COuld use some strength to move on!

By lipsie Latest Reply 2010-06-26 19:08:28 -0500
Started 2009-08-18 19:39:34 -0500

I am so sorry to write everyone but me and Ty are done. He actually went to his therapy and never came home until WAY later with a police officer stating I punched him in the leg, and there is a restraining order against me! I would NEVER harm him, I dunno what in the world happen! I am finding it hard here to stay strong, for my escape is usually attempts of suicide and I am TRYING to avoid that route, I have kids to think of so I am staying strong so far. But now I will have to move, I don't know ANYONE to help me, don't have extra money for deposits, I have two little kittens, it'll be hard. Just looking for some pep talk here I suppose if some of you would please help! Thanks! Sheila

33 replies

RC Hodge
RC Hodge 2010-06-26 19:08:28 -0500 Report

Sheila it's never easy being in an abusive relationship. As a man I have been on both sides of that quandary , honestly, and it's a hard thing to deal with. But you have a lot to reckon with and I am assuming a health issue with diabetes as well, soooo, do the right thing and take care of YOU first and foremost. Let everything else work out in time ok. In the mean time if you need a kind word or some encouragement we will be glad to help out in that way. Be strong. Joshua chapter 1 verse 9. Write when you can. RC

ccritch 2010-06-21 16:05:58 -0500 Report

Hi Sheila,

I believe in my heart that if you give all your pain to the lord he will give you comfort, if you surrender your sorrow he will give your warmth, if you shout out to the highest mountain he will cover you with this pillars of strength. The lord is your sheppard and he will tend to your needs, he is a loving god and all things are possible through god. I can only imagine what you are going through, I don't know the whole gist and that is ok, but I was there one time in my life. I took a stand it may have taken years but my prayers to god and following his word has lead me out of egypt and into a new life with fruits to bear and love to share and nuture my children. You have to go through the wilderness and fight the lion in order to reach the green pastures with the lambs. All along my god was with me. Pray about it, speak to the lord and he will listen and show you a new way to handle it. If you have tried to hurt yourself and was not successful that is because God has something special for you a purpose for you to live. Being alone is scarey but you are not alone, None of us are alone, although I too feel alone living with my diabetes but everyday I pray, and I came to Diabetic Connect and they have showed me such great love and respect, and know exactly what I, we are all going through. Being a diabetic is hard, Depressing and overwhelming but we need to stay strong for ourselves prove to ourselves that we are still a person and deserve respect and honor. You must show yourself first who you are and what your goal is then take steps to act on it. I went to the enemys camp and took back what he stole from me, my dignity and my pride and I said he is under my feet and I am dancing on his head. He has no dominion over me, my body or my mind. though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thy are with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Our heavenly father is with you every step of the way you just need to seek him out and he will be there to strenghten you, I don't know if you go to church that is ok if you don't but you may want to speak with a pastor, priest or nun and they can find someone to help you when you need to speak with someone. Sometimes we must become humble servants until we can rise up and become herders and gate keepers. I hope this helps you. I am a true believe of Christ and he has never let me down. I know he will cradle you in his arms for until infinity. God Bless you and may he keep you safe. If you feel like you are having a breakdown if you have a bible read Jeremiah 33:1-16. Psalm 35, is both a comfort and a warning. It’s a comfort to those who are being attacked. It’s a relief to run to God for protection and justice, even for vengeance. AND, it’s a warning, that if anyone is going to attack, they had better be sure the attack is justified. That if they are attacking a righteous person, someone who has done no wrong, then God will step in and protect.

God Bless

soldierswife 2010-06-21 10:21:25 -0500 Report

search your heart and soul. Give it to God! You are not alone! He is with you always! He wants to help, and heal you! Trust in him, lean on him, and walk with him!

lipsie 2009-08-25 11:16:14 -0500 Report

Well, he was just here with the police and got his things…on our two year anniversary…I was doing so darn good…why does this hurt so bad again?
And to top it off, my daughters' grandfather called this am saying she can't talk to me anymore…for a month, maybe 3, maybe 3 years…she is disrepecting them so they are stopping her from talking to me on the phone, for she lives in Florida and I am in New York. I mean I lost her once already, not again…now that is tearing me up! ughhhhhhhhhhhh..

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-08-25 17:11:37 -0500 Report

Oh, my, what pain you are having to bear—how old is your daughter? It speaks well of her that she is trying to get in touch with you, in spite of her grandparents!! I could never understand why family members aren't there to HELP, instead of crisizing and making everyone feel worse!

