"Adopt" needy children to help motivate me to think "outside" my box!

Pat Roth
By Pat Roth Latest Reply 2009-08-14 18:37:32 -0500
Started 2009-07-02 13:52:59 -0500

As I come out of this horrible depresssion, I guess I am in a rut of "feeling sorry " for myself, in a way—Since my energies and physical make-up are limited I have been at a loss as what I am to do for the remainder of my life—-I am 77 years old, raised 4 children who are busy with their own lives—I am learning to accept that, but I sure do NOT like it, and am RETIRED!

I have been making myself go outside and putter in the flower gardens, but am lazy, put things off!

But, a sweet, young girl of 14 years old that lives across the street, came over, with her 13 yr old brother on MOn., and offered to help me water my flowers.

I started to tell them that I could do it all myself, then re-thought it, and said, "sure"! "May I come in the morning?"

Cheezzz, now I am going to have to commit myself to something that I feel half-heartedly about! I HATE to get up early—result of HAVING to for 30 years working at the hospital, then raising our 4 children with serious digestive problems!
Well, it has been one week, this week, and accepting her help has been one of the best moves of my life! She also has a 9 yr. old brother who has Down's syndrome, she LOVES to care for him, while her mom works, also at the hospital. She shared that she wanted to become a pediatrician, loved helping EVERYONE! If she got paid, OK< or not, OK!

Hmmm—-food for thought, Patricia Ann.
To make a long story shorter- -I pay her $1 an hour for watering, and she baked us 4 muffins without being asked, loves to bake, so I offfered her $10 a week to bring us 2 doz cookies (for my hubby) to help out their family! Her dad is in prison for child molestation, there are several more siblings but they are scattered here and there, just these 3 children reside across the street!

As she shared her life, she told me that this month her mom received a letter from the govt, refusing to pay them any more money for help in caring for the nine yr old! No warning, just NO MORE!! I noticed that the child wears hearing aids, strong glasses, and has difficulty walking! The 13 and 14 yr old, pull the younger boy in a wagon to go to the Methodist church to eat dinner every day, as their mom is at work. Also, their swimming at out local pool is limited as the young boy can't be out in the sun too long or he passes out! When she told me that they were getting ready to walk the 7 or 8 blocks to eat, I offered to take them! It is TOO hot out there for those youngsters!

Then their mom was working 40 hrs a week, but got cut to 28 hrs, due to our recession! The girls ( a 15 yr old in Col.)are trying to make money to help their mom as their income has been cut so drastically! Of course there is no way that these children can make up $2000 a mo.!

But you know what? For once, in a long time, I am now thinking of others, eager to help these kids that I can identify with—-so with positive distractions of caring, once more, for others, I won't dwell so much on my DIET< EXERCISE etc—-and other mundane BS things.

That is another reason to keep going, and you folks here on this site, have also helped, I feel cared about-, something in common without critism—so look around you and may you too find a coping experience that will help you to get out of our rut! Best Wishes—Let me hear how you are coping and adjusting to "life without sugar! or a job and a purpose!" Pat Roth

12 replies

beadmom 2009-08-14 13:26:11 -0500 Report

I have seven children (who are all adults now). Kids, especially middle school kids can be so very mean. You couldn’t pay me enough to teach middle school.

Once they hit high school the ones who want to go on separate themselves from the pack and focus on making the grade. The losers pack with themselves and the nasty teasing usually abates.

Pat, my sister is developmentally disabled. We are pretty sure she was a fetal alcohol syndrome baby. She is actually my step-sister and is a couple years older than me which puts her at 50-ish. She is also OCD and Bi-polar. You will get so much love and enjoyment helping the downes boy. (I think you already are seeing that)

All those kids are a blessing to you and you to them. Kids who love gardening have already learned a special respect for living things that should make them into good people. Fostering that is a wonderful thing for all.

I enjoy reading your post about your new found family. I am using gardening to supplant my food needs. My husband, who is also a diabetic is getting good at building arbors.

