me to do that to them (or to anyone else). Sooooooooo, I'm here, I'm alive and I'm struggling - that's about it - guess I just have to keep reminding myself that nothing lasts forever.


Antique-Dave 2009-09-13 20:59:34 -0500 Report

Oh and the donut hole issue, my mother comes into that in October every year, we get her printout of her out of pocket costs and send it in to the drug companies that have patient programs and can get about half of her meds covered until Dec 31st. Plus she hits her doc up for samples. She has medicare D but being in the donut hole makes a difference in getting the help.

Antique-Dave 2009-09-13 20:55:26 -0500 Report

If your BGL is staying that high I wonder if you are insulin resistant as well. Maybe trying to improve insulin sensitivity would help with that. getting your BGL in more normal numbers would probably help alleviate some of the other issues.

I have found Alpha Lipoic Acid to be helpful with dealing with nueropathy. I still have some numbness between my toes and on the pads but the shooting pains and tingling is long gone. I'm taking 600mg daily and am thinking of upping it to 1200, I have heard from others who take as much as 1800mg daily.

One of the things I have noticed in the last 6 months is that I don't have the joint pain I had before, prior to dx with diabetes I had thought it was arthritis setting in but the joint pain has abated considerably.

I'm taking a number of vitamins and supplements and it seems to make a difference for me but your mileage may vary. YMMV

You've got a full plate of issues, I hope you can find the help and support you need here, lots of good folks on this site.

Harlen 2009-09-12 18:35:50 -0500 Report

I feal for you. I know how you feal ben there done that.Your Doc may be right.onece I got my Bs under contole a lot of the things that where happening to me stoped being as big a problem for me.And I was able to cut my meds down a lot Hang in there life is good and it will get better.Eating right helped me a lot too.We all get to fealing overwelmed from time to time we are here for you
with all my hart I wish you the best

RoseAngel 2009-09-13 02:36:12 -0500 Report

Thank you for your support Harlen. I really appreciate it. I've been hurt pretty badly by an online "friend," so I'm extremely cautious about who I share my e-mail address with. I would need to get to know you a lot better before I could share that. However, I'm more than willing to connect with each other and others in the same boat through this discussioon group.

Again, thank you for your kind words.

RoseAngel (Paula)

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