But I bet that you have had to endure this type of pain before, and you can again!! Only this time, God is in your heart, HE KNOWS ALL, and has sent the folks here on this site, to gather round you and to help deflect those arrows of pain—-YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! God Bless and KEEP YOU!! hugs, Pat roth

Two painful feet
Two painful feet 2009-08-26 19:10:49 -0500 Report

I'm here for you. My heart breaks for you with all that you are going through. Please e-mail me at ( small)
1-503-363-8707 collect or call my number give me your number and I will call you right back and we can talk.

Love You

imsuzie2 2009-09-26 20:47:34 -0500 Report

WOW. First off, Sheila, my heart goes out to you. You have had to endure so much in such a short time. I also want to send my strength and and angels to guard over you. Come to us and take care of you. Next, can grandparents legally use your relationship with your daughter as a punishment? If you have legal advise for what is going on, such as your attorney…or legal aid, which should be available if you can't afford an attorney, ask them. Third, look at the QUALITY friends you have here on this site. The love and empathy pouring out from your discussion should help to heal your heart and make it swell. You don't need the evil in your life, and I, for one, am glad you will be ridding yourself from it. Now, the important thing to do is focus on the love and support here to get you strong and going the right course. Don't hurt yourself as you will be hurting us, your child(ren), your kitties…we care! Hugs, S2

lipsie 2009-08-22 18:32:41 -0500 Report

I just want to say sorry for posting this in the first place, I will NOT do this again. I really feel bad now, I WAS feeling pretty damn good but now .. some people just don't understand…I HAVE NO ONE!! After my mother commited suicide in 2003 that was it!! Lost my kids cuz of a suicide attempt..and no family, no friends anymore! The ONLY people I have are on here…so that's why I say ALONE! Cause I AM! I am talking about me again..I'll shut up! Thanks for the kind words to those who did say em'. Sheila

Judimar 2009-08-22 19:46:24 -0500 Report


No one wants you to shut up. You're hurting… I bet you feel completely raw and edgy… no one can blame you. Please don't stop coming to us or thinking that we are judging you… It is perfectly understandable with all you are going through to be emotional. God knows I was when something like what happened to you happened to me. I was so anger and pissed off at everything and everyone.

We all want to comfort you and help you, hon. Sometimes we are a loss for the right words to say. Please don't stop contributing here.



Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-08-21 10:36:57 -0500 Report

I realize that all that you said is so true. But I was physically exhausted too, my mind was in another place, I had to heal the core of my being, by substituting my psych. like—love—-for my own father's, the woman therapist for my own mother, then LEARN to open my intense, shut down bag of pain——-can't explain it, it was like I was in this dream world and could not TRUST anyone to not hurt me again,——IT WAS TORTURE until I finally learned that it was OK to defend myself, it was OK to speak up—at first rather snippy but tried so HARd to do it in a socially acceptable way—-After 2 or 3 years of practicing better coping skills, THEN learning to trust my INSTINCTS to really KNOW if others were mad at me, or if it was my being mad at myself, then projecting it onto others, as I had a DEEP REASON for NOT wanting to hurt others or I was the WORST! It was such a twisted reason, took me years to dig it out and face it—-NOW I am ready to accept your kind, wise words, but sometimes some people don't feel worthy of even listening to such kindness—-it is so hard to explain so that NORMAL folks understand, just trust me, I would get these sweeping waves of PAIN at the mention of any word——did NOT MAKE SENSE___TOO FAR OUT<<

But, now I can finally remember, worked through it these past years, and feel like I am now set FREE to follow sage words of advice from others, like yours. I had already tried all of the rationalizations, good and nice cliches that we all read out there———BUT this underlying stream of GUILT, for what I was powerless to remember—-would twist and turn until I was lost again in a raging river of PAIN, and GUILT—-and didn't know why or where to turn, all other souls were in a different place than I—-I was LOST and GOING UNDER in a TWISTER of Pain——-no sensible thoughts or advice helped, they weren't for me, that was for good people.

Not to belittle any others torments, I am still trying to put my own feelings into words so I can better understand and fight! And it does help to vent here on this site, with others with such similar past lives, and the ways that THEY have worked through them. All words do help now, I am LEARNING TO TRUST myself, to know WHAT is REALLY happening—not having to second-guess myself constantly, not knowing—-, sorting through the words available, and picking out what applies to me, and learning to trust others too—-it is a long, growing exercise, and one that I am not begrudging, just trying to understand and learn better coping skills, mostly in trying to defend and protect myself as no one else can do that. ( I realize now that I have been WAITING for my own PARENTS to stand firm and defend me—-!!!) Since I was always punished for speaking up, I had the DEEP FEAR of being rejected again, if I did speak up——Now I am growinig up and becoming my own person. That is as simple and forthright as I can put it.