I am so glad you all found each other . I feel for the mom. What a hard road.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-08-14 13:41:01 -0500 Report

Amen, Ginger!! She has a good job working with a Dr at our hospital, BUT with the downward spiral of the economy, had her hours cut in half, then did NOT get one cent from the state this month to help her buy things for the boy, he has hearing aids, thick glasses and a GREAT< BIG SMILE!! They have helped me so MUCH, are reinstilling my faith in man kind!! They have experienced some ot the issues that I have had in my own younger life, and although, I am an only child, I think that if I had a grandmother, or a sister etc, I wouldn't have been so damaged so young—break my neck to do the RIGHT thing—OK< but did NOT learn how to protect myself from the barbs of life—am getting there—finally—-like I said, I am STUBBORN ! HA The main thing that has always helped me was to care for others! So, God had a plan , and I am now ready to care for others, expecially such sweet children. I have always spoken to the kids that walk by as I KNOW that that smile may be the very thing that gets them through that one day at school or in life!

That is why I love this site so, for the first time in my life, I FEEL like others do care, I don't have to have the worst case of diabetis, they GET IT and CARE!! Hugs to YOU!! Pat R

beadmom 2009-08-14 14:13:54 -0500 Report

One of my daughters has had hearing aids and glasses (now contacts) her whole life. She is a web developer for a massive site about to launch and a rodeo queen with an IQ of 163 so she’s mainstreamed through her education. The expense is horrendous.

Many service organizations will help with glasses and hearing aids.


hbkunkel 2009-08-14 11:22:17 -0500 Report

The Lord works in mysterious ways and He brought those children into your life just when you needed them and they needed you too! Strange how things have a way of working out. Those children are very lucky to have you there for them. I am rooting for all of you!! Is there anything they really need?

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-08-14 13:04:53 -0500 Report

Bless you, Betsie. There is nothing that I know of at this time, they are pretty independent and frugal, kids want so desparately to WORK and help their mom, and the little Down Syndrome boy gets so hiper—is a challenge to them all, BUT he is also sweet and they all love him so much!! Very protective of him too, which, to me, speaks of the quality of their lives in spite of emotional challenges!

I bought them each a multi-colored cross necklaces to wear to school to let them know that God and I were always with them!! They loved them, they go to church every sun too!! Just good kids, I so Love the little pills!! PR

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-08-06 15:40:51 -0500 Report

It has been awhile since I have shared my antics with the 4 children from across the street!

This morning when the 14 yr old girl came over to water, we talked a bit, and she shared with me how she felt when her 1/2 brother, who was 16 yrs,and a negro, hung himself in their basement because of kids ridiculing him, knocking his books from his arms etc.at school! She said that he was a good Christian, went to church every Sun. BUT just could not handle the ridicule!! So she was bound and determined to NEVER do that to anyone else! She is a light Mexican, bro is darker and sister, but I never even THINK about that, then I told her WHY!

I am Caucasian, BUT have always been easily tanned, dark—-teased unmercifully at school and by my own DAD, that I did nOT belong to them as i was too dark, that he was going to send me up the road to live with the Mexicans. I bawled and bawled as he just laughed!! He even got a written post card from Mom's purse that he said was to send for them to come and get me—-I was 5 or 6 yrs mom kept saying, "Now George", and laughing too!! My little heart was ruptured—and that continued on all of my life, for one thing or another, or so it seemed to ME!!
I told her that white folks don't stop to think that they pay big bucks to go to tanning booths to BUY what comes naturally to some of us, Mexican or not! Then in the beauty Pagents, the true beauties to ME, are the darker skinned ones, they have a certain, healthy appearance to ME!

She laughed and said that Yes, her older sister was in a beauty pagent once and looked so BEAUTIFUL!! Then she shared that is one reason she is so hesitant to start into the 8th grade this year, and her sister will be a Freshman!! I so PRAY that these sweet, hard working children will find the strength to learn to tolerate these hurtful, cutting comments!!!! I cried with her as we acknowledged that one just doesn't get over it when you reach 21 yrs—it haunts you the rest of your life, to one extent to another!
One incident was when McDonald's called their house and ASKED if this boy could come back to work there! He had been dead for 2 years—-so the mother called them to set them straight to find out that some of the kids thought that it was FUNNY and was "just a prank!!!"

