Depression and Just Life

jbryanw56
By jbryanw56 Latest Reply 2009-06-25 06:27:47 -0500
Started 2009-06-24 16:41:55 -0500

Hi Y'all:
I am not sure how this works and I was just wondering why at 52 yrs old everything has to be so bad. I am fighting workers comp for shoulder problems and trying to get help for that, I am fighting with first & second mortgage companies trying to keep from losing our house and I am fighting the depression, stress, type II diabetes and ED and just growing so tired of all the battles. My wife of 33 yrs is tired of it all too and not sure if she wants a divorce yet and I love her so much but I have not been a good provider because I also have 3-bulging disc and a cracked vertabrae in my low back and have had that since 1983 and I guess looking for friends that will email and just be my friend.


7 replies

SusanJ
SusanJ 2009-06-24 20:02:18 -0500 Report

I am sorry to about everything you are going through. But like the others say. The best thing to do is take things one thing at a time. Do something positive for yourself as well. Good luck with your workers comp. I have dealt with them in the past. They are not easy to deal with. I would like to be your friend. I am hear for you. Take care of yourself. Let your wife know that you love her. You and your family will be in my prayers.

Celia - 38478
Celia - 38478 2009-06-24 19:37:00 -0500 Report

I remember when I was 47 feeling like I was a loser. I was nothing and was always going to be nothing. I was a mess. There was a lot going on in my life at that time to. Family stuff that I had no control over. My fiances were a mess. Anyway. having friends to talk with really does help. I am 54 now and things are not any where close to being perfect. I am so very thankful to have found this wonderful commmunity. I would love to be one of your friends that you can blow some steam off at when you need, laugh with when you need,just talk with if that is what you need or just some onewith a shoulder to cry on. John is right find one possitive thing to do for. your self everyday. Don't know what lets talk and see what we can figure out. Friends end up helping each other. I have made some really nice friends here. Some how it all works out. Take care of yourself. I am serious abo ut becoming friends.

cakeybakes
cakeybakes 2009-06-24 19:26:23 -0500 Report

KEEP GOING! I am battling with a bunch of really bad stuff myself, but I know that I have no choice but to go day by day and just do what I have to do. I carefully explain to my husband of 20 years when I need to have a rant about something, that I'm not yelling at him, I just need to yell and cry for a few minutes, then I let loose. It seems to work, even in the heat of the moment he knows I only have to get the craziness out of my system, then I feel better and he knows it's not his fault and there really isn't anything more he can do for me except stand there. I tell him when to hug me, and I tell him when to step back and leave me alone. It works very well FOR US to communicate in an EXTREMELY blunt manner. After I have calmed down we decide whether or not we need to discuss the matter. (Usually, we don't because I just needed a little breakdown.)

The other huge lesson I have learned is taking on ONE—YES, I SAID ONE THING at a time. Our minds are not equipped to handle that much stress at one time, that's why our bodies freak out. Okay, so today get on the phone and get all your doctors to write those letters for your worker's comp and get an appointment to discuss your depression. Then tomorrow, call one mortgage company and find out when you can get an appointment to talk with someone. The next day, do the same with the second mortgage company. The next day…you get the idea. Just make sure you schedule everything and write it down, no matter how trivial it seems at the moment. Then, FOLLOW THROUGH!

My point is, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! We are all going through our tragedies at the moment, even if someone else's seems like cake compared to yours, it's bad enough for that other person to feel at the end of his rope.

My father left my mother after 32 years of marriage and refusal to take care of his T2 and depression. Your wife is still with you and you have the chance to show her how badly you want to make this effort to fix everything that's broken. Even if it can't be fixed, you have the opportunity to show her how hard you are working to make the effort. Saying the words is not enough.

Another bit of advice to you, woman to man, don't tell her if you decide to take this advice to start scheduling everything day by day. Just do it. See what happens. Stay calm. This may be a very sexist comment, but I'm going to say it anyway: We women like to see our men taking charge and just DOING something about it. We don't really care if it works—we just like to see the effort being made without all the fuss. Leave the fussing part up to us, we're very good at it. Oh, BTW, we like hugs that come with a smile and absolutely no reason behind them.

I pray that God will help you find peace during this very difficult time.

John Crowley
John CrowleyCA 2009-06-24 18:36:47 -0500 Report

jbryan,
I am so sorry to hear of your many difficult challenges. We are here for you.

I do know that stress can cause your blood sugar to be wildly out of control and that out of control blood sugars can definitely make you feel terrible physically and even feel depressed.

I don't have much advice other than to just try to do one positive thing every day. Step by step you can get there.

take care.

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