So, thanks dear Friends for letting me try to express myself, and you know what? MY BS ARE DOWN!!! Even after eating some of that delectable ice cream yesterday, my HIGH was 133 after supper!! Yeah—Think I am GETTHING THERE, and now have have a better idea of where "THERE" IS! hah—Love you all! Pat Roth

lipsie 2009-08-20 08:25:12 -0500 Report

Just to update everyone, I was served with a protection order against ME! He stated I threatened to kill him in the past, that I said he should die, punched him, and more. Which none is true of course!! I have harassment charges against ME!! I go to court Sept 2nd at 3pm! He is so crazy omg. And NO contact of ANY sort, so if he wants some of his items he has to get a police officer to come here too, which I am totally for…I don't want any other accusations against me yanno. Meanwhile I am seeing my therapist later today. I am stable, crying spells but hanging in here. Thank you all for your support…any news I will update you all. And JoAnna I will probably try calling you later on today…thank you…Sheila HUGS!!!

hbkunkel 2009-08-20 13:09:27 -0500 Report

Good luck and you are in my thoughts and prayers. Move on from this rotten man (whom has probably stotem your heart). He is no good for you and keep good records of anything that goes on between the two of you between now and court, No matter what, God knows what you have done and he is always on your side. Also give us a new profile picture without him in it!

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-08-20 19:20:03 -0500 Report

Please hang in there!!! MY own husband had the whole community on HIS side, NO ONE BELIEVED how hateful and threatening to ME!! I WAS THE BAD ONE!! Doesn't that just make you feel worse—I am at a loss for words, for a change, there is NO describing how hopeless one feels when you are forced DOWN, put down everytime you even lift a hand, until you don't have any strength left fo even want to get up off of the floor——to only be knocked down again!??!!

Get away, the woman's safe house sounds better than ending it all! My therapist told me if I thought that someone wanted ME dead, to live to spite them, FIND A WAY to get out from under them!!!!!!! Our own police and lawyer were on HIS side, as I was the one who was suicidal, or unstable, I was the ONE to WATCH!! As they did, constantly, driving by as I puttered outside!! At first I was so hurt and embarrassed, then I started looking up and smiling and waving at the passing police cars!! It was too IRONIC and PAINFUL for WORDS!!

Get OUT, GET AWAY!!! Let some quiet PEACE and true LOVE of all of US and some others, fill your tortured soul!!! love, and hugs PAT ROTH

Anonymous 2009-08-22 22:12:14 -0500 Report

My heart goes out to you. But this is way to personal to be putting this up on a discussion. Maybe take it to sending messages to certain friends.

mamaoak 2009-08-19 19:15:41 -0500 Report

Oh sheliy i am so sorry to her of yoou situaiton just dont give up i would try a womans shelter for help. take care of yoour self losts of hugs. you are such a special person we are all her for you need us . just to talk.

Two painful feet
Two painful feet 2009-08-19 15:13:53 -0500 Report

Dear Sheila,

I'm so sorry to hear what has happened to you. James and I will keep you in our prayers. You are Loved by alot of friends on the site. If you need me just call
collect (503-363-8707).

Your friend

phatgirl 2009-08-19 13:23:28 -0500 Report

i know the feeling me and my husband have had several of those times.he gets mad i dont know what i had done to him. but he leaves and goes to a veterans home. i dont drive never the time no income of my own.i live 75 mile sfrom nowhere.i was scared,i also have done the suicide thins several times and i have no kids to keep me goin.your kids need you. you have to be strongn for husband has walked out ——-times.then expects me to forgive and forget.i have cut my wrist,stuck nails in my throat,took pills,i still get so depressed, lonely. but i found this site and people really do care!!!! it has helped me alot. im up,for a talk anytime i could use it to. you and your kids are in my prayers.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-08-20 19:12:27 -0500 Report

I am so SORRY to read of all of the pleading, distressed souls on this site!! May GOD Bless and CARE for each of you!!! And to think that I thought I was all alone and had been since birth, as my dad kept wanting to give me away to the Mexicans etc—and other painful things, all of my life!! I still can't stand to remember the hateful words that sent me to a psych hospital several times, slept one night on a bare mattress on the floor of an empty, barred room, and FELT BETTER AND SAFE!! I did not ever want to LEAVE!! Not a GOOD idea—BUT__Hugs and Love, Pat roth

lipsie 2009-08-22 18:22:08 -0500 Report

Yanno, that was not very nice to say! I needed support. IF you are tired of it, don't read the crap then…no one is forcing you to read others post or respond. I can not believe you of all people could be so rotten to me! Thanks for the hurtful words! Sheila

2009-08-19 11:19:33 -0500 Report

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I will be thinking of you and my prayers go out to you. Try to stay stong. I know that's hard, but we are here for you.