Oh, My heart bleeds for all that have to endure, yet learn to cope with such cruelty!!

Well, sorry, I guess that this is off of the subject of diabetis, but since I am thinking about them, more and more, I find myself thinking LESS about eating everything in site!!

I took the 4 of them to the county fair at noon where we ate together our FREE BBQ lunch!

Bye for now—PR

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-07-06 13:14:59 -0500 Report

I would like to tell someone, so you, my friends, are elected! ha—The bond between me and the neighbor kids across the street, is growing~! and for the first time in YEARS I feel useful and capable of handling the little tests that are coming my way!
This morn, the 13 yr old boy came over, with his 9 yr old brother with Down's Syndrome, to water a bit. We had .70 of rain Sat night but of course, in windy Ks. it doesn't hurt to water too. After they finished and had left, they came back in a rush! I was setting comfortably on the grass, reaching in and pulling out long, trails of our old favorite, BERMUDA GRASS, that grows best in the middle of our flower beds! ha
They were scared so thought I had better get my butt off of the ground and stick my head around the corner of the house to see what was going on! And there were several trucks, about 10 or 15 men—-in their yard! No wonder those poor boys had slipped out of the back door, I would have too, if I had been them. But with older age, I am not too afraid of anything, so I politely asked them if I could help them!

Well, it was OK, they were here to work on their house to put in vents, etc, to make it cooler, but their mom had FORGOTTEN to tell the kids! The 13 yr old called his mom on her cell phone at the hosp., was reassured, told "Not too worry or get scared!" ha—a bit late but I understand, they were all asleep when she went to work!
We all puttered in our own front yard, watching the men work, giving info when asked about where the attic door was etc—Then his 2 older sisters, 14 and 15, walked back from the dog tracks up north where they had been taking training on handling them for our big races this week-end, tired, so I drove them all over to a church for their dinner, waited on them, after picking up lunch for my hubby and I, and brought them home, asked if they would be OK now—"Oh, sure!" In a few moments I saw these indistructable kids, pulling their little brother in his wagon, walking the few blocks to the local library! I am impressed! They looked so PLEASED and SURPRISED when I waited on them—-

MY POINT??!! I haven't felt this good about anything in longer than I care to remember!! I have a purpose again, and it isn't too draining like what I had forced my self to do before I couldn't go any further! Now I can go and do, and feel GREAT! I wasn't even hungry for my own lunch, but ate a few bites of meat, salad, and yogurt, saving the rest for supper, and feel emotionally and physically—FULL! And my fasting BS at 8am was 109!!!! Yeah, maybe this whole diabetic thing will assume a less important spot in my life! Hugs to ALL—Pat roth

apanda 2009-07-02 20:08:03 -0500 Report

I think it's so nice what you are doing. We all need to stop and think sometimes how even the smallest insignificant things to us can mean so much to another person. It doesn't take much effort to do something nice for someone else each day.

SusanJ 2009-07-02 20:00:32 -0500 Report

Thank you for sharing this with us. With my job I deal with people of all type of disabilties. When I hear some of what they go through it reminds me how blessed I am not to be worse then I am. Have a great weekend.

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-07-02 20:13:40 -0500 Report

I did work with patients in the hospital, then in their homes, until my health failed and could barely care for myself! I felt so USELESS!! If I can't WORK, what use am I? But thankfully, God seems to be working to help show me the way to help others, even with my limitations. Thanks for all of your support!! PR

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-07-02 19:41:38 -0500 Report

Maybe I should elaborate a bit more on helping others! It doesn't have to be a needy child across the street, but the friends that we make here on this site—to help ANYONE, ANYWHERE, to me is the main reason we are all here. And NEVER underestimate your own repsonse to someone else—it may just make their day too, or can break it, so I do try to be careful of my words!! I always mean well, but sometimes stick my feet in my mouth-ha—Best Wishes to ALL! Pat Roth