By phatgirl Latest Reply 2009-08-28 13:09:24 -0500
Started 2009-08-28 00:01:49 -0500

i have had so much great advice from all of you i need more PLEASE this is a very hard subject this time. ive been married 21 yrs. no kids between me and him.he is 16 yrs older than me. he is a vietnam veteran (im proud)when we first got married he was in good health well alot of anger. and some disabilities which he still worked. but 3 yrs into the marriage he started having knee problems and his back also. well that lead to workamns comp. and surgeries on knee. i took care of him neeever complained. now that i am disabled. 1 heart attack,2strokes,type 2 diabetic,high blood pressure, high cholesterol,degenerative bone and disk disease of the back,PTSD,COPD,asthme,emphymsema,neuropathy of the hands and feet,need both knees replaced,a tumor.and when i need help he does is and always hurts me. he tells my doc. he will help but when it comes down to it. he does it so rough that i wont have him help me with a next treatment or??? im sure he loves why would he want to hurt me?

6 replies

apanda 2009-08-28 13:09:24 -0500 Report

Have you thought about maybe going to some couseling sessions where you could speak freely in front of each other? Maybe he just needs to hear it from a third party to tell him he is being unkind. Sometimes it's easier to hurt the ones we love when nobody is looking…I'm sorry you have to go thru all of this.

toodles 2009-08-28 00:11:38 -0500 Report

Maybe your husband isn't aware of how rough his care is and communicating to him where your pain is and to be more gentle may help him to stop and think before he goes to assist you. Good Luck!

phatgirl 2009-08-28 00:17:47 -0500 Report

oh ive told him that and he says…well dont ask me to do it. im not your doctor. if im going to do it i should get paid . that was his latest statment when i neede him to do compression wraps on my legs . he even took a class on how to do it and he did good. and the first 2 times on my legs he did good but after that he was tired of it.and he let me now.

Judimar 2009-08-28 01:48:20 -0500 Report

Your husband sounds like my EX husband…

The next time he says he's not your doctor and he should get paid tell him this..

"No, you're not my doctor. You are absolutely right, but you are my husband who promised to love me in sickness and in health, for better or for worse until death do us part."

Try to say it calmly and with a smile on your face. Hopefully this will help him to see how much of a jerk he is being to you.

phatgirl 2009-08-28 11:43:37 -0500 Report

believe it or not i have said that know what he says? looks like you married the wrong person then.guess i might as well deal with it. it could be worse huh? he says he could make it without me but i couldnt make it without him.that i would just die because he wouldnt be there to take care of me. i only have him to help with socks and shoes and ear drops. leg compression wraps.which i dont ever ask him to to do ever again he really hurt my legs last wrap.