hbkunkel 2009-08-19 05:18:10 -0500 Report

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take the great advice of the many who have written before me and seek the help you deserve. The battered women's shelter is a GREAT idea. Know that many people out here are you friends and care about you very much. Keep us posted on what happens.

lipsie 2009-08-19 04:35:55 -0500 Report

Thank you all so very much for I REALLY needed some help, I am trying to stay strong, so far I am pulling it off…hope I can continue though. Even IF I wanted to be hospitalized, which right now I don't … I have 2 baby kittens here to take care of, they need me…and I have NO one to help watch after them. I love them so much, maybe I should find them a home…though maybe they are helping me stay strong too! *sigh* Whatcha think? Hugs! Sheila

Darly 2009-08-19 11:04:58 -0500 Report

That is awful Sheila! I went through a pretty tough time w/my 2nd husband,all of a sudden he was hitting me,breaking bones,black eyes,stitches in my head,threats against my 4 son's if I left him,this was a constant thing going on,had no self esteem,felt worthless,had fear of leaving him. I had lost my friends…the whole 9 yards!! One morning I woke up & said "I am not a punching bag for him anymore,I will take my son's and leave that day" as I was packing my stuff he slapped me so hard I flew over the bed,got up & continued to pack,he took my hand and put a cigarette out on it,I still continued to pack,he started to choke me, let go when he realized I couldn't breathe!!! (had bruises on my neck) He went to work after telling me I had better be there when he got back,guess what,I was gone!!!! I sent his 2 son's off to school,then took my 4 and left w/whatever I could carry,went to a family friend and lived there until I finally got into low income housing 3 months later…I am telling you all this because I want you to know that you are worth it,your children are everything,you can and will get through this!!!! Please take it from someone who knows,you need not harm yourself over this guy,just think about yourself and your kids right now,and your kittens! I am here whenever you need me..*.BIG HUGS* Darlene

dyanne 2009-08-19 01:47:14 -0500 Report

Oh my goodness I"m so sorry to hear this. You seemed to be so great together. I can only imagine how overwhelmed you must feel. Try to take it one step at time, maybe u wont have to move. You know you can"t give up, like u said u have children who love u. Things always seem so bad and then unexpectedly something good will happen. Be good to yourself and try even harder to take good care of yourself, that will make you feel more in control of your life. You can do it… you are a good person and deserve to have a break. I can be hear for u whenever u feel like talking. Just think u have been through worse and have come through fine and you will again.
Much hugs and prayers,

SkipT 2009-08-18 20:50:28 -0500 Report

Have you tried the women's shelter in your area? I think this is one avenue for you. Also check out the Salvation Army. Many years ago they came to my aid in my time of need. Wishing you the best, and try and keep a positive attitude. Whatever doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.

Debe Pendice
Debe Pendice 2009-08-20 21:01:36 -0500 Report

I completely agree here with Skip. I would check in the womens shelter. They are there and will help you through all your questions and concerns. We here on the diabetic Connect are here also to help you on your way . Take care and I will keep you in my prayers..((HUGS))…

Harlen 2009-08-18 20:42:53 -0500 Report

Hang in there hun it dose get better
It was a long time till I met my life mate and she is so worth the whate
You never lose till you give up
And when you do meet that man that makes you happy ,that you dont have to fix
you will know it .I met my now wife I was dune with the hole thing I have had them steal from me lie to me the only thing I never had one do was cheet on me but we will not go into why that is lol
I wasnt looking for anything
we chatted for three months then I called her then we sarted calling 3 4 times a day then she asked me to move up her to live for a while and see how it gose we got wed two years after we met of the first time. You need to love you
You seem like a sweet and kined woman any man would be lucky to have you
You just need to fined the right one Babe never ever give up
hugs just for you oooooo

P2putt 2009-08-18 20:57:52 -0500 Report

Please hear the sentiments and care that is offered to you. You are truely a precious person. I beg you,don't do anything to harm yourself. This has to be a bleak time but take counsel with mental health professionals. If self harm is part of your adapttation process,get to any emergency room and do whatever necessary that will prevent you from self harm. You may need to he hospitalized,either voluntarally or involuntarally. Do whatever is nesessary to get you through the next few critical days. Please message me at any time. God be with you and give you the strength necessary to come through this safely.Pete

Jipwhip 2009-08-18 20:37:48 -0500 Report

Hang in there Sheila. I know this is hard for you, but know this your friends are here to help you. Here is my shoulder to lean on. Wishing you the best.

Sally 2009-08-18 20:28:10 -0500 Report

I will be praying for you Sheila. I am sorry to hear about this, I can't imagine how hard this must be. Stay strong and know that if you need to talk, you can email me.