By MrsCDogg Latest Reply 2018-04-27 16:37:10 -0500
Started 2018-04-08 15:54:54 -0500

I've just been thinking about relationships. I have a cousin who also has lots of health problems. She and I were really close for many years. We were practically joined at the hip.We hung out, spent the night at eachothers houses, I would take her to the hospital when she was in need of it, give her money, buy her birthday and Christmas gifts, listen to her when she needed to talk, I was part of her wedding party when she got married and she was part of mine. We did just about everything together. Now, that I am in need of a friend or maybe just someone to listen she is no where to be found. She's got her job, all her other friends, and her religion and she has no time for me. It hurts.
Thanks for listening everyone. I just needed to vent a little.

7 replies

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2018-04-21 19:41:12 -0500 Report

I am on the outside looking in. This is what I am seeing. You say all that you did for her. You would buy her birthday and Christmas gifts, you would give her money and you would take her to the hospital when she needed it. You didn't say you exchanged birthday and Christmas gifts.

It seems to me you cousin was a taker and and long as you were giving she was accepting. People like your cousin do this all the time. However, I know that people even family members grow apart and lose the closeness you once had. I also think that you may have noticed this a long time ago but were afraid to face the fact that the relationship with your cousin was one sided. You probably didn't like what you saw in your cousin.

History can repeat itself. Odds are she will come to you once again when she needs something. The thing to do is to learn to say no and not feel guilty about it. At some point you have to put an end to her using you because that is exactly what she is doing.

She has moved on and is busy with her life. Instead of dwelling on it, move past it. I think deep down what upsets you is that she has friends, a job and her religion and no longer has time for you. Sadly, you both created this monster and now that you are not needed you are upset. Yes it hurts but you have finally face the problem. The best advice i can give you is to simply move on. Cousins do not always remain close friends. I spent a lot of time with my cousins, we did a lot together but they have their lives to live. Many of us are on Facebook together and we are always seeing what each other is doing and we stay connected. We still get together at family events and we still have fun but the end result is that we grew up and as we did, we grew apart but are still connected. Go do something for you, make a new friend and enjoy life. Being upset and angry is not worth it. Life is way too short for that.

GabbyPA 2018-04-15 10:56:33 -0500 Report

Oh I am so sorry that you guys have grown apart. That is very hurtful indeed. I am a firm believer in the fact that people are in our lives for reasons we may not really understand and they leave under the same pretense. Everyone has a role to play in making us who we are and we have a role for them as well. Sometimes we outgrow that need or it has been filled and a time to move on comes. It's not always easy to understand. Sometimes we may never get it, but if you let yourself move on it will be easier.
We are here at least for the talking part. Sorry we can't give you the hugs you need

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2018-04-11 18:29:12 -0500 Report

Hi MrsCDogg, I am sorry to hear your cousin has not been as supportive to you as you have to her. I don't understand why people behave this way, why they are so quick to take but so slow to give back. It's a shame. I hope you have other people in your life who are willing to give in return what you so generously give to them. You have a lot of friends here!

MrsCDogg 2018-04-15 01:32:59 -0500 Report

Thanks Dr.Gary. I do have other people who are supportive in my life. I also have my friends here at DC and that helps a lot.

Type1Lou 2018-04-08 16:05:38 -0500 Report

Know that you can come here and we will listen. I've been there with a long-time friend as well…sometimes, we just have to move on and cut our ties and/or lower our expectations. We cannot control others' behaviors, only our own…but that doesn't mean their "betrayal" hurts any less. Hoping things look better for you as time goes on